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This Space for Rent Archive V: Early Fall 2003. Deuteronomy.

09.30.03 Good afternoon! The DMV is after me for a car I junked over a year ago, because it is, of course, uninsured. They want me to find out where it is and get written documentation that it is no longer in my possession. Unfortunately, I have no idea who towed it where. That I long ago turned over the plates doesn't seem to matter to them. If I can't prove that I don't have this car, I will owe one million dollars to the state. This sort of thing is always happening to me. Someday I will have to move to a shack in Wyoming, where I'll collect stray animals and plot against the government. But the next day I'll get lonely, and I'll call you up and ask if I can move into your basement. I hope you will be charitable. Boston Herald sports reporter outs himself (shalini). New Viceland - Do's - a tiny sliver of joy in the bleak ironyclad world. See also, "Ah ha. We made up this trend as a joke and Newsweek ran with it. Is there anything the baby boomers won’t believe? Do they ever even leave their desks?" Common Mammals of Kentucky Photo Gallery (ranger ted). Annie Sprinkle's SEVEN TYPES OF FEMALE ORGASM (bob). Timeline problems in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (kottke) Ten Technologies That Deserve to Die (kottke) - i disagree that DVDs are worthless. although even i can see manned spaceflight is stupid. Corn Mo's Tales of Wonder (kittenpants) So, the silly Segway got recalled *yay* - and here's a cool Silicon Valley nerd who made his own for $2500. One time I was having lunch with Bob on the patio of a crowded Virgina eatery when a guy rolled by on a Sedgway. What do you thing happened? A.) Bob asked the nice man about his neat gadget, B.) Bob was so fascinated by my conversation he never saw the guy, or, the correct answer, C.) Bob yelled "Prick!" and it was really funny. By the way, DC has third-worst traffic in the nation, study finds. Well, no shit. Here're some nuclear landscapes for you, from The Mushroom Clouds Gallery. 09.29.03 Gorgeous weather, huh? I was thinking Neutral Milk Hotel is fine autumn music. Today let's have In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, from the album of the same name. And here are the lyrics. Jeff Mangum really digs Anne Frank. What a beautiful face I have found in this place That is circling all round the sun What a beautiful dream That could flash on the screen In a blink of an eye and be gone from me Soft and sweet Let me hold it close and keep it here with me And one day we will die And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea But for now we are young Let us lay in the sun And count every beautiful thing we can see Love to be In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me Anna's ghost all around Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me Soft and sweet How the notes all bend and reach above the trees Now how I remember you How I would push my fingers through Your mouth to make those muscles move That made your voice so smooth and sweet And now we keep where we don't know All secrets sleep in winter clothes With one you loved so long ago Now he don't even know his name What a beautiful face I have found in this place That is circling all round the sun And when we meet on a cloud I'll be laughing out loud I'll be laughing with everyone I see Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all And here's also King of Carrot Flowers part 1. I believe it's about, mmm, domestic despair, consensual incest, and of course, love. When you were young You were the king of carrot flowers And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor As we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for And this is the room One afternoon I knew I could love you And from above you how I sank into your soul Into that secret place where no one dares to go And your mom would drink until she was no longer speaking And dad would dream of all the different ways to die Each one a little more than he could dare to try 09.26.03 Dad reports on the state of Buckeye Nation: Hey Kid, Heck's lookin' great. And thanks for the plug on the photo. And if you think you've got Clarett-24-7 on the coast, you outta be clubbed by our local coverage here in O-High-O. I'd bet my next miserable pay-check that all three local TV stations had camera crews breathlessly awaiting Mo's appearance for his first day of class today on campus. The Dogpatch's sports section front today was