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This Space for Rent Archive VII: Winter, 2003-04. Judges.

12.31.03 Happy new year's eve. My mom is yelling at the puppy, a dumb little Wheaton Terrier, "Back off! What don't you understand about BACK OFF!?" This is from some guy my sister works with, Wing. "Be sure to listen to her Christmas carols." And from the NYT, via Bust, She Just Wanted to Have Fun. And She's Having It. Have had no time to be on the computer, which is a good thing. I have lots to write and talk about, but we're off to the mall for returns and exchanges, and then assorted new year's activities. So, I was wrong and Steve Spurrier quit. Speaking of which, let me tell you, the quality of journalism down here is sad. So bad. This state is culturally and intellectually behind. Way behind. What I mean is, there are a lot of stupid people here. But, you know, it's real pretty and warm. My brother has a girlfriend now and he's become quite a brat. But he has good fashion, and as you can see, wears eyeliner. So that's a plus. Hope you all have or had a great night. I'll be back Friday! 12.25.03 12.24.03 Having Fun in Florida, Wish You Were Here. And, MERRY CHRISTMAS CHARLIE BROWN! Get all your Holiday Shopping done? German plant turns incontinence pads into power (Deb D.). From Shauna, Great Mullet Wigs. You'll see Jackie there, if you remember her from Halloween. Those Republicans and their fiscal responsibilty...Ease a Little Guilt, Provide Some Jobs; It's Pork on the Hill. This update brought to you by a quick escape from the wrapping table. All's well, the train ride down was nice, except for the 200 lb. man-child seated next to me. He had a cold, and smelled bad, and had those crappy headphones with zero isolation that everyone uses and which should be banned from public transportation. Happily there were outlets all over the train, so I got to watch Laurel Canyon (B+..By High Art Director Lisa Cholodenko...starring hottt Frances McDormand!); Kiss Me Stupid (By Billy Wilder, with Dean Martin, Ray Walston and Kim Novak..A!); The Awful Truth (Cary Grant & Irene Dunne, B+!); and bestly, All About Eve, which was A+wesome. Photos coming soon. Thanks for checking in. Love, JM 12.19.03 Know Your War Profiteers card deck (bob) awfulplasticsurgery.com (zulkey) Write your own Mad Lib letter to Santa (sal) Vote for the queers (everyone) Cowgirl pinups (a. random darley) Fuck you and your H2 (ranger ted) Free red wine and other humiliations, by Sarah Hepolah (the morning news) A good Dean speech Zulkey interviews The Daily Show correspondent Lynn Harris! The Fab 5 Effect (reenhead) 365 reasons to get soused (modern drunkard) 12.18.03 The first issue of my new Playboy subscription, happily, was their 50th Anniversary special, which is full of good stuff. I recommend buying it, but here are some good interview clips, and also every cover in Playboy's history. They're pretty much work suitable, especially if you work from home. Snowy Owls. From Ranger Ted, who says, "These snowy owls are cool because they change color depending on the season. Also, quite large with a wingspan of over 5 feet!" This announcement is guaranteed to make your tush feel funny. Bob found it on Craig's List. I'm not sure what he was searching for....digital movie of male slut I fist fucked - m4m. Noted writer of screen and paper Claire Zulkey a.) is interviewed at reinventingtheworld.com: ON THE ESSAYS, AND ALSO ON THE HUMOROUS HITLER, b.) wrote for today, What Your Select Comfort Sleep Number® Says About You, and c.) is my new Friendster - score! 12.17.03#2 My cube neighbors are talking. He is talking about a girl who just dumped him, and she is talking about her ex who just "came out" in an email. Yes. She's reading the email aloud but I can't quite hear her. Dammit. On the subject of cannibalism, which we visited last week, Cannibalism Normal For Early Humans? Excerpt: Mead and colleagues began their investigation by looking at the Fore, an isolated indigenous people who live in the mountains of Papua New Guinea. The Fore, according to oral history, had a custom of consuming their dead at mortuary feasts. The tradition is believed to have begun at the end of the 19th century and persisted until Western settlers abolished the practice in the 1950s. Men ate the best meat, the muscle, while women and children munched the brain. From approximately 1920 through the 1960s an epidemic of the prion disease kuru swept through the Fore, killing upwards of 200 people a year. One symptom of infection was uncontrollable laughter, which gave the affliction the nickname "laughing disease." Women and children were most vulnerable to the disease because they ate the most contaminated parts of the body—the brains. The scientists report that kuru has not been found in any Fore born after the late 1950s. On the subject of captial punishment, which we visited today, the awesome final meals of executed Texas prisoners website is gone: Death Row Details Left Bad Taste for Some. Thanks, Random. 