From Bob, "Xanadu, well reviewed." Heaven on Wheels, and in Leg Warmers, nytimes. "Can a musical be simultaneously indefensible and irresistible? Why, yes it can."
Related: Xanadu (Wikipedia). "I blame cocaine... It's like people say, 'When you hear Ray Charles play, you can hear the heroin'? When you watch Xanadu, you can see the cocaine up on the screen."
—Douglas Carter Beane, playwright for the 2007 Xanadu (musical)
What the hell? I didn't even KNOW about the Lesbian Gang epidemic ravaging my city. I am NEVER on the right listserves. Luckily Bill O'Reilly and FOX News are on the case! Apparently there are 150 lesbian gangs in D.C. alone, raping and indoctrinating innocent little girls, and murdering straight men with pink Glocks! For real! I am hurt, BEWILDERED, that after 10 solid years of Washington-area lesbianism, not ONE member has invited me to join. What the hell's going on around here? I'M JENNY MILLER, BITCHES!
If you told me anything important in the past month or so, you might
want to repeat it.
Meet my troublesome petcock.
I
spent Saturday rebuilding my petcock, and if that doesn't sound studly
I don't know what does. The petcock is the thing between the gas tank
and the fuel lines. It has a little screen in it for removing debris,
like rust from your crappy, rusty tank. The lever is set to either stop
the flow of gas, start it, or to switch to your reserve. Because mine
was totally clogged, I was getting no fuel at all. So, rebuilding the
petcock involves first draining the tank, which was a major hassle, then
taking the thing apart, cleaning it with carb cleaner and q-tips and sticks
and rags, and replacing the screen and rubber parts. I reinstalled it,
started the bike, and nothing. Still no gas flowing. Now I was hot and
dirty and frustrated, but not more so than I would be on Sunday. On Sunday
I repeated the process, found the part I'd missed in the cleaning, reattached
it, and voila! A clear petcock delivering gas as it is was born to do.
Unfortunately, the bike is running worse than ever. I don't know what's
wrong with it.
Where the magic happens.
From: Bob
Subject: from my hometown paper
this is funny.
Republicans are also immoral
The letter headlined "Democrats support homosexuality" in the
June 24 The Herald-Dispatch left a lasting impression on me. One must
certainly admire her for standing up for morality, and I am glad that,
one day, I will see her in heaven. However, I am troubled by her conclusion
that Democrats are immoral and, apparently, Republicans are not.
I would like to know if robbing the poor and giving to the rich is a
moral act. Furthermore, is it moral to invade a sovereign nation without
just cause and kill thousands of our military in Iraq and Afghanistan
without ever achieving our goals? The goals keep changing because our
government lied to us repeatedly.
To reiterate: I am for morality and I despise sin, especially homosexuality,
but I doubt seriously that how I vote will have much impact on moral values
in this country. I would remind my Christian friends that salvation is
of the Lord. Neither is there any sign of salvation in any politician.
So, let us all pray for a revival of Christian values all over our country
and that we will rise up and throw all the devils out of office and send
the felons back home along with those who wish to destroy our country
in the name of religion.
S. Elmo Bledsoe
Barboursville
From: Bongz
Subject: CHIN CHIN
This was an ad for wwi sheet music i saw in an antique shop in mattawa
mi. Hope you can make it out cause its good. Also, just passed a billboard
on the way to detroit that, i believe, was using churchill to sell abstinence.
Yay! Xo,r
I haven't had a summer this nice in a long time. Watching the tennis,
the cats, the garden grow by day (and working some), and riding the motorbike
around at night. I've been having crazy vivid dreams*, maybe because I'm
reading this really good book, I
Know this Much is True, by Wally Lamb...the only bad thing about the
book is that stupid song has been stuck in my head since I started and
will remain until I finish it. I see some reviewers have called the book
"meandering" and "digressive," but I say that's bullshit. It's a quick
900-pager. Go check it out.
Rock star Mike. Message from the Missus: "Check out the trailer
wrap DH [Darkest Hour] is driving around with right now! Remember the
record comes out this Tuesday, July 10! Yay! - Sari."
I worked for half an hour today before realizing I have the day off.
From: Banglie
Subject: videos!
hey jm! i am attaching two videos here. if you wanna post them, that
would rule for me because it'd mean i don't have to wait for my
internet connection to send them to everyone who reads your site.
descriptions:
one last transit video and then a new theme: people playing music!
this transit video is taken from the front seat of a van exactly like
the one we're following. these vans are caravanning white people such
as myself through old dhaka on the way to a hindu temple. in the
background hear fara, our bangla teacher, trying to engage with the
girl who i suspect has aspergers.
video two! dhaka university music club
i went to dhaka university with my friend mohammed who teaches there.
we ran into one of his students outside the teacher-student center and
he took us to his music club jam session. this is a bengali folk song
being performed on a harmonium.
that thing is totally true! How'd you come across that? Well, in any case, thanks, b/c I never really understood why my family called my cousins "sisters" nor the weird rules about which cousins I could marry and which ones I can't (all of which I thought was *gross*) but just wanted to let you know it's all weirdly coming together now...
From: Me
that is great!
honestly, i was trying to remember the word "legacy," and i couldnt think of it at all, so i started looking up words like descent and stuff. my brain's going.
can i post this?
From: Anisha
post away! yay wikimania!
Lookit this thing happening right now in the backyard.
Heck's Kitchen's first annual Cat Video Festival is now accepting submissions. What we're looking for are films of cats, preferably, though not necessarily, doing something. Perhaps something like this. Send your entry of one minute or less to katspank@gmail.com. Please title it, and give me your stage name for identification on my site, since some of you are Important or want Privacy or are still Electable or something.
