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This Space for Rent Archive VIII: Winter, 2004. Ruth.

01.21.04 Good grief. We are flooded with quality pickings today. I've often hoped this site would be a sort of mini-Harper's, only much less good, and free, and published 30 times as frequently. Harper's, of course, collects assorted bits of this and that from here and there and reprints them for the people, with art thrown in, because the people like pictures. Up first: The debut of our new Artifacts section, featuring two selections from Shauna's Washington City Paper Crazy Mailbag: I do not mind being objectified - Let me make clear that this was an actual resume cover letter. And also, SNIPER MAGIC GLITZ - Why Muhammed and Malvo Acted - one man's theory. Amy Sedaris, The Onion interview. (bob) O: What are the good things about owning a pet rabbit? AS: They're quiet. They're clean. You can train them. I was so used to having cats and dogs, so when they do something, like hop or jump up and spin around, it's just fascinating. They eat vegetables. Their breath always smells really good. If they go to the bathroom on the floor, it's really easy to clean up. She sleeps with me. She's really a cool rabbit. Their personalities are just inspiring. They have lots of energy, and they're always looking behind their backs. They eat hay. She's a perfect pet to have. They don't live long. That's the only problem. Welcome to Asbury Park, NJ Victor, by Bova. Kornheiser, yesterday, putting Michelle Wie into some kind of perspective: Washington Post And in that vein let me digress to speak of the trio of sports prodigies who stand in front of us: Michelle Wie, Freddy Adu and LeBron James. The three of them may have unprecedented talent. As a sportswriter for nearly 35 years I can only think of a few phenoms I'd put in their class: Tiger Woods, Chris Evert, Wayne Gretzky, Jim Ryun, maybe Dwight Gooden, who was electrifying at 19; if we look worldwide I'd include Pele, Boris Becker, Nadia Comaneci. Part of the fun of sports is ranking people arbitrarily, so here goes: LeBron James is even better than advertised. Of all the high school kids who've come into the league since Kevin Garnett, James is the only one who actually looks to make his teammates better. At 19, James might be one of the NBA's 10 best players already. But at 19 James isn't that much younger than Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan and Allen Iverson were when you'd have said the same about them. At 14, Freddy Adu appears to be the Mozart of American soccer (by way of Ghana, of course). But Adu has yet to compete against men. Adu's big "Wow Factor" came in under-17 competition. For him to do what Michelle Wie did, he'd have to score goals in the World Cup in 2006, when he's 16. What Wie did is astonishing, going to the tips and shooting 68 in a PGA tournament against an array of the best golfers in the world. It would be astonishing if a 14-year-old boy had gone to the tips and shot two-under in a PGA tournament. It's more astonishing that a girl did it. Wie was even-par after two rounds, same as Jim Furyk and Ben Curtis, who last year won a couple of little things I like to call the U.S. Open and British Open. This is like a Little Leaguer getting Nomar and Manny to ground out. Well, no, it's not like that. I don't know what it's like. Golf is not football, basketball or tennis. It doesn't reward strength and speed in the same ways. Women can play golf with men, though they usually have to hit longer irons into greens -- shots that are harder to stop. But look how impressed folks were when Annika Sorenstam shot 71 in the first round at Colonial last May (she shot 74 in the second round). And Sorenstam is a 33-year-old adult in her golfing prime, with 48 career tournament wins; she's probably the best woman golfer of all time. Michelle Wie is in ninth grade! I'm not sure we've ever seen anything like this. This doesn't mean Michelle Wie will win the Masters next year, or ever. But it's not hard to imagine Wie, say at 18, leaping over the LPGA tour and saying, "Howdy, fellas, here I am." DiFranco's 'Educated Guess' is downright brilliant A+ Woohoo! Seattle PI (ranger ted). DiFranco cuts loose to gain clarity, Chicago Tribune. Sounds like Ani's split with her band and her boy, and made a great fucking record. Etiquette for Inebriates. Modern Drunkard Assorted Fare from McSweeney's: DON DELILLO, STADIUM VENDOR Enrichment Is Wasted on Me: Remembrances of Unfinished Continuing-Education Courses The Future of the Space Program Haypenny