7/16/10

Family Friendly

The good people of Argentina and the District of Columbia are the latest victims of the Homosexual Agenda! Hooray! Gay rights activists celebrate Argentine vote for same-sex marriage, and Same-sex marriage in District narrowly upheld by D.C. Court of Appeals, WaPo.

I'm working on a new site today, so I've got nothing original for HK, but I did unearth these freaky old stories created by Ms. Jill McElmurry (Sherman) back in 2006. When I was looking at them last night I kind of couldn't believe she painted all this sick work just for us. Our Bob provided the grotesque script here in the first one, Prehensile. I think they definitely deserve a rerun. So here we go.....(just look at Sigourney Weaver)....

7/15/10

it fucking prints money

Dignity & Respect

Today's theme is Dignity & Respect. Let's start with Bova's submission: "OMMFG. I know you love comics and this is just brills... It's pretty heavy on military policy, but it's just totally fucking bizarre. It was made in 2001 to walk soldiers through how the DADT policy works. 'Hey Gates, would YOU enjoy a date with a good-looking man?' HAHAHA--I'm sure that's how they would harass someone..." Dignity & Respect: A Training Guide on Homosexual Conduct Policy.

Speaking of comics, I sold out today! Please see my romance comics site for an exciting new ad for those most respectable of institutions, paycheck advance loans! Marking the first time I have made a dime off years of toil on these good-for-nothing sites. Goodbye, principles!

Next on the Dignity & Respect tip: that douchebag Mel Gibson. There's some vindication in his exposure as the regrettable waste of oxygen he so obviously is, but after reading these for a while vindication just turns into nausea. Even if his quotes are posted on adorable kitten cards. The 20 Worst Mel Gibson Rant Quotes (Presented By Kittens). "In case you haven't heard the vitriolic taped phone calls between Mel Gibson and his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, here's your chance to experience all the hate and anger in a more palatable way." I do regret that they used Bubbees like this. Link c/o Dana. (Sorry to post something so vile, but, Mel Gibson is just a racist, woman-hating, jew-hating, mexican-hating, abusive, ego-maniacal piece of garbage, and you should know this.)

One of my next favorites: "Go look after my child, you cunt whore. I hope she doesn't turn out like you."

Anywho, on a lighter note, let's make fun of Apple People :) From Bolen/LD.

7/14/10

trachymedusa

See Food

I've got to run to the beach, but wanted to make sure you saw a couple of things Ranger Ted sent. First, there is someone at HuffPo claiming that geoducks are delicious. Let me tell you something: I served with geoducks, I knew geoducks, geoducks were friends of of mine, and they are not delicious. I ate them at Washington D.C.'s only 5 star restaurant, and they were not delicious. If Eric Ziebold can't make geoducks not be tough and chewy, they are probably always tough and chewy, as you might except a gigantic clam to be. Nonetheless, they are freakishly cool creatures, and here's a nice video that takes me back to my Oly days, squishing about the mudflats: All About Geoducks: Don't Judge an Ugly Clam by Its Cover. Second, wouldn't it be cool if everyone was transparent and we could see each other's organs and digestive systems and everything? No? Well, lookit these fish, anyway: New Species, "Living Fossils" Found in Atlantic, nat geo.

Old-Timey Football Helmet Fish

Yum?

7/13/10

twin sets of glistening washboard abs

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

So I've been teaching these yoga classes, and let me tell you, it's not easy. In a normal situation, if I were talking to a stranger and she just stared back at me, grimacing, muttering at the floor, looking pained, as if she already regretted having met me, if she refused to smile or even acknowledge my attempts at joke-making, I would probably go talk to someone else. And if I were talking to 20 people who were all looking at me as if they would like to kill me, I would certainly not blather on for 90 minutes. No. In my normal life, I speak as quickly as possible, because I'm paranoid about boring people. I'm constantly looking for signals of disinterest (some people have the opposite problem, I'm sure you've noticed). But THESE people, these people who come to yoga class, they show up willingly, pay money to be there, and I can't just walk away and find some more receptive people to talk to, no matter how much I'd like to. So on and on I go, barking orders, telling people where to put this foot and that hand, which muscles to contract and which to relax, even when to breathe, and they do it! Even as they're looking at me like I'm the demonic puppetmaster overlording the fifth circle of hell.