Festival will be posted as soon as I have five (5) entries or probably fewer. Don't miss your chance to expose YOUR Pyewacket to an audience of several dozens, mostly Hollywood heavyweights.
One reason I always wanted to work from home is so I could watch Wimbledon in the summer. Life is good.
Content
Last night did not go as planned. First, I rode my motorbike to Fort
Reno with the intention of seeing Mess
up the Mess. There, I met up with housemates Dave and Anisha and non-housemate Bongz, and we sat through one terrible band before it began pouring rain. Dave rode his bicycle home, and the rest of us spent a good amount of time huddled beneath a tree getting soaked before housemate Edward* arrived in his nice dry car. I, however, still had to get my bike home, which was an adventure involving rain, darkness, repeated cutting out of engine, and a mysterious and inconvenient top speed of 25mph on Military Road.
Back at Emho, a night that now looked dryish and peaceful and full of
Wii bowling was interrupted when housemate Maegan informed us that Tony
Snow was playing at the Black Cat. Tony Snow, naturally, plays jazz
flute in a fusion band called Beats Workin. Seriously.
Non-housemate Brian, who only enjoys video games if he gets to be a broken-hearted
werewolf or warrior fairycorn, was just looking for an excuse to get out of the house and here it was presented in the form of a chance to get in a
shouting match with the Other Washington's movers and shakers. So persuasive
was he that soon he and Bongz and I were up to our eyeballs in douchey
lawyers and skanky staffers.
Within two minutes, no more, the following occurred: It was announced that Tony Snow was "with the President" [cheers from crowd]; the rest of the band (pictured below) launched into some bluesy rock cover**; and both Bongz and I were separately elbowed by crazy-dancing Hill-type girls, our beers went flying onto other Hill-type girls, who turned and glared AT US.
Lesson: there's a reason we don't hang out in Georgetown or Capitol Hill, and when those places come to us, stay away.
Bizarro night at the Cat.
LEZ BEAT: Dan says, "Don't know if you caught this, but the African American lesbians who,
uh, got into it with a homophobic dude in the West Village have been
sentenced. They received sentences ranging from 3.5 to 11 years.
FIERCE! is organizing a support program."
The actual "news" in this piece is geneticists have found that wildcats domesticated themselves only once, in the Near East, site of the first large scale grain agriculture. "For people, it was a great package -- agriculture, food surplus (and all the civilizing effects that came with it), with domesticated cats thrown in to protect the wealth by eating the mice. 'When that technology was transferred to other cultures, so were the cats,' said Robert Wayne, an evolutionary biologist at the University of California in Los Angeles. Therein lies the reason other cultures didn't domesticate local wildcats, he said. 'Why reinvent the wheel?'"
*Last night Edward agreed to eat a live tarantula at our Fourth of July party for $1000, which will be used to purchase a working motorcycle (unlike the one pictured here, with our driveway workers). We have already raised $200, though today it doesn't seem like such a great idea. First of all, will eating a tarantula make you terribly sick or dead? I'm afraid to Google "tarantula eating."
**I asked Brian what the song was, and he says, "i don't remember a thing about 'beats workin'
except my colossal disappointment
that we were not face to face with the architects of our nation's
shame and dishonor."
Still no word on the severed heads/rotten papaya mystery. Maybe "Bucky" came by and took care of Joy and Gregor, and now their heads are in plastic bags tied beneath a sink, waiting for the next unsuspecting tenants.
Motorcycle News: Some guys are out back building a driveway for us, on
which we will be planting this shed, as building a real garage turns out to be wildly expensive. And yesterday I had my motorcycle inspected.
Highlights included: a 6:00am drive, with some stalling in traffic and
accidental red-light running; a special express lane for motorbikes; actually passing the inspection; and
meeting a dude with a '72 Honda 500 Four, which looked exactly like this
(click for big):
From: Marlz
Subject: Fwd: severed head hanging from our sink
this is insane!!! check the next e-mail for a better picture. this is from a girl i know. jesus!!!
From: Joy
"last night, as i was getting out my blow dryer from under the sink, i was startled to see what appears to be a severed human head, (perhaps 2 of them, one adult and one child or shrunken head), with rotting flesh, in a clear plastic bag hanging from the pipes in our bathroom sink.
i have no idea what it is or how it got there.
for a while, i thought maybe my roommate was collecting body parts, since he had recently rented the Jeffery Dahmer biopic.
but then he didn't know what it was, either.
none of us would touch it, but finally gregor poked it with a wine bottle to determine its viscosity or solidity. (perhaps it was just collected water and hairballs).
nope. he said it felt like "rubber."
maybe it's a brain!!!!!
we're either going to call the landlord or have bucky come over and inspect it.
please see the attached file/photo for yourself and let me know if you think
it might be anything other than a severed head. the larger shape looks
like a kinda upside down skull, with the dark spot being the eye socket.
Subject: clearer photo
here is a clearer photo with greater detail of what we suspect is a
severed, rotting human head, plus baby head or shrunken head.
note the little bit of what appears to be blood collecting in the bottom
tip of the bag.
if anyone wants to come over and cut the bag and figure out once and
for all what is really under our sink, please come over now!!!!
Seventy-two photos of our trip to Columbus, for Comfest, Pride, and walking around. Underrepresented in this album are: Comfest, Pride, other people, pizza, sitting in the car for 16 hours.
Responses to Emerson House Garden Tour
From: Mess
Subject: too much mint
my suggestions:
mint chocolate chip ice cream (my personal favorite)
mojito parties!
and dont forget mint juleps
and presents for other people! mint cuttings especially make for nice
gifts.
okay, so i've been planning a mint juleps and mojitos party at your house
in my head for the better part of the afternoon... you could also make
peach batidas!
