I want a gun. Because someday I'll become incapacitated or miserable enough that I won't want to be alive anymore, and you can't ask a friend to kill you. Also, if something is suffering, say, if I hit a box of kittens with my car and they don't quite die, I don't want to have to wait around for a trooper or some random asshole to finish them off. Also, there could be a Nazi-style roundup at anytime - they could come for the IT workers or daughters of teenage mothers or beer-drinkers or lesbians with cats - and if I have a gun, I could at least kill my cat before the cat-haters got it. Also, there's a water shortage in Charlottesville, VA. Restaurants have closed their public restrooms, or turned off the sinks and left hand sanitizer. You know how violent a long-term water shortage could be? I might could use a gun.

Bob thinks it is crazy to have a gun. He is afraid of them because he once saw some guy blow his own face off. Fortunately, I have never seen such a thing.

Now you may say, what about gun control? Of course I believe in gun control. But the sniper's got a gun, and more importantly, the U.S. government has armed itself and most of the world to the teeth, and if I need to run off to a compound in the mountains to join a militia, I will need a gun. You know how easy it would be for our armies to fall under the orders of a cruelly-stupid man with no regard for the Constitution? About as easy as screwing up an election in Florida.

There are certain things one should have control over, and I would count among those the choice to decide to end one's own life, and the choice to put a box of maimed kittens out of their misery. Therefore I must part ideologically with most of my people and say, I want a gun.

Pictured: Meg Ryan is always cute, but with this gun she also has the power to perform a mercy killing. Sexy, huh?

Girls With Guns in Cinema and Television is truly a labor of love. Thanks to the dude with the weird fetish for sharing.