November 7, 2007

Tired

The verdict is in, and it is so FUCKED: Lesbians sentenced for self-defense: All-white jury convicts Black women, from adr. "Justice McLaughlin scoffed at the assertion made by … Johnson, that she carried a knife because she was just 4-foot-11 and 95 pounds, worked nights and lived in a dangerous neighborhood. He quoted the nursery rhyme, 'Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.'"

So....enraged right now.

Indiefolkforever hasn't been so prolific lately, but he's still around, pointing us to a poppy Matthew Sweet tune, Wild, at Stereogum. And that's what Indiefolkforever is for.

Sherman had a birthday, and told her Vegas wedding story to the radio. Deffo is also turning old. Jaimehotdish had a birthday, too, as did Les. Next up are Anisha and Ed. Slow down you guys.

The people send some photos

Bova, Columbus: "Improbable plate on a Saab being driven by a gorgeous armenian girl. wtf?"	C. Greene: In the jfk airport: "Gotta love it. Also, just saw maragaret cho looking hagard. Think shes on my plane."
SLyon, DC: Bearskin rug.	Tonight, at DC9: Olivia and the Housemates.
14th and Quincy: Cheap beers at Red Derby, the new neighborhood watering hole.	Jesse, Tampa: Pastor Craig sermonizin and getting physical, for real.
Emerson: Peanut Butters through the cat door.	Jesse, Tampa: Holy Halloween.
Homecoming: Mr. Johnson, the unlikely chaperone.	Homecoming: Lawyers.
Tampa: Little sister gets her motorcycle license.	U Street: The Flail, at Twins Jazz.

Robert and Aline Crumb, by Dan.

November 6, 2007

Blood on the Dance Floor

See also, Dan's set.

Missing Batch Located!

Pick up your Homecoming photos + Edward's pictures

As always, if you want a picture removed, you may complain to the management. But the Kitchen will spit in your food.

November 5, 2007

Mean Solar Time

I sure am glad Daylight Savings Time has ended. For the past few weeks I'd been waking up at six o'clock in the morning, for no good reason. Today, it's five! I might have to start taking advantage of the 24-hour gym.

In an effort to push the spinning dancer below the fold, and because this item passes the sent-to-me-twice standard, you might check out Strap in, shut up and hold on. We're going back, a collection of 1977 JCPenney catalog scans, accompanied by wish-it-were-funnier commentary. You've got to give props for the find and the scans, though. That shit is time-consuming. From (Northampton) LeMay and (SF) Marlz.

Mullet Beat: I WANT JARED ALLEN TO BE MY DAD, from With Leather.

*honk* Apple Beat: I love this, from Neil, Don't Know What an iPhone Is? You Don't Deserve One.

From: Brian
Subject: baby dalai lama

The picture of the Dalai Lama baby on your blog is excellent. It reminds me of a TV pilot that James and I once produced, called "Eight Puerto Rican Dalai Lamas Is Enough". The premise (told visually each week in the humorous opening credits) was that the Dalai Lama was visiting New York City, and was hit by a bus. So all his helper monks had to find the child born closest to his death, into which his holy soul had been reborn.

Since they were at a hotel in New York, however, it wasn't a Tibetan infant, but a set of octuplets born in the hotel lobby to a Puerto Rican cleaning woman. The monks aren't sure which one of the octuplets is the new Dalai Lama, so they take all of them, along with their sassy, wise-cracking mama, back to Tibet, where hilarity ensues each week.

love...
brian

PS - I also could only see the dancer turning clockwise. I showed it to some people I work with, and they all said the same, although two of them claimed that she was "changing back and forth".

November 2, 2007

Día de los Muertos

Happy All Souls Day, Catholics and heathens everywhere.

Underblog just linked to this thing, which I'm going to rip off in its entirety, because it's slightly blowing my right mind. Sorry, I know how awesome it is stare at animated gifs. But, the article claims most people will see the dancer turning counterclockwise, but I can't do it at all. I had no idea I was so woo woo. What're you? From The Herald Sun: "THE Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise? If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa. Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it."

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Halloween at the nursery

From: Debs
Subject: Halloween at the nursery

My coworker took this picture at her son's nursery school Halloween party. He's about 15 month old.

On the left is her son Max, who is dressed as a dragon. On the right, with a mouthful of pizza, is one of his classmates (a little girl) who is dressed as the Dalai Lama. I'm not sure why I think this picture is so hysterical. Maybe because it's the pizza drizzling down on His Holiness's robes.