From: Shalini
Subject: mint
favorite thing to do with excess mint (i'm pretending you're
interested) is to make mint chutney. if you've ever been to an indian
restaurant, this is that green condiment. my home-style version doesn't
taste exactly the same, but i like mine better. if you're serious about
getting rid of all that mint, this is an easy way to use it up, and
it lasts in the fridge a while. also it goes on everything (celery,
meat, mixed in with plain yogurt). fuck around with the proportions
until you get something you like.
take an onion, and put it in a blender or food processor with some
lemon juice. grind that shit up. add one bunch mint, one bunch cilantro,
grind. add 2 or so cloves of garlic, some green chilis, salt, and more
lemon juice if it's too thick. keep blending and adding more or less
of other stuff until it tastes good.
i enjoyed the emerson garden tour. i don't know why it compelled me
to send you an unsolicited recipe, but there it is. i miss having a
garden. i live in the suburbs and you live in the city. this just doesn't
make any sense.
ps. forgot to mention: use just the leaves of the mint (this the only
time i ever use mint, so i don't know if that's obvious), not the stems
or whatever they're called.
From: PandaPark
Subject: Unknown Plant on your web site
Unknown Plant on your web site
Hi there,
Your "Undesirable #1 is called a Virginia Creeper. The leaves turn
nice colors in the fall, but it can be a bit of a vine from hell in
that it can be invasive. When it starts leafing, it has between 3-5
leaves and when fully leafed has 5. It can be easily confused with the
3 leafed poison oak or ivy.
Once again I was dragged to a show when all I wanted to do was lay about
with the baseball on, and once again I'm so glad I was, because last night
was Team Dresch at the
Black Cat. I don't know how I got to be this far along in life without
seeing them play, or even listening to Personal
Best, but that was all remedied last night. I'm terrible at writing
about shows, so I'll just say go see them if they come to your town; it's
a reunion tour and there aren't many stops. And that is you tonight and
this weekend if you're in Philly or NYC.
But life's not all queer rock shows. Lately I've been noticing the surprising
diversity of foliage in our yard, some of it not even undesirable. Let's take a look, shall we?
Front yard first: For about a week, we're going to have 500 ripe peaches. This is stressful to everyone. Last year Annie made some pretty sweet peach sorbet, but that doesn't use enough of them either. Damn peaches. At least our other peach tree died this year (and dramatically fell down in a storm). To the right, the Japanese Maple Edward planted a year or so ago. We made fun of him at the time, because it was small and pathetic, but now it's getting big enough that someone might want to steal it.
Hydrangea. One year my then-housemate Adam and I decided to do some weeding. Unfortunately, he was a bit foggy on the details and went to work on some very old hydrangea bushes with a weed whacker and machete. This is the one he didn't completely destroy.
Mint choking roses to death. The other night Dave made a nice mint and
walnut pesto, but again, there is too much mint to deal with. Maybe we
should start a chewing gum factory.
The Great Plains. Dave asked Ed if we were growing wheat.
Where the hydrangeas used to be. Dave planted those flowers, and I planted
that bush. I can't remember what it's called, but it's starting to get
the weird globular flowers that makes it special. Is anyone still reading
this? We have a lot more to go.
Undesirable 1. Gross. I don't know what the hell this thing is, but it is revolting.
It's like looking at a picture of a cockroach. I can't even bring myself
to kill it. Click here for close up.
Undesirables 2. On the left is what I believe to be the beginnings of
a weed tree (as seen in Bob and Bongz' backyard). To the right is a Sumac shrub I planted. It's just not very lovely.
Corn People. Edward planted corn. It just started doing this thing:
Rabbit food. Beets (me) and carrots (Ed). Mmm...sweet roots. Did you know I used to
live on a beet farm, and I picked beets in exchange for tent space? Well
now you do.
Heirlooms. Jessica and Dan gave us little heirloom tomato plants about a month ago.
This picture does not do justice to the huge bushiness of these crazy
things. Maybe I'll try to make ketchup.
Weedcentral. A view from the alley. I especially detest that kind in
the center. They must grow a foot per day. Luckily, they are very easy
to pull out.
Insidious. I don't know what these nice flowers are, either. I know they don't
last 30 minutes if you cut them. And there's our old nemesis, Wisteria.
It is a menace to our way of life, to everything we value and stand for.
And yet some terror-loving former owner planted it.
Last year's garden is crazy town. On the left are some weird vines climbing
up last year's sunflower stems. I guess I should call them sunflower trunks.
They are everlasting. To the right, what the hell is that?
I'm really skipping the more boring plants. A better view of the thing above, with some flowers that I've seen actual humingbirds
checking out. Is anyone still with me? We're almost done.
Another mystery plant.
This is a can of leftover gravel from the hot tub project. No one knows
what to do with it, so some grass decided to grow there.
I don't know what this tree is, either. But it lives despite having the
brick wall fall on it. I buried a kitten under there. A dead kitten, obviously.
I guess this concludes the Emerson House Garden Tour.
Tomorrow we're going to Columbus for Comfest. Updates will appear as
needed. Thank you for your business.
My work people caught a kitten in our yard. "One kitten has a new home, but the other one is still available to a patient, loving owner. Photos are attached.
Let me know if you want her." [write
jwascalus@iatp.org].
True Colors tailgate
Erasure Superfan:
It's one thing to close down the bar, and it's another thing to be the very last people to leave Merriweather Post Pavillion. (esg comment: "i'm wearing a BURNING MAN CRUSTYHANKY oh well it had to happen sometime. ps you look like the gay-concert-pavilion-tailgate-party equivalent of hugh heffner.")
