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This Space for Rent Archive IX: Winter-Spring, 2004. Samuel.

03.01.04 Night. I just noticed that I entered Friday's date, my birthday, rather than the correct date, today's, which is still the first. I'm just going to leave it there for now, because it reminds me of my birthday. Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) Replacing you with a machine would have been overkill. Your functions are being handled by a hideous piece of public art. the onion, still ruling, since 1988. Jack's back, with his second annual wrap-up of the 76th Annual Academy Awards Ceremony. Now with illustrations! The L-sbians were watching The L-Word, so, how was the ceremony, Jack? "It was long. It was predictable. It was, let's face it, boring. And that was just Billy Crystal's tired opening number!" That Jack. He's so opinionated. He thinks E! is the news, and he's sure he knows more about fashion than do the Stars. You might be thinking, that Jack sounds gayer than My Little Pony. But you'd be wrong. Just kidding. Also, Jack's predictions were ALL CORRECT! Next year he should run some books and clean up. And, Academy Award Winner Annie Lennox did look Wonderful. Congrats and thanks again, Jack. You're the best Oscar analyst ever to appear on these hallowed walls. Hamburger Helpless. A sampling of losing submissions in an essay contest to win a Sno-White Drive-In, a fifties-style hamburger stand. From Harper's via the Morning News. Funny happy yum time. 03.05.04 Git on down to the Corcoran and check out the current exhibitions: The Quilts of Gees Bend, and American Paradigms: David Opdyke and Lane Twitchell. And here are some funny art people talking funny about Opdyke. Faithful readers, welcome to March. I apologize for the neglect of the kitchen. Entropy is apparent, squalor looms. Alack, I am still overwhelmed with work and underwhelmed with will. Also, I am mulling some major renovations around here, which are sure to be loud and dusty and of questionable worth. Meanwhile, please lend a hand by contributing more charming graffiti to the board at left. Thanks. 02.25.04 From Caryn, See The Movie, Buy The Nail: Jesus died for your sins -- and also to sell you a really bitchin' "Passion" coffee mug. Or go direct to the source. sharethepassionofthechrist.com. Not only am I going to steal a link from BWA (via Mr. Fanning), but I'm going to quote Andrew Sullivan's entry in its entirety. I apologize for being so irate today, but I've spent the morning trying to persuade my own mom to tell her Christian brethren How It Is. Anyway. Enough about my old problems. Ahem. "WAR IS DECLARED: The president launched a war today against the civil rights of gay citizens and their families. And just as importantly, he launched a war to defile the most sacred document in the land. Rather than allow the contentious and difficult issue of equal marriage rights to be fought over in the states, rather than let politics and the law take their course, rather than keep the Constitution out of the culture wars, this president wants to drag the very founding document into his re-election campaign. He is proposing to remove civil rights from one group of American citizens - and do so in the Constitution itself. The message could not be plainer: these citizens do not fully belong in America. Their relationships must be stigmatized in the very Constitution itself. The document that should be uniting the country will now be used to divide it, to single out a group of people for discrimination itself, and to do so for narrow electoral purposes. Not since the horrifying legacy of Constitutional racial discrimination in this country has such a goal been even thought of, let alone pursued. Those of us who supported this president in 2000, who have backed him whole-heartedly during the war, who have endured scorn from our peers as a result, who trusted that this president was indeed a uniter rather than a divider, now know the truth." - Andrew Sullivan The Great Gay Debate rages on, but not in these parts, where'n we don't take too kindly to hateful bigots. I can't even BELIEVE a Constitutional amendment is up for discussion. But here we are in the trenches and we may as well settle in for a long and excrutiating fight, in which we will be insulted again and again and again. I am trying to keep from just blowing the fuck up, I'm so outraged at this incredible hypocrisy. Ok, let's divert our attention to Star caught devouring companion, (underblog). Great headline. Happy 2nd Anniversary to Zulkey. From Deb D. A new way to view London. from Tblogg, Perky Happy Fuzzy Baby Bunnies for Bush. From kottke, Ten rules for writing from Elmore Leonard. John Kerry and John Edwards have joined Friendster. Really. I think you will agree that, while fun was made at the expense of Kerry's unhip "blog," his F'ster profile totally rules over Edwards'. I found this Gem on Mister Pants: Thyn: Gem Sweater Collection. And Bob says, "i love this leslie hall. she's a poor student's cindy sherman." And a few minutes later he said, "there's more!" Leslie Hall June Project. Gotta work, more later. Love and toasters and rainbows and peace to all. 02.24.04 Just picked this up from The Morning News. It's interesting, because it's the first account I've seen of someone who knows where Bush was in the summer of '72, and it's rare to hear him described as the actual human he must once have resembled. By an ex-girlfriend, from The New Yorker, OLD FLAMES: THE GUARD YEARS. From Dad: Hey Jen, I've had the good fortune to cover both John Kerry and John Edwards first visits to Columbus this last week. The crowds and enthusiasm for change were very inspiring. I didn't shoot either event particularly well, however. I'm not sure I'm aggressive enough to fight for position among my colleagues or to step in front of the faithful to get my shot. Anyway, here's one shot that I really like. Love Dad Comic relief by Journey: Don't Stop Believin' from crazyclown.com. And from Matt C. comedians deliver Oscar speeches (nytimes). DebCentral suggests, "Maybe the federal government should pass a constitutional amendment banning my underpants." More on the hubbub below. Washington, DC -- Congressman Jerrold Nadler (D-NY), Ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, today rebuked President Bush for calling on Congress to pass a Constitutional amendment to define marriage as solely between a man and a woman. Nadler's statement follows: "By stating his support of a Constitutional ban on same-sex marriage, the President is trying to write discrimination into the Constitution, for the first time amending our sacred document to deny civil rights to a large number of