is no more! Selections from The Ultimate Haypenny Flirting or Friendly: How to Tell the Difference, by elizabeth ellen My Celebrity Correspondence, by kittenpants Hey J-Mil: This is a f'ster post from excellent f'ster Pohaku Ewing, of www.poewing.com. In addidtion to hailing from Tacoma, Po is the shiznit and knows him some football. Joe you ignorant S L U T Superbowl XXXVIII will be a historic game. The Patriots are the smartest football team I’ve ever seen. The defense is called by Romeo Cronell. He is nearly clairvoyant. No matter what play an offense calls, Mr. Cronell calls the right play to stop it. He’s like this fat kid I played SuperTecmo Bowl against when I was in Junior High. He’d always sneak a look at my controller, and blitz me every time. The ability to anticipate your opponent’s moves works great against today’s sophisticated West coast offenses with their unabridged playbooks and thier check downs and their double moves and their timing patterns. But the Carolina Panthers play Southern Football. Low-tech Ford f-150 football. and just like the Skynyrd that 4 out of 5 f-150’s have playing at any given time, it’s from the 70’s and we’ve all herd it before. The Superbowl is in two weeks and everyone knows exactly what the panthers are going to do and they are man enough to still do it. All they do is grind on you. Steven Davis between the tackles. Deshon Foster bouncing it out. 3,4,5 yards at a time, moving the chains. And when the Pats crowd the line, chuck it deep and Mushin Mohamad will be singing, “I’m as free as a bird now,” while he is scoring on you like you were a groupie. The success of these teams is great for a league notoriously full of copycats. Next year, the whole NFL will do their gosh-darnedest to become tougher and smarter. Some say it will be like a chess match with pages and pages of scripted strategy. It’s true the beauty of football is in the symmetry and order that comes from a game so carefully choreographed. And everyone knows it will be a fist-fight. Two years ago the Patriots beat the heavily favored Rams because of the cartilage detaching hit Tacoma’s own Lawyer Milloy put on one of the vaunted Ram receivers in the first quarter. After that, their arms were about 13 inches long and you could smell their fear. I predict the shortest Superbowl ever with marching 8-9 minute drives that gnaw on the clock. It will be all about patience. As far as scoring goes, something as tough and as violent and as American as this years Superbowl, will resemble something queerly European: Soccer. And the winner, Pats 2-nill. 01.20.04 Today's special guest, Ms. Julie Comnick! (wild applause) Julie is a good friend, a Golden Bear, and an art star. She has been called "excellent," "outstanding," "particularly relevant," "a creator of succinct, enigmatic parables," "a suggestive arranger of objects," and "an adequate crafter." Click here for the Julie interview.     01.19.04 Happy MLK Day. I'm at work. Anyone watch The L-Word last night? The writing's, mmm, they could hire me and it could be no worse, the characters are one-dimensional, freaky LA people, and I'm no expert, but the direction didn't look too inspired, either. BUT! Lots of T&A, moments of near-humor, and potential. It has potential. And I haven't seen so much sex in a show since the British Queer as Folk. Cheers to Showtime, Ilene Chaiken, Rose Troche, Jennifer Beals, and Laurel Holloman. Holloman was a demon in eight episodes of Angel, and she had one scene as Mark Wahlberg's high school girlfriend, Sheryl Lynn, in Boogie Nights. But I'm pretty sure her biggest part was back in 1995's The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love. It's weird to see her all femmed up in The L Word. Coincidentally, or not, Nicole Parker, pictured there with Holloman, was also in Boogie Nights, playing Becky Barnett. One interesting character, who's not been introduced yet, might turn out to be Guinevere Turner's. She was reponsible for Go Fish, which was ok-ish, and she wrote the screenplay for American Psycho, which was terrific. My next un-review is about Along Came Polly, starring Jennifer Annison and Ben Stiller, with Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin, Hank Azaria, and Debra Messing. It's bad. It looks like a chick flick, but it's all (I want to say dick flick here, for the rhyme, but I just can't) boy flick, the new romantic comedy, with the now-standard relentless poop jokes, fart jokes, sweat jokes, unfortunate accidents befalling weird little pets jokes, etc. etc. Ugh. It's got a few moments, especially Stiller's big dance scene, but basically Anniston's all it has going for it. She is hottt! More later. 