I was going to ride Goldie down to the site of the new Nats' stadium
this morning to take pictures, but then I (re)found JDLand, whose comprehensive
coverage of the construction made my plan seem very unnecessary. Take
a look at what's happening in near Southeast: New
DC Baseball Stadium Site/Washington Nationals.
Speaking of the Nats, I keep hearing how the Yankees are "closing in"
on the Red Sox, at 8 1/2 games back. But your Washington Nationals are
only 9 games back of the first-place Mets, and no one's talking about
Washington overtaking the Metropolitans. No respect, I tell ya.
If a gay bomb falls in a forest...
Today we're going to the "True Colors" concert at Merriweather, which makes me wonder, what would happen if the Pentagon dropped their "gay bomb" on that? Would it be like crop dusting with Ecstasy? Or would everyone turn straight? Return tomorrow for an illustrated report.
Annie is slutty in Bangladesh
From: Annie
check me out! this get up is called a salwar kamiz. the pic of
me in the blue one is taken in front of my house (how cute is the
heart gate?). this pic is actually quite risque because my orna
(scarf) is hiked up and not serving its purpose of completely
obstructing any view of my boobs. i am slutty.
more to follow! i miss you dudes. it smells like poop here all the time.
From: Annie
okay dudes, sorry this is a hefty ass email file. attached are two
pics from my first rickshaw ride, one video of my first rickshaw ride,
and another video i took on the drive from the airport to my house, of
the main road outside my neighborhood.
the chatter in the rickshaw video is santa, my conversation partner,
explaining to me that we are still in my neighborhood but just in a
different part of it.
i'm learning to read and write bangla and it is like being in kindergarden
again.
Hide your daughters and stuff, because I just got my motorcycle license, and it's likely I'll accidentally run them off the sidewalk before crashing into a telephone pole, and you can all look back on this entry as the beginning of the end, and my tattoo will be all ironic in death. I think my motorcycle makes my dad and my grandma nervous, but not as nervous as it makes me. Yesterday, with my actual legal operator's license and temporary tags affixed, I took my first lawful ride around the neighborhood and nearly had several heart attacks. Like when I stalled while turning left in front of oncoming traffic.
So, you heard it here first. This thing might kill me.
My littlest sister went to Italy. Here is her photo of "a cute old man."
I am okay! the mudslides are happening
further south, but the
city of dhaka is mostly safe from major floods. i've had to walk
through some nasty puddles, about 8" deep in dirty dirty filthy poopy
water. but yeah, i just got on the computer! i'm gonna send pics and
a real email soon! i'm doing well. i hope ben the subletter is
awesome. my roommate here, ann, is so so great and knows ben from
brown and says he's super sweet. yay.
yesterday was pretty rough on me for a couple of reasons, but i'm
mostly really liking my time here. it's just sorta overwhelming.
i've never seen poverty like this and never so up close--like
literally on my doorstep. Private Stuff Redacted
and then i walk home and there are literally people and children
begging to me on the door step. i reached in my bag to pull out some
bananas i stole from the breakfast table direct redistribution: state
department funds --> needy peeps. i thought it was so smart. but then
the program director who accompanyed me to the doctor was like, "i
wouldn't do that here. they know this is the house with the foreign
students. if you give these people bananas outside your doorstep
there will be many more here tomorrow." so that was sad and
frustrating. so THEN, i go inside adn the cleaning people are
cleaning my apartment. and i see that the person scrubbing my bathtub
is a boy of about 11 years old. anyway, yeah, yesterday was fucking
hard.
but there are a lot of great wonderful amazing things going on here
too. and overall i'm so so so excited to be here. pictures soon.
okay, i love you dude! i miss you!
xo,
annie
Movie Review, by HK Film Critic Jenny Miller
Away From Her, written and directed by Sarah Polley. Starring Julie Christie
and Gordon Pinsent. Playing at E
Street Cinema.
If you want to be incredibly depressed, go see Away
From Her. To summarize, here is an Achewood strip.
Housemate Annie wrote us from Bangladesh early this morning with no mention of mudslides and floods, but esg just sent this frightening news: Death Toll in Bangladesh Monsoon at 126. I think Annie's in Dhaka, and most of the trouble seems to be in Chittagong. But, it'd be nice to hear from her today.
Our new, young, gay subletter showed up last night, fresh off his LSATS and junior year at Brown. He's working for freshman Rep. Joe Sestak. We sent him off into the swampy D.C. summer this morning with his size 13 shoes and a SmarTrip® card.
Dave and I are at home all day, so there's been a lot of bike work going on. I can't even keep track off all that Dave's already done to his 750, but a complete engine teardown and a new front end are on the docket for next week. Meanwhile I'm making minor improvements to my 350, and learning to ride it. So far Dave's only had to come rescue me twice.
Yesterday Dave found this tiny baby mantis on our front door.
Washington Post
D.C. Sports Bogger Dan Steinberg says my Olde Nats and Senators page is "great," and plans to link to it, hopefully today, so welcome sporty Posty readers if that actually happens. And thanks, Dan! My traffic is in the shitter this month, and you know, that's a phrase generally too vulgar for me, but it's the best descriptor here. It's like people have lost all interest in cats, lesbians, and me. How could that be?
Edward lent me the new Feist CD, The Reminder, last night, and
I agree with his assessment of its awesomeness. Here's a song for you:
ps - as of this episode, meredith and austin's show is now the most viewed
ever on channel 102! huzzah!