12.17.03 Good morning. Paying the Ultimate Penalty is today's special idea. In China, citizens often pay the ulitmate penalty. In 1994 and 1995, people in China were reportedly executed for the following crimes: Armed robbery and kidnapping Arson Assault Assaulting a police officer Burglary Attempted murder Bigamy Blackmail Brothel-keeping Causing explosions Causing injury Causing death through torture Corruption Counterrevolutionary sabotage Destroying public electricity installations Destroying or causing damage to public or private property Disturbing citizens' lives, looting property, undermining public transportation order Drug trafficking Embezzlement Forgery Fraud Gambling Gun running Habitual theft Harboring a murderer Ballentine are cute Highway robbery Hooliganism Illegally possessing firearms Illegally manufacturing weapons Illegally selling firearms Illegally brewing and selling toxic and harmful goods resulting in death Illegally possessing or selling ammunition Kidnapping Killing a tiger Manslaughter Misappropriation of public funds Murder Organizing pornography rings Pimping Poisoning livestock Profiteering Publishing pornography Rape Robbery Sabotage Selling fake invoices Selling two giant panda skins Selling fake birth control certificates Selling false sterilization certificates Selling counterfeit money Seriously disrupting public order Smuggling cigarettes into China Smuggling cars into China Speculation Stealing weapons Stealing or dealing in national treasures or cultural relics Taking bribes Tax fraud Tax evasion Theft Theft of cows, goats, camels and horses Trading in slaves Trafficking in women or children Train robbery Violence Ok! Capital punishment sure is neato. Next up, reasons for feeling happy. From Bob: China sex museum on the move From Shauna: The Dick List Kittenpants via Friendster - Subject: Dear God: Thank you. Love, Darci. Message: Ever since I missed "Point Break Live" in Seattle, I've been wishing for something like this. Who wants to go with me? http://www.roadhousetheplay.com. It's Road House, the musical. The Swayze part is played by the actor better known as "Bruce Leroy" from The Last Dragon. Hello, wonderfulness. This & That: Milk Sucks! & Send Coal to Walmart Debcentral: Bum Train Season. Deb also suggests you Google-Image search yourself. Bova and I did it too, so you know it's cool. Lisa De Moreas is the Post's funny TV critic: No Bridal Bouquet for Capital's Viewers Last night I had a dream that someone didn't show up to this Saturday's Ballentine show at the Galaxy Hut, so I had to sing! I was bad, but I did know all the words. Go here to learn all the words. 12.16.03 Happy birthday Beethoven! Whose last words were, "Friends applaud, the Comedy is over." Jason checks in from Columbus with a holiday miracle: "Raised by an aggressive atheist, I tend to lean towards the "What is the church up to this time?" perspective. Well, I recently impulse purchased a Rollie Pollie Ollie bendable action figure set for Lily and found that Zoe has a Jesus fish on her forhead. The Jesus fish is completely absent from any of the books or videos. Disney has failed to respond to my inquiry into the nature of this. Could it be a holiday miracle?" Bova says, This, from my friend Po. Don't feel compelled to post it--I've not yet checked it out. This is the guy with the cool chick-with-chainsaw pics you posted. You would really love Pohaku. "Thanks to Utah at: hatutah.com I have a new website, poewing.com. It's not badass yet. It would be outstanding if you could yall could check it out and give me feedback. And my new email is po @ poewing.com. Thank you and if anyone knows anyone who hires people in the San Diego/Atlanta area to do things other than change adult diapers I would be greatful to hear from them. God bless, Po" What's rocking out S. Loffman's car? It's Jonny McGovern is The Gay Pimp. He's super gay! And super bad. On heavy rotation is "The Wrong Fag to Fuck with: THE GAY PIMP vs. Eminem." Thanks to Birdy, for sending the awesome holiday kitten pics, from petoffice. 