Americans. It is shameful for the President to undermine this country's historic commitment to protect our citizenry's right to equal protection under the law. "Let me be perfectly clear: As the Ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, I take matters of Constitutional integrity extremely seriously. For instance, I do not believe that the government should be in the business of telling any religious organization what it can or cannot do. The right for religious institutions to protect their own destiny is a sacred principle; however, that is not what we are talking about here. What we are talking about is another extremely important Constitutional principle: the right to ensure that all Americans are treated equally under the law. If this amendment were to pass, it would permanently deny a large group of Americans access to over 1,000 rights and responsibilities under federal law that all Americans should enjoy, including access to Social Security benefits, immigration rights, and veterans' survivor benefits. "I find it also deeply disturbing that the President's call for a Constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage is an obvious attempt to take the focus off of his dismal record on economic and social issues that truly affect all Americans. Rather than confronting and offering remedies to address the historic loss of 3 million jobs, the largest deficits in American history, and inequities in public education and health care, the President is playing politics by choosing instead to focus on the issue of same sex marriage to divide the American people and drive a wedge in the 2004 campaign." These are from the first roll of What you should know about Communism - and Why. My scanner is refusing to cooperate beyond the length of the film ends. If you can help, there'll be a big prize in it for you. Thanks. 02.23.04 As a daily reader of Heck's Kitchen, I'd like to know what the heck HK thinks about Nader entering the ring. Please post or just answer me. As a fairly politically naïve, I thought I'd ask someone who is more knowledgeable. Jay, Columbus, OH. Dear Jay, I would expect daily readers and friends to have noticed that I am not a very complex person. My opinions are kneejerk and firmly held, and I'm likely to express them loudly and often and usually while interrupting you. I'm a predictable Lefty's Lefty, with the following exceptions: frying murderers, carrying small arms, and making kitty porn. The Current Duty of the Left is to unseat the evil one. Nader will be largely ignored after a few days. But don't take my unsupported word for it. Get your Nader analysis needs from Bears Will Attack Campaign Blog. This is a paid advertisement on Friendster: What is Senator Kerry's favorite movie? Does President Bush love Rock n' Roll or classical music? The 2004 Presidential candidates have joined Friendster. So keep an eye out for John Kerry, John Edwards, and George W. Bush! To learn more about the candidates, get informed about the issues, and to register to vote, visit www.declareyourself.com. For real? Constance and SuSuBelle report from the Zonkboard: SuSuBelle: Here's an entertaining tidbit for you, JM, courtesy of JDland: Bush's personal image, by contrast, is at the low point of his presidency. His overall favorability rating has tumbled from 72% last April, shortly after the fall of Baghdad, to 53% in the current survey. Moreover, when asked for a one-word description of Bush, equal percentages now give negative and positive responses, which marks a dramatic shift since last May when positive descriptions outnumbered negative ones by roughly two-to-one (52%-27%). The most frequently used negative word to describe Bush is "liar," which did not come up in the May 2003 survey. cc: thanks for the bush poll update! good news! i was polled by quinnipiac university this weekend in a random sampling. i wish i could've called bush a liar. i was afraid they would discredit my responses if i acted up. i did cut off the survey taker, when she said, "overall, how would you say you feel towards bush?" she started, "pleased..." and i said, "whatever's at the very bottom, honey." she said, "angry?" and i said, "yeah." ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM ** ITEM Subject: emerson street end-of-the-world party Dear friends, well-wishers, acquaintances, charlatans, poseurs, hangers-on and assorted others, There comes a time in the life of every group house when roads must diverge. When some must go into the darkness, and others must stay behind. When you find yourselves with close to $300 in unclaimed funds to spend on hard hard liquor. It is at these times when we need each other the most. The Emerson Street house has reached just such a time, and so we are celebrating, with the Emerson Street End-of-the-World party. If you have attended one of our get-togethers in the past, you are well-aware of the laughs, good times, crowds, nudity (partial and full) and rampant defenstration that ensues. This one promises to be our biggest and best yet. So please join us as we cast defiance into the terrible teeth of chance, and laugh out loud in jaunty voices. We promise to provide scads of free alcohol, at least one dog, and the well-loved sounds of mid-90's indie rock on the dance floor. Also, we understand it is Teenbeat weekend here in the nation's capitol, so all Teenbeat recording artists will receive one free pass to the third-floor bathroom, where Edward will be doing serious drugs. WHAT: The Emerson Street End-of-the-World Party WHEN: Saturday, March 6th Doors open at 10:30pm WHERE: 1320 Emerson Street NW, Washington DC LA-DE-DA-DIE: We like to party. Word is bond. Pass it on. love... brian Driver pulled over for watching porn (deb d). Help Save Trnzin Rinpoche (jay). gulker.com, from Random, who says "Blog of a mild-manner SiliconValley alpha geek and recreational chef who's all fired up about gay marriage. His stuff is usually musings about techy stuff - the future of open source and so on, but he's got a radical streak that's coming out at the moment. A Good Man." List of things that are the new black (kottke). Bush is an idiot (conniptions). Ways Anna Nicole Smith's Life Has Improved Since Losing 69 Pounds with Trimspa (zulkey). And check it out, Bears Will Attack Day 17 Project made The Morning News. See also the BWA Campaign Blog. More later. 02.20.04 Late additon: Cyberlovin, from Hooser. "Well-hung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?" Well, I lied, I'm back today. Can't seem to stay away. First up, Comic Book Bondage Cover of the Day and, from necrobabes.org, Men's Adventure Stories and Detective Stories. Word is James Lileks is working on an old men's mags book, too. Interesting stuff. I started working last night on a brand new site dedicated to What you should know about Communism - and Why, an elementary-level textbook from 1966. I happen to be in possession of the rare 8-part accompanying filmstrip, and am trying to trick my slide scanner into scanning it. Alas, the machine has proved smarter than me so far. But I might get it finished in a month or so. Along the same lines, from the master of ephemera rescue and commentary, here's Lilek's Patriotica: Civil Defense Booklets from WWII. Bob reports, from dan savage: "yay! www.spreadingsantorum.com is now the first result when you search for "Santorum" on Google!" update: today it's second. but still. From J. Hudson, build your own band at www.rockstarter.com. And Shalini says: look! people are nice! Flowers for All!! Check out the second installment of Brian Minter's BEARS WILL ATTACK Day 17 Project. Featuring stories by Brian, Brian's brother, Kevin Fanning, Sarah Lyon, Cheryl Huber, Meredith Bragg, and me. I know I'm late on this, but Bob sent this charming obit for "Madge" the other day. "You're soaking in it!" And special thanks to kittenpants and Angus for the plugs. Finally my shameless flattery pays off. 02.19.04 Today is like a double issue, a President's Day Sellathon, an HK-palooza. So much quality merchandise, I'll probably take tomorrow off. Let's get started. NEW KITTENPANTS! FEATURING, The long-awaited Keith Gordon Interview! by kittenpants Readers of PEOPLE Magazine Speak Out, by Paul Fisher Corn Mo's Tales of Wonder, by Corn Mo Exposed, by Sam Forsyth And...More! INTERNET CLASSICS, care of Dave Waterman, the inscrutable baking housemate. http://www.seizurerobots.com http://www.yourethemannowdog.com http://www.cockeyed.com Other People's Stories Henry Alford on a kidnapping Elizabeth Gilbert remembers the worst wedding toast ever David Rees on the Incredible Rob Weedman Davy Rothbart remembers a world-class liar And...More! 02.18.04 Sometimes, when I look back upon the choices I've made in my life, or back upon the choices I made yesterday, I am overwhelmed with feelings of embarrassment and regret. Why did I run over that pedestrian and drive away? Why did I conspire to lie about Martha Stewart's sale of ImClone Systems stock? Why did I drink all my roommate's beer? And I've thought, wouldn't it be great if I could just forget the bad things I've done? Well, now I can. Thanks to Lacuna, Inc. "REMEMBER, WITH LACUNA YOU CAN FORGET. The Lacuna Inc. staff has made giant strides in brain research. They have discovered a simple and effective way to remove problem memories. No longer do you have to live with life debilitating memories. Live again, take the steps now!" Thanks, Bova. En la mierda realmente rara: From kottke, Surreal shot of Air Force One taking off next to Daytona Speedway. Quoting kottke responder emily: "President Bush's re-election campaign faltered today when he inadvertently crashed Air Force One -- which he was piloting as a special treat -- into thousands of demographically significant NASCAR dads. Film at 11." See also, Teenager finds himself on missing-children list. "A 17-year-old boy discovered that he had been allegedly abducted at the age of three after spotting a picture of himself on a missing children's website." En los deportes, Barry Bond's a cheater, and it looks like little Vick's got what it takes to be an NFL playah. The Mystics, following the trend of hiring random former NBA players to coach professional women, hired random former NBA player Michael Adams. Adams has no head coaching experience, no experience coaching women, and hasn't coached in any capacity for two years. Yeehaw. En la política: One Michael Hussey dropped by the zonkboard yesterday, drumming up a little debate about Communism. His politics appear to be a bit to the right of most HK denizens, but, I'm liking his blog. Constance was first with word that the good doctor is out. Dr. Dean's was the first candidacy to which I ever contributed. Come to think of it, it might be because he's the first one who asked. I guess a million small donations don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Lesson learned. And more on the homos marrying from the great Margaret Cho, Step Up. This afternoon I'm going to illegally post mp3s so you people can illegally download them. Because, fuck the RIAA. Come back, because I just got a mix CD in the mail from Underblog, and I also bought the new Vanderslice. Love, JM 02.17.04 Please excuse a too-bloggy entry: I finished paying off all my consumer debt this weekend. Can't tell you, though you probably already know, what a burden those old cards are, with their criminal late fees and interest rates. Rediscovered novels, which I'm also elated about. Read The Secret History, by Donna Tartt. It seems like everyone's read it. Very exciting. Now I'm reading The Book of Illusions by Paul Auster, on the advice of B. Eskridge and S. Loffman. Speaking of Ms. Loffman, she also got me to a matinee of You Got Served. An excrutiating, nearly unwatchable, horrific script, terrible awful acting, filling in the holes between the most super awesomest dancing ever. Not that I'm any sort of expert, but I very nearly cried during the final dance off. The body control these guys have is unbelievable. From far way friend Farra, sent by Suzanne, yesterday's photos from San Francisco City Hall. Says she, "Amidst the rain, the press, and the crowd of hundreds, I stood in amazement outside city hall for several hours as same-sex couple after couple took their vows; exiting the building to an outpouring of cheers and love. Thankfully members of the "traditional"groups who have such a problem with gay marriage were absent. I don’t know if this weekend is just going to be a fleeting moment, but I am hopeful it’s a sign of more change to come. Here are some pics I snapped, although my vantage point wasn’t always the best… " And speaking of marriage, from married E. Webster, Ben Franklin's Advice on the choosing of a Mistress. 02.13.04 AM/PM Zulkey via Friendster: A FAMILY PROPOSAL. It's Friday the 13th, so let's hear it for love, lucky or otherwise. BIG DAY! San Francisco To the threshold of equal rights "It may seem premature to some Americans, but for 83-year-old Del Martin and 79-year-old Phyllis Lyon, it was a long time coming. The lesbian couple, together for about a half-century, became the first in the United States to marry with the full recognition of a government body." As Underblog noted, "I like how SF went into 'hurry-up' offense to get the licenses issued." From Vegan Valentine, Chinese dancing carrot drama. Fun photo/essays at The Morning News, The Broken Heart. A cross promotion special: Claire Zulkey interviews Corn Mo. Briton Random found Joe Trippi's new blog, and for you lucky New Yorkers, A list of restaurants in NYC that are BYOB-friendly. kottke. 