The serial joke forwarder is that woman on the right, my mom's sister Ruth. Her partner in crime is that guy on the left, Joe. These are the sort of aunt and uncle who show their affection by teasing you until you cry. When I was little they used to pretend to talk to each other silently so I would think I was deaf. HA HA!

Photo by my sister.

Aunt Ruth's Latest Forwarded E-Mail Joke:

Subject: Support your candidate

There are less than two months until the election, an election that will decide the next president of the United States. He will represent all Americans, not just Democrats or Republicans.

To show our solidarity as Americans, let us get together on showing our support for the candidate of our choice, be he Democrat or Republican.

If you support John Kerry, please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support George Bush, please drive with your headlights off at night.

***

Subject: Quote from Chris Rock

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, and the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese. The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?"

***

13 Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

13. Potential Murder Suspect

***

LITTLE BILLY...ON GETTING OLDER.

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son,
you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?"
replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No"
replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"


LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you

shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of
the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and
sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which
one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."


LITTLE BILLY ON... MATH:

Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said
6," replied BILLY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference? " asks the father.

"That's what I said!"


LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH:

Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"

BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."

Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."