12.15.03 Sarah says: i've just been informed that earrings will be OUT by spring JM says: earrings? they've transcended faddom, i believe Sarah says: yes, but the ones i'm wearing are currently IN JM says: earrings aren't subject to trends Sarah says: but OUT by spring Sarah says: i trust the gays JM says: i am one Sarah says: i trust these gays http://www.gaypimp.com/mvideo.html Sarah says: please, please, please watch the video Sarah says: its hilarious JM says: ok! Kittens & Etc. Department: HUMAN YEARS CAT YEARS, c/o Heloise & Dr. Sallypants. Earth's Magnetic Field Weakens 10 Percent, from Mr. J. Hudson. "I guess we may as well be self indulgent - get your freak on, before we go sailing into outerspace." For your Republican stepfather who has everything, Farting George Bush Talking Doll. Deb D. Propaganda Department: Conniptions - Dubya: "The world is better off without you Mister Saddam Hussein" - Rush: He's a NAZI; Bush Flash; From Eucalyptus: After his recent divorce, Eddy Hughes finally got to decorate his house for Christmas the way he'd always wanted to.... Good morning, USA. Today we'll have brief hourly updates, on account of I am late to work, on account of a flat tire. First up, thanks to super nice Fred K., who fed the kitty this morning. That is really the holiday thing to do. Second, Ranger Ted alerted us to the existence of these nice Sleater-Kinney (and Catpower) pics from the Seattle PI, taken Saturday night in the great PNW: Sleater-Kinney at The Showbox. By the way, does anyone have that Hey Ya Outkast song? If so, could you send it to me? Thanks. Tune in for more at noon. 12.13.03 Greets from Granny's. Check this out, care of conniptions.net. 12.12.03 SELF-PROMOTION: Don't you love people who write and sing really sad songs? Yeah? Me too. While we're in agreement, how about navigating your hot self over to blizg.org and putting in a positive click for our humble meeting place here in space. You'll find HK in third place under the top 100. Thanks. You're too kind. TORTURED ARTISTS: My shower music and car music are limited to radio, and lately I've been stuck on classical 103.5. Not so much for the music, though the London philharmonic is a nice little outfit, but for the soothing and mildly amusing stylings of morning dj James Bartel. This morning Bartel was plugging an essay (which, turns out, he wrote) posted on the station website about Tchaikovsky's struggle with The Nutcracker. Check out Dark Spirits in the Christmas Lights. He says stuff like, "Tchaikovsky was enjoying a rare period of fleeting happiness...He was flattered, as one is flattered by the praise of children, to hear that his popularity in America was enormous." SCIENCE: I don't really get this headline, but Smell separates chimps from the girls is about that ages old question, why can't chimps talk and stuff? MUSIC: Amanda's band, The Deep Six, plays Saturday (tomorrow) night at the Black Cat, with Ted Leo and The Pharmacists. Also, here's another nice Ballentine song: Out on the beach, in complete disarray. HISTORY: The History of Car Cigarette Lighters, that is. "And while we're on the subject...Want to light a smoke with your PC?" Thanks, Deb D. HAPPINESS: is VICE DOs. Also, I posted this a few weeks ago, but people keep sending it so, once more, with feeling, THE MEATRIX! And....from Ms. LeMay, she of the Massachusetts lesbiwedding, Black, white and pink all over: More than a year after the New York Times printed its first same-sex wedding announcement, gay couples debate the need to declare their love in the most public way possible. (Salon) "Not many of the gays seem to share my opinion..." says LeMay. Finally, if you didn't read yesterday's Amazing Cannibal Story, please do so. And while you're poking around in the distant past, why not revisit an exciting HK interview? Yeah, good stuff. Happy Friday. 12.11.03 From Caryn's friend Karin, "oh my good lord, you've got to read this. this is one of the most fucked up things i've ever read." Truly, you have to read, THIS. Talk about your bummer jury duty. Next up, Bobby Brown's still a *honk* up. This is cool: Comedians in the Rough: Canada's Very Special School (bobbay). Cheap Seats: The glory days of Redskin restaurants are also long gone. Hey new or about-to-be dads! This is kinda cool: Roundtable: New Fathers. From Slate: Which dictionary is the best? And finally, a fucking brilliant book cover. 