01.17.04 Zulkey interviews The Lady Antonia Fraser. Last night I got home, turned on the telly, and the Celebrity Poker final table was on, with David Cross, Paul Rupp, and Nicole Sullivan. It was pretty funny. Congrats to Nicole, America's first Celebrity Poker Showdown champion, whose charity of choice for her $100,000 jackpot was Alley Cat Allies. Nicole Sullivan, our kind of people. 01.16.04 I'm trying real hard to get this interview with Julie done. Meantime, this is a great, hilarious song by the Gay Pimp, courtesy of Prof. Sallypants: Koko would like a Bump. Also, from Deb D., Teenage girl's x-ray vision baffles scientists. and Fifa boss in plea for tighter shorts - for women. And here was a cute picture of Brian K. stealing his sister's baby. But now it's gone. Who took it? 01.15.04 - PM news brief This chick works a few cubes down from me: Today, at the water cooler. Also, Today's Special is Brian's Bears Will Attack exciting new campaign blog. He's got a correspondent on the front lines. Check them out. More songs. Enjoy. Vanderslice: Gainesville, Fla White Stripes: Jolene Neutral Milk Hotel: Holland, 1945 The Long Winters: Car Parts Vanderslice: From Out Here Richard and Linda Thompson: I Wanna See the Bright Lights Tonight 01.15.04 - AM news brief I'm depressed, and I don't like to be depressed alone. In fact, I don't like to be anything alone, which is why I can be found loitering here all day, hoping someone will play with me. So, here is an awesome depressing song. I give you, Those Three Days, by the great Lucinda Williams. Thanks Caryn. 01.14.04 Congratulations, Howard Dean, for winning the District's protest Primary. Worthless, yeah yeah yeah, BUT, those who did not cave to national party pressure, by choosing to remain on DC's ballot, were only Sharpton, Moseley Braun, and Kucinich. Let's all repeat together now that Gephardt and Kerry, in particular, are trembling blobs of goo. They can't win, and they suck. (Gephardt's own lesbian daughter works for his campaign, yet he opposes legal recognition of gay civil marriage, por ejemple.) Anyway, no disrespect to you Kucinich folks (Constance) out there, but this is some good geeky fun: Create & Send Your Own Dean Postcard. And while we're getting all Deany, reprinted here is Dean, the Rolling Stone Interview. From Tremble (Ranger Ted): HOW TO MAKE PLATO RETREAT. "Who do you think is keeping Frederick's of Hollywood in business? Who is making the most (and best!) amateur porn? Who is filling issue after issue of TV (transvestite) Guide with personal ads and cheap snapshots taken on motor inn beds? Who is supervising the construction of an adult-sized playpen right now? Broke-ass white people, that's who. Give them a few dollars, and they'll go right out and spend it on a synthetic blonde wig and a Rubbermaid® dildo." From Cowboy Books (kottke): Series of drawings from man on LSD (done in the 50s as part of a US gov't study on the effects of drugs). While you're over there, check out All Things Cowboy. And (Slate) The Decline of Fashion Photography, an argument in pictures. Bush in 30 seconds announced the winner of their ad contest. Check 'em out. Moveon.org's trying to raise $10 million to air it during the Super Bowl. Right now they're at $7,930,790.19. Today's Song from Caryn's Mix is Joan Jett and The Blackhearts, Crimson and Clover. Yay! I love it. 01.13.04 THE BLACK TABLE really has something good going on over there, so today will be devoted to their stuff. The only annoying thing is how they capitalize everything, and I'm too lazy to retype the headlines in a civilized, downstyle manner. Sorry. MR. ROGERS IS GOING TO HELL...THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO PASTOR FRED PHELPS. TEARDROPS & FOOTPRINTS: A LOOK AT THE WORLD TRADE CENTER MEMORIAL PLANS The Link Archive Amy Blair's THE WEEK IN CRAIG ARCHIVE. YEAR ONE OF THE BLACK TABLE. From the New Haypenny: Actual Comments Overheard In A Poetry Workshop By A Fiction Student In An MFA Program That He, In Order To Fulfill All Degree Requirements, Is Forced to Take Random kindly sent this today, Radio hackers hurl drive by abuse at Burger King customers. Ranger Ted sent cute photos: 01.12.04 Because a bad update is better than no update at all, here is a list of impressions from my weekend, a weekend which I can't believe is already over. Baltimore really is a charming city, which is probably why it's called Charm City. I dragged Bob to Charm City for