"Tender Forever lovefest enters 24th hour"
From: esg
Subject: omg
tender forever totally covers my favorite ryan adams song in the world, Come Pick Me Up. it is finally perfect. and my love of ryan adams somewhat validated!
so i enjoyed how tender forever kept referring to what she was doing
as "karaoke." i mean, you just hit play on a laptop and sing
into a
mic. anyway, one of the best things (maybe the best thing?) i ever saw
at a show was idm producer kevin blechdom doing a version of "i will
always love you" that takes this karaoke aspect of electronic music
and runs with it. jenny, you will hate this.
Following Rags to Riches' Belmont win, Andrew Beyer explains: Where
are the Fillies? Chamique Holdsclaw, remember her? Bizarre career
for the Washington Mystics — face of the franchise for a while, then
took a mysterious leave of absence, later citing depression, then asked
for a trade to L.A. Anyway, she
announced her retirement. No one watches IRL, so you might've missed the little dust up between Danica Patrick and Dan Wheldon last week: IndyCar: Danica right to fight. And, lost in the story of Nadal beating Federer for his third straight French Open title, was Justine Henin also winning her third straight French title, and a little feel-good family reconciliation to boot: Henin Continues Dominance on Clay at Roland Garros.
China! Also, this week D.C.'s semi-pro fastpitch softball team, The
Washington Glory, is playing a 4-game series from Thursday to Sunday with the Chinese national
team down at George Mason. That should be pretty cool, from what I
remember of watching the Chinese team on the TV. If anyone wants to catch
a game, let me know.
Last night we went to the Black Cat to see Tender Forever (opening for
The Shondes and Electrelane), and I've gotta say, WOW.
And also, YAY!! Because that's the kind of music reviewer I am. I'd never seen Tender Forever (one Melanie Valera), and I think
my reaction was the same as every other first-timer's in the room — confusion,
followed by amusement, followed by totally in love. I don't think I should
bother trying to describe it. I see she is sometimes compared
to my favorite, Mirah, but that's a stretch. Everything about Mirah says "deliberate," while everything about Tender Forever says, "I'm wearing an actual helicopter beanie." Her album, The Soft and the Hardcore, has also been called adorable
and simple, which certainly doesn't do justice to the live show, which felt like artless performance art (of course, I am gullible). She looks (and
dances) a lot like Coach having a seizure, and she's got this cute French accent, and
her schtickless schtick is just awkward as can be. With the flailing about, and the banter that was sometimes hilarious, sometimes had us staring at our shoetops in embarassment, the occasional prop, and all that while she's singing (or singing along with) her little
songs about sex and love. And that all added up to awesome. Anyway, it was one of those happy and rare nights that make you proud to be a human. Whoop! Photos by Les coming soon.
...died at the age of 33, if that book is to be believed. I know I breathed a sigh of relief when I got to 34 without being martyred, and now it's Bob's turn to try. Bob just said, "nice gay banner. but i feel like a kid whose birthday falls on christmas." So make sure you take some time out from all that queer stuff this weekend to wish birthday cheer upon our Bob.
In years past I have often ignored Pride altogether, as it is hot and noisy
and full of ugly rainbow-adorned paraphernalia. And sponsored by Bud Lite.
But, when the feeling does strike, you gotta strap on that fannypack and
hit the streets. In that spirit, last night we attended a "Bachelorette Auction"
at some place called RNR Lounge (formerly Coyote Ugly, people kept saying,
as if! They kept the nice wide dancin' bar, by the way.) The event
was thrown by Mia Productions, which has this
sort of horrifying Myspace page.
Bidding started low and stayed low for the first few "packages," and I was beginning to wonder if lesbians are not in fact the spendthrifts we're widely known to be. Happily, bidding increased as beer went into the bidders and clothes came off of the bachelorettes. I believe Max the Bartender from DC Eagle and her hefty package went for upwards of $500.
My confidence in our people restored, I toddled over to the Velvet Lounge to check out Olivia Mancini and the Housemates (+ Brian). My driver refused to accompany me, because she thinks the Velvet is a dirty little hole where folks blow cocaine right up your nose. In fact, this is true, and when I went to the ladies' room I walked in on a woman squatting over the sink. Peeing. So I went to the men's room, where a man said, "That chick still pissing in the sink?"
Olivia's band is really great, and her mom and her aunt were pretty nice, too. You should check them out. The band, that is. That song I Wouldn't Worry really is so catchy it was stuck in my head all night while I slept and dreamt.
P.S. DC Dyke March, tomorrow
1 p.m., Dupont Circle. I expect a turnout of dozens.
olivia mancini and the housemates are playing at the velvet
lounge tonight
and they will be featuring, as a special treat, myself on keys
and, as we all know, nothing is more awesome than a partly-competent
keyoard player
who learned all the songs yesterday
the bad news is that we are going on last
which will probably be sometime after midnight
so... fuck it
if, however, you are in the mood for getting out on the town tonight
i'll be at the velvet lounge from about 9:30 onward
so come by and have some beers
drinks are on me if you are moving to bangladesh in three days, like annie,
or if you are a handsome little sprite, like dave waterman
I borrowed The Sportswriter from my dad. Everyone who's read it says something like, "Oh, it's so sad." But so far it's not very sad to me. There's this divorced guy with one son dead, who seems to think he's made himself a sensible and manageable life, but who actually seems lonely and alienated and afraid of everyhing except what's just ahead. Anyway, it's pretty good. This passage reminds me of this dream I had. Weird, huh?
Nothing in the world is as hopeful as knowing a woman you like is somewhere thinking about you and only you. Conversely, there is no badness anywhere as acute as the badness of no woman out in the world thinking about you. Or worse. That one has quit because of some bone-headedness on your part. It is like looking out an airplane window and finding the earth has disappeared. No loneliness can compete with that.
Richard Ford The Sportswriter
Lesbians at the beach
These are a few ("of thousands") of my sister's photographs from her trip a couple weekends ago.