November 1, 2007

People like a booty-shaker

1. Deffo's shooting indiscriminantly
2. Sherm's African dancing, offering marriage advice
3. Debs also has stuff going on
4. And now for some fucked up shiz. Neil: In Rape Case, a French Youth Takes On Dubai, nyt.
5. From Esg, "Seymour Stein, I've been lonely." Real Estate Agent Found Slain in 5th Ave. Home, nyt.
6. I KNEW IT! LANCE ARMSTRONG IS A TOTAL CREEP. From Danielle, inexplicably titled HOT AND HOTTER, page 6. "LANCE Armstrong, 36, and Ashley Olsen, 21, are turning the heat up on their unlikely relationship. Armstrong was seen 'making out' with the tiny actress perched on his lap at the Gramercy Park Hotel's Rose Bar." Gross gross gross.

Emerson House Delivers: Backyard Yoga.

October 31, 2007

Wolfie's Day Off

At 12:51am, I received the following text message from NYC Troy:
"Dude. no joke. Katie and I just won a costume contest judged by JD and Johanna from Le Tigre."

Dude, where are the pictures??

At 11:25pm I received the following text message from SF Marlz: "5.6 earthquake!"

Why are you people writing me at these hours?

Speaking of Troy, I think we have a winner.

metalanguage

October 30, 2007

Untitled (zebras) / 2006 / charcoal on paper / 93" x 45" ©Julie Comnick

October 29, 2007

Egg & Sperm: A Scientific Fairy Tale

annie: oh man i have awes hk content coming your way

me: hurry!
send

annie: okay, for starters. (this was the afterthought) What Did You Call It? oh man, in the print edition the headline is amazing.

me: ok wait
connie already sent me that, because our Fantasy Football league is called Yay-Yay Vajayjays

annie: the headline in the print edition is something like, "What did you call it?!?!: Vajayjay means exactly what you think it does. hahaha
yeah, right? how annoying that they think greys anatomy coined this term!
is that what you were gonna say?

me: oh nO
that's ridiculous
i havent read it yet

annie: oh okay.
but yeah, the other thing i am gonna send is way cooler.
it's an academic journal article. but SO awes. so ready for the HK audience. or so "right."

the egg and the sperm: how science has constructed a romance based on stereotypical male-female roles

We've got eyes everywhere

DC: What to do with spiders.	Takoma Park: What to do with spiders.
DC/Lesbians: Shelbot and Coach sez, "Dottie's first Halloween!"	DC/Lesbian: Bolen sez, "Sam has taken to napping with one arm wrapped around his kitty fountain."
Texas: Beercan chicken, CA.	California: Marla says, "The city I'm in where I just saw that? San Jose."
DC: Moving SLyon, loving life.	DC: DC Muscle II
DC: Conbot and Erikbot, hours before E runs the marathon.	DC: Ed Eastwood, feelin lucky, punk?
DC: Me and Trix McGinnis, in from SF.	Brooklyn: Mess, the son and the heir.
DC: Danielle leaves us for Hillary.	DC: D and Bob, cracking up at pearl necklace joke.
DC: A little advice. CA.	DC: Can you believe I rode to Arlington on that rim?
DC: Beautiful morning, crazy people running.	DC: Radio towers.
Tampa: From Jesse, "Chan as awesome as she is crazy. she stopped the show 2 pour everyone a glass of water. i mean the audience. she kept apologizing. she was great."	Hyattsville, MD: Parker turns 2, with Uncle Ed.

October 25, 2007

Your bad habits and your attitude

After ten years of living and driving in DC, one might think I couldn't get lost coming home from the grocery store. But I can and did last night...it was dark and raining, and there was a minor accident I jogged one block over to avoid...and I was listening to some songs, and I also don't really care about getting lost. DC is an easy town to get lost in, too. The state street diagonals, the quadrant system, the lack of a skyscraper skyline on the horizon to get your bearings. Oh, and also the fact that one wrong turn might set you down in Virginia or Maryland. So, before I knew it, I was driving around Northeast, then somehow ended up on a freeway, then eventually way out New York Avenue, where I finally set myself right. I didn't mind at all except for my maybe-pasteurized organic whole milk sitting in the front seat, possibly turning to maybe-pasteurized organic cottage cheese. Anyway, so, this morning I woke up at 7 and couldn't get back to sleep, as has been happening lately, when suddenly at 7:45 I realized I was supposed to go into the office this morning, by 8:30, to table at this breast cancer awareness thing. So I hurried hurried out of bed and out the door, drove against the commuting traffic for the first time in a long time (25 minutes to Arlington), got to the office, which was so weird, just in time, only to find out I'm supposed to be there tomorrow. So, back in the car for the wrong-way VA-DC commute that takes an hour.

The point is, I had a lot of time driving around in the rain for no reason, and you know how when you're young you can listen to a song a million times, and not really understand it, because say, you'd never lived it up at the Hotel California, or almost fallen in love with a transexual on your first trip to the big city. So I was driving around listening to Sweet Old World, by Lucinda Williams, when it occurred to me that the songs are about the suicide of a little brother. Sad.