12.10.03 Payday, thank godalmighty. Must...buy...presents. Here's my sister with Santa in Tampa. She says, "last night me and santa collected over 2,000 toys for local charities! and good stuff, too, like bikes and scooters and cd players...davis island folk aint cheap. we caused such a spectacle - wish you could've seen it! or that someone took good photos." Nice work, Lil Mill. Busy today, so don't expect beautiful layouts and witty commentary. Item #1: No Sweat Apparel, 100% Union Made stuff, from J. Comnick. Item #2: D.C. Schools to Lay Off Nearly 780, by the end of January! Item #3: Talented but starcrossed Deb Schwartz gets another rejection. Item #4: Oldies but goodies from Sleater-Kinney, that I just happened to toss up on the server last night. Item #5: Gore screws Lieberman, and Dean rules. Item #6: Howard Zinn and Thom Yorke yak at Alternet.org. Item #7: A New Website for Harpers, and not a moment too soon. Item #8: Longbets.org says, "By 2020, no one will have won a Nobel Prize for work on superstring theory, membrane theory, or some other unified theory describing all the forces of nature." Item #9: UCONN Huskies Rule! Phoenix won the Diana Taurasi lottery, but DC could pick up Duke's Alana Beard. Not too shabby. Item #10: Yes, the trampled Walmart customer may be a scam artist, but Walmart still sucks. All for now. Love, Calico Jenny Flint 12.09.03 Teen health timebomb ticking: The present generation of teenagers in the West will become the fattest, sickest and least fertile in history, doctors warn. So, speaking of Lee Boyd Malvo's jailhouse art, I just discovered today that if you go to Google, search "death greetings," and hit I'm Feeling Lucky, voila, HK is the world's favorite destination for death greetings. Rock! Speaking of I'm Feeling Lucky, Underblog found a neat game by googling Zoo Tycoon. "Zoo Tycoon provides an unmatched tycoon experience. Design, build and manage your ultimate zoo. Who's prey and who's predator? Learn about animal behaviors before you build your exhibits. Putting predator and prey together is a costly endeavor and won't make your animals happy..." Speaking of which, our National Zoo Director Lucy H. Spelman is under some fire of late, for uh, letting the animals die. I don't know who's really to blame in that mess, but I think they need to release ALL the wildcats immediately. Their enclosures are completely, totally, utterly inhumane. I once saw a serval on a leash at a gay club who looked 100% happier than the serval pacing at the goddamn national zoo. FREE THE CATS! Speaking of The Most Powerful City on Earth, I came across Life in the District the other day, which is somewhat interesting, especially if you're a West Wing fan. DC, in fact, is maybe the least powerful city in America - having no elected federal officials, we are subject to redneck doorknobs like Rep. Ernest J. Istook Jr. (R-Okla.), who got his knickers in a twist over a marijuana decriminalization ad on the Metro, and now wants to pull funding for that embattled service, which we residents DEPEND UPON, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! You don't hear the commuting queers crying about all the Ex-Gay ads in the Metro stations, do you? So, GROW THE HELL UP! Speaking of Growing the Hell Up, enjoying gay sex, and smoking marijuana, if you missed yesterday's boffo Bova interview, please keep reading. Over and out, crew. Arrr! 12.08.03 TODAY'S INTERVIEWEE IS NONE OTHER THAN MICHAEL J. BOVA 12.07.03 12.05.03 We're having a "wintry mix." The bosses Jaime has left me with seem unaware of my intelligence. Bad code monkey! Don't they know I can write whole symphonies in my sleep? Here's a photo my dad sent yesterday of Halley and Sandy, of Columbus, Ohio. Ranger Ted has alerted us to Clare Zulkey's interview with Andrei Codrescu, the editor of Exquisite Corpse. Heady stuff. RT also sent Tiny fossil found to have the world's oldest known penis. At right is "one of his cousins (Kinkelinella intermedia) from the Jurassic period. He measures 640 microns in length and was collected from the Trunch Borehole, Norfolk, U.K. One of Random's old neighbors!" From