a great event which he thoroughly enjoyed, after he spent the week whining about having to go. The moral of the story is, do as I say. Among the fine entertainment at this event, which was either called The Charm City Kitty Club or DykesCapades, was a screening of FAME, the music video, as interpreted by Tepid Fish Productions. It was very funny. Maybe you should go to their site and purchase a copy for me or even for yourself. At the event, which also featured intentionally funny poetry, I was fortunate to spend some time in the company of my charming former girlfriend, Marci, and her charming current girlfriend, Laura, and several of their also charming friends. I hope I was half so charming as Baltimore and its girl people. If you want to see the future of the 14th/U Street area, you should dine at Rice. DC Northwest is being overrun by handsome and stylish young homo/metrosekshuls, who are willing to spend a lot of money to eat Thai food, which is average, with fancy rice, which is surprisingly tasty. From conversations overheard by Sarah and I, it also seems Rice is a popular choice for First Dates. To summarize, it's a quick and amusing way to burn through a day's pay. If you leave a gentleman's club thinking the ladies really liked you, you have probably been to a very good club. Perhaps it's called Good Guy's, and it might be on Wisconsin Avenue. I would recommend it highly, if I could be certain of its existence. I would continue, but these people keep dropping by my cube with work things for me to do. If I can be rid of them I will post more later. Love JM 01.09.04 If I'd known my raise was going to mean so much work, I'd have taken it anyway. But, I'd still like to complain. Meantime, read my worthy housemate's worthy postings at Bears Will Attack. I especially enjoyed Thursday's entry. 01.08.04 Go see Errol Morris' latest documentary, The Fog of War (Errol's site, and here is Sony's interesting site for the film). It's wonderful. Sarah and I went to a screening the other night because Errol Morris was going to be there for a Q&A. And, surprise! Robert S. McNamara, the subject of the movie, was there too. It was great. Amazing, even. Except for all the asshole guys who thought they were going to be the one, after all these years and hundreds of interviews, who were gonna "get" McNamara. To apologize, or break down or something. Sarah blames this phenomenon on A Few Good Men. Joe Trippi's daily mail is about a pretty amusing attack ad on Dean. "The Club for Growth, the corporate interest group that attacked us last month, is now on the air again in Iowa trying to stereotype you. The new ad shows an elderly couple saying: 'I think Howard Dean should take his tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, body-piercing, Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show back to Vermont—where it belongs.'" Woohoo! Dave Dunlap says, "so i am dying to know - what is heck's kitchen's take on the upcoming "The L Word" series?" HK, embarassingly, hadn't heard of it, much less had a take on it. Thanks Dave! beginning Sunday, January 18, at 10 pm, The L Word, on Showtime. From the Village Voice, Sapphic Lights Straddling the zeitgeist: Sex and the City meets Queer Eye with lipstick lesbian style. "The L Word offers something for nearly everyone: Lesbians can revel in glamorous visibility, straight women will find nuanced portraits of female relationships, and for hetero men, there's the titillation factor." Last night I learned, again, where the money goes. But from the Lucky Bar to the Townhouse Tavern, I met so many neat people, I decided it's worth it, maybe not so frequently, but worth it sometimes, to go out in the week, blow a bunch of dough, get home too late, and wake up with a workday hangover. Because, the world is so full of interesting characters, isn't it? Speaking of which, I received this email pwem last night, from my clearly inebriated sister and her friends. (Photo: Jesse, Mandy (my new favorite stylist ever), Jody and I in Ybor City (Tampa), New Years Eve.) ybor crackers by jesse and mandy and anna and kathleen weren't you in ybor on new years eve? i was so shy to tell you...but you are SO hot. ever since i saw you, i had to poo it is sad but it is troo i think of you you're hot like a karmengia it always gives me diarrhea when i think of you and mea you look so cool i wish you were a friend of us i'd play the fool and you'd give us peanut butter enemas don't think of me a fool let me ask you this one question are you pretty as a lower intenstine? from your new pals in tampa, especially the ones obsessed with "poo." poo kisses and buttcrack! 