• Little Angel, Little Brother
• Sweet Old World

Sports Gossip No One Cares About Besides Me Beat: Tennessee men's basketball coach Bruce Pearl, and Tennessee Women's basketball coach Pat Summitt, became best buds, and filed for divorces the same year. Interesting, no? Cute story in SI: Oh Boy. There he goes again. Bruce Pearl's got his shirt off. "These days the two coaches even turn recruiting into a joint project, hosting prospective Vols at Summitt's house for dinner on their official visits. Yet nothing has done more to reveal Summitt's human side than her riposte to Pearl's body-paint adventure: She dressed up as a cheerleader (replete with a feather boa) and sang Rocky Top at a men's game last February. 'I have never been so nervous before a basketball game in my life,' Summitt says, her steely demeanor dissolving amid giggles. 'The response was amazing. People thought it was just neat that Bruce and I are so committed to helping each other.'"

Sherm's illustrated a new book! Check out, but don't steal, some of her pictures, lest Random House be on your ass.

RT on the Radioactive Food Beat: Glow-in-the-dark shrimp -- it's all a little fishy. "A caller who identified herself only as Barbara told the Seattle P-I on Monday that she had given some cooked shrimp she bought at the QFC in Wallingford to her three 'very large'cats Sunday night as a 'birthday treat.' An hour later, she said, she was frightened at what she found. She saw a greenish-blue glow coming from the cat bowl on the darkened porch. When she turned on the light, she found the six shrimp untouched. Her porky cats, which she said 'would eat your leg off if you stood in one place long enough,' didn't touch them."

This walking stick landed on my neck.

October 24, 2007

Passenger Side Road Hand

Last night I finally got to meet the inimitable Christen Greene, she of the very long interview. We and Bolen went to dine at the Mandalay, and then this morning the top story in the Post is about the fucking Burmese police busting into homes in the night and carting people off. Citizens Wait, Worry in Junta's Climate of Fear. Add it to the giant list of things to feel helpless about. Now I'm going to go eat delicious leftovers. Elsewhere in Asia, funny things are afoot: Fearing Crime, Japanese Wear the Hiding Place, from Anisha.

With this, Annie kind of made my yesterday.

Florida Beat, from sister Jess via Watermark Online: "Peter Pan taking the plunge The rumors are true. Tampa's very own androgynous Peter Pan (a.k.a. Randy Constan) is tying the knot with longtime girlfriend Dorothy. The pair were a staple at Suncoast Resort and would wear eye-catching outfits of tights, fringe, felt and, yes, fairy wings. Peter proposed to Dorothy at The Castle in Ybor City on Sunday, Oct. 7. A wedding date hasn't yet been set, but we're sure it'll be a fairytale wedding!"

Shenandoah

Mary Ashby hosted Edward, Constance, Erik and I at her aunt's lovely place for the weekend. Here are some photos if you're interested. The nice ones are by Ed, and the ones obviously taken with a cellphone are by me.

October 23, 2007

The Thanks You Get

On July 3, 2007, which was about a hundred years ago in real time, HK posted a call for submissions, Subject: Your Cat; Medium: Video. And by and large the people came through...with the most boring videos ever amassed in one inbox. Listen for the people talking in their "cat voices," because that's the highlight of HK's First and Last Annual Cat Call Film Festival.

HK Presents: Painfully Boring Movies Starring Your Cats

Sam is Famous . Directed by: Bolen. Starring: Sam.	Gai Panties . Directed by: J. Comnick and C. Jones. Starring: Gai Pan.
Cat Necklace . Directed by: DeffoTotes and Ana. Starring: Punk.	boring cats . Directed by: Mess. Starring: Xander and Mazzy.
Peanut Butter Runs Around . Directed by: JM. Starring: Peanut Butter.	Peanut Butter Falls Asleep . Directed by: JM. Starring: Peanut Butter.

I posted two, because I'm the boss.

October 22, 2007

Monday effort

Les says, Advice for friends who don't know what to wear for the party .

October 19, 2007

Friday Mail Beg

Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.

Carrie, Annie, Jimi, and Dave eating forbidden fig.

October 18, 2007

A Mess

Today is a bit of a mess.

Don't you want to go to the Roller Derby, AND help abused moms and their kids? Sure you do.

A Weekend in Phone Photos, Presented Without Order.

Duckpin bowling, White Oak Lanes. Esg wanted a photo of this top scorers list. Something about "Brown Darlings" and ogling Paris, I believe.	This gentleman was permitted to move freely and unaccosted in southern Maryland, mere hours after the Pack beat the Skins.
Artsy sidewalk photo by Edward.	Animal-eating plants.
Aw, it's a plant about Love.	Koi on the dole.
Marlz' niece Lena, born into fame.	Bova: Ohio sailing, freezing his ass off.
Sneaky tree.	I love Dave, at Teddy's Roti Shop.
Marlz sends Onion headline from San Francisco, cuz she thinks backwater DC don't have that.	Bova: Outside some gay bar in Columbus.
As Jess pointed out, the line between Renaissance-wear and BDSM is blurry.	They would know.
Chowing on the roti in the National Grove of State Trees.	"Fish with Provisions"
Mandy and AJ went to see David Sedaris in St. Pete.	This is how he signed their book.
Man vs. Nature	Coach, Small Press Expo, Bethesda.
Annie: Kirby and foot, Brooklyn.	Dave, not happy with the choices of vices, says "If anything, I'm a Lech." True.
California Redwoods, but tiny.	"Trained" for hundreds of years already. Crazy.
Unattended Child Series: Renaissance Festival Edition.	Dan and his Steak on a Stake.
Ed and I were dressed like this anyway, so we went to the RenFest.	I don't think Ed wanted me in this picture.
U Street, Tuesday night. Lesbian or European? Answer: both!	Sally: "I go to a really nerdy school." Chicago.
Archaeologist Ed says, "PBR: Look what i found! Can't find on a web page but it looks very old."	Speaking of PBR, Solly's on priorities.

Stoned Again, by my dad.

October 17, 2007

Quality

August 21, 2007 passed without notice around here, even though that date marked the 5th birthday of Heck's Kitchen. Allow me a moment to reflect: what is this thing? Is it about quality, original content? No. But it did once aspire to be the Harpers of blogs, assembling top quaility stuff from the far reaches of space. Alas, growth is often about compromise, humility, and realizing that you're more the Reader's Digest of blogs, if Reader's Digest were more concerned with baby animals and dirty gay stuff. All this is to say, if you're looking for top shelf, the proprietor will gladly point you around the corner, and if you want a dive where everyone knows your (fake) name, please come again.

Today's Top Quality Specials (for real!)

"i drew jesus after his ressurection becsueit was easter
and i drew him with big musclews becsue the lord is mitey"

• Miriam's New Project is Grade A Grass Fed Comedy: Patent Pretending. Start from the bottom.
• DeffoTotes went shooting guns and didn't even invite me: Sunday Funday Whiskey and Gun Day II: Guns, Gods and Glories.
• Marlz' Niece Born So Dramatically, It Makes The Front Page of Metro: A New Constituent, Born in His Front Seat: Council Member's Baby Can't Wait for Green Light. Bonus photo of nephew Eli!
• Esg says, "i always like things that prove my mom wrong. re: home ownership lust:" Rent, Grow Rich, Be Free, at Millionaire Mommy Next Door.
• SSB sent this insane story. Six pages long. You won't regret it. The Life and Death of Jesse James: An internet love mystery, By Josh Olson, LA Weekly.
• Not least, the Best Site Ever, care of Miriam/Coach: OBJECTIVE: Ministries. Holy crap, this site is a TREASURE. [update: site is a joke, now 75% less funny]

The Fabulous Johnson Brothers on Next Great American Band (FOX) - This Friday, Oct. 19th (8PM)

My friends are gonna be on the TV! Tune in, suckers. Says Aaron: "Just 3 days away from the premiere of The Next Great American Band on FOX. I just wanted to remind y'all to watch and look for us (apparently, there is a commerical out there featuring yours truly doing a signature scissor kick!). The first 3 episodes, airing Oct.19th, Oct. 26th and Nov. 2nd, will be special 2 hour episodes showcasing the auditions, the final 20 and the final 12 contestants. Friday Nov. 9th will be the first live competition episode. Unfortunately, at this point it is unclear what episodes we will appear on. Wish us luck and keep your phones handy in case they ask viewers to vote for the final 12 out of the final 20 contestants! Thank you for all your continued love and support... This is a very exciting time for us. Shake it! Aaron"

JBros Site

October 16, 2007

Something Queer in Rock and Roll

Today is the day I post whatever people have walked into my room, plunked down, and told me to scan. Below, see our dear esg, celebrating the season's bounty. Please note the tiny heart inserted in the corner.

This is a book Les found at the library. Apparently the "Something Queer" series was all the rage in the Eighties, until the gays went and ruined everything.

My house is afflicted with camel crickets. From SLyon: A Bunch of Ugly Little Trespassers. "They are ugly bugs, but it's mostly that their movements are so erratic," [Nathan Cederoth] said. "A regular ugly bug is not going to jump three feet in a completely unpredictable direction. That's the thing that's really sketchy about them."

October 15, 2007

Blog About the Environment Day

But first, a contest: Today's Best Headline.

Today's Best Headline

bob: best headline ever: THIS
me: i kind of like THIS ONE
bob: pretty awesome, but my hometown newspaper has one more for you: THIS ONE
me: oh my god. that's not an onion headine.
bob: that's what I SAID!
here's another onion worthy headline: RIGHT.