02.12.04 PM Colin Powell's comments on National Guard Service and Vietnam excerpted from his book, My American Journey. Special thanks to Jami B. 02.12.04 Good morning Vietnam draft dodgers! From Salon, George W. Bush, the doubleplusgood doublespeaker! "In his interview on 'Meet the Press,' the president proved he has mastered the Orwellian art of duckspeak." We must give him credit for his honesty: Mel Gibson says his wife could be going to hell. A++ link, from WarriorGeek: The Society for the Recapture of Virginity, Inc. Just browsing the Craig's List casual encounters section...Three Sexxxy Bi-Fems Seek Average Guy for 4-Way - ww4m - 21. What Do You Think? Gay Marriage, at The Onion. Charge! Speaking of gay marriage, I just noticed our friend Kathy LeMay was quoted in this NYTimes article from December: Black, white and pink all over. And thanks again Flat Earth! for "Free Comic Thursday - Romance Extravaganza!" Quiz: Which of these these recent HK-hit searches is not like the others? diana taurasi lesbian abby wambach nude cat reddick pics diana taurasi pictures espn naked wimen justine henin hardenne naked diana taurasi pics kris delmhorst lesbian abby wambach lesbian abby wambach pictures diana taurasi views on sex pics of diana taurasi henin-hardenne nips pics diana taurasi is sexy abby wambach crush abby wambach nude diana taurasi lesbian michelle wie lpga nude photos france bashing sites link sites fuck france That's right. Kris Delmhorst is a musician, not an athlete. 02.11.04 PM Update II Sitting here watching the Wizards get killed and now one of the new Halliburton commercials is on - clearly I don't value my free time much. But while I was looking for the orignal writer of Dubya's resume, I came across this tidy list, humbly called The Ultimate Bush and Cheney links, from bushandcheneysuck.com. Check it, but mute your speakers unless you want to listen to an endless loop of "Cocaine," computer-style. Now I must draw your attention to a Bears Will Attack Orginial Production, Children's Letters to Former USDA Secretary Dan Glickman. Yes, I do have a crush on Brian's blog. It's completely healthy and normal. BWA also reminds me that people love lists. So watch while I rip off Recent Subject Lines Appearing in My Inbox: bad bird - yo jenny! - PEPCO - Holy McMoly! - RE: i am a rat - oh my GaWd!!! - activism from Cloud - you must be feeling BAD! - nascent precoupledom - Insane people investigate old house - Lovelorn - four's company, two's a fucking crowd - Fifth Annual Sex Toy Party - please read... - please ignore - and, lookie! My list isn't very good, and you might be to blame. Please tune in tomorrow for homemade marriage and gay valentines gift ideas. Or something like that. It's a good day in blogland, for the readers have sent all the material required for a fun and easy update. And none of it requires reading, or even thinking. First up, Bizarre Records, thanks to Random. "This site is devoted to my collection of weird records," says Bizarre Records guy. Great stuff, and mp3s, too. And, The George W. Doll, from Bova. It's cool! You can change its outfits, and make it talk like a real live boy! And if you missed yesterday's special, iconomy and Humor.is are straight up lists of links for quick and dirty clicking. Yesterday I was working really hard, really hard here at work, but still managed to find this nerdy love story. It's funny because it's true. More later. JM 02.10.04 Getting special treatment at the airport? US Anti-War Activists Hit by Secret Airport Ban. Kudos to Deb, who wrote a story! Check out her Monster makeup link, too. This proves a lot: Bush got paid. Speaking of bullies who are about to get their comeuppance, Teen Charged In Homicide When Alleged Boasts Surface. The only way we can lose this election is by Republican cheating. And Republicans love to cheat. Big time. See Florida. They steal files. They expose undercover CIA operatives. They are generally scummy. And that's just a bit of today's news. Tell your Republican dad or your Republican friend that unless they are just plain bad or stupid, they have an obligation to FIX THEIR PARTY. Aren't they embarrassed already? Oh, right. To feel shame requires a conscience. Real update later. Here's another titillating pussy shot from The L-Word. Sigh. And here is Moveon.org's Censure the President ad, running today in the Washington Post. 02.09.04 Big TV weekend - from Friday to Sunday, I could be found on various couches watching the finest in American programming. Let's summarize, briefly. Gratitude to Mr. Coldplay Chris Martin, who somehow beat out OutKast's "Hey Ya!" for record of the year, for saying, "We'd like to dedicate this to Johnny Cash and John Kerry, who hopefully will be your president someday." And on Sunday night Showtime, The L-Word is still getting thumbs-up from me and my assorted viewing partners, and has already been renewed for next season. See afterellen.com for an interview with the funny tennis player character, Erin Daniels. And more dyke stuff on Showtime, The Butch Mystique, airing Feb. 9, 10, 11, 14, and 15. Chasing Ani, from Curve, who asked "What is your media stereotype?" Ani: "I think it has a lot to do with the sort of ghettoization of feminism, you know? Just — women's experience. Because I write from my identity as a woman, the mainstream media has a way of marginalizing that, of saying, "Oh, that's a chick thing." Suddenly, it becomes a story or perspective that has relevance only to 13-year-old girls — that kind of double standard where women's experience isn't considered as universal or political with a capital "P." You know, suddenly I’m just writing confessional chick songs. I find that the audience, maybe in Europe for instance, to be more diverse, because maybe the media isn’t telling them this is fucking "girl power" or whatever." BWA unveils yet another new feature, Rove Watch. And speaking of liberal propaganda, thanks to Jami B. for sending The Resume of George W. Bush. And, totally silly stuff here, GWB as a lady - not pretty. And for you Modern Drunkards, Know Your Bartender, and A journey through the forgotten world of Tiki. 02.08.04 Posted Lovelorn, July 1953. Good stories, especially My Beautiful Boss. Also, I got props from cool guy Steven Wintle at flat earth! 