Afterwards, they come up and tell me how great it was! Freaks. And then I feel a little bit awesome. But mostly I feel relief. Relief that I did not run out of the room in the middle of class.

News: Repeal Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way For Gay Sex Right On Battlefield, Opponents Fantasize, c/o S. Bolen. Teehee.

More later. Also, thanks, Dan W., for the new masty.

7/9/10

text from dad: "Lebron is dead to me"

Class of '91!

Hello, I've done another fairly pointless and mostly unnoticable redesign here. It should make for a slightly lighter load and it's a flexi-fluid-layout, which might be helpful with the handhelds and whatnot. The text should scale nicer-like...and if I ever stop being so lazy we're this     close to getting xhtml strict and 508 compliant, for all my blind readers out there. Anyone want to make me a new masthead?

Chat with ESG

me (via Dana buzz): FYD Rachel Maddow
esg: that. is. horrifying.
are you trying to make me cry?
me: i love it!!
it's like, she used to be somebody i went to high school with, and then she turned into a lesbian superstar!
and she skipped the really awkward ugly stage altogether...
esg: that's NOT a real pic!
me: why not?
esg: no way! photoshop.
she'd have been a diff era, right? and b/w?
me: shit girl she aint that old!
in fact she is MY AGE EXACTLY
hahah
jesus christ, black and white

bongs: you should do a side by side with yours tomorrow

Marisa: look! it's not all abu graib.

7/8/10

sworn to fun

The other day I picked up a copy of the relaunched horror comic Creepy, which ran from 1964 to '83, and was revived as a quarterly last year. I read #2 at the shop and brought #3 home, and I was glad to see some of the spirit of the mid-century books in there. They do lack a lot of the old charm (and all of the color), but they sort of make up for it in contemporary scariness. Hooray! Comixology has an entire story from #3 posted, and it is CREEPY!

Check it out: Maquiladora, wherein "A real skinflint discovers the true cost of labor outsourcing," drawn by Angelo Torres, who did stories for Creepy and MAD in the olden days. Dude's almost 80.

I also bought a reprinted collection of the first five issues of The Vault of Horror, which ran along with Tales from the Crypt and The Haunt of Fear from 1950 until 1954, when they were MURDERED by the Comics Code. The art in these stories is usually way better than the writing, but I kind of dug this one I've scanned for you here. It's pencilled and written by main Vault guy Johnny Craig, and titled "Horror House," but I like to think of it as a parable of that age-old struggle (of mine, at least), between holding down a job, possible personal and artistic accomplishment, and being sworn to fun. Enjoy! Until I get a cease-and-desist!

Up at the farm in Ohio.

7/7/10

imposters!

Fed up in Milton

If it's not the disturbing noises coming from the garage directly below me, it's these ghouls who claim to be my FRIENDS and FAMILY and CAT but are obviously alien invaders or changelings come to eat me piece by piece with their eyes.

Here I am sitting on the couch, minding my own business, when "Waffles" uses her mind controls to make the antlers jump off the wall right onto the yoga mat.

To Do

• From Marlz: Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters. I knew we'd get a good headline out of that one.
• From Ranger Ted: "Sorry to share this with you but...." Mutilator mom. Capgras = worst syndrome ever.
• From Annie: "I haven't watched this video yet but content is content." Learning the Skill of Barefoot Running. I just did and it's pretty good. They demonstrate on a treadmill the differences between running in conventional shoes versus barefoot or in minimalist shoes. It's also an ad for the new The Terra Plana EVO shoe, as reviewed here on this pretty cool blog. They're maybe even uglier than Vibrams (and twice as expensive).
• Debs can't decide if babies are more like crack or maniacal cult leaders.
• And by the by, our favorite tailor/astrophysicist OSCAR OLMEDO has been published! PARTIAL TORUS INSTABILITY. Who knew?

It's time again for...
Bob's Hometown Newspaper's Letters to the Editor

Happy Ds at Baltimore Pride.

7/5/10

Summer sidewalk fossil

Corn Dog 2.0

Criminy this took forever. I'm with stupid my whole day off. You know that Drive-By Truckers line, "I used to hate the fool in me, but only in the morning / Now I tolerate him all day long." That's me.

This is painful: Tammy Lynne's blog. Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to marry rockstars.

Cell Pic Roundup, shirts required after 6pm

Please enjoy a bunch of cellular photos from half of June.

Me, Anna Maria Island: My kind of establishment.	Megs, St. Pete: Airport slippers.
Annie, Venice, FL: Ladies' things — Awes product my brother just bought me. St. Pete: KJ 'stache.	Annie, Venice, FL: For half a minute i thought my mom had officially lost her mind. But indeed there was a giant bird on the pool cage. Subject: more details regarding bird picture mom: get out of here. ffffsssstt. me: who are you talking to? mom: that big bird over there. me: ..... mom: oh sure. crraaazzyyy mary. she's seeing things again! (reaches for hose. squirts water into the air, seemingly indiscriminately) me: mom? mom: right there, annie! me: oh! hahahaha. shit. thank god. director's note: all of mom's dialogue should be spoken with a lit cig in mouth.
Coach, DC: Summer sidewalk fossil	Jesse, Tampa: Another find by my sister, this time a hit baby squirrel. Went to squirrel lady, possible happy ending.
Me, St. Pete: What I came home to. Thanks, Waffles.	Shauna, DC: Do you just live on this and yogi power now?
Jesse, Grandview, OH: O Solo Mio, doing Panzeras all by my onesie. YUM!	Jesse, Columbus, OH: Goodale Park.
Megs, St. Pete: Dude! magic marker golden girls — granted they look high and bea arthur might be having a stroke — but they still solid gold!	Megs, I-95N: Dude...I don't know about this...
LD, St. Pete: Beta release!!	Jesse, St. Pete: It's so ugly it's cute again!
Megs, I-95N... me: since i just got a picture of South of the Border, i take it they didnt make it last night shauna: ha, no they did not i got a text that was like, at south of the border, don't judge me...haha. then me and coach tried to explain south of the border to jaime. and jaime was like, so ... it's an amusement park about mexicans? me: haha shauna: it's more like a zany gift shop about mexicans she thought it should just be called "mexico"	Jesse, Tampa: My sister's third find of the month, briefly named Marbles, then Pluto, then found a home through Animal Compassion Project in Naples.
Bob, NYC: Bob's roof.	Me, DC: Dave's bicycle built for two.
Bob, NYC : Ain't got no pants on.	Me, DC: Huggies Daisy Dukes Metro ad. "The coolest you'll look pooping your pants."
Jesse, Columbus, OH: Perfect viewing for Red, White and Boom fireworks!	Jesse, Columbus, OH: My homecoming party!
Me, DC: Peanut Butter. <3	Me, DC: Maegan's new tattoo — Wislawa Szymborska.
Jesse, my apartment : Sister kissing Waffles.	Jesse, St. Pete: Waffles and sister read dumb yoga mag.
Me, St. Pete Beach: LD sits in on Ngaire's set at Vida de Cafe.	LD, St. Pete: Ny meets Waffles.

Bonus Baltimore Pride Pics, some stolen from FB

This is what the little Ds look like nowadays.	LD and Megs, with tobacky and whiskey pockets.
Girlfriends are gay.	Hilarity.
Coach: "Do you think this outfit's racist? Shelly says it's racist."	From Coach's FB: Hey kids, stay in school.
Pregger girlfriends, 3 weeks apart. No thank you.	Funny cuz it's true.
From Jaime's FB: Horrible raver chick. Rainbow Jerkface.	One half of Vicki & Lili, yr party experts.

7/4/10

unexpected golden shower

Happy birthday, America!

I guess I can no longer claim to not care about superheroes, as this will be Day 3 of talking about them. LD loaned me her brand new Batwoman book, and it is AWEsome. DC's lesbian Batwoman wows with Batwoman: Elegy. Yeah, that's lesbian Batwoman, not gay-between-the-lines Batwoman, not bi-Batwoman (not that there's anything wrong with that, blah blah), but a real D Batwoman with a great story by Greg Rucka, and drawn SMOKIN' by one J.H. Williams III. For good measure, the intro is by Rachel Maddow. Nerd alert.

Go to your local comic book store today! Listen to the kids playing Magic: The Gathering. Pick up something cool for a rainy day. Last night I dreamt in full-color, hand-lettered comic book panels.

Missed Connections

There are never any W4W Craigslist MCs down here, but LD found these two gems yesterday. I'm glad I don't know the first one. I hope the second one works.

1. St. Pete Pride exes reunion expo - w4w - 30
2. mcdonalds - w4w - 24

7/2/10

Mission statement

Love, peace, and sexual equality

Neat, huh? If you go over to Bird Yard (c/o RT), the proprietor will tell you how to make your own transparent specimens. Of course, you'll have to use the Japanese-to-English Google translator, which goes something like this: "Sample and how to create transparency in the old specimen was originally a protein sample was transparent to allow it to be observed without dissecting the fine delicate bones and cartilage of small organisms." Indeed. ありがとう IKAI! His whole blog is pretty awesome, actually. Check out his entry on British illustrator Louis Wain tragic battle with schizophrenia. Have you heard of this guy, Sherman? He was really into cats, then lost his mind.

I'm still fascinated with this Marston guy, his wife, and their lover, Olive. As of today, Heck's Kitchen's has offically adopted Wonder Woman's mission: "to bring the Amazon ideals of love, peace, and sexual equality to a world torn by the hatred of men.'" From the Wiki...

Marston's Wonder Woman is often cited as an early example of bondage themes entering popular culture: physical submission appears again and again throughout Marston's comics work, with Wonder Woman and her criminal opponents frequently being tied up or otherwise restrained, and her Amazonian friends engaging in frequent wrestling and bondage play (possibly based on Marston's earlier research studies on sorority initiations). These elements were softened by later writers of the series. Though Marston had described female nature as submissive, in his other writings and interviews he referred to submission to women as a noble and potentially world-saving practice, leading ideally to the establishment of a matriarchy, and did not shy away from the sexual implications of this:

"The only hope for peace is to teach people who are full of pep and unbound force to enjoy being bound ... Only when the control of self by others is more pleasant than the unbound assertion of self in human relationships can we hope for a stable, peaceful human society. ... Giving to others, being controlled by them, submitting to other people cannot possibly be enjoyable without a strong erotic element."

Buzz (Various)

• D.C. Les: "If election songs were always this sexy, I think people will be more enticed to vote." Sam Dean for County Executive.
• Clearwater Jen: "Keepin' it classy in FL." Litter box becomes weapon in fight, Pasco police say
• VT Dana: Clueless
• FL LD: Best headline in the history of newspapers?
• And, glasses
• And, Private
• Me: Russian mathematician wins $1 million prize, but he appears to be happy with $0

What if you actually saw this happening?

7/1/10

amazonian ideals

Lasso of Truth

• These are terrible/fantastic: 'Bakemono Zukushi' monster scroll, from Ranger Ted.

• These are fantastic/terrible: Tea Party Jesus: Blog Puts Words Of Conservatives In The Mouth Of Christ, from Marla.
• And these are pretty cool/kinda creepy: Ten Classic Movies Drawn as Little Golden Books, from LD.

Wonder Woman Gets Drawn Like Every Other Lameass Modern Hero; Also Loses Lesbian Backstory. Lame to the Lame!

From the fascinating Wiki: Wonder Woman is an Amazon (based on the Amazons of Greek mythology) and was created by William Moulton Marston (a psychologist already famous for inventing the polygraph ((forerunner to the magic lasso)) as a "distinctly feminist role model whose mission was to bring the Amazon ideals of love, peace, and sexual equality to a world torn by the hatred of men."

bob: mornin
me: mornin
bob: the new wonder woman costume is ok, you know, whatever, i suppose there's a good reason to do it. what concerns me is the new mythos. while making her the daughter of the now slaughtered inhabitants of paradise island would give her the impetus to become involved in international espionage and crime fighting in general, it seems to take away some of the fun things about the character. for instance, now we don't get those lovely mother/daughter brew-hahas that have been so fun in recent years and the sometimes clueless attitude diana has toward human behavior because she was raised as a amazonian goddess, essentially on lesbos. but also, perhaps more importantly, all three of DC's holy trinity (batman, superman, wonder woman) now have the same orphan to slaughtered parents backstory. that's kinda lame-o unless they are going in with the intention of making that a real source of conflict between the three (my slaughtered parent story and subsequent orphaned upbringing is more traumatic than your slaughtered parent story and subsequent orphaned upbringing):