hilarious as well: A large, ominous photo of a steroid enhanced NFL linebacker, complete with menacing leer, looms over a tiny picture of Clarett in his much practiced Heisman Trophy pose. The attached story quotes current players and coaches predicting the life expectancy (in pre-season, 15-minute quarters) of Mo's knees, ribs and vertebrae after he goes to the Big Show next year. Several NFL scouts, on condition of anonymity, naturally, predict that Clarret is a mid-second round pick at best, and that his maturity and judgement "does not grade out well." Buckeye Nation won't sleep well tonight. Again. Go Buck$ From Jacob (who brought you Jacob's sad/angry D.C. Bumpersticker.) David Cross' Prom Night with Melinda Hildenburgh From Shut Up You Fucking Baby (subpop) Today's Willie Nelson song: Forgiving You Was Easy. But forgetting seems to take the longest time, sages Willie. And now, Picture Time! #1. Grandma's kitchen #2. Grandma's kitchen detail #3. Putty substance/Bob's haircut #4. My greatest invention 09.25.03 Surely, surely the coverage of Maurice Clarett's Noble Battle far exceeds public interest. Right? Precocious jock gets to go to one of the top NFL development factories, with an education thrown in to boot, but he doesn't want to go to school, wah, and uh, you know what? Who cares. But it's all a nice excuse to post this pic of Clarett scoring taken by my dad, Mr. James S. Miller, at last year's beating of the Hoosiers. Go Bucks! TODAY! A whole bunch of stuff from The Morning News. David Bowie’s self-penned memoirs on living in New York. Connecticut robot-women audition for extra parts in the Stepford Wives remake. Ypsilanti watertower wins Ames's 'Most Phallic Building' contest. Animal rights activists target foie gras chef. As usual, they are depicted as ridiculous, and called "domestic terrorists" by the FBI. And while we're on the subject, Treating pigs like pets, and then slaughtering them, begs the question: free-range puppy for Christmas dinner? Amanda McKaye says: "the deep six are playing THIS sunday september 28th at the warehouse next door. which if you haven't heard me say it before is my new favorite place for shows in dc. it's cozy and smoke free! it will be a short show only one other amazing local band called the aquarium. show should start around 9pm and door should be $5." Today's Willie Nelson song: City of New Orleans. 09.24.03 Today's subject is thievery without remorse. Look at the nice pictures. I remorselessly stole them from Debcentral, which has an exciting new scrapbook section. Q: What's wrong with this picture of Bob? A: That's right. Bob's cigarette is not in the frame. Weird! Q: What is the moral of this picture of Deb and Brian, entitled "Gators vs. Vols: We Didn't Cheer Hard Enough?" A: Six pitchers cannot erase the pain of losing. It's A Miracle! Someone we know is an actual real live published author/illustrator - Congratulations Ms. Biting Shrew. I just found this enormous music download site: Kunst der Fuge / On Classical sites! "The biggest site of *free* classical music in MIDI files (5,667 files - no download limits)." I just got me some Bach fugues. Unrelatedly: New Onion. I don't know how Kottke gets all his stuff. It doesn't seem fair, so I will continue to remorselessly steal links from his site. On the Internet, no one knows you're Frank Black, former lead singer of the Pixies. (From Idle Words) Fifth graders interpret the Radiohead canon Student cuts off penis and tongue after drinking hallucinogenic tea. (From Oregon Weblogs). A Drink with Björk (From Scribbling.net) Brian Green's The Elegant Universe on PBS Sarah Vowell at McSweeney's: John Ritter, Greatest Mom-Kissing, Tranqilizer-Laced-Cookie-Baking, Serial Killer Robot in TV History, Dead at 54 Thanks for listening. Today is also my great-grandma's 97th birthday. Last night I was watching CNN at the bar, and I was thinking, there's no reason to believe living into the 2060s could be a good thing. - The End - 09.23.03 Fall equinox is here again, which means it's time to listen to women with acoustic guitars. No, I didn't make that up. You know what happens when you're a lesbian folk singer? You get a lot of honey. You might even get Honeyed Out, if you're Ms. Kris Delmhorst. And do you know what else happens when you're a honeyed-out lesbian folk singer? You write sad songs about all those loves lost, several of which will feature the metaphoric and literal "road." Broken White Line, by Ms. Delmhorst. And Bed by the Window, by Ms. Lisa Moscatiello. And why not