a mysterious Zonkboarder: Hey, on Google, search "miserable failure" and then hit the I'm feeling lucky button. Rebecca says, hey girlfriends: on dec 16, the FDA is reviewing a request to make Plan B, one brand of emergency contraception (the morning-after pills that make you grossly nauseous but also help to not create unwanted bebez after oops moments etc.), available over the counter. yay! this would be a good step forward in ladies' reproductive self-determination. send your support thru planned parenthood ifn ya like: http://www.ppaction.org/campaign/PlanBOTC lurve, r I missed the riot grrr movie last night, but I heard it was real good and recommended. And as a side note, I wish all the haters would stop their hatin'. Quit hatin on Ms. Piggy, Roseanne Barr, Courtney Love, Ani, Sinead, Yoko Ono, Cher, Madonna, Ellen, Hilary Clinton, jane fonda, oprah, martha graham, rosie, katherine hepburn, christina aguilara, ayn rand, janet reno, madeline albright, margaret sanger, bette midler, susan sarandon, gertrude stein, pocahontas, sacajewa, just-fill-in-the-blank with any successful woman really, any famous woman who's something more than sexy, and someone will be hating her. Girls and Boys, next time some friend, boyfriend, cousin or whoever offhandedly says "I hate so-and-so chick," why not stick up for the ladies, alright? We need them. Ok. Special thanks to List Compilation Assistant, Professor Sallypants. From Deb D: German vicar in porn video mix-up BERLIN, Germany (Reuters) --A German vicar inadvertently supplied his parish with dozens of hard core porn films in an unsuccessful bid to teach people about the life of Christ. Frithjof Schwesig, vicar in the southwestern town of Lampoldshausen, had ordered 300 copies of a video film portraying the life of Christ as told by the gospel according to Luke. "In a first batch 20 to 30 videos were distributed and we immediately got a reaction from five to seven people saying we must have given them the wrong film," he said. "It was a real porn film. Within an hour our staff had collected all the videos. Really, all were withdrawn." Schwesig said there had been a mistake at the Munich video copying plant and his staff established in a viewing session that night that 200 of the videos were pornographic. Undaunted, Schwesig said he was pressing ahead with the life of Christ video campaign. "It's extremely successful," he said. LAST BUT NOT LEAST: Here's a pretty song off Lisa Moscatiello's and Rosie Shipley's new album: Mon Cher Amant. 12.04.03 Jaime & Jacob have left the buliding. That I'm now the most popular person in my house is of little consolation. My best little boss has left me alone in cubeland, taking her scruffy, porno-lovin' pool sharkin' gamblin' man with her. O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done; The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won; The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting, While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring: But O heart! heart! heart! O the bleeding drops of red, Where on the deck my Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead. Well, not dead. Anyway.... From the Zonkboarders: Samurai Burger's Awful Menu! (RT). David Rees of Get Your War On: A Short History of the Photocopying and Dissemination of My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable. (UB) This is good (from TMN): Interesting customer recommendations from Amazon if you enjoy Michael Jackson's Number Ones. Put those Haplorhines to use: Putnam County supermarkets to allow shopping-monkeys for wheelchair-bound customers. Watch an ad. MoveOn's $87 Billion ad. "Weeks of on-the-ground testing have shown that our "87 Billion" TV ad swings people away from President Bush and his policies in a major way. In the ad, we ask, "If there's money for Iraq, why isn't there money for America?" And our Daily Special...The American Package Museum is very cool. And don't forget tonight: $5 all ages benefit for the Visions in Feminism conference - a screening of "Don't Need You" the groundbreaking documentary on riot grrrl with MCing, discussion and Q and A by Allison Wolfe (Bratmobile, Cold Cold Hearts). Contact Professor Sallypants for more information. Also tonight, if anyone wants to come with, Lisa Moscatiello, 8:30, Half Moon BBQ. Love, JM 12.03.03 Good afternoon, Wal-Mart shoppers. Be careful! Woman Knocked Unconscious By