The People Decide What Is The News

• SLyon: Murdoch's Minions Suck Joy from Buffy Fans
• Wam Schmenkins: Homeless man is chess king of Washington
• Neil: Sexual Stereotypes, Civil Rights and a Suit About Both, nyt. "A New York woman filed suit against a West Village restaurant for being thrown out of a women's room there by a bouncer who, she said, did not care she was really female."

Action: Did You Know?

Did you know I have a real job? I work on this website about the environment. I'm not going to link to it, because I'd like to keep my job, but if you click on this and select the first result, you will see what they are up to this month: edumacating the hoi polloi about CFLs and stuff, roadtrip-style..

That thing is totally real! Scary hairless monkey they call "Gandhi."

October 12, 2007

Search phrases to HK, October 2007

It's time once again to take the pulse of the nation with another reassuring edition of....

What Are The People Looking For?

The people are looking for the same things as always.

michelle wie hot photos
manscaping
girls
tina fey
sex x-rays
michelle wie boobs
men in uggs
anjelina jolie
bunnies
margaret cho nude
fat booty
orgasms
espn rachel nichols nude
2005 ohio state cheerleaders
vintage piss
nude alaska men
arnold schwarzenegger naked
wedding sluts
amy sedaris
hillbilly sex
dwarf miniature horse
babysitter is paid with cock
red sox are gay
diana taurasi nude
google images of lisbians playing in kitchen with a apple in her mouth?
collies in costumes
janeane garofalo
x-rated golf
courteney cox hot photos
real unicorns
olivia newton john nude
sarah silverman nude
dad nude
miss piggy nude
jenny miller nude [ahem]
i shaved my chest hair and it hasnt grown back
hundreds of year ago sound barrier was broken on horseback
mermaid news
how to know someone likes you
michelle wie camel toe
serena williams booty
i gave my cat an enema!
pisces haters
rim jobs
baby hippos
topless fortune telling
i wish i was a frog tshirt
nothing
pony bestiality
i want guns
build the neatest scrapbooking room
how did george washington handle the whiskey rebellion
an essay about comparing myself to a guitar
abby wambach lesbian yes or no?
electric light orchestra challenger astronauts
deaf gay cowboys
cute penguins
jerking off for cash
vaginas

October 11, 2007

2 Crazy Women

Hitting the Walls and Working the Middle

Now this ia a get: Jeff "And I am Not Lying — For Real" just posted this bulletin: "Help me interview Alexyss Tylor - the 'Penis Power' woman. You probably know Alexyss Tylor already — if not by name, then by her Youtube clips: Vagina Power with Alexyss Tylor . She's letting me interview her, and I'm trying to get help. What have you always wanted to ask her? If you have suggestions, please either send 'em to me through Myspace or leave them in the comments on my blog. This is going to be fun ..."

Kismet Interlude: I am inadvertently listening to Vagina Power with Alexyss Tylor and Videotape , the last track on Radiohead's new album, available only by pay-what-you-will download, In Rainbows. I highly recommend this mashup. It's like when the chocolate ran into the peanut butter, or when the botulism ran into the face. But back to the Radiohead: As the Post reported this morning, "It's a savvy move by Radiohead and just the latest blow to the rapidly sinking ship that is the record industry. Radiohead certainly isn't the first band to offer free music online, but this is the first time an album that was likely to debut at No. 1 is being given away as its primary form of release." I don't even know what I paid for it. Something in pounds.

Related: Everything is Free , Chris Pureka.

Girl, get your mind right

Says esg, "this woman is a genius. check out her myspace. also, see her horrible/brilliant advice about fixing jealousy through threesomes! i'm obsessed with her bc she starts out by giving such awful advice that ther person with the problem can only immediately realize that they are much more in control of themselves than they thought. like, whoa, no, i'm not gonna do that, you're nuts. then she gives some pretty down to earth advice. also, LOOK at her!"

From cg (green bean): "from my sister who lives in Zurich. This shit ain't right." Sister says, "Not sure if I evern sent you a picture of the campaign poster from the SVP the right-winged Swiss Political Party against everything in the world. This little number has been all over the country. Roughly translated, it says, 'Create Security.'"

October 10, 2007

2 Awesome Things

DeffoTotes!

I want to make sure everyone's reading this dude's phlog. Some history: I only just "met" this guy, whose "name" is Scott, last Wednesday evening as Annie and I were standing on the corner of 16th and U (none of your business what we were doing there). I know his girlfriend Ana from video store days. One day in April I received an email from him, which contained only a link to one of his posts (whoever says dc doesn't have amazing luchador parties is sorely mistaken). What followed was this email exchange:

This was when I knew that this Scott guy was awesome.