Mount Saint Helens, by Mirah. Celebrity Ledroit Parker Rebecca reports on Corn Mo: "i totally forgot to give you the "real" report from the austin city limits fest: the seeing of the corn mo! he was madly squeezing away at his accordion when i walked up as the festival began, belting out "we are the champions" most inspirationally. he followed this with a string of originals, capped off by a rousing high school tale of the day some kid peed on this other kid jason klein for no reason, and jason klein cried. looking like a pulled pork BBQ gregg allman, he bravely offered up his love and his squeeze box against the surrounding sounds of the festival, and totally rocked (a little bit of) austin." Experience the thrill and excitement of America's economy first hand! Econo-Eyes (deb d). Second chanceplants, from Sallypants: "This juggling clown rescues animals from shelters and turns them into megastars. Wow! You should start giving out Heck's Kitchen Humanitarian Awards." From Dave: "have you heard of this book? A Travel Guide to Heaven. it sounds horrifying." From Jay: Subject: feral children Hey Katspank, Here's one for the animal lover in you. If you don't like this site (or at least find it fascinating and thought provoking) I'll be a monkey's uncle (I guess I already am though). Feral children, also known as wolf children, are children who've grown up with minimal human contact, or even none at all. They may have been brought up by animals (often wolves) or somehow survived on their own. In some cases, children are confined and denied normal social interaction with other people. The world was shocked yesterday when Brian Geller, the quieter half of the Geller-Schwartz union, finally decided to post. Go read about how much he loathes the new Woody Allen movie! 09.22.03 This site is going through a little design crisis. Thanks for bearing with me. From Michael J. Bova, Subject: The Great Butch Hope J-Mil: There was another great story in the VV this week about, e-hem, Wesley Clark. It contains a few salient points about gender politics in, well, politics. The tagline is " Can Wesley Clark deliver the male?" AND there's a jab at Liza Minelli! Favorite quotes: "Clark's four stars look a lot more authentic than Bush's strategically padded flight suit." and, "[T]here's nothing like a stagnant economy to put male megalomania in perspective. Just as bitch slapping is losing it's cultural luster, a related shift may be happening in politics... Now that the so-called crisis of masculinity has become an actual world crisis, the president's compensatory swagger reads as it really is: dangerous." post me, validate me, love me. Hey, I need a job. Love, m From Underblog, Subject: Finally, a rodent big enough for Purple to take notice of! Distinctly Big, if Extinct: The 1,500-Pound Rodent. Paleontologists are reporting the discovery of a nearly complete skeleton of a distant relative of the guinea pig. UB From Jay, Subject: Hippy-sounding foundation Hey, will you post a website for me? It is the dZi foundation. They are doing really wonderful grassroots work for kids in Nepal. Lazy River did a donation to them a few years ago and I am hoping to try to promote donations to them for a holiday gift giving idea, versus consumption. I know that's really hippy sounding and all, but they are really great. Thanks, Love Jay (Heather & Lily) Los Deportes: The Skins showed some grit and Ramsey's looking for real, nearly pulling off the big comeback 'gainst the Giants yesterday despite 87 penalties. (Football fans, please see Uncensored NFL thought balloons, By Ralph Wiley (dave)). The other big game in town was the women's national team beating the blondies of Sweden in first round World Cup acción. William Gildea: Just Trying to Win a Cup, Save a League. And here's a good one, Kicking Back: Female Soccer Fans Have Lost Their League, but Not Their Hope. "The only player on the national team still in college, Cat Reddick was a lock for the top spot in next year's college draft. But now she's just like every other college senior in the country, roughing it in a tough economy with (footwork) skills that are suddenly less marketable." ETC: Dean, Driven by the Grass Roots: Bottom-Up Strategy May Turn Politics Upside Down. All for now. Love J. 09.18.03 Stuff from the Village Voice: The Radical Case for Gay Marriage, and How to Pound Bush in 2004. Rolling Stone: Florida Band to Stage Suicide - Hell on Earth plan to host fan's death at upcoming show CNN: Official List of U.S. war dead Links from The Morning News: How To: By You, and Curly, comedian, has Three Stooges tattoos all over body, and Man buys cookie jar, meets long lost brother. SOOO....Isabel has made landfall, and we're all breathlessly awaiting our fates. I've done nothing to prepare, besides agreeing to attend a hurricane party. I got to work from home today, though. Rock. AND I got to watch the new Ellen show. I can't believe she's on every day! With like, a new opening stand-up bit. Every day! She had Eve on today and they rapped. Here's a nice review from the New Yorker (scroll past Carnivale). Bye, enjoy the storm! 