02.06.04 Not much today, but Brian's regular blog and poliblog have been cheerfully updated, and Debs has a new story about her crazy uncle. From Ranger Ted, "A dangerous corrupting influence on our national security personnel? Those naughty lesbians!" And, I have posted for you, my most recent email forward from my aunt. Bob calls it that fucking quiz, and found the results uncanny enough that he was forced to send it to others, making him look like the web neophyte he isn't. I recommend that fucking quiz, and hope you appreciate that I retained the rainbow background which illustrated the original email. From Eric "Underblog" W., You Are Lovin' It! McDonald's Sales Rise. I can't believe they stole my tagline. Lastly, I got the June 1965 issue of Patsy and Heddy, Career Girls up. The girls are stranded "in the middle of nowhere" between Hollywood and San Francisco. What will happen?!?!? Oh wait, on the censorship/propoganda front - some Dems in Congress are pissed at CBS, too, for running Bush's taxpayer-funded "the new Medicare is great!" ad. The rejected Super Bowl commercial is getting some air: 'Child's Pay' ad is being run on CNN. From Eli Pariser in the LA Times, Issues Left Untackled: "if McDonald's buys an ad promoting its tasty Big Mac, no one can run an ad that says Big Macs are full of fat and unhealthful. Pfizer can run a spot saying it's "helping people in need" get medicine, but we can't air an ad saying that Pfizer lobbied to weaken the new Medicare bill to prop up drug prices. Halliburton has slick ads that stress its role supporting the troops in Iraq. But CBS would reject an ad that pointed to Halliburton's profiteering." And, of course, Janet's being punished by not being allowed to perform at the grammys. Give us a break. 02.05.04 Afternoon Underblog's decided it's Dororthy Parker Day. Let's remember the woman who could outbooze, outwit, and outwrite us all. Here's a bio. And here's another bio. Some pwems The Flaw in Paganism Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom General Review of the Sex Situation Some nice quotes That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think. One more drink and I'll be under the host. People are more fun than anybody. They sicken of the calm who know the storm. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. And....Dorothy Parker Audio Clips. Thanks, UB. 02.05.04 Morning Working on the badly neglected Romance Comics site today. Some nice guy called Mr. Bumblebee Man sent me two issues of Patsy and Hedy, Career Girls, from 1965, by Stan Lee and some other dude. I've got one up. Go check it out if you are so inclined. Meantime, here's the clean tale of a busted beaver, from house wildlife expert Ranger Ted, and an interesting recipe from Craftmaster Nancy. The Nancy's Banana Salsa: 4 bananas, diced (not too mushy, you don't want it like guacamole) juice of 2 limes 2 jalapeños, diced very small 3 tbsp (approx.) of *fresh* very chopped cilantro. Chop up the jalapeños, put them into a bowl with a lid. Squeeze the lime juice over the jalapenos, then add the bananas and cilantro. Put the lid on the bowl, and shake vigorously. Serve cold! NB: You don't need to add salt, because the tortilla chips are usually salty enough, but knock yourself out if that's what you're into. 02.04.05 Afternoon update - presidential hopeful confronts nerdrock past Sarah just called from the courthouse, where she is "trying out" for jury duty. She may or may not have reported, "I probably shouldn't say this, but I think the guy is guilty. The prosecutors have like, four witnesses, and he only has himself!" She then may or may not have told me the defendant's full name. Someone put that citizen on a jury! The View from Purgatory, nytimes. bob. And Tomorrow's Special today, I Love Karl Rove. Thanks Constance! 02.04.05 Mr. Minter is the better man, but I've already leapt from the sinking Dean boat, right into the arms of salty Navy hero John Kerry. Bring the buoyant John Edwards aboard, and we've got ourselves a ticket to be reckoned with. I am fickle and often wrong. But when we consider what is at stake: the prospect of Republican domination in all three branches of federal goverrnment, a filibuster and veto proof Congress, as the Democrats are likely to lose four seats in the Senate, President Bush, his judicial appointments, the gerrymandering of districts - kids, if we don't beat this guy, we are in BIG TROUBLE for a LONG TIME. I am prone to hyperbole and general panicking, but if we lose it could be the end of any hint of democracy as we learnt it. Wonkette is funny. The Furious Rise of the Non-Anonymous Blogger. From Shauna, "redd foxx's car and the voxxmobile are my favorites, and not just because they use several x's. the voxxmobile has a recording studio in it!" Barris Kustom Kars. And from fiance Matthew: The Condensed Joe Eszterhas "Slate reads Hollywood Animal so you don't have to." Gay news, Mass. High Court Rules to Mandate Same-Sex Marriage. A Mountain Goats review in the Post? Sure-Footed Mountain Goats. Related: John Vanderslice's nice tour photo albums, and two mp3s from his new album. 02.04.04 Nightime update The Washington Post's Sally Jenkins is one of the Talking People on ESPN Classic's Andre Agassi bio, which just reminded me that I'd forgotten to post Ms. Jenkins' column today. I guarantee it will make you want to stand up and applaud. And may it be the last word in this space about the whole Super Bowl debacle and the ludicrous posturing of the NFL/CBS/FCC: NFL Exposed For What It Is. A television program. Please read it so I don't have to quote it at length. For real. Go. Alert evening newsman Bob Brumfield forwarded this Craig's List gem: yellow fantasy...no weirdos please - m4mm Posted on: 2004-02-03, 1:13PM I am building a glory hole in my apartment 1/2 bath - installing a urinal. There's a valve in the closet so that I can change the outflow down a hose and into a gas mask. I want to sniff glue, don the mask, and jack off while watching you thru a peep and drinking your piss. Bonus if you jack off and cum into the mix. If you really want to excite me, I have a furry badger suit you can wear, too. No weirdos. 