05.09.03
Happy Friday peeps! May ye have money in your accounts, contentment in your hearts, and a weekend of sinning. Now at bat: we interview the mysterious Shalini! Shalini sits on the other side of my cube wall, approximately 3 feet away. She sends a lot of stuff to HK, and she sometimes buys me coffee.

HK: Shalini, welcome to Talky-Talk. Everyone is excited to learn more about you. Tell us, are you really a Native American?
Shalini: I was born here. But I'm not, like, in a tribe or anything. And thanks for having me.

HK: So, what are your thoughts on Indian soap operas and pink stuffed bears? Just wondering.
Shalini: Oy. Indian soap operas are the bane of my existence. I can't talk about them. And pink stuffed bears? Who told you? What do you know?

HK: Never mind. Now, your long battle with celibacy has been well-documented, and rumor has it you finally won some down in May-hee-co. Do you have any words of wisdom or inspiration for HK's hard up readers?
Shalini: Keep a bottle of tequila handy at all times, and don't be afraid of that silly language barrier (in fact, it is your friend), and (of course) be safe and stuff even though you are just that desperate. Also, nerds. That's MAJOR. Nerds are your friends. We nerds like to get laid, too, and most likely it's been longer for us, so we're ALWAYS willing to put out. See someone awkward and quiet in the corner? Go get 'em. You'll both be thankful.

p.s. hi mom!

HK: Very wise. Hopefully that will help someone (Bob) have sex with a live human being. We thank you for appearing on HK. You are the coolest sexually active woman who works in Arlington and lives in Mt. Pleasant that we know! Do you have any parting thoughts for your new fans?
Shalini: Thanks for making me feel like a celebrity. It makes being a code monkey for the rest of the day all worthwhile. And please don't tell my mom.