01.07.04 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. (KK) KINDELSPERGER! Kim left us for Philadelphia, but she'll still make the occasional party appearance. At the last Emerson St. house party she gave me some sweet jungle cammo beer cozies. That's how cool Kim K. is. She's also a world-class Craftivist. Watch out! And now, an important public service announcement from kittenpants: a message for P5 and for stoners. Message: If you live in NYC/Brooklyn, go to P5's website. Her "special" brownies are delicious and potent and an inexpensive way to enjoy the company of those whose company you do not normally enjoy. Am I making myself clear? Also she makes very good "regular" cupcakes. Did I mention that she delivers? Enjoy, dudes. xo, kp (editor's note: bonus points for romance comics art on site) Day Two of Caryn's Mix Countdown: The Pogues, I'm a man you don't meet every day. From Jill & Eric: "We thought you'd like a finger full of this tasty treat." From Bob: "Hey! You got your paki nerd on my hip-hop thug! And you got your hip-hop thug on my paki nerd! You stupid fuckin’...whoa, wait a minute-—this is delicious!" the dos and dont's are up, as is the rest of this month's vice. yay! From my Sis: Hey Mill- A friend of a friend just published this fantastic collection of photos - will you post on your site? (o: "Put something sexy in your stockings this Christmas! A new book by archaeologist Catherine Tuck has revealed over one hundred sexually inspired sites in the British landscape. Sites from ancient stones to modern gardens are exposed in stunning original colour photography by Alun Bull." Also from my sister's friend LeeAnn: "A cause dear to my heart, animal rescue, needs some help. I don't know how many of you know about Wildlife on Easy Street (now named Big Cat Rescue), but they do some wonderful work with rescuing large cats from becoming coats, rugs, etc. And they take cats from unhealthy environments (people who think it is a good idea to have a tiger as a pet in an apartment complex, etc). They are non-profit and in danger of losing their land to re-zoning issues. . They need letters of support to send to the county. They also need people to come speak at a hearing on their behalf on Jan. 12 (next Monday)." Letters do not have to be only from local residents. Busy busy. Over and out. 01.06.04 In briefs: Margaret Cho on Monster, aka Aileen Wournos, and pissed at Bette Midler. Ivan, tomorrow night: "I'm DJ'ing at Galaxy Hut this Wednesday. I'll be playing some favorites from the likes of The Raspberries, Carly Simon and Hall and Oates. But don't let that stop you." Zulkey: Most Commonly Correctly Spelled Words. THIS MONTH'S SPECIAL: Daily songs from a great mix Caryn just gave me! Today's is: Miss Ohio, Gillian Welch. Yeah, I keep posting big pictures of myself and my family...but, they're fun, right? More to follow. THE WEEK IN SPORTS: Who gives a fuck about Pete Rose? Who cares that there's two college football champions? God, shut up already. Now, scroll past the pic for an exciting true tale from the city by Black Davy Bonney, followed by an announcement for the cutest kittens ever. A CAUTIONARY TALE, by MICHAEL J. BOVA. with a speck of redemption reprinted from Friendster, where all rights are surrendered. Ft. Greene, Brooklyn, 3am, 010104: Somehow, flag a cab home, roommate Neal long since lost, I tell the cabbie to drop me in the middle of the projects to, "walk off my drunk." Met up with 2 17 YO thugs in the park opposite the PJs and mentioned something about 'your dad loving it when I fukked him in the a$$ last week in jail' and boy, did I get jacked. All I can say is that one of them must have a shattered testical, the other got punched in the throat, and I was salvaged by a cab. If you're attacked near a park and a street, always try to drag your attackers into the street. ALWAYS go for the nuts and the throat. They got my money but not my phone, glasses, wallet or brand new $400 camera. Cheers! So, the scabs are falling off quickly and I reinserted my dislocated toe myself. Did I come home, all fukking pi$$ed off and destroy half of my apartment? Yes, I did. Sorry Neal! In the next week or two, I'll be replacing the coffee pot, bathroom wall, and various bowls and glasses. Regardless, I know what I'm made of and I'm convinced it's pretty good stuff. Whoever those bitches were, they're nursing their wounds too. Happy New Year! lova, bova PS--Otherwise, I had a lovely time, hope you all did as