The Muppet Movie! (not starring, Henry Kissinger)

Librarian Lyon alerted me to this. Quoth she, "keep in mind that it's from the internet, but this is supposedly one of the earlier scripts of the muppet movie. someone much more obsessive than us has taken the time to deconstruct the differences between this and the final version."

Tough Pigs Anthology — The Muppet Movie, from Script to Screen

"The Muppet Movie is a perfect little gem of a movie. It just seems completely effortless -- like, once you've decided to make a movie with the Muppets, then this is the obvious story to tell, and that's the obvious way to tell it. Every time I see it, I'm blown away by how easy it all feels -- like they just took the puppets out, turned the cameras on, and this is the movie they were destined to make.

"But, obviously, the true story is that that feeling of fluid perfection is only possible when a whole bunch of creative people work like mad on it. We only see the product, not the process.

"This month, in the Tough Pigs Anthology: a glimpse into the process behind The Muppet Movie, using an early script to see what got changed along the way."

October 9, 2007

Hug the Fuck out of 'em, Philippe

HK Express

• Bolen: "brangelina... lesbian doctor... i'm too excited to form the rest of that sentence." Brangelina Go To The Theater
• Bob: "two good ones from popsci." New Study: Fertile Strippers Make More Money, and The Funniest Science on Earth
• adr: Hugs Not Bombs (Achewood fans click)
• Marlz, Florida Beat: man arrested for feeding the homeless
• Bob: "this just in: televangelists may well be charlatans." Scandal Brewing at Oral Roberts

Let's help out Portland Tess with this predicament. Brilliant ideas to me, please.

Annie in Bangladesh.

October 8, 2007

People walk around and see things

Diagnosis: Compulsive documentation, with ancillary need to share.

Your Vote, Wednesday, 15th and U, me and Constance. Annie and Pete, bystanding.

Dykes, from Mess, Wednesday, NYC.

Baltimore, from Annie, Friday night. "Just some horrible corporate art," said someone.

Maybe a little chubbier. I went for a walk Saturday, through Columbia Heights.

Timmy is also lost.

Bi-curious

Costume Sale, 14th Street. "Fat lady dress" comes with its own rack! Not pictured: Bob fondling.

I have a complaint.

Hummerzines, parked outside the church, engines running, naturally. After I took this the window came down and a guy said, "That'll be five dollars."

Just another weird church, 12th Street.

Dave's Emerson Oatmeal Stout, bottling and capping, Saturday night.

The Napper Tandy, where San Francisco Marlz spends football Sundays.

What to do with babies, part 4, Sunday night, Minneapolis, Constance.

October 5, 2007 - Happy Birthday, Bongz!

Blogging Made EZ

What to do with babies, part 3

From: Tess
Subject: oscar's modeling debut

More baby photos! I went into this boutiquey kid's store near our house recently to find some cars for his birthday (he is now one!) & they needed a model for baby leggings – they just started up an online shopping option. So here's Oscar on their web page. He got a t-shirt & a ball in return for his services. I still toy with the idea of making some money off of him on my days off.

Oscar in Green Dots Baby Legs | Oscar in Lite Organic Baby Legs

My dream mast by Sherman.

October 4, 2007

The tears they do come, but they are not often.

I had a dream last night that I gave myself a mastectomy with my pocket knife for no particular reason. It didn't hurt much and healed up in minutes, but I was pretty regretful, now with just the one breast and only this story to show for it. But I also got some good flying in last night, until right in the middle of soaring around what I think was the world's biggest silo I suddenly lost my belief in my ability to fly (the number one requirement for dream flying) and went crashing to the ground. I also visited my family in one of a variety of dream houses which I will call "the endless houses of innumerable rooms," where I realized that long ago we had adopted the saddest girl in my elementary class, Stacy, and that I'd been completely ignoring her all these years. Stacy lived in a white house with a yard full of detritus and a drunk dad. She also got me out of a real jam once in 4th grade. So, I felt terrible, and went off to try to find her room, in the endless house of innumnerable rooms, because I thought I'd get her a present, and if I saw her room I might know what to get her. I found a lot of rooms with a lot of things (one room held only knee high rubber rain boots), and finally came across a poetry magazine with Stacy on the cover. Oh, I thought, she's become an important poet, and also a member of a criminal jury! I felt better about having failed to notice her my entire life, even though I suspected I was just making this story up in a dream to alleviate my guilt. The end.

Except it's not the end! because I just Googled Stacy, who I've not seen since I was twelve, and learned she is alive and employed and everything! I'm so pleased. I love the internet.

Non-required reading

• Marlz: "Whoops, wrong flash drive." how a bill becomes a law
• esg: "Not real. no way. though i guess i could see this actually happening on rhode island ave., actually...Amputee, opportunist wrangle over custody of limb.
• Underblog: "On the human-pet bond." The Ambivalent Bond With a Ball of Fur, nyt.