Makeover for Wonder Woman at 69, nyt. (WaPo version, with slideshow: From star-spangled briefs to skintight pants, Wonder Woman is still a wonder

me: i know you just copied and pasted that from some other convo yeah, i already saw the lame pants hadn't heard about the lame story
bob: no, didn't. that's actually the first thing i read this morning and the first thoughts i had on it. so eat a dick.
me: im no expert, b/c i dont give a shit about superheroes, but seemed to me a lot of the appeal of WW was in the camp. and the invisible plane. and the bullet-repelling cuffs, and especially the Lasso of Truth! what an awesome lady weapon.
bob: agreed. the lasso of truth is an awesome lady weapon.
me: you cant just change someone's history like that! even a fake someone. amazons!!!
bob: they do it all the time. i think it's ok, but this was a particularly fun backstory.
me: yes
bob: and an important for differentiating between the other two -- who have the same fucking backstory!

me: do you think it would be ok if superman was suddenly not from space? if batman came from a poor family from krypton? no.
bob: no, but what i'm saying is they do it all the time and it's not necessarily a bigass deal. i DO think that this is the best of the backstories as well. she's still from amazon, but dude, she wasn't raised on an island of lesbians now, but who knows where? i think it's a poor decision.
me: well, obvie i agree. always trying to remove the lesbians
bob: it stinks!
me: booo!
bob: plus, it was intentional on the part of the original creator, apparently a real perv.

There is simply no contest.

6/30/10

astonishingly awful

Mom is Worried

I love a review this bad: Courtney Love leads Hole through disastrous 9:30 Club concert, WaPo. "Make no mistake — this was an astonishingly awful performance that had few moments of redeeming musical value."

Attorney Chattery: Wone's killers get off

Do you remember the bizarro case of the married guy who was stabbed in the chest while sleeping at the Georgetown home of three of his "friends?" The three who are in a "committed romantic relationship" and very obviously killed the dude and messily covered up the evidence? Well, I guess obvious and messy weren't enough in D.C.

me: D.C. judge acquits 3 of Wone slaying coverup, cites reasonable doubt
CC: omg wow
i forgot to watch for the verdict today; thx for sending
me: np wtf?
CC: seriously
it's pretty interesting...im reading excerpts on whomurderedrobertwone.com
she excoriates all three
i don't know what's required for an obstruction of justice showing
me: i mean, there was obviously all kinds of obstruction.
who cares if youre excoriated if you're not getting life in prison?
CC: yeah, those sociopaths don't care
jesus, i kind of wish they had gotten a less intellectual judge
it can't be that hard to prove obstruction
CC: seems like she thinks 2 are guilty and one is more innocent than guilty and b/c they couldn't prove w/in a reasonable doubt which was the innocent, she acquitted all 3, lest she wrongfully convict she quoted an old dude to that effect
me: i saw that. the whole thing seems crazy. 2 years before any charges were brought? oh, dc.
CC: i guess they did that to hope that more evidence would surface in the meantime. b/c double jeopardy attaches, once they were tried, that would've been the end of it. i'm still totally shocked though i mean, like you said, this has obstruction of justice coming out of it every which fucking way
me: interesting ok, i have to stop reading this site now.
CC: yeah, it's a sinkhole also i really respect what they're doing but their layout gives me a headache
me: yeah, if i was murdered by my friends i'd hope to get a website out of it
CC: for sure. i promise. i think they ppl who started it didn't know him though they were just fascinated and horrified, like us.

Police interrogation videos, if you're interested.

UPDATE

From: Brian
Subject: website

I have registered this in advance, JUST IN CASE:

http://www.whokilledjennymiller.com

From NYC Bob.

Mail Beg: Young Jodie Edition

From: Bongz
Subject: WHU

Did you know about this? How did I not know about this?

Jodie Foster made her debut (and only official) musical recordings in France in 1977: two 7" singles, "Je T'attends Depuis la Nuit des Temps" backed with "La Vie C'est Chouette" and "When I Looked at Your Face" backed with "La Vie C'est Chouette."