09.17.03 I know, you don't like it. But I've been reading Coming of Age in the Milky Way, by Timothy Ferris, and it's making me think BIG! Big annoying background images, that take an hour to load! (Ferris, who also wrote the magnificent The Whole Shebang, and Annie Dillard, The Living, are a couple of my literary heroes, in case you were wondering.) It's a history of cosmology, and its characters are fascinating and difficult as the problems that were their lives' works. Just look at these excellent potential baby-names: Aristotle, Plato, Eudoxus, Archimedes, Ptolemy, Copernicus, Tycho, Galileo, Kepler, Halley, Newton, Kant, Herschel, and on and on, innumerable thinkers adding piece by piece to the puzzle that is the nature of the universe. Yay! It's great. And it's true that Tycho died "on October 24, 1601, as the result of a burst bladder suffered while drinking too much beer at a royal dinner party from which he felt constrained by protocol from excusing himself. 'Let me not seem to have died in vain!' he cried repeatedly that night." Luckily, there to take his place was the great Johannes Kepler: "Myopic, sickly, and 'doglike' in appearance (his words) he came from the antipodes of nobility. His father was a mercenary soldier and a dispomaniac wife-beater. His mother had been raised by an aunt who had been burned alive as a witch, and she herself narrowly escaped the stake. (Among her other objectionable habits, she enjoyed spiking people's drinks with psychodelic drugs)." And along after Kepler came the smartest guy ever, Isaac Newton, who died a virgin. Speaking of death, may I present to you a list, verbatim and in no sensible order, of bad ways to die, made up by M. Bennett and I, at one Quarry House, several months ago, which I just found in my wallet: buried alive alone commercial airplance stoned to death mass gassing electric chair drowning serial killer mulitple stabbing slowly chronic painful disease crushed by heavy object drawn & quartered dragged by horse or redneck's truck eaten by wild animals/vicious fish nuclear holocaust old age self-inflicted accidental death climbing mt. everest billionaire asshole hot air balloonist crash bungee jumping slow-acting suicide method, followed by change of mind crucified firing squad plague in space starvation die of thirst exposure beaten to death while giving birth Please feel free to send more. Check this out - Subject: The Human Mind The paomnnehil pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tnkahs Deb. Finally, I pass this pathetic Wendy's sign on my walk home from work. 09.16.03 I'm very upset with our country today, because of the demise of WUSA. And I am a big baby who flings blame around willy-nilly when upset, so I'm not going to say anything. Except that I am boycotting the U.S., capitalism, apple pie, baseball, and all boy sports, except for football, until further notice. Also, in an hour I get my very first cavities filled, and I am scared. Dammit! Europe and Japan can support pro women's leagues! Argh! In good news, Spirited Away is the greatest thing I've seen in a long time, and it supports today's assertion that the U.S. is lame and Japan is neat. Because I am a simpleton and I speak in banalities. Yeah, Spritied Away - it's awesome. This guy, Benjamin J. Claassen, is a City Paper illustrator, says Dave, and, presumably, other things as well. His blog is called Killoggs, his own site is called bendependent, and he's auctioning this lovely drawing on e-bay. Doesn't it make you feel better? 09.15.03 No time for a real update today, but as you know, some jerk killed the Williams' eldest sister, the Redskins finally displayed some grit, and North Carolina Pork Producers Are Preparing for Hurricane Isabel. Isabel's looking pretty BIG. Speaking of NC, $200 bill with picture of Dubya passes at Food Lion. (smoking gun). This is going to be a great resource: American Social Hygiene Posters, ca. 1910-1970, U. of MN collection (the morning news). Music-Related Titles That Remain Vacant, (kittenpants). Yay. Iron & Wine have a new album: here is the Pitchfork review, and here Jesus the Mexican boy. Lastly and best, Julie Comnick has a new painting, below. 09.12.03 Is September 12 the the new Dark Day in the U.S.? 1.) John Ritter is dead. 2.) Johnny Cash is dead. 3.) Heck's Kitchen was briefly disappeared for lack of funds. Thanks to trans-Atlantic friend Random, it is back up. If you feel the urge, donate to the Save-Jenny's-Kidneys Fund. 4.) The Corcoran got the worst review in the history of art reviews for the J. Seward Johnson show, which, I went to, and yes, it's very bad. Still, what a meanie. Sarah's workmates are crying. From the Minnesota Daily News:One time through is all you’re going to get: Despite lacking lyrical repetition, Q and Not U keep the dance floor in motion. Former video store employee John Davis and company make for a very good band. Go to their site - they've got three mp3s. (underblog) Meet-An-Inmate.com has an amazing Bisexual section. You have to see it. Who knew there were so many lovely bi-ladies incarcerated? And they want to get to know YOU! (sal) Baghdad Burning is a girl blog from Iraq. Pretty interesting first-hand bloggy account of the mental and physical environment over yonder. (bob) I want to go to this, if only to see the Dunlaps get down. From Dave and the City Paper: Alas, poor Turbonegro, Oslo's dark princes of rock: The band has a name that makes water-cooler discussions about it difficult, and its members dress like wharf-dwelling male hustlers. As if those obstacles to success weren't tough enough, the group split in 1998 when lead singer Hank Von Helvete (imagine a top-hatted King Diamond after a pickled-herring binge) was institutionalized for heroin addiction and depression. I guess they weren't kidding with lyrics such as "I sit around getting high/Contemplating suicide/And now some people wonder/What's the matter with me/Why I've started wearing diapers/At the age of 23." As a result of the hiatus, Turbonegro missed out on the hype heaped upon fellow Scandinavian rockers the Hives and the Hellacopters. Luckily, Von Helvete found the cure, and Turbonegro re-formed last year. More luckily, the fact that Hank is no longer courting the Silver Lady doesn't mean the band has lost its edge. The boys have a grizzly bear on a leash in the video for "Sell Your Body (to the Night)." And over the summer, they ran into a little security trouble at the Stuttgart airport: They tried to smuggle an 18-inch knife, stored in a stage prop, onto a flight. Bassist Happy Tom mused: "What's the world coming to when men in long black hair and long black beards can't bring an 18-inch dagger onto planes anymore?" The bad boys play with Bad Wizard at 9:30 p.m. Friday, Sept. 12, at the Black Cat, 1811 14th St. NW. $15. (202) 667-7960. (David Dunlap Jr.)   09.11.03 Happy SepElev. This morning the old lady at the carry-out said, "The U.S. should expect to get bombed when we go around bombing people. If we were so innocent, we wouldn't be so scared of everyone." And then the guy behind the counter said, "But I could get bombed, and I didn't do anything." And the old lady said, "It's always the civilians who get bombed." And then Sally said, "The best Homeland Security is not bombing people!" Say it with me now, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb! Here are gay rodeo pics. They're not great. But there they are. 09.10.03 Forty Photoshopped views of the face on the wall behind Bob's and Caryn's, and Twenty-five Photoshopped views from Bob's and Caryn's backyard. 09.09.03 Cheers: I forgot to upload my cowfairy pics again. So...New cheer from The Institute of Official Cheer: The Story of Bread and others. Photo and caption from the Institute's Bad Publicity: "Beauty & Drunk. It's Rita Hayworth's birthday; the photographers have gathered; she's perfectly put together, and just drop-dead gorgeous. Her husband, a Mr. O. Welles, has just rolled out of bed and combed his hair with a pencil, and forgotten to button his shirt. The general impression is that he either A) had to get drunk to have sex with Rita Hayworth, or B) got so drunk he couldn't have sex with Rita Hayworth. Neither reflects well on him." Meat: I love these Compassion Over Killing folks. Animal Pragmatism. "For most people, giving up meat and dairy might be a daunting endeavor. What if we convert two people to be vegetarian half the time? That's the same as converting one person to be vegetarian