02.03.04 Hello, gorgeous. Before we get busy with the usual production of our highly professional, deeply thoughtful, widely-read glossyblog, I'll warn you that today's edition of HK will be a singularly uncommon collection of silly links, baby pictures, IM transcripts, and plugs for friends' bands. Tune in tomorrow for our regular estimable programming. Black Davy Bonney says, "Be sure to check out the Two Cats ad." Banned PETA Ads, from iFILM. For more on the crap Super Bowl ads, check out Tremble's HOW TO REFINE YOUR TASTE, from ranger ted. Our man Dean may be on his last legs, so here's a reminder that we're going to miss him: Dean Calls FCC Probe of Breast Incident 'Silly'. from the venerable old wonkette, who adds, "We'd like to add this is certainly a turn-about since last spring, when the administration was happy to have Clear Channel give President Bush a nice, long blow-job on the air." Local electronica superstar Arthur Loves Plastic has been busy: "New Valentines Day Release - Save yourself that last minute trip to CVS! ALP has just release Downtempo Diva, a chill collection of remixes by DJ Shatterglass, Orechiettes, Defmaus, Autocad and Nebulae." Read some hype at aural innovatons (The Global Source For SpaceRock Exploration). Welcome to the grind, Mr. Jacob Edwin Roberts! Baby by Peggy and Curtis. And speaking of kids, Russian Roulette for kids, from Fred. And now for our significant blog others, whom we mustn't ever take for granted: don't miss Brian's Special Tuesday update at ye olde BWA Campaign Blog, and Deb's latest Uncle Ira story, which is, as usual, sad and hilarious. Brian says: thankyouthankyouthankyou! i'm so glad that *somebody* said something about the superbowl pre-game G-O-D fest. jesus, i know the game was in huston (home of nasa,) but i doubt it would've been any different had the game been in AZ, or NE or anywhere else. and did you catch that crap about FC C Chairman Michael Powell being "really pissed off" about the janet tit thing? Brian says: yeah, that's a good one. dood, you know his teenage boys were supershocked to see janet's boob for .33 seconds. as if. (powell's family knows quite well i'm sure that better porn, *plus! free music!* is available for free online.) plus, what's better for family viewing than budweiser commercials peddling beer to teens through "really thoughtful" flatulence and beastiality jokes. jesus christ JM says: they're icky hypocrites. Brian says: mmm. yeah. the FCC is absolutely my favorite arm of government spending. i think it's doing a really good job. i just love how it supports multinational corporate interests in the name of family values. JM says: i know Brian says: thanks. i just had to rant. JM says: ill be posting it for the people Brian says: right on. Brian says: oh, and PLEASE keep us all up to date on your lil' bro's prince albert! JM says: except i'll edit my part to look better Brian says: of course. edit mine to be more funnier. Footnote: yesterday my mom sent me an email about my brother which read in part, "I saw a note on his floor to his girlfriend that said, "only 10 more days before I have a needle put through my penis." What am I suppose to make of THAT????" Poor mom. 02.02.04 Man, that blew. It was nearly an all-Republican Super Bowl in every conceivable way. The pregame featured an overtly political and corny-beyond-belief reenactment of an American moon landing, complete with mini-moon, Spaceman, and planting of the stiff flag. Stiff, of course, was the evening's parallel theme, with Mike Ditka taking over Levitra's throwing the football through the hole toward the vagina flame duties. The White House ran an ad called "Pot-Smoking Teens." CBS refused to show us the streaker, or the streaker being tackled by Patriots linebacker Matt Chatham, which would've made for good television. And of course, Republican Tom Brady and the Patriots won in Texas. For 3 million dollars ads, they sure Super Sucked. They shot for the lowest common demoninator, assuming we were all once 14-year old boys, and pretty stupid ones at that. This is cool: See all the ads from the Superbowl, thanks to IFILM, via kottke. From Reuters, Super Bowl Ads Aimed at Male Adolescents "The humor has just gotten to such a base level," said Steven Addis, chief executive of the Addis Group branding agency, shortly after Sunday night's game. "There seems to be an unwritten rule in advertising that men can only be spoken to in a stupid way." From Tom Shales, Incomplete! washington post. "Viewers who tuned in expecting a big-time football game saw the Super Bowl of Sleaze instead. Sexy and violent commercials that included jokes about flatulence and bestiality mercilessly interrupted the CBS telecast of Super Bowl XXXVIII from Houston last night, making it a dubious choice for family viewing." Now, we all know the fantastic halftime "costume malfunction" was the highlight of the evening, when Justin and Janet concluded their dirty dancin' with, SURPRISE! Ms. Jackson's lovely right breast being liberated! and curiously decorated with a bejeweled pastie, Justin case. Thanks, guys! You sure got CBS's knickers in a twist! The breast incident slideshow. Speaking of tits, "Welcome to NICE TITS, the official site of the Royal Tit-Watching (Ornithological) Society of Britain. We hope you enjoy viewing our splendid collection of tits." ranger ted. Unrelatedly, here's the World's Hardest Movie Quiz 2004, village voice. From Slate, via The Morning News, John Kerry strips from the Doonesbury archives, and finally, Whitey's on the Moon, washington post. 02.01.04 Hello sportsfans! Sorry I am failing to update. But our Briton Astrofiammante has written about Lava Lamps, which are awesome. She also reports that her man Random was once "the lightest player in the British American Football League." Please see his Confessions of a part-time cornerback. They will be staying up to watch the game. It's fun to have British friends, even of the virtual kind. Ranger Ted says, "Here's a story that will make you proud to be a Terrapin--even if you're not one." Black Man on a White Field. Special thanks considering how embarrasing it is to be a Terp these days. Finally, Mr. Minter has dutifully reported the latest numbers at BWA Campaign Blog. Go Panthers. 01.30.04 Afternoon update. Let's have some fluff, shall we? The Godfather of Soul was busted for domestic violence the other night, and boy did he get a flattering mugshot. In his defense, the man is 70, he's married to a 33-year old, who probably ought to be able to kick his ass. I don't know. Maybe she's disabled or something. Is that wrong to say? Suzanne, our DV expert, should comment. Oh, while you're over at the Smoking Gun, they have several other new mugshots worth a look. From quality contributor Shauna, "the boobahs are mesmerizing. please share. explanation here." Parents and video store employees should immediately recognize their resemblance to Teletubbies, which in case you didn't know, are spellbinding. I might rank the hypnotic powers of that program a distant second to ingesting lysergic acid and staring at a wall. "For all its earnest intentions, Boohbah lacks both the conceptual purity of Teletubbies and its sublimely silly sensibility. If Teletubbies is like the work of Andy Warhol, Boohbah is more like that of Jeff Koons, a latter-day wannabe with a savvy sense of self-promotion." Dana Stevens, or uh, Liz Penn at Slate. From The Black Table: ROOTING FOR THE UNDERDOG: WOMEN WAX OFF ON THE NORMAL GUYS WHO MAKE 'EM WILD. Note to CC, Kucinich ranks. Bova says, Find a New Hero. And, Here's something depressing. But, Debs finally updated, and that's always good. I seem to be making a few enemies over at Bears Will Attack, where some well-intentioned people are confusing "having principles" with "stubbornly refusing to compromise" which generally results in "the Democrats lose again!" Will the Left kindly stop shooting itself in both feet? The Mr. Candidate with the Best Values Pageant needs to occur before the general election. Caryn writes, "these kids, www.punkvoter.com helped organize the food not bombs benefit last night at the club and seem to be doing a cool "awareness through aggro music" thing for the young-uns. thought you'd wanna know about it." Thanks, Caryn. Wish her well as she departs to West Virginia, where she is accompanying Bob to his sister's wedding. Yeehaw! Early update. Intrepid correspondent C. Chang, who has of late been applying her skills in a recurring role over at blogbrother Bears Will Attack, is a socially responsible, politically astute young Midwesterner about Manhattan. Constance knows a lot. But what Ms. Chang doesn't know a lot about are socially responsible mutual funds. Those italics indicate that this will be an educational entry. The corporation which owns the subsidiary for which I toil is concerned primarily with national defense and homeland security, and as such are unconcerned with offering socially responsible funds in their 401k package. Therefore, my money goes to the vilest companies in existence. But, as a service to Constance, I have listed selections from the Alger Socially Responsible Growth Institutional Portfolio Schedule of Investments: Pfizer. Disney. Time Warner/AOL. General Electric. Home Depot. Proctor & Gamble. Citigroup. Microsoft. Biotech and pharmaceutical companies. And Halliburton. Halliburton. In short, this portfolio is made up of some of the most frequently boycotted, Republican funding, animal experimenting, forest destroying, world polluting, rights eroding, blah blah blah companies around. So, I'm not too wowed, but I'm a total novice. So check out this good start: SoYouWanna be a socially responsible investor? On an icky note, sometimes animals and humans meet unpleasantly. See: Anaconda with boy inside, and Sperm Whale Explosion. Afernoon update: feeling a little less giddy now. Dean canned Trippi, is a desperate move that will get him nowhere. Nothing interesting is happening in sports, except that Caps owner Ted Leonsis attacked a taunting teenage fan at the game the other night. That's funny. In other afternoon news, I still have not starting writing my big novel, and will probably continue to do nothing with my life besides meet nice people in bars and toss words out here in the ether. Oh, here's an interesting piece I just read in SI: Hello Athens: "Never has an Olympic host city battled so much criticism, sparked so many security concerns or been so crucial to the future of the Games. Is Greece ready? Excellent question." 01.29.04 Greetings, citizen. Aren't we lucky to be alive today? Last night I met all these cool characters - an F to M tranny, a real live stonecutter, a frau from Munich who looked like Career Woman, 1980, and smelled like the worst perfume ever, and speaking of evers, I also ate the best veggie burger of all the veggie burgers I've ever eaten, which is a considerable number, and I made my poor friends listen to me talk about founding a religion based on kittens, which is stupid, and I was just feeling happy I made it out of the womb, since my young parents probably oughtn't have allowed that to happen. But it's nice to have gotten born, usually. Isn't it? The inimitable Constance Chang introduces 'The Pragmatic Democrat' at the BWA Campaign Blog. From Ranger Ted, "This is what curators at real museums do." What They Left Behind: Suitcases from an insane asylum tell of lives long lost (village voice). And, if you still put up with the site we love to hate, go Friendster VIF, the Visions in Feminism Conference. You get a bonus awseome picture, just for clicking. It's time again for This Month's Searches Leading to Heck's Kitchen. What are the people looking for? dave eggers xanadu soundtrack raelians & hallmark hall of fame masturbation whiskey rebellion gay porn granny blonde exposed at west indies vs south africa cowgays birdfull not for at work pro-life michelle wie nipple odes to great people wild butt sex sex bestly breastisies pork slaughtering pics buffy's been raped fanfiction tall sexy realtor shitty physics professors umd big boobied aliens wearing diapers 24/7 dumb wheaton terrier no charge or email address needed for cheap naked wimen mom's enema bag why are we here paris hilton mpeg video discussion sharing racism against handy caped jenna jameson kitchen houston texas mullet wigs heck's cafe blackout drinking which fictional character has a cat called chairman meow? courteney cox ass in 3000 miles to graceland photos waht is the life expectancy for pigs yoga spread-eagle photos howard deans yeehaw sound mp3 amelie mauresmo nude images i am 15 i have very small boobs what should my boobs look like? jenny is a man large female teat photos jenny miller playboy chickens my personal pics of me and my wife enjoying sex in the state of missouri trucks 01.28.04 Brian beat me to the punch this morning, posting one of two of our Emerson House Family Portraits. He picked the one in which he looks better, understandably. Everyone is mad at me at work, so I can't post properly. Luckily, I just received Jack Martins' Annual Oscar Predictions. Woohoo! You might recall his picks from last year. Here are Jack's 2004 Oscar Predictions 01.27.04 Happy birthday, literally, to JACOB EDWIN ROBERTS, first offspring of my friends, Peggy and Curtis. She's in labor RIGHT NOW! Woohoo! Here's a funny picture of Curt in his first band, Lost Generation, Bellefontaine, Ohio, late-80s. Tee hee. From The Morning News, Martha's Big Day. "Our favorite artist Danny Gregory spent a day at Martha Stewart's public trial and sent us some drawings from the courthouse." And, six years' of Suck.com's filler archives. J. Hudson sent this in, The Girls Next Door. "A truly disturbing article in the New York Times Sunday mag on sex slaves (mostly children and teens) in the US and Mexico. I highly recommend it, but is not light reading. Unfortunately, the article does not offer many solutions or even approaches to helping stem the tide of abuse. However, I recommend the following websites: antichildporn.org, freetheslaves.net, and thedzifoundation.com." This morning, as I was padding around downstairs, putting on coffee and putting out the dog, it slowly occurred to me that a strange racket was coming from