La Vie C'est Chouette
Je T'Attends Depuis la Nuit des Temps

Translations available upon request. In English, these song titles are, respectively, Life is Cool and I've Been Waiting for You Since the Dawn of Time.

me: omg, has coach seen this? young jodie foster sings

Bongz:

SO DAPPER (I don't know if Coach knows)

(that should have been one of her song titles)

Etc.

• From Deb D., "Very cool street art." Joshua Allen Harris' Inflatable Bag Monsters
• From Bova via FB, from Dan Savage: Doctor Treating Pregnant Women With Experimental Drug To Prevent Lesbianism
• 21 Things You Should Never Buy New, by the dude that runs the site Wise Bread.
• RT sez "ooohh, check this out...." International Conservation Photography Awards
• NYT Mag: The Real Marshall Mathers is just a 37-year old dad, apparently.

Dad and Bova, Columbus, OH. Damn hippies.

6/29/10

Kitchen remodel

Mini Midlife Crisis

KJ has left me a note here, it reads, "Jenny — REDDIT.COM Go There Daily." It looks like another fun content aggregator, and another reminder that Heck's Kitchen may have lived out what useful life it had. Facebook obsoleted me a couple years ago, when everyone and your mother figured out how to post their own baby pictures. And you all have your own feeds and readers and buzz and tweeters, making it rather slow and redundant to list links of interest here, the olde fashioned way, waiting for people to send me neat things and manually posting them. It's still nice to be the go-to place whenever a cat gets robot paws, or when hockey players participate in a Pride parade, but, the scope of the Kitchen seems to be shrinking.

I didn't set out to be anything more than a scrapbook maker. Ancient statement of mission:

At first and second glance this appears to be some sort of fan site I have built for myself, what with the "Jenny's World" title and jennymiller.com, etc....the grand plan is to create a big creaky porch for all my far-flung and near-flung loved ones, where we can gather to brag and complain and drink icy drinks and generally be adored and appreciated as we all should be. Since I don't yet have a physical porch, let alone a rooftop deck, I'm trying to make this suffice meantime. In the spirit of the once and future commieplex, or whatever we're calling our utopian retirement community these days, I attempt to keep you in touch with some of your smart and good-looking friends, in whatever burg they've found themselves.

I think it might be about time to work on getting that big creaky porch or rooftop deck, and hosting the near and far-flung when they make it down here, flesh and blood-style. As for jennymiller.com, though our traffic is still pretty good for a personal blog with no point, I think a new angle, or any angle, might be in order. I don't have as much time sitting here at the machine as I used to, good thing, so stand by while I try to reinvent this thing again.

From Dan, via TMZ.....

Hillbilly Andy's Taxi Cab Confessionals

Bob: taxicab news, directly from andy's facebook status update:

So last night this guy called a taxi and when I showed up, he walks up and says. "Hey man. Can I get two dollars so that I can get a beer? I know you guys carry cash and I didnt want to walk to gomart to ask for money because they threw me off the lot last night." I pepper sprayed him.

Stuff

Gay Stuff: From Marlz: Bob Davis + Henry Schalizki, the Octogenarians Who Just Got Married After 60 Years

Gluttonous Stuff: This is sort of horrifying, the longer I look at it. Flesh sails reminds me of that pirate ship in Watchmen: Meat Ship, at thisishwyyourehuge.com, from Bob.

International Music Stuff: We've had this young Swedish musician around. He's the most laidback guy in the world, possibly. And now he's been skimboarding. Yesterday I put him out in my sister's kayak, on the hottest, haziest, terriblest day of summer we've had yet. He stayed out for three hours. He said, "This is so different from what I would normally be doing." Check him out: Leonard Kaage. (Hey sweet, we got a mention, "some people i met." Score!)

6/24/10

Cordon bleu

Coup de grâce

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Tampa's Jon Isner beating Frenchie Nicolas Mahut at Wimbledon yesterday, 6-4, 3-6, 6-7 (9-7), 7-6 (7-3), 70-68. Isner finally tops Mahut in marathon Wimbledon match, WaPo. The match was the longest in tennis history. "The first-round marathon took 11 hours and 5 minutes over three days, lasting so long it was suspended because of darkness — two nights in a row." Not much is going right for the French lately, huh. Isner just lost today, too. I guess he was a wee bit fatigued. John, come home and have a burger and a beer.