Viral Corner

• Kangsta Do Good, myspace bulletin: "huge disfiguring scars...are one thing you will not obtain by watching this. click that shit for rap and alcohol." Gran'dad's Nerve Tonic Commercial #1
• La Gringa: Interesting thing Dove is doing: Dove Onslaught

October 3, 2007

my umbrella

SSB claims this is "quite possibly the funniest cat-related story I've ever read," but it's pretty light on the cat: muzzle the dogs of war, via The Swivet.

People send me stuff

Danielle: good morning!
me: hi!
Danielle: there's a funny/sad story about the rep from florida who got caught for sex in bathroom: Embattled Allen could face House chill
me: nice work
Danielle: it's my duty as GOP Sex Scandal Correspondent At Large
me: i will note your new title
Danielle: sweet

Claire: have you seen the baby hippo video yet?
i was giong to send it to you but saw that you are seriously busy
me: i'm never too busy for that
Claire: you will not be sorry
Jessica the Hippo

Full circle pitchers

Friday, 10pm: Dan made a birthday cake for esg, cuz he rules. Puts head in fridge at my request.	Saturday, 1pm: Constance sends photo of crazy plant, somewhere in DC.
Pup of RT and SSB, received sometime from Montana.	Sunday, 11am: Coach and Shell's new fridge is stocked.
Sunday afternoon: Heather B. locates some squashes.	Sunday afternoon: HB and I locate the crazy plant.

October 2, 2007

You can't plant me in your penthouse

I've been busy not updating.

Last night librarian Lyon dropped by Emerson House to screen some episodes of history's greatest variety show, The Muppets (season 2). I'm pretty sure my dad and I watched Elton John guesting when this aired in 1978: Elton John and Electric Mayhem, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road .

Childhood encapsulated:

• Chickens on piano . Chickens are funny.
• Pigs in Space, with John Cleese
• Veterinarian Hospital , with Nurse Piggy huffing.
• Floyd, While My Guitar Gently Weeps
• And of course, Mahnahmahnah!

Fleeting Fame: Can you spot my sister Mandy? Tampa Bay 10 piece on The Heart Gallery .

Artifactual Corner

How to play the words and pictures game, cc and sbolen.

Danar keeps trying to get me to join Facebook. "Yesterday I joined a group called 'You Know Your From Ohio When...' It has an album of over 300 pictures of Ohio, which is grand fun to look at if you don't actually live there anymore."

Today is Hug A Vegetarian Day.

September 27, 2007

Belly Up

Our favorite bartender is profiled in the Washingtonian: Belly Up: Lili Montoya of the Black Cat. "I think female bartenders have to be tougher, in the sense that we have to be better at what we do...But in a sense I think this toughness has been helpful to me. I have more of a teacher persona behind the bar than other people, so it helps me in terms of keeping everyone happy and well behaved and preventing drama from breaking out. Being this female teacherlike persona helps me keep a nice order."

• From Bob, "Boss." In Love With Pop, Uneasy With the World, nyt.
• From Miss Mess, "pretty chart." What Does Bill O'Reilly Really Say About Black People? Gawker.
• So much for sympathy for Larry Craig. Senate Passes Hate Crimes Bill; Larry Craig Opposes, huff post.

A Sporting Tale, by HK Boston correspondent, Feesh

From: Feesh
Subject: suck suck soccer practice

so the other day i was flipping through the channels and to my suprise and delight i stumbled upon germany vs. norway in the women's world cup semi final. sweet! i didn't even now that shit was happening. then i find out that the us vs. brazil game is the next day. sweet! even better.

then i realize the game is at 7:30 AM because it's live and the shit is in china. this means i will have to watch the rerun thursday nite, so all day i try to avoid finding out what happens. i'm squinting when checking emails incase there's some report about it on my yahoo homepage, trying not to look at any newspapers or anything.

then i do my daily check of heck's kitchen and start to scroll down and shit! i see it's the biggest upset in women's soccer history or something?! i looked away as soon as possible, luckily not really get much more from it than someone got their ass kicked but i didn't know which team.

What's a girl gotta do to see some soccer around here?

then i wait all the way til 10pm and put on espn2 so i finally get to see this game and apparently one team getting trounced. as they are rapping up wahtever shitty MLS game that's over, and they are 2 seconds away from switching to the world cup coverage, the last thing the fuckhead announcer says is something like, well its a good day for the rapids or whoever the fuck but a terrible one for the US women's team who got their asses handed to them by brazil this morning. motherfuckingsonofabitch.

i decided to watch the game anyway, and by the end i was almost glad i had been warned about what i had witnessed. it was sad, it sucked, and maybe the stupid coach will get fired or at least go to rehab or something because he musta been on some crazy drugs to make some of those huge dumbasss decisions that he did. anyway, i thought you may laugh at my stupid story cuz at least you follow sports.

love you come visit,
feesh

September 27, 2007

Worst Loss in US Women's Soccer History

Well, that was bad.