well. PPS-Shouts out to Dan and Jessica for their healing forces applied to my crusty, Hitler- riffic lip and nose. Yes, my big mouth got me a big, crusty, fat lip. PPPS-Although I feel tough, I'm not opposed to E- love. FREE: THE CUTEST KITTENS EVER From: "Kate Munning" <kmunning@hotmail.com> Subject: [DCWW-S] FREE: the cutest kittens ever Date: Tue, 06 Jan 2004 10:02:52 -0500 Sunday's warm weather brought out all kinds of wildlife, including a litter of kittens that has apparently been living under my porch for some time. We've lured them inside in anticipation of the cold weather, so they're warm and fed for now, but we can't possibly keep them. They're still a little skittish but very sweet--they're just strays, not feral, and some of them are already crawling around on us and purring in our laps. They're about eight weeks old, and there are three solid black, two smoky-gray, one tiger-striped, and one more we haven't caught yet. Do you know anyone who could take one or more of these little guys? We don't know what to do with them, and we can't let them freeze, but there's no way for us to take care of seven kittens on top of our existing pets. Reply to me and I'll send you photos and additional information. Feel free to forward off-list. TIA, Kate Munning 301.352.8143 01.05.04 Back to the grind, on a grim and rainy Monday morning. Speaking of the weather (which was nice yesterday), I just received this email from Floridian friend of Dorothy and Jesse and Pearls Before Swine fan, Alia: Hi JM, Had a small soiree on Friday and brought up our reputation as the land of stupid people. After first assuring ourselves that we could not be categorized as such, a short debate ensued and, unfortunately, most of the attendees agreed with you. Therefore, an exodus was planned but quickly fell to the wayside after we reminded each other that while those who reside above the Mason-Dixon line spent New Year's day bundled inside, we were on the beach, warming our toes in the sun, playing volleyball and watching a spectacular sunset which merited much applause. Maybe we're not so dumb. : ) And now, because I'm busy, a list of all the stuff people have been sending this way: From Susan F. (washingtonpost): Partway Gay? For Some Teen Girls, Sexual Preference Is A Shifting Concept. From Bova (getyourwaron guy): my new fighting technique is unstoppable video game! From me: BBC interview with Frances McDormand, about her work in Lisa Cholodenko's Laurel Canyon. Yum. From Ranger Ted (themorningnews): Best English Angora Rabbits for 2003 From Bova: The Future of Smoking From Underblog: Pulp Fiction by Women With Protofeminist Roots new Arthur Loves Plastic LP: TEN. "All of ALP's 10 full-length CDs on a data CD in mp3 format. Hours of listening pleasure while toiling in the cubicle or cleaning at home." From MoveOn.org: The 15 finalists for Bush in 30 Seconds Commercial. You can also vote on the funniest and best youth and animated ads. Deb D: Robertson's Divine Intervention on Bush: "Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Friday he believes God has told him President Bush will be re-elected in a 'blowout' in November." From Deb D., "Will the Reagan love-fest never end?" USA Today is running a poll running to determine whether Americans want to keep Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the dime, or replace him with Ronald Reagan. Vote here. And from Bob: stuffed dead babies sold as dolls. we can't keep them on the shelves said one toy store owner. most of us hate the idea of selling stuffed dead children but if we don't carry them our competition will. we can't afford to lose customers. who's the victim here? asked a toy manufacturer. the babies are already dead. we import the corpses from india bosnia and biafra, they're orphans, or they were, with no living relatives. why just dump them in a hole when they can bring joy to another child? he asked. the skin is cleaned with a special germ-killing solution; a tag says do not expose to rain or excessive heat or direct sunlight. a child can't get anything more realistic than an actual dead baby another toymaker said. though the eyes are glass replicas. by Michael McNeilley 01.01.04 Hi! A quick clarification - everyone I've met down here is great and not at all stupid. I meant all those people who aren't my family or my sister's charming friends. And here's Sunday's Pearls. And from Underblog, Killer Coke. Hope you all had great nights. Shalini's, apparently, was glamorously debauched, just like her new hometown of Miami. Details to follow, anonymously.