the living room. It sounded something like a cat killing a mouse by gently batting it against a radiator, over and over and over again. So, I peeked into the room, and behold! two birds were flying all over the place! In the house! Knocking into windows, landing on the ceiling fan, panicking, and generally looking out of place. So I decided to open a window, and as I was struggling with the curtains and the window, the birds kept flying into my head. They were large-ish birds, about the size of cockatiels, and while it was unnerving having wild animals flying into my head, I really wanted them outside, and not killing themselves in our front room. But, when I finally got the window open they couldn't find the opening. So I shut it and ran upstairs to wake someone. That someone was Brian, our man from Bears Will Attack. Interestingly, he proved entirely useless, except that we got to share the moment, and I am now getting to tell you that he squealed like a little girl from just outside the room, while I went in and opened the window again. At last the birds flew out, and we cheered. As a side note, our housecat Pants was also present, but appeared entirely unmoved by the scene. To close, here are some cute pics of Jaime, Jacob, their new friends, and some strays in New Orleans. Can you tell which are which? 01.26.04 Today's best thing is BWA's new superfeature, Day 17, in which various young diarists describe events occurring on the 17th day of the month. Bravo to those who followed through on Brian's assignment. Today I am living the dream and working from home. I can't believe the stupid government is open. Can't they see the city is covered in deep, wet snow? Are they trying to kill us? Speaking of which, this just in from Black Davy Bonney: a great film about Fuck our language's most versatile word. Monty Python. New Get Your War On, heads up from reenhead. The Trouble With Islam: Reform From Within "A review of Canadian-Muslim-Lesberado Irshad Manji's book..." from Eric and/or Jill. And, East German Steroids' Toll: 'They Killed Heidi'. Don't let this happen to you: Offender: EARL,HENRY (linkdump). Zulkey's Superbowl pick. Black Cat: FRI JAN 30- GIRL FRIDAY presents JUNGLE FEVER with special guests JUNGLE JESSI, MOODY MOORE, ELAMENT $5 backstage 10:00. Elament is our friend Lauren. You can tell which one's Lauren, because she has "Elament" tattooed on her belly. Or so says her girlfriend. Those crazy bike messenger/musicians. What won't they do? 01.25.04 Read this: Jumping Jack LaLanne is still a flash. And while you're at SI, Scorecard: The Girl Has Game. Not for work viewing, Trucker Fags in Denial. Gross - Subject of Super Size Me documentary eats at McDonald's for a month and almost dies (kottke). Well, the homos and homo lovers succeeded: Conservative Group Quietly Drops Plans for Same-Sex Marriage Poll. Interpretive spam art "Even the purest kitten perished on the day the massive unrelenting cock came to town!" (kottke) It's a rare night at the Emerson homestead. All residents and pets are present. We played some Soul Caliber II, wherein housie Les repeatedly kicked everyone's butts. And now we're all supernerding on our laptops, since we got wireless. Woohoo! Metameta! 01.24.04 Well, hell. I'm snowed in at granny's. Some of you know what a desperate situation I am in. HELP! I've said Washington's a strangely apolitical town. And I believe it is, when it comes to local politics. But national's different, and now that the primary is picking up, and what with all the bad stuff going down, everyone's talking politics. Barflies. Grandma. Even me. So today we've got wonkette.com, the so-called DC Gawker. Shalini sent it in, and it looks pretty decent. Also, those wacky meet-up people have created National Impeach Bush Meetup Day. The first one is Monday, in most cities. Here's a Dolly song, the latest installment from Caryn's famous mix. Travelin' Prayer. By the way, I see only one dear reader bothered to follow that BUST link and vote for HK yesterday. Ingrates. I leave you with this, care of whitehouse.org, by way of a neat little blog called la gringa's L E F T . C O A S T . D E M E N T I A. 01.23.04 Hey, good lookin. I'm taking the day off, on account of being at granny's. If you need something to do, how about dropping by BUST and punching a chad for our humble little slice of the web, here. Seven more votes and we'll get ranked. And what BUSTy feminist doesn't belong in the Kitchen? This just in, swiped direct from Bears Will Attack - Says, Brian: "elementary-school music reviews, contributed by my friend Sarah to balgavy.com, a blog of some note." 01.22.04 CBS, which is run by boot-licking GOP bitches, rejected MoveOn.org's Bush in Thirty Seconds commercial, and PETA's commercial, explaining they don't accept "advocacy" ads, which is total bullshit. Ad Rejections by CBS Raise Policy Questions. Who's $3 million did CBS accept? "Ads for all three competing erectile dysfunction drugs. Cialis, the new entry into battle, will join pitches from Levitra and Viagra. Cialis' claim to fame? The drug lasts for 36 hours." Yeehah, motherfuckers. Ok, sorry. This here's an open letter to Dean supporters, from a certain Clark backer: Dean Supporters, Don't Give Up ... from Michael Moore. Actually, it bolstered my belief that we really are going to kick Bush's ass this time. Really. While we're politicking, the Bears Will Attack Campaign Blog is in high gear - definite recommended daily reading from our friends in Iowa, New Hampshire, and at home. Quoth Brian, "The candidate we shall not see again is the faded and weary Dick Gephardt. He fought long and he fought hard, and now he has laid down his spear and returned to Missouri to write a huge book. We are not fans of Gephardt here at BWA, but we honor his allegiance to the working class. He fought many battles long before we were old enough to write our names, and he gave a heartfelt goodbye speech. He stood up, failed to hold back his tears, called his family "his life" and exited the scene with grace. God grant Howard Dean the grace to do the same, should he falter and fail in the New Hampshire snow." See also Constance's do-gooder friend Sharif's site, Swing State Spring Break. Word is Sharif's apartment got Queer-Eyed on television, but, strangely, Constance has no further information, claiming "no cable." And last but best, from Mr. Dunlap, hardcoredean.mp3. Please listen to this insightful interpretation of our man's infamous post-Iowa blustering. I'll leave you with this, from Bob, "what a tumor." Doctors Remove Woman's 175-Pound Tumor. Also, happy belated birthday to my dad, pictured back in the day, who turned a youthful 48 on Monday. Note the cute norml t-shirt. Awww....