all the time, and it's probably easier." Religion: The ever-loveable Jack Chick has a new tract! Busted! Your deteriorating civil rights: Slate's take on The Patriot Act and You: Should you be scared of the Patriot Act? And...Fliers to Be Rated for Risk Level. "The TSA will check each passenger in two steps. The first will match the passenger's name and information against databases of private companies that collect information on people for commercial reasons, such as their shopping habits." Dean Report: Last night 3,700 attended the rally at alma mater UMD. Bush's Worst Nightmare? "Even Howard Dean's detractors now believe he's for real." Blog of the Day: Republicans for Dean. All for now. My housemate/bosslady/pal has given me real work to do. Boy is she going to regret that! 09.08.03 What a weekend, right? My sister turned 26, my step-grandfather died (RIP, sir), and Bob, Caryn and I attended the Gay Rodeo. In that chronological order. All post-worthy postings, by HK standards. But, I don't have my gay cowboy pics, or pics of my sis, or pics of my deceased step-grandpa, so meanwhile, here is a photo Jess took of a cowboy buckle. Hey other writers-who-don't-write: McSweeney's Amanda Davis Highwire Fiction Award could be yours, if you are younger than 33, biologically "girl," and can produce between 5,000 and 40,000 words of a novel. $5,000. Reciplex Q & A: The Reciplex takes your question, ponders it, searches Google, calls friends, then publishes an answer ripe with internet rumor and personal anecdote. Filler I picked up from old standbys because my correspondents don't work on Mondays: Skittlebrau (kottke). Playing Dead and Fetosoap (b3ta). Scaring Your Long-Distance Girlfriend Via Email (kittenpants). And here's a free Carlsonics' mp3 from Pitchfork: Ice People. Except for M. Fox, who's always working for you: Help Jenny! These adorable animals are getting burned up by global warming. I have seen many of them in Wyoming. Very lively and talkative. They make a sort of peeping-squealing sound and are excellent rock hoppers. Behavior: American pikas are active outside their dens about 30% of daylight hours. Much of this time is devoted to feeding, haying, surveillance and territory defense. Adults establish and defend independent territories and territories of males tend to be adjacent to females. Pikas use two characteristic vocalizations, the short call and the song. The short call is given as an alarm to alert others of predators and as a territory defense call. So listen up for singing pikas. Plus, they look like Pikachu. And...Angry librarians (salon). And...yay! VICE do's.. Tomorrow: half-nekkid gay cowboys know their ropes. Yeehaw! 09.05.03 "Humor" in a way: Announcing the return of Forwarded Jokes From My Aunt! And, some of you may remember a time, a time before the Kitchen, when there was a thing called Hippoate, the shell of which still exists, patiently waiting for Mike to add content. Hippoate was to be a collaborative project for Mike and I, but alas, we were poor collaborators, and this story proves it. Bad as it is, it made me all nostalgic about two years ago, which is a state I'm always in, no matter how bad any given two years ago really was. Also, in the story I get to be God, and that's very appealing. Politics/Sports: Bob says, google this: Who will be president in 2004? Here is a good example of what's wrong with the Democrats. They schedule their debate for when the whole wide world is watching NFL Kickoff Live 2003! Speaking of both, A Two-Man Race? and Tom Shales' America, Brought To You by... "American bad taste is the most powerful bad taste in the world." And he should know, being the Post's TV guy. By the way, The Redskins won, and, dare I even think it? they looked like a real football team. And hey, sports fans and fashionistas, Mr. Dunlap told me about the Village Voice's Uni Watch column, which strives to keep us abreast of Uni developments. Good News: Estrada Abandons Court Bid. Ha! Bush doesn't get his way for once. More from the Voice: After the Ecstasy, Foreign Policy - Howard Dean Signals Right Porn: Consumer Guide! to Dirty Pornos, (Voice). REAL FEMALE ORGASMS #4 (Elegant Angel) "What a concept! (Most disturbing scene: Loni's worn-out stud dumps water on her like Gatorade on a game-winning coach—except with the unvarnished hate of a man whose pleasure has been marginalized!) A MINUS." Weather: "early autumn - lush, ripe, reflective and not without melancholy." Lifted the comic from the Voice. Enjoy the beautifully melancholic weekend! 