Wal-Mart Shoppers Witnesses: Shoppers Stepped Over Woman Having Seizure (Deb D.) Fuck Wal-Mart. They super suck. Deb D. also passed on this response: Wal-Mart Facts. From the great Shaolini: Diary of a London Call Girl. From the Memory of HK, Ranger Ted: Black Cat Banned From Tel Aviv Stairwell. From UB, and in honor of the Kennedy Center's month of Tchaikovsky: Swan Lake Ken doll. Check out Tcherishing Tchaikovsky: Suicide or Not, A Rich Afterlife . So, looks like we're going to have to hear a whole lot of gay marriage crap over the next several months. Do note, of the Democratic candidates, ONLY John Edwards supports gay marriage. And that slimy Gephardt's own lesbian daughter works for her dad's campaign. And Kerry, he's a jerk, too. So, keep your fingers crossed, or better yet, be active and let's get a good guy on the ballot. Anyway, speaking of the love that daren't speak its name, 'Gay' Art: Dolled Up and Still Dressed Down. Deb Schwartz is back in business at DebCentral. You may view her new driver's license there, and read about how she fought with her mother-in-law's friend at Thanksgiving. And won. Last but not least, Jill McElmurry's new site is up, and boy does it look spiffy. She also is responsible for the season's cutting edge masthead art. Lucky us! Really lastly, Jaime Hotdish and bfriend Jacob leave in the morning for Minnesota. Please send them your best wishes. Love, JM 12.02.03 Happy birthday to Edward! Only one day late. In this party photo, please note Edward's supportive Michael Jackson mullet-era button. Edward is one of my many good-looking housemates. And he makes a nice gin martini for such a young man. I love Edward more than gin, for as the great Stephin Merritt noted, Love is Like a Bottle of Gin, but a Bottle of Gin is Not Like Love. Remember that. So much is going on today. Por ejemple, Hotmail slipped in a big redesign, rendering the interface incomprehensible to people like my grandma. Old people, and people who do not enjoy change for change's sake, do not understand why things need to change. Now I need to set grandma up with Yahoo, which doesn't change much, or teach her anew how to find her Inbox, which is now just called "Mail." A sampling of yesterday's exchanges.... From: J M To: Ruth Strednak Subject: Don't freak Out! Date: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 15:37:15 -0500 Ok grandma, stupid Hotmail just changed how it looks. don't panic. it works the same way. just look around for what you need. i know you can do it. if you have any questions, let me know. love j From: Ruth Strednak To: J M Subject: RE: Don't freak Out! Date: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 08:59:15 -0500 I have freaked out am pissed how do I get hold of them? I want it changed back things are out of order again also I do not understand any of it Grandma From : Ruth Strednak Sent : Monday, December 1, 2003 9:11 PM To : J M When I want to forward i have to go to my contacts then i cannot send because the fordward is gone iam still pissed Rebecca found something fun for us to do: hey jenny: today, i am busy stealing software from work before i change jobs. in your face, bill gates! meanwhile, i came across something righteous: http://www.sr.se/cgi-bin/p1/src/sing/default.asp in honor of your beloved mj, i had it sing me a song about the king playing with little boys. but you can make it sing about whatever, cheese or fucking, it's up to you! love, r Holiday season means there are a lot of charitable happenings afoot. Katy Otto says, Please spread the word! This Thursday Dec 4th 9pm at the Black Cat in DC, $5 all ages benefit for the Visions in Feminism conference - a screening of "Don't Need You" the groundbreaking documentary on riot grrrl with MCing, discussion and Q and A by Allison Wolfe (Bratmobile, Cold Cold Hearts) PLEASE COME SUPPORT THIS EVENT and participate in a discussion about the history of riot grrrrl and where the movement brought us today, plus where we can take that energy! This is very easy, from Caryn: Campbell's soup is donating a can of soup the the hungry for each person who goes to the following website and votes for their favorite NFL Team. http://www.chunky.com/click_for_cans.asp Check this out, fellow fans of the Romantic Comedy Genre: A WEB SCREENPLAY: LOVE ME TENDER, a romantic comedy screenplay by www.astonishingtales.com and JENNYMILLER.COM. See also LOVE IS NICE, a