The other night I let my friend Suze talk me into going to a Bikram Yoga class in Dupont. Also known as hot yoga, Bikram is 90 minutes of smelly hell in a 100-degree room with a bunch of strangers pouring sweat onto the floor. Our leader was a hairy French man wearing tiny shorts. It was about the most physically difficult thing I've ever done, and I came very close to passing out twice. I felt great when it was over, though. And as Suze pointed out, the clientele was on the whole good looking and friendly. So, I might be foolish enough to try it again.

Homo Crime Beat: Esg (on a tip from her mom): Hate Crime Being Investigated Near Be Bar, dcist. Having trouble coming up with a decent story on this one: Safeway Shooting: Nothing to See, City Paper and Wapost.

Helps your hamburger help her make a great meal!

From: Kristina (former EmHo)
Subject: Support DC Youth!

Dear friends and family,

©Angelica Paez

As some of you may know, I recently began working with the Urban Alliance Foundation, a local non-profit that provides paid internships, job training, mentoring, and life skills development to DC high school students. Our mission is to prepare young adults from under-resourced neighborhoods for the world of work and a life of self-sufficiency.

We are currently in the running for the Hamburger Helper MyHometownHelper.com grant which provides $100,000 to help fund projects across America (welcome to the nonprofit industrial complex). Urban Alliance could win $15,000 if enough people show their support by visiting the site below. So if you can, please take a minute to visit the site and make a comment. Thanks!!

Hamburger Helper: Washington, DC Employing at-risk DC youth

Cali Annie chills on the beach. Sends photo.

September 26, 2007

The Week in Tiny Pictures

The TV/Soccer: Women's World Cup, U.S. versus Brazil, 8:00am tomorrow (Thursday) ESPN2.

Annie goes to California. I have a new phone that takes pictures. Etc.

Annie, Golden Gate Bridge I presume.	Marlz, too? Who Wore It Best?
Heather B. in DC one week and already found a church.	Good friends manage waste.
Esg preys on mantis.	The taming of Peanut Butter.
Nats last stand at RFK, $5 seats.	Olivia and the Housemates at DC9 benefit for Rock Camp.
Metro ad for douche factory.	Anonymous horticulturalist contribution.

September 25, 2007

Onion Strike

RT: Ohio spelling? Caution sign set out by Columbia Gas of Ohio along West Home Road in Springfield, Ohio.

I thought Mess had written, "I love onions." And I was excited to read about what new wonderful health benefits were discovered to be derived from onions. Wikipedia List of Culinary Vegetables. Did You Know? Beets are an aphrodisiac.

Newsiness

• Bob says, "this'll cheer ya right up. it's like god sent it." Female 'Ninjas' Rob Richland Gas Station With Sword, Dagger
• Bob: Pardon Poor Larry Craig, nyt oped
• Marlz: Thousands of hyphens perish as English marches on
• Mess: Margaret Cho's new stage show Q&A, gothamist

From: Ed
Subject: Bobcat

The construction workers on the site i'm working on just let me drive one of these! It's a Bobcat...like a mini bulldozer. It was so much fun...I totally dozed some dirt. Then they made me help them put this giant crane into place to move the site trailer. I'm really starting to feel like a for real construction worker. I've already started whistling at all the pretty ladies that walk by the site. If I play my cards right maybe the guys will show me where they stash the case of Keystone Lights.

Autumn Landscape with Rainbow by Jacob Cats, 1779.

September 24, 2007

Autumnal Equinox

My sister won't stop shooting children. This little cutie is the latest.

©Jesse Miller

September 21, 2007

Hardly amused

All I care about this week are football¹, food², and motorbikes³.

This story sort of made me cry this morning: Girls Bask in Their New Destiny: Cheerleaders, wapost.

Last Christmas I got my brother a book, Black Hole, by Charles Burns, at the recommendation of friends. We were always trying to get him to read, so I was happy that he really liked the book, and he asked me a couple times if I'd read it yet and I hadn't. Anyway, I took his copy and I'm reading it now and shit is bananas. Also really good teen angst stuff is Potential, by Ariel Schrag, loaned to me by esg (who's 29th birthday was yesterday. Celebratory duckpin bowling next Saturday. Please make a note of it.).

Remember when we did short short stories? Here is one that Sherman sent me this morning.

¹Last night I dreamt about a tattoo that was the word "FOOTBALL" in quotes, which in my sleeping mind meant "Fantasy football." I thought this was very clever in my dream, though it is not.

²I have been cooking up some delicious stuff lately. You should come over. This is nice: Better Meals From Humble Ingredients, wapost.

³Mayor Eric made this memorial for Bitty.