good things to do

Running Because of Ezra

Here are some of the Gasparilla Because of Ezra racing team. Most of us huffed our way through the 5k. I was wearing my chimp feet and the sun was blazing and I'm bad at running, so it was hard. Mandy and Ari flew through the 15k, averaging under 10-minute miles, because they are badasses. Joan Benoit-Samuelson also did it, at age 53, in less than an hour, because she's a world-class badass. Overall, fun was had, money was raised, skin was burnt, and Dan made breakfast.

February 28, 2011

local color

Sax Offender

I don't want to be a dick, but this clown has been ruining my naps at the beach all week. He strolls out shirtless into the bay and "plays" his saxophone, and I'm no expert in the genre of noodly wind blown through a horn by someone who's never picked up an instrument before, but the dude is terrible. The other day some old guy looked at me and said, "He's hitting some sour notes out there, isn't he?" Yes, man. Yes. But these silly women tourists go out there and take his photo, encouraging him, and now he's in the paper. THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR. Travis Calton, you'd better watch your horn.

musicsad

Alone or with our wives

It's a transcendently beautiful day, the kind when you can only feel sad about one thing: the inevitable end of our transcendently beautiful days. Just in the way that to appreciate how truly excellent something is you have to anticipate its absence. Like when you're in love with someone and they're all gorgeous and naked in your bed, say, and all you can think is, I'd better remember this moment for when they're gone. Maybe it's like that when you have kids, too. I don't know. Anyway, this whole week has been so gorgeous, and I'm ok with the fact that I'm a person who cares a lot about the weather, and I've been riding around taking care of business and listening to BPB sing about death.

Well, you're my friend, (that's what you told me)
And can you see (what's inside of me)
Many times we've been out drinking
And many times we've shared our thoughts
But did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, a love for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive to live I won't let go
But could you see its opposition comes arising up sometimes
That its dreadful antiposition comes blacking in my mind

And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And did you know how much I love you
Is a hope that somehow you, you
Can save me from this darkness

Well I hope that someday buddy
We have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
This isn't all I see

Oh no, I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
And did you know how much I love you
Is a hope that somehow you, you
Can save me from this darkness

February 25, 2011

recurring themes

Sanitary Taco

Beloved Tampa truck food dispensary Taco Bus opened a location in St. Pete last week, making one fewer reason to ever leave the burg. I'd spent the morning with my sister, my pardner in business, some realtors and some contractor dudes, checking out this huge old garage, measuring rooms, imagining walls, listening to people say "frontage" and" buildout" and learning things like, yes, you have to have a wheelchair-accessible bathroom even if you don't have wheelchair yoga. Afterwards we had a free and clear afternoon in front of us, so we strolled down to the Bus, which was having its grand opening. We waited an hour and a half for our fish tacos, squash tostadas, vegan fajita thingies, refried beans and rice, green salsa and beers. It was worth it. I'm used to waiting, so I always bring a book. My sister one-upped me by having her sewing. That's a Labor Leatherworks wallet there. Our old friend Hammy made an appearance, too. Sphyrnidae love tacos.

February 24, 2011

your storyline

Nat and Dudes in Suits Play

I don't know if "things happen for a reason," or if it's just the human instinct to create some kind of narrative out of the mess that is life, but the other night at Cafe Hey I couldn't help but feel grateful for a series of events, many unpleasant, that had led me to being there, at Cafe Hey, surrounded by family, friends, and charming acquaintances, and listening to my buddies Nathalia, Kyle, AJ, and that guy on keys, Larry, playing jamz. Photos by Mandy and that guy Larry, at Cafe Hey 2-18-11.

February 23, 2011

ground and pound

Letters to the Editor, Bob's Hometown Newspaper

From: Bob
Subject: a really wonderful one

i find this oddly touching...

MMA foreign to older generations

My Grandma is over at my Mother's house and I've been helping take care of her. I've been re-watching the last Ultimate Fighting Championship event and decided to show my Grandma some fights to hear her impression of it.

She is 75 years old and ill, but when she is feeling better, I show her some mixed martial arts. She used to watch boxing and professional wrestling when she was younger and can actually remember hearing Joe Louis fights on the radio.

It's so funny to hear her impressions.

Of ground and pound:

"He's trying to kill him!"

Of clinch fighting:

"I've never seen anyone wrestle like THAT before."

I told her it was mixed martial arts. I told her they aren't really trying to kill each other. Fighting on the ground is just part of the rules.

It's very interesting to hear the older generation's impressions of the sport.

When older generations watch MMA, from an aesthetic standpoint it doesn't look like something they have seen before.

We've got a long way to go before this sport becomes mainstream. Having my grandmother watch it made me really understand that this sport is almost totally dependent on the younger generation building it up.

John Hughes

Fort Gay

Early Retirement

Toyz

Name: Jenny Miller Inaction Figure, Toyoga Lo-Speeder, X-Wing Motorbike, and GT Leisure Cycle Super Pack.
Manufacturer: Lesbro
Series: 2011 Vintage Collection
For ages: 21 and up
Details (Description): Jenny Miller pilots relics of 1987 Japan while tracking Professor Waffles Von Petersburg. The Inaction Hero rides slowly to a rendezvous with a contact that has information on Petersburg's last known location. The Lo-Speeder is supplied with a beach chair, a gallon of gasoline, two yoga mats, a bedsheet, an umbrella, a kayak paddle, and a book, in case of time to spare – something Miller always seems to encounter! Launch yourself inaction with this awesome Inaction Set! Pack the Leisure Cycle into the Toyoga Lo-Speeder for super versatility inaction. Meanwhile, the red-white-and-black decals on both ships make them serious 1980s remembery machines! Fit a droid figure, friend or lady in the droid socket and Jenny Miller in the cockpit and blast off for adventure naps!