Je ne sais quoi

France still leads the world in weird-ass gay commercials. Sweet. From Bob via HuffPo.

Shoot, I didn't know this is part of a series of ads for Furries. From Megs, "you gotta watch till the flashdance moment, at least. i think orangina might make you high....really, really high."

From NYC Bob. "I want your skull."

6/24/10

panaceas

All-Members Pose

Shoulderstand! In yoga-speak, it's the Queen to the King Headstand. Some people (my sister) are afraid of shoulderstand, because of its "wind-releasing" properties. Some people don't like it because their cores aren't strong enough to hold it comfortably, or because they have stiff or painful necks. But, that's why you should do it, and someone's made a cute little series for it that you can use at ho
me: 75-minute intermediate focus on shoulders and shoulderstand.

Let's turn again to this funny site out of Toronto for a description of the pose, and its many alleged benefits. Yeah, do it today!

6. Sarvangasana (All-Members Pose)

This is a mysterious Asana which gives wonderful benefits. Spread a thick blanket on the floor and practise this Asana on the blanket. Lie on the back quite flat. Slowly raise the legs. Lift the trunk, hips, and legs quite vertically. Support the back with the two hands, one on either side. Rest the elbows on the ground. Press the chin against the chest (Jalandhara Bandha). Allow the back-shoulder portion and neck to touch the ground closely. Do not allow the body to shake or move to and fro. Keep the legs straight. When the Asana is over, bring the legs down very, very slowly with elegance and not with any jerks. In this Asana the whole weight of the body is thrown on the shoulders. You really stand on the shoulders with the help and support of the elbows. Concentrate on the Thyroid gland which lies on the front lower part of the neck. Retain the breath as long as you can do with comfort, and slowly exhale through the nose.

You can do this Asana twice daily, morning and evening. This should immediately be followed by Matsyasana (fish-posture). This will relieve pains in the back part of the neck and intensify the usefulness of Sarvangasana. Stand on the Asana for two minutes and gradually increase the period to half an hour.

SARVANGASANA

BENEFITS

This is a panacea, a cure-all, a sovereign specific for all diseases. It brightens the psychic faculties and awakens Kundalini Sakti, removes all sorts of diseases of intestine and stomach, and augments the mental power.

It supplies a large quantity of blood to the roots of spinal nerves. It is this Asana which centralises the blood in the spinal column and nourishes it beautifully. But for this Asana there is no scope for these nerve-roots to draw sufficient blood-supply. It keeps the spine quite elastic. Elasticity of the spine means everlasting youth. It stimulates you in your work. It prevents the spine from early ossification (hardening). So you will preserve and retain your youth for a long time. It helps a lot in maintaining Brahmacharya. Like Sirshasana, it makes you an Oordhvaretas. It checks wet-dreams effectively. It rejuvenates those who have lost their potency. It acts as a powerful blood-tonic and purifier. It tones the nerves and awakens Kundalini. Spinal column is rendered very soft and elastic. This Asana prevents the early ossification of the vertebral bones. Ossification is quick degeneration of bones. Old age manifests quickly on account of early ossification. The bones become hard and brittle in the degenerative process. He who practises Sarvangasana is very nimble, agile, full of energy. The muscles of the back are alternately contracted, relaxed and then pulled and stretched. Hence they draw a good supply of blood by these various movements and are well nourished. Various sorts of myalgia (muscular rheumatism), lumbago, sprain, neuralgia, etc., are cured by this Asana.

The vertebral column becomes as soft and elastic as rubber. It is twisted and rolled as it were like a piece of canvas sheet. A man who practises this Asana can never become lazy even a bit. He is a two-legged talking squirrel. The vertebral column is a very important structure. It supports the whole body. It contains the spinal cord, spinal nerve and sympathetic system. In Hatha Yoga the spine is termed as Meru Danda. Therefore you must keep it healthy, strong and elastic. The muscles of the abdomen, the rectic muscles and the muscles of the thigh are also toned and nourished well. Obesity or corpulence and habitual chronic constipation, Gulma, congestion and enlargement of the liver and spleen are cured by this Asana.

More if you're interested: Extended description with tips for neck pain, by Barbara Benag.

I feel bad for this giant spider crab in this tiny tank, but this video is nuts. From Ranger Ted.

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