Today's update is provided by my sister, Jesse, who works for the The Heart Gallery of Tampa Bay. I'm so impressed with her work there, and I love hearing about kids and animals who find homes. (Return tomorrow for regularly scheduled programming: snark, plugs, and photos of lesbians at the beach.)
Kevin
Hello all,
I just found out one of my favorite Heart Gallery teens is being adopted
on Friday and I just wanted to share the good news.
Man, I love my job.
Kevin's HG photos from last year and now this year.
Jessica
Jesse: "Check out this cutie, Jessica . Adopted! See new mom's commentary below!"
Bio: Thirteen-year-old Jessica is beautiful both inside
and out. She has such a friendly demeanor and loving nature that she makes
friends easily. One of the things Jessica loves is athletics. When she's
not studying or spending time with friends, she likes to be outside playing
football or basketball. In school, Jessica excels at track, and loves
doing math. Jessica considers her friendships the most important things
in her life. Maintaining contact with her older brother and foster mother
is a must for Jessica. Jessica would thrive in a patient and nurturing
environment.
We could not imagine our home without Jessica in it now. We are truly
blessed by having been given this opportunity! The heart gallery was
our first awareness's of the foster care system in Hillsborough county
so
please keep it going! This is a fantastic way to show the public a great
need that they can get involved with!
We took Jessica this weekend to the Brandon Mall and got pictures of
her
standing beside her picture. We'll be adding this to her scrapbook. We
"borrowed" a match ribbon from another child's picture for just
a moment
because she wanted it taken with her to show she found a family.
My husband and I also took a moment to see all the new faces while we
were
there. Maybe our family will be growing again one day soon...... :-)
Annie sez, "if florida kids know about two things it's pop music and
the clink. behold, the most adorable song ever written about prison." The Besties: Prison Song.
Who thought Tess parenting could look any different?
From: Sari
Subject: Dog in Need of a Home
Hi Everyone,
As I was leaving for work this morning I opened my
front door to discover someone had left me a little
surprise. A 6 month old Huskie/Black Lab mix, named
Midnight, with a full bag of food and a note that read
"To Whom It May Concern... Please take care of our
dog..." I don't know how often stuff likes this
happens, but now all the sudden I feel responsible for
this creature. I had to call the animal shelter to
come pick it up, but wanted to send out this email
incase anyone out there is interested in adopting him.
According to the note it has all of it's shots, and
even came with a flea collar that is good for another
5 months. It broke my heart to leave it there this
morning, but there is no way I can take care of this
animal.
If anyone knows a good home for it, and they are
willing to go and pick it up from the DC animal
shelter, please let me know.
Animal Shelter - www.washhumane.org
1201 New York Ave Ne, Washington - (202) 576-6664
Last night Ed and I went to see paleoanthropologist Zeresenay Alemseged
speak about his big find, the 3.3 million-year old, 60% complete skeleton
of a 3-year old female Australopithecus afarensis. (Perhaps you
read about it here
last September.) For some context, if we hominids broke off from chimps
7 million years ago, this baby's about halfway back. She walked upright,
lacked opposable toes but had long, curved fingers, had a hyoid
bone like a chimp's, and looked a lot like Parker.
Speaking of the Christians, I heard this golden nugget of an ad on the radio yesterday while I showered: Christians vs. Real Christians, which concluded with the asshat assurance, "Not a sermon....just a thought." The thought being that everyone shall burn eternally in hellfire with the exception of evangelical Christians. Go check out their wealth of wisdom at NotASermon.org.
Nethers, tomorrow night at The Black Cat
From: nethers computer
Subject: Nethers Show June
1st!
Hi Jenny,
It's aaron carlson - hope you are well! always wishing to keep you abreast:
we're headlining the black cat on june 1st (summer soltice eve i think)
with the broken west
(merge) and the comas (vagrant)
as part of an eastern seaboard tour with those folks.
....this is the record release for a new 7inch vinyl only single! our new album is done too, but won't be out for a bit! We're trying to make these shows really special!! bask in the sun while you can kind of thing.
our art from our pal thomas and an mp3 from our 7inch is attached!
Today I was gonna talk about Ruth Ginsberg, and her lonely voice of dissent as the court picks apart the rights of women, or all the crazy shit China's up to, or that woman in Texas who hanged herself and her three daughters, but, you know, you can read about that stuff anywhere.
Subject: lesbians!
From: Brian
to me
hello jennifer,
i hope your trip was exciting and fun
chris was sorry he missed you
-- It's impossible to find a woman to peg me! I've posted many
personal ads, but the masses find even the most innocuous fetish
disgusting. What is a man who longs to be sensually ravaged in the ass
by a woman to do? The thought of a woman taking delight in the rich
senses of my ass overwhelms me. I like voluptuous, dark-haired women,
though I'm open to anything at this point. Hell, it could even be with
a lesbian or a bunch of lesbians.—Man With Hungry Rectum
-- Let me see if I follow you, MWHR: Unable to find a straight woman
to ravage your ass, you've concluded that it would increase your odds
of getting pegged if you offered your ass to a lesbian—or a bunch
of
lesbians—because if there's one thing we know about lesbians, it's
that they delight in the rich senses of a man's ass. It's really what
lesbianism is all about.
Last night we introduced Anisha to The Dukes of Hazzard, and she reminded us of Uncle Pecos and Froggie Went a-Courtin'.
From: Anisha
On a related note, I noticed the following comment to the Uncle Pecos
video I showed you guys last night:
Pecos A Funny Mouse
How Can Pecos Pussy Do That
Spend It Now Texas.Everybody Losts A Guitar Strings
Hahaha.Thank You Spend It Texas If Hes Nephew
Go Stay Funny
Now, cleanse your palate with this cute lesbian baby: Edina. last Saturday
at Uncle Bob's.
