05.07.04
I AM REALLY ALL WORKED UP THIS MORNING. But I don't want my rant to distract from today's truly exceptional interview, as Mr. Underblog takes on The Great Deb Schwartz! Debs is one of those celebrities, whom, if you were a late night talk show host, you would invite again and again because her awesomeness might rub off on you. (See the first HK interview with Deb.) Deb is an outstanding bloggist, humorist, jurist, self-interviewer and self-photographer. She claims I'm her greatest creation. Bob and I went to her wedding. She taught my whole family the Pretzel Pose. In short, to know Deb is to be groupie.

* Underblog Does Deb Schwartz *
the HK Interview II

Eric: I think it is fair to say that your bat mitzvah picture made quite an impression on your DebCentral peeps. Are you planning to release the video any time soon?

Debs: Well, a video does in fact exist. And I do have a copy of it here in the apartment. But it is an incredibly painful thing to watch. I was the tender and awkward age of 13. Maybe I'll make available portions of the tape on my site just to see who my real friends are.

Eric: Your peeps also seem to like your Uncle Ira posts. Do you plan to publish them as a novella?

Debs: I sometimes see myself as an embedded relative whose sole purpose it is to report the goings-on in the crazy-person's underworld. Did that answer your question? I guess not. Let me try again: actually, a telenovela.

Eric: Your family in general is pretty amazing: Uncle Ira, your father who (like me) adores the original Bedazzled, and of course your grandmother. Are there many other colorful characters that you have held back from your peeps? Do you ever feel outshone by them?

Debs: I haven't even mentioned my mother's sister, who recently called to offer me a pair of fox-fur earmuffs. She said they had been a present from her husband, but she was getting rid of them because she had "outgrown them." I could never make anything like that up.

Eric: It appears as if your wonderful blog (The Education of Deb Schwartz) did not always occupy the central position it now enjoys at DebCentral. Can you describe how the site and the blog have evolved over time?

Debs: I initially began the site when I was unemployed. The focus was as display case for my rejection letters. Then I started a news page for fun, which I updated every two months or so. It stopped getting updated around the same time the blog began, which is a shame.

Eric: Will Brian be just like the lawyer in the Young Philadelphians when he graduates from law school? And how will you fit in with his junior associate status?

Debs: I've never seen the movie, but imdb.com lists the tagline as "Guilty secrets. Shocking scandals. All in a day's work for a Philadelphian lawyer." As of yet, Brian still doesn't have a job, but I'll see what we can do about the shocking scandals and guilty secrets.

Eric: Seriously. Is Brian Wall Street bound? What are your plans for him?

Debs: He may be closer to "shocking sandals." My dream is that he will work for the government. The benefits are good and the hours are better.

Eric: And what's up with his blog?

Debs: Don't ask. I asked if he would start blogging again once finals were done, and he just looked at his shoes.

Eric: This writing class you are taking: do you feel really old among the 22 year olds?

Debs: Hm. Actually, it's a class open to the community, so I am neither the youngest nor the oldest member of the class. Still, I have the most "workshop" experience of any of them, with the exception maybe of our teacher. That makes me feel old in a grizzled sort of way.

Eric: Smart people make me feel real stupid. Is that a problem in this writing class? Are you hoping to use this story to snag another rejection letter for your collection?

Debs: I still maintain that my brilliance is unrivaled. But the class did help me to produce two more pieces, and I already have plans to send them out for rejection in a couple months.

Eric: I swear you don't look a day over 25. Please share your beauty secrets.

Debs: Schmaltz.

Eric: When was the last time you laughed so hard that whatever you were eating or drinking came out your nose?

Debs: Very recently. I began to laugh and choke this past Monday at workshop. I spit red wine over someone else's manuscript. When I looked up, it appeared no one had seen it. So I just wiped off the manuscript with my sleeve and pretended nothing had happened.

Eric: At the risk of sounding overly familial, are we going to ever see little Brians and Debs toddling around DebCentral?

Debs: Presently, we have no money, no room, and lousy gene pools. If one of these things should change, we may reconsider.

Eric: Does fame have its price? How do you deal with it?

Debs: Fame's biggest price is the cloak of obscurity I am forced to wear in order to maintain my privacy.

Eric: When I return to New York, shall we meet? Besides Brian who else is worth meeting there?

Debs: Sure. How about an 86 year old bundle of pure evil?

Eric: I get the impression from some of your FLA photos that you and Brian aren't overly outdoorsy types. Please share your most "extreme" outdoor adventure with HK. And please euphemize the gross bits, if any.

Debs: It's kind of a long story, but our first Valentines Day together, Brian made a picnic by a lake near campus. It was during El Nino, and had been raining an awful lot. Also, I was falling asleep for some strange reason, and had insisted on eating bagels an hour before said picnic. So the ground was muddy and I wasn't hungry and kept falling asleep on the blanket. It sucked. When we were finished, Brian left to throw away our trash and asked me to pull the car around. I accidentally backed the car into a mud puddle and got it stuck there. When he came back, I gunned the engine and splattered runny mud all over him. Eventually, the park rangers towed us out. We have never celebrated Valentines Day since.

Eric: Isn't Jenny Miller the greatest?

Debs: The cutest and the best, rock n' roll!

Eric: It's been a pleasure interviewing you today. Any parting thoughts for Jenny's partisans?

Debs: Thanks so much for the interview. It's been great. Parting thoughts? You can never be too obscure to be famous . . . especially when you've built an entire website dedicated to yourself.