Vehicles come with some old maintenance records and a spare key. Vehicles sold AS IS. Fish not included with bicycle. Waffles Von Petersburg sold separately.

February 20, 2011

"There's something non-special about it."

It's what's for dinner

February 17, 2011

The wit and flair of Verhoeven

Ungovernable

bob: rebecca and i went to this last night. because my utah trip got canceled, i got to go:
THE TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS MAKING AMERICA UNGOVERNABLE
it was funstuff.
except that zev chafets was a douche
me: pj orourke!
bob: yeah. he was funny.
me: i think the two party system is terrible. on the other hand, eek.
huh, that looks fun
you got to see david brooks
and the new head of aol news
bob: yes. they were also enjoyable
me: can you give me a pithy summary?
bob: pithy summary: the US two-party system is ungovernable -- sometimes -- but what else are you gonna do? statistically, based on legislative data over the past decade or so, we are living through one of those more ungovernable times. david and arianna lost, but were cuter.
me: :)
how did they lose to the douche and o'rourke?
bob: douche and o'rourke convinced the audience of the 'whattayagonnado' part
me: heehee.
bob: douche also had the audacity to bring up the rape of lara logan in response to arianna's support of the uprising in egypt. if the news had broken earlier in the day and more people had realized what he was talking about, he could have poisoned the whole thing. that, however, is what made him a complete douche.
it was the one dark moment in what was otherwise a fun smartalecky debate ride
me: it usually is. like the rape that ruined Showgirls
bob: like the rape that ruined showgirls, yes.
this guy didn't have the wit and flair of verhoven, though.

Additional visual aid from Bob: "Awww...here's Arianna being funny last night." Surprisingly, The Huffington Post liked Arianna Huffington's performance.

Total Rerun from 1/28/2009

Infinite patience produces immediate results

Patience

Patience is
wider than one
once envisioned,
with ribbons
of rivers
and distant
ranges and
tasks undertaken
and finished
with modest
relish by
natives in their
native dress.
Who would
have guessed
it possible
that waiting
is sustainable —
a place with
its own harvests.
Or that in
time's fullness
the diamonds
of patience
couldn't be
distinguished
from the genuine
in brilliance
or hardness.

- by Poet Laureate Kay Ryan ("D"-California )

February 16, 2011

parapraxis

Are you gonna eat that?

From: Rebongaz
"Too true."

I can't stop laughing at this. Flavored chicken rings? Do they even need to warn you?

won't you be my neighbor?

Disappear here

It's a glorious, perfect morning in my neighborhood. I've set off on a walk to get some blood flowing, because I woke up with Slow Brain. I've left my front door wide open. The temperature is hovering right around shorts-and-sleeves degrees, and the sunlight is that ethereal 10 o'clock winter yellow, casting long shadows on the sidewalks where trashy squirrels dump their acorns. The air itself is mesmerizing. It's got a peaceful, quiet warmth that makes you want to close your eyes and completely forget yourself. Which I do, and can actually succeed in doing, for whole seconds at a time I am no one in particular, just an unknown human with no story or context, and I'll die alone one day just like every other animal, and those seconds are exhilarating and terrifying. Try it! Then I return to worrying about money and objects, people and plans, but there is just enough breeze to rustle the palm fronds on the tallest palms, and otherwise there are only exotic bird sounds and the relatively ugly squawks of the squirrels and jays. At just this lovely moment the first leaf blower of the season starts up, and continues for fucking ever. But the bricks that pave the roads here, uncomfortable to drive on, are smooth and warm under my bare feet, and when I reach the water a bunch of old Québécois are already playing bocci. Because life is endlessly, unexpectedly weird, I have a Québécois penpal, who sends what I believe is the view from her window.

February 15, 2011

Irrational holidays

My Bloody Valentine

From Coach:
"In honor of V Day, I finally got a Diva Cup. Here's to getting caught red-handed!"

From Dan:

February 14, 2011

etiquette

Tales from the Studio

I teach yoga at three different locations, and each has a restroom that opens directly into the main studio. I mention this only to protect the anonymity of the guilty. Last week I'd started my class in child's pose. I asked the people to start relaxing, to let go of all the chatter and clutter flying around their little brains and to begin focusing on their slow, full breaths. Blah blah blah, I said, except with some applicable content about the practice ahead, and in a manner intended to cultivate feelings of peace and calm. Yadda yadda yadda, I continued, persuasively but gently urging them to love themselves before we would commence with the ass-kicking. Right about then a large man walked in, dropped his mat and water bottle on the floor, nodded at me, and headed for the toilet. With the class quiet and breathing deeply — it pains me to write this, because there's no nice way — the man took a loud and stinky dump, then opened the door, rolled out his mat and began as if nothing had happened.

I know some folks, especially dudes, mention the fear of in-class wind-breaking in their litany of excuses for avoiding yoga, and I don't want to lend any validity to that. Coming late to class and pooping, though. Dude. No.

directions

Heinz Beans

The Heinz Beans can has a pull-tab on top, making it easy to open even if you don't have hands. Nevertheless, Heinz provides these useful instructions: