06.02.03

TALES OF THE CITY:
Caryn Takes Back the Night, Goddammit!

HK: Caryn, did you or did you not have a brandnew hairdo on the night of Friday, the 30th of May?

Caryn: I was in fact sporting a new coif. I am returning next week to the bowels of hell (a.k.a. my 800 person town in West Virginia) for my 10 year high school reunion and wanted to look slick as shit.

HK: Let the record show that the new hair-by-Joseph was in fact widely hailed and remarked upon by friends, hangers-on, and passers-by. Now Caryn, while you were walking to meet Bob and myself at a classy establishment, what did some rude person try to do?

Caryn: He mumbled something to me, and when I turned to see what he said I noticed that he had a shotgun in his hand. Then he repeated himself that I was to "give him my money," and then he cocked the shotgun at me.

HK: I see. Let the record show that the dialogue went nearly exactly thusly:

Perp: Gimme yer money.

Caryn: What?

Perp: Gimme yer money.

Caryn: I don't have any money.

Perp: You don't have any money?

Caryn: No.

HK: At which point Caryn and her coif just kept walking, like the badasses they are. Now, Caryn, could you give some advice to our readers about surviving the dangers of the big city?

Caryn: Don't try to be a hero like me, kids. The situation played out the way it did for several reasons: a) I am a redneck and "ain't got sense god gave a goddamn goofer," b) I am too damn bitchy for my own fucking good, and c) I am an impoverished law student who in fact did not have any money...but I did have really good hair.

Bravo Caryn!