Now that we've got our very own big league team, old people keep talking about the Senators and Nationals. Who the hell were those guys?

The Washington Senators and Nationals: Who the hell were those guys?

Professional athletes used to look normal. Too normal.

Far be it from me to make fun of the nearsighted. But maybe our pitching staff didn't strike fear into the hearts of the opposition. Meet Mr. Hyde, your middle school chemistry teacher. Ernie, your dad's bowling buddy, and Mr. Koplitz, your shop teacher.

"First in war, first in peace, and last in the American League." But first in cute sweetieness! Awww....Ernie!

Dick Hyde, David Hyde Pierce's great-uncle.

Well, maybe Howie Koplitz could kick your ass. Oh, nevermind.

All-Crew Cut Team

Ouch. Now it's the early '60s, and if a pitcher's hair can't double as a shoe brush, then how's he gonna throw pomade balls?

The only Ray Semproch in history was born in Cleveland.	Pete Richert is now a "1,000 Posts Club" member on BaptistBoard.com. Or maybe that's another Pete Richert.	Ray Rippelmeyer. Awesome name, head like a pineapple. See also Ken McMullen.	Ed Hobaugh's gonna date your sister, whether you like it or not.

All Eyebrows Team

What is with the pitchers?

Filomeno Coronada Ortega was nicknamed "Kemo." As in "kemo sabe." But it's not just Mexican-Americans with the 'brows....	Camilo Pascual, a Cuban nicknamed "Little Potato." Younger brother of Carlos Pascual, also nicknamed "Little Potato." And U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine. Really.	Real name: Truman Eugene. Still living. Looking happy.	Don Rudolph, a Bawlmer native. Died in Grenada, California.

All Ears Team

Dave eventually grew into his ears.	This guy looks like Evan. I know you don't know who Evan is. You'll just have to trust me.	His ears aren't too big, but he appears to throw like a....person who wasn't taught right.

The olden days were Gayer...

A tough man in a pretty frame.	Walker walking gaily.	And Henry with the makeup, looking frightened.	A downright dainty swing.

...And the cards were Fancier.

Me hit.	Ed met a watery death.	Ganley can catch without looking.	Bob, the most famous Unglaub.

Miscellany

Manager Donnie Bush. Insert joke here.	A big man with a tiny hat.	A different year, a macho nickname, but still with the funny hat. Nanu.	Suck it.
Ed Delahanty	It was often up to Goose Goslin to be the good-looking guy on this team.	Curt Flood	Look at little Lou Piniella, now manager of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Known for his temper tantrums, he also likes to sit in his special papasan.
"One of the greatest players of the 1890s, Ed Delahanty never played on a first-place team...He was an offensive superstar and once belted four home runs in a game, but his death stamped tragedy on his legacy. In July 1903, while with the Senators and batting .333, Big Ed (or Del, as he was more frequently known) came unglued. He was having marital and financial problems and decided to leave the team and visit his estranged wife. Boarding a train from Chicago to New York (through Detroit) on July 2, he visited the bar car and had a few too many drinks. When they reached Canadian territory, the conductor ordered the drunken ballplayer off the train. As the train sped away leaving him beside the tracks, Delahanty ran after it, tripped, and fell through the tracks into Niagara River. His disfigured body was found a week later downstream after having suffered the plunge of Niagara Falls." [the baseball page]		"Curt Flood knew that a baseball player making $90,000 in 1970 was not going to excite much sympathy from organized labor or the sporting public. And he surely guessed the game would never forgive him for testing its age-old tenets in the highest court of law. But what could he do? Baseball's reserve clause, which bound players to clubs forever irrespective of their wishes, was un-American. His challenge, over the St. Louis Cardinals' attempt to trade him to Philadelphia, was rejected by the U.S. Supreme Court two years later, and his All-Star career was essentially over. He had thrown himself under the tank treads of tradition, with predictable results. Yet his case turned out to be a flaw in baseball's ancient business model. It wasn't long before the reserve clause finally fell and players gained some control over their destinies." [SI.com]

Well, I hope you learned something.

Back to the Kitchen.

Thanks Tank Productions and Strictly Mint for the scans!