Ask Jenny
From: Bob
Q: as the resident kat expert, i want to know if this business
of the so-called toyger is an urban myth. is this
just a pretty kitty, or is it a toyger?
A: The Toyger is a breed of cat, the result of crossing Bengal cats with domestic shorthaired tabbies that began in the 1980s. The breed resembles a 'toy tiger' as its striped coat is reminiscent of the tiger's. The breed's creator, Judy Sudgen, has stated that the breed was developed in order to inspire people to care about the conservation of tigers in the wild. This statement is utter bullshit.
please enjoy this passage from the washington post:
"At a bipartisan gathering in an ornate meeting room just off the Senate
floor, McCain complained that Cornyn was raising petty objections to a
compromise plan being worked out between Senate Republicans and Democrats
and the White House. He used a curse word associated with chickens and
accused Cornyn of raising the issue just to torpedo a deal."
From: me
ooh! ooh!
it's either "cocksucker" or "chickenbutt."
From: James
no way, it's either pecker or breast-face
From: Brian
i'm actually gonna go with "chickenshit" or "henfucker"
From: James
in the world of cockfighting a "rooster-booster" seems to be
a particularly unsavory character. it seems odd that the post wouldn't
print that though. i guess "chicken butt" makes the most sense.
Searching for real women mechanics for a future Female Mechanics
Calendar...
The 2007 Female Mechanics Calendar has been so well received that I am
continuing the project!
This summer I am setting out on my 1977 BMW R100S to travel across the
country documenting women who work in the field of mechanics. I am
currently looking for all types of mechanics: automobile, motorcycle,
diesel, aircraft, military vehicle, scooter, bicycle, hot rod, etc. If
you know of anyone who might be interested in participating in the
project, please contact me. studio@sarahlyon.com
Douchebag Beat: Floyd Landis. LeMond Threatened Before Landis Hearing. "Floyd Landis's sleepy, scientific arbitration hearing in Malibu, Calif., morphed into a pulp-fiction blockbuster yesterday.
Greg LeMond, like Landis an American Tour de France champion, disclosed in testimony that he had been sexually abused as a child and received a call Wednesday from Landis's manager, who threatened to reveal the secret if LeMond showed up to testify."
Best Family Responses to Tattoo
From: JM To: Family
From: Mom
ouch!! Geez...I'm pretty sure I can't do that! Looks like it hurts like
(&^ It's cool though...in the one photo you look positively ill!!
From: Sister
It's way cooler than I thought it would be, mill!
From: Grandma
ok I just looked at my mail today no comment but I still love you Grandma
From: Dad
Oh, there are artists I admire, but none I know real personally, like
you. If I ever did get a tattoo, it would probably have to be a wildlife
theme, since I have a lifelong love and interest in wild animals. I even
live with some, it seems. I love the interconnectedness part. You now
have body art that tells a small but real story — art created by and shared
by friends in really personal and lasting way. That’s a pretty damn
good reason to take the plunge. Here’s one of my favorite portraits
I took a couple of years ago. The same theme: interconnectedness.
Taking The P*ss - This Friday @ Marx Café
From Les
to pinstripedrebel
Want to have a pleasant time on Friday night? Then come to the Marx Café!
Oscar (my partner) & Nick U. are graduating & we want to make
sure
they have enough fun tonight to make up for all the not-so-fun
all-nighters they've endured for school.
So bring the whole gang with you. Good vibes all around as usual. Oh
&
to the drinking crowd – drink specials on De Koninck & Heineken
all
night.
TAKING THE PISS
A night of "good music"
At The Marx Café
3203 Mt. Pleasant St. NW WDC
10 P.M. - 3 A.M.
FREE!!!
With DJs:
Mr. Christian Scanniello
The Graduate - Nick Underwood
& yours truly, The Pinstriped Rebel
1. 99 Sense: Once More, With Feeling. "A quick stop for a bottle of water at America's Discount Store in midtown turned into an unexpected photo sesh. I've covered this store before and I'm trying to stay away from documenting the same spots, but I never know what I might come across, and when the product talks, I listen." I also missed the Mother's Day special: To A Restaurant, Upper Eschelon.
2. "if you enjoyed that belly dancing video, i have an even nutzer one
for you. this whole trend of boys stripper dancing in posses is bizarre
and amazing. Pretty
Ricky - Late Night Special."
Update by HK Special Correspondent Bears Will Attack (retired)
Brian:
if you are short on copy tomorrow,
feel free to use the following email interaction
between myself and the washington post
To: Circulation Department
Name: Brian Minter
E-mail: brian.minter@gmail.com
Washington DC 20001
Subject: I Almost Never Get my Sunday Paper
To whom it may concern:
I have a Sunday-only subscription to the Post, for which I paid $50.
I wish
I could go back in time, however, and flush that money down the toilet,
since the times when I actually get my Sunday newspaper are so rare that
I
usually end up buying it anyway.
Congratulations on getting me to pay for your newspaper TWICE.
I have a Sunday-only subscription to the New York Times as well, which
arrives nine times out of ten. If I didn't have the Washington Post to
show
me how truly lousy a delivery service can be, I'd be annoyed by the fact
that my NYT is not there 100 percent of the time, but thanks to the Post,
I
count my blessings that the Times' track record is as good as it is.