romantic comedy screenplay by www.astonishingtales.com and DEBCENTRAL.COM.12.01.03 Good morning cat lovers. The Peoples Reciplex's Dana and Jack need our help. Dana says, Jack and I need to find homes as soon as possible for our two cute but deadly cats. Fortunately they are only deadly to Jack, who has been having allergic asthma attacks since all of us moved to a colder climate together. The cats are well-behaved and we would never give them away if we didn't have to. We aren't asking for anyone to take both cats together - they would each be happy on their own with ample amounts of human attention. Pictures of them are attached. Of course we think that they both have totally unique, great personalities, so here are all the details: Freddy: He's a small black 2-year-old, imported from the streets of Puerto Rico. He needs lots of human attention and it is absolutely necessary that he live in a place where he's able to go outside. As an indoor-only cat, he was destructive to papers, books, furniture, and Christmas trees, etc. but once we moved to an apartment with a cat door, he became an ideal cat. He now does his chewing and digging outside and becomes a calm, sweet lap-cat when he's inside. He was seperated from his mother too early and seems to have an oral fixation - he likes to suck on thumbs, then fall asleep in laps. He's very interactive, tolerates all sorts of contact, and hams it up for crowds. One of the coolest things about Freddy is that he has the loyalty of a dog, comes when his name is called, and follows us around the neighborhood on walks. When we first moved to our current apartment and let Freddy outside, there was an adjustment period for month or so where he fought for his spot in neighborhood feline hierarchy. He ended up at the vet once and would happily foot the vet bills if that becomes an issue again in his new home. Lily: She's a large and sweet 5-year-old calico. We are talking big and beautiful - she weighs about 15 lbs and is white with gray and orange spots. Lily is definitely shy but not so freaky as to hide under the bed when people come over. It takes her awhile to warm up to people but once she does, she requires affection from them almost as often as food. She's never been a lap-cat, but prefers to situate herself just out of reach and then make you go to her for the petting and brushing. She slept next to my head every night until we had to lock the cats out of the bedroom for the allergy reasons. She barfs sometimes but has never been badly-behaved. There were a number of happy years when she was indoor-only cat, but once she started going outside this year, she lost enough weight to regain the ability to clean her own butt. (A happy day!) She's almost always lived with other cats and gets along with them well since she is so submissive... but she was also perfectly happy for an 8 month period when she was our only cat. Lily is a sweet, sweet cat that I'm very sorry to give up. This is a difficult email to keep concise, but please forward it to anyone who might want one of our cats. The cute photos are attached, and yes, the pictured cat scratcher does come in the package deal with Lily. You may have noticed that I didn't confine this email to people in the Boston area - a close-by delivery ASAP would be convenient but we are willing to consider travelling to deliver them, especially since our cats tolerate it and our priority is to find them the right homes. Thanks for your help! Dana & Jack DC music: Arthur Loves Plastic gets remixed by famous people: Mega Mix is "a euro-trance/house thrillfest featuring ALP remixes by Italian House legend Alexander Robotnik, Underdog UK, Jason Coile, DJ Joe Vacarro, and Faktor X. Only $8!" If you're more in the mood for balladeers and fiddle players, go listen to Lisa Moscatiello's and Rosie Shipley's just-released Well Kept Secrets. New Yorkers, you can see Lisa and Fred Leider tonight at The Starlight Bar & Lounge, 9pm. DC, Thursday, Half-Moon. And...everyone's favorite Carlsonics, The Carlsonics! are playing Friday night at the 9:30 Club, opening for the Buzzcocks, and they have a show coming up at the Black Cat, December 27. Here's a nice review from the Houston Press. Finally, DC do-gooders can support the Whitman-Walker clinic just for eating a burrito tomorrow. Go to Chipotle in Dupont Circle - $5 for food and drinks, and 100% of proceeds go to the clinic. 6-10pm.