09.04.03 New and improved Berkeley-based correspondent Trix McGinnis sends this: Bill O'Reilly Wants You To Shut Up: Fox News channel talk show host Bill O'Reilly says "shut up" the way other people say "um." (Slate). I can understand how stupid pretty people end up on TV. O'Reilly...he's just repellent. Congrats to Ms. J. Shaffer, whose Trip to the Minnesota State Fair was picked up by The Morning News. You saw it here first, people. While I was there I also saw Lester Bangs interviews Brian Eno. Music & Stuff: Online Tarot Reading with the «Déjà Deck». When your city is stuck beneath a jet stream, the best thing to do is listen to sad songs by American's Greatest Living Pop Composer: Mr. Stephin Merritt, of course. With Whom to Dance and When You're Old and Lonely. So, last night I was strolling through the Mall, and lo! beheld, with mine own eyes, the Extravaganza itself. Sadly, my photos really suck. 'NFL Kickoff Live' Sponsors Put Some Spin on the Ball. "The weather has been ugly. The media have been merciless. The crowds have been thin. But spokesmen for the NFL and Pepsi stood on a dais at the Ritz-Carlton in Foggy Bottom yesterday and tried to put a pretty face on the 'NFL Kickoff Live 2003' on the Mall. They touted the synergy of sports,patriotism and marketing as a success. They trotted out handsome servicemen and servicewomen from across the country. They paraded out really pretty faces, like Britney Spears and Mary J. Blige, who used words like 'energy' and 'fun.' 'I was surprised how much enthusiasm is here,' said Katie Lacey, Pepsi vice president of colas and marketing. "These are, of course, PR people. PR people live in an alternate universe, one where the sun is always shining and people are always happy, where the Department of the Interior isn't being accused by some of selling out the public land to the highest bidder but is instead providing all of us with a wonderful, soda-sponsored experience where young boys and girls can frolic." (Post) And why is the Mall whoring allowed? Ad Rules Relaxed for NFL: "Rules prohibiting commercial marketing on the Mall do not apply to this week's NFL extravaganza because the promotional aspects constitute "sponsor recognition" and not advertising, National Park Service officials said yesterday." (Post) Ah, yes. That makes perfect sense. In case you didn't notice, Bravo's rather icky Boy Meets Boy ended. Doorknob James chose Wes. Franklin was outted as the straighty. You can check out the website for cringe-inducingly lame quotes from the episode. Example: "If I were to pick the straight guy, I think my world would just come crashing down." -- James. That's all. Go Skins! 09.03.03 This morning I've learned that there are some cuties in the cooler, so why not nab yourself a prisoner penpal from Inmate Classified? How about Mr. John Izedonwen (Bank Fraud, Wire Fraud, Stock Fraud)? - "This ad is for all the queens out there in the real world who are interested in a serious minded articulate Black African man. Race or color is very unimportant to me. I consider all women as queens, because I have come to realize after a couple of years of my incarceration that women are jewels of inestimable value that God created for men to appreciate." Or maybe you'd like to write to someone who will never get out, someone like James (Jimmy/Jim) Robertson: "Hello! My name is James (Jimmy/Jim) Robertson. I am a young at heart, spontaneous 29 year old. I am 6’1”, 190 lbs. with brown hair and eyes. I currently reside on S.C.’s death row. In November of 1997, in a Ritalin (dangerous, don’t be fooled by the doctors and the FDA!) overdose fueled rage, I killed both of my loving parents and in March of 1999 was convicted of their murders and sentenced to death." Or Thomas Wyatt: "Sitting here isolated from the world…thinking of something to write that may attract a response form one of you free folk…perhaps it's the luck of the draw, or maybe my writing/message is boring. Could be that the accompanying mug shot puts people off. Surely it couldn’t be the fact I’m under a sentence of death, like aren’t we all, some of us just leave earlier than others, right? I’ve considered contacting that SETI group...have them send a message for me. "Hello, test one two, test test, is anyone out yonder? Of course I’ll have to wait until President Bush finishes, apparently he has intelligence of a spaceship picking up weapons of mass destruction, or something like that!" The incomparable kittenpants, at zulkey.com: The Kittenpants/Darci Ratliff Interview: Slightly Less Than Twenty Questions. Speaking of Ms. Pants, she has a brand new issue. There's lots of stuff in there, so I'll stretch it out for you. Today, kittenpants and Corn Mo interview MICHAEL IAN BLACK. On a a seriously fucked up note, I read this in National Geographic: 21st Century Slaves. "There are more slaves today than were seized from Africa in four centuries of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. The modern commerce in humans rivals illegal drug trafficking in its global reach—and in the destruction of lives." Although I am very lazy and rarely follow through, I've volunteered to help at DC-based Free the Slaves. And by the way, if you post to newsgroups or online journals, which is a bad idea in my opinion (especially to alt.drugs.hard), at least watch what you write. Look how easy it is unearth old postings: More Sleazy "Survivor" Secrets. Finally, Random the British Guy, sent this disturbing image. Oh, and finally, finally, Bob found this job on Craig's List: Ballbusters Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/etc/15666474.html Posted by: (see message body). Posted on: 2003-09-01, 5:16PM Get paid for being a bitch - there is no sex of any kind involved, and no outrageoaus custumes. I have started my own female-managed niche agency. There are a small number a males in the population who want to have their balls kicked and to be otherwise abused by women like you (ie not typical escort types, not dominatrix types). They are safe, prescreened, and there is no sex of any kind in the deal, and no need to wear outrageoaus custumes, because this is not cliched dominance. The number one criterian for in screening clients is total safety, discretion, and docility. Its a chance have fun and be rewarded for letting your inner bitch out. 09.02.03 Rebecca poses a puzzling question - how much kitten is too much? Quoth she, Matt Blevins' gallery is really the definitive source for odiously cute kitten pics. this exhaustive archive keeps coming at ya with hits like: kittens who are friends, kittens with candy, sleeping kittens, matrix kittens, kittens with puppies, kittens with their mommies, and kittens in your french flag shirt pocket. no such thing as numb from too much kitten? this site may give you pause. xo, r NOTE: this collection is pure kitten porn for kitten fetishists. Truly delectable. Photos by Matt Blevins. Heaven On A Stick: a culinary journey through the Minnesota State Fair. Also known as, minnesota state barf, by the j-shay sisters. An interesting Lesberado's new biography: Patricia Highsmith's Well of Loneliness. "Since the 1999 film adaptation of her novel The Talented Mr. Ripley, Patricia Highsmith has been gaining posthumous celebrity. American fame evaded her during her lifetime. Her uncomfortable, slightly repellent novels of passivity, humiliation, delusion and futility skitter in a border zone between serious literature, pulp fiction, comic book and psychiatric case study...She often felt blank, unmoored and frightened. In her diary in 1951, she wrote: "O who am I? Reflections only in the eyes of those who love me." In Beautiful Shadow, Andrew Wilson achieves the detachment required to document Highsmith's bizarre personal habits (carrying a purse full of snails, obsessing over human waste disposal) while still appreciating the intellectual and emotional insights she had to give." Eric W. Obituary backs 'removal of Bush' - Woman 'thought he was a liar'. Deb D. So, what are you doing tomorrow night? How about a Dr. Dean Meet-Up at Ben's Chili Bowl, followed by Kitten Loves Joe at the Galaxy Hut, 8ish. Your last chance to see Troy and Katie unmarried! Tomorrow right here - new stuff from kittenpants. Also, did you hear about the center who puked on the football right before snapping it to the quarterback? Well, now you have. It happened the other day, right around the time the Buckeyes were kicking the dogs. If Oklahoma and OSU keep it up at #1 and #2, Mr. Dunlap and I are going to have an exciting autumn, followed by a championship game that may tear us apart. By the way, please check out the NFL/Military/Pepsi/George W. atrocity now happening on the mallway: The NFL's New Turf. "Picture the commissioner of a certain professional football league with a new season to kick off. And the commander of a certain mighty military with some troops to thank. And the manufacturer of a certain cola with a new flavor to unveil. And the secretary of a certain interior with some national parks to fix up." Thanks taxpayers!