Sincerely,
Brian Minter
Seriously dissatisfied customer
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Circulation Sales <circsales@washpost.com>
Date: May 15, 2007 10:27 AM
Subject: Re: I Almost Never Get my Sunday Paper
To: brian.minter@gmail.com
Thank you for your email, We apologize for the poor service . I have
advised the agent. Your account will be credited. Let us know what other
Sundays you were missed. IC
AIDS Walk in NY
Brian also says, "hey all, if you're going to be in NYC this weekend
and you're feeling slightly magnanimous you're welcome to join me and
some of my friends for the AIDS walk it's good exercise, it's fun, and
it couldn't hurt to buy some goodwill with the nebulous hereafter if not,
you can make
a donation to my team, which is also good for karma."
Lifted from Wonkette,
taken from Wikipedia, reported by Annie:
James reports:
"We sold our current house and will be in our new house by May 29th!
In a related note Edward, Mary, and Parker know how bears act."
It's a gorgeous day and Jerry Falwell is dead. In 7th grade I chose the Contra-Sandinista conflict as my current events project, and six months of clippings ingrained a few beliefs into my righteous little lefty heart: one, death would be too good for Mr. Moral Majority, and today, no amount of foggy nostalgia for the devil you know will change that feeling.
That's all I've got, except to requote Banksy, "We don't need more heroes, we just need someone to take out the recycling." Note it. Now, enjoy these "sensitive urban belly dancers," brought to my attention by Kangsta Do Good of 99 Sense fame.
SPORT: We took in the first game of a rare Nationals
sweep Friday night. The highlight was watching the skeezy old dudes next
to us buying beers for a passel of jailbait, then witnessing their comeuppance
by security, and then by a patron shouting "You're a piece of shit! You're
a fucking pedophile!" Let it be known, chickenhawk* Nats fans: your kind
won't be tolerated in this town... Blogger "Just a Nats Fan" got some nice photos of
Mother's
Day at the Nationals 2007.
Fernsehen: Last night was the debut of the animated Drinky Crow
Show on Adult Swim. I hit the sack before it aired, but
you can see it on the Comedy Central Site: Drinky
Crow Show: Pilot. Very disturbing.
Musik: The Fellows played with Yellow Fever at DC9 the other night. No one thought to take any pictures at the show, but here's Annie using my car as a tour van.
*Here in D.C., everyone seems to know only this definition of Chickenhawk, but it also means this. I couldn't find the right word to describe men who prey on girls, interestingly. If you know it, please learn it to me.
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added,
"You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox", the fox said.
"Come and play with me,"
proposed the little prince, " I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said,
"I am not tamed."
"AH please excuse me," said the little prince.
But after some thought, he added:
"what does that mean---'tame'?"
"you do not live here," said the fox,
"what is it you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince.
"What does that mean---tame?"
"Men," said the fox,
"they have guns, and they hunt.
It is very disturbing.
They also raise chickens.
These are their only interests.
Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends.
What does that mean---tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected,"
said the fox.
"It means to establish ties."
"To establish ties?"
"Just that," said the fox.
"to me, you are still nothing more than
a little boy who is just like
a hundred thousand other little boys.
And I have no need of you.
And you, on your part, have no need of me.
To you I am nothing more
than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you will be unique in all the world.
To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . ."
"I am beginning to understand,"
said the little prince.
"There is a flower. . .I think she has tamed me. . ."
"It is possible," said the fox.
"On earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh but this is not on the earth!"
said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes"
"Are there hunters on that planet?"
"No"
"Ah that's interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No"
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," he said.
"I hunt chickens; men hunt me.
All chickens are just alike,
and all the men are just alike.
And in consequence, I am a little bored.
But if you tame me,
it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life.
I shall know the sound of a step that will be
different from all the others.
Other steps send me hurrying back
underneath the ground.
Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow.
"And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat
bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say
to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think
how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is
also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to
listen to the wind in the wheat. . ."
Parker Signs
From: Bob
Subject: a new twist on an old favorite
Good day My Friend,
I am Captain Simon Smith of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace
keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq. On the 6th day of May 2007, we were
alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb
not
too far from Karbala here in Iraq . After Immediate intervention, we
captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving
seven (7) injured.
In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman
al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their
camp.Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including
some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard
drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars
amounting to $24 Million after I and two of my junior intelligent officers
counted
them. I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy.
I am in keen need of a "Reliable and Trustworthy" person like
you who would
receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for
me
up on till my assignment elapses in here in Iraq. I assure and promise
to
give you 14% of this fund, however feel free to negotiate what you wish
to
have as your percentage in this business.
Please assure me of your keeping this topmost secret to protect my job
with
the US Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission. PLEASES CONTACT ME THROUGHT
MY PERSONAL EMAIL: (captsimonsmith@myway.com)
"it's an interesting convergence of the local and the federal, to be sure. am i up on what's going on w DC politics? nope. thank god you're here though to keep me an honest, responsible adult living in the world"
Mayor Fenty, you cannot plagiarize
the school board takeover proposal. That's some ironical screwing up.
Now it's being held up in Congress by an "anonymous" sentator, this news
the day after the federal appeals court let stand the overturning of our
would-be gun-control law. Washington D.C., the most powerless city in America.
And while we're on the subject of all the crap you eat, The Post had a little Q&A today with Barbara Kingsolver about her new book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. The moral of today is, I'm buying what they're selling about industrial food. You are what you eat, people.
The Fellows at DC9, with Yellow Fever and Ponytails
Tonight, doors at 9:30. Fellows play second, and it will be their last
show for a while, as Annie departs for Bangladesh, and Nick NYC. If you
can't make the show, please scroll through James's
slideshow while playing the
only song they have up (lazy fuckers).
YouTube, 3:21.
of the so-called toyger is an urban myth. is 
. You can also see a tiny bit of what Mann had to say about the Indian development of corn and its impact at these blogs:
