"...the human mind is incapable of both "experiencing" and "judging" at the same time; this video, like the best of the Books music, reminds us of what pure experience feels like."
Enjoy!
From: Brian
Subject:
ladybug / positions show, tuesday
there is an awesome show [tonight] at the black cat:
Esteemed housemate Annie is going to Bangladesh for the summer on a fellowship. redacted and we at Emerson House are temporarily replacing her with a 20-year old gay boy named Ben. Today, Annie recieved this weather report from her colleagues in Khartoum.
"We had a unique opportunity to experience a sand storm (Haboob) on Sunday night and
a friend sent me two photos of it .... when you see these, you will get an idea
what a haboob is like. Fortunately, we were in the hotel (just about to go out
for dinner, but didn't) when the haboob came....it lasted for about 3
hours.....some flights were cancelled and people e were trapped in the hotel!!
So, if we do not show up on schedule, you know why!!!"
Toilet tops across the nation have something to look forward to! The
last seven
years of Kittenpants has been collected, refined, confined, re-elected
and
shoved into 138 pages of "Shut yo' mouth!" good times. It's
a book! A portable,
flexible, laughable book called IF I DID IT: What Might Have Happened
in the
Last Seven Years.
The interviews!
The articles!
The lists!
The pictures of robots and scary children!
It's all here, in one place, at one time, on paper, and on FIRE with
snot-inducing laugh-tacity!!!
"O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day;
Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
And by and by a cloud takes all away."
Five lesbian 'wives' flee Sharia, Miss Mess, adds "my first summer of law school i did asylum cases for glbt asylees, many of whom were fleeing islamic countries governed by sharia. scary stuff. never saw anything like this before... almost no open lesbianism in those countries...."
Candidates Unite in Criticizing Bush:
In First Debate, 8 Democrats Differ on Details but Agree in Condemning Iraq War
Miss Mess Looks for an Apartment
Marisa wrote:
Hi there,
Is this room ( http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/roo/315027737.html)
still available? If so, I'd be very interested to check it out.
About me:
28 year old professional woman
went to art school for undergrad, but now I'm an attorney
I work in fashion publishing, so I have a 9-5 but I'm not a "suit"
I have some furniture (papasan chair, table, entire kitchen set worth
of plates & cookware, etc) and two amazing (clean, fixed, vaccinated,
indoor) cats
currently living in clinton hill, but my Evil Landlord is raising my
rent
prefer to live with roommates (and most of my closest friends are former
roommates, which I think says something)
vegetarian, but not crazy
clean but not a neat freak
keep normal hours, but I also enjoy a nice little house party every
now and then
non-smoker
would love to meet you if you're still looking for a roommate. email
is best during workdays, but my cell # is [redacted].
much thanks,
Marisa
From: michael
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2007 11:07 AM
To: Marisa
Cc: larry; Udo (Consultant); Christopher
Subject: Re: $750 One Room in Three Bedroom Loft
Hey Marisa. Thanks for responding to our posting and for telling us
a little about yourself. The room is still available for May 1. Our
place is at 240 Broadway, #501, 11211. Larry and Udo will be there Sunday
if you can come by. What time is good for you?
Directions: Take the J/M/Z to Marcy stop and it's a half a block down;
or the L to Bedford, walk south on Bedford through the Williamsburg
bridge overpass and turn left on Broadway, three blocks up.
The place is a loft, with make shift rooms. The room that is available
has a whole for a window cut out that opens into the living room. It's
decent size, but that's one of the reasons the roomies need a deep sleeper
coming in, which you sound cool with... just wanted to give you the
heads up.
We want to make decisions soon, so just please let us know if you will
not be able to make it.
Thanks, Mike
"Udo (Consultant)" wrote:
MIKE, YOUR EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE IS REVOKED. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY MORE
WITHOUT LARRY AND MY CLEARANCE.
I WILL NOT BE AROUND THE PLACE FOR 30 PEOPLE. I WILL PROBABLY MAKE MY
CHOICE WAY SOONER. THIS IS NOT A JOB INTERVIEW. I COULD PROBABLY BE
FINE WITH THE FIRST PERSON.
YOU'RE CUT OFF.
On 4/20/07, michael wrote:
Only one person has confirmed that they will show up on Sun. And no
one since I started describing the hole for a window.
From: Marisa
Date: Apr 20, 2007 11:19 AM
Subject: Re: $750 One Room in Three Bedroom Loft
To: michael
Cc: "Udo (Consultant)", Christopher
seriously guys? might not want to hit reply all...
On 4/20/07, michael wrote:
UDO, I'M GOING TO GET THIS PLACE RENTED BY MAY 1. DON'T THINK THAT ANYONE
CAN LIVE IN THAT BOX WITH A WHOLE CUT INTO WOOD INTO THE LIVING ROOM.
ALREADY PEOPLE HAVE RESPONDED ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS "WINDOW."
HAVE YOU EVER RENTED A ROOM BEFORE? IT WILL TAKE 30 RESPONSES TO GET
6 PEOPLE THERE. AND OUT OF THOSE 6, WE'LL BE LUCKY TO GET ONE TO TAKE
THE ROOM.
I MADE A MISTAKE WITH THE LAWYER CHICK, I'LL ADMIT THAT. I HIT RESPOND
BY ACCIDENT AND FOLLOWED UP WITH A LEGIT EMAIL.
Spring is When to Look for Cats. Recently our friend ESG wrote me, "So, i'm looking out my office window here, and there's kittens on the roof. and their mommy looks to be practically a kitten herself. the house next door used to have a huge transient cat population, and kittens would starve to death and decompose in the yard, or else get hit by cars, or tortured by the kids in the neighborhood. i can't tell if the problem's that bad now, but the fact that i'm seeing and hearing cats makes me nervous. i think the house is abandoned now. could you put me in touch with dolores to try to organize a trapping intervention?"
The great Dolores Smith came and "TNRed three cats from the yard, two calico females (one was pregnant) and one brown tabby male with white on face and paws -- all very cute." She also said, "Can you you do me a big favor? Put on your blog about this colony, this being what ESG observed re: her Mar 28 email to you below, and asking that people aware of similar situations step up to the plate as ESG did." If you have something like this, or just a cat or two, or kittens, write me, or contact Metro Ferals.
To be Continued..., SLyon, from an 826 writing workshop in Los Angeles.
My sister bought me this book for the title, then forgot to give it to
me. I found it on her shelf, saw the forward by Mr. Sedaris, and was hooked
by the end of the first page. The other three books I'm reading go back
on deck, in the hole, and to the bench, as it is baseball season, after
all. About halfway in I came to the story, "The Best of Betty," which
I'd read before, and eventually figured out had been reprinted in Children
Playing Before a Statue of Hercules, an anthology by Sedaris (which
probably also jumpstarted the career of Jhumpa Lahiri). Incidentally,
I found that I understood "The Best of Betty" better this time around,
which either means I'm smarter now than I was two years ago (doubtful),
or that a single story in an anthology of authors is to an author's collection
as a song on a mixtape is to the same song on an album. Ok. So, I recommend
Jenny
& the Jaws of Life.
Q. It’s been a long time since the original publication of Jenny
and the Jaws of Life and your re-emergence with the reissue of your story
collection and the new novel [Winner of the National Book Award]. I know
there’s quite a story behind the reissue of Jenny. Can you talk about
how that came about?
Jincy Willett: When Jenny first came out, in 1987, it got some good
reviews, but it basically sank from sight, since it was a book of short
stories by an unknown writer, and we all know how well they do. St. Martin’s
did a small printing (2000 or so), mostly selling to libraries.
So not many people read it, and in fact I only got one piece of fan
mail, from a guy in Chicago, who liked “The Best of Betty” so
much he wanted to put it on as a puppet show. I didn’t think much
of it at the time, but after a while I appreciated it more, as it was
the only fan mail I ever got. Over the years I taught a lot of extension
courses, and did some editing for a living, and continued to relax into
total obscurity.
One day I was noodling around on the internet, apparently in search
of negative reinforcement, and did a search on my own name, just to make
sure that I was indeed totally obscure, and came up with something called
“Sedaris Reading List.” This piqued my interest, as American
humorists are a passion of mine, and David Sedaris is the only one writing
today whom I really love. I went to the site, which turned out to be for
some Chicago alternative newspaper, and there was David Sedaris’s
list of his favorite writers, which included Flannery O’Connor, Tobias
Wolff, and me.
It was a stunning moment. I actually wondered if I was hallucinating.
When I came to myself, I wrote him a grateful letter via his agents, and
spent a day or two basking in the glow. Not only had David Sedaris read
my book and liked it, but I had two fans now, that guy in Chicago and
David Effing Sedaris.
A couple of weeks later I got a gracious letter from same, from Paris,
and he wrote about this and that, and closed with something like “You
probably don’t remember this, but a long time ago I wrote you about
putting on ‘The Best of Betty’ as a puppet show.” (Sorry
to be so long-winded, but it is a terrific story, isn’t it?)
Anyway, a few more years went by, and then, at Christmastime immediately
following 9/11, a magazine called Time Out New York asked ten writers
which book they would rescue if they could rescue only one, and Sedaris
was the first writer asked, and he said Jenny and the Jaws of Life. At
which point my publisher got excited and suggested re-releasing Jenny
in paper, with a new cover, and a forward [sic] by David Sedaris. And
that’s what they did. And this time I made actual money.
One interesting sidelight is that I have now had two very different
publishing experiences with the same book — and the same publisher.
I know what it’s like to be published for the first time, and I know
what it’s like to have my publisher really get behind the book the
second time. Believe it or not, the first time is the best. There’s
nothing like your first time.
bob: how goes it, tan lady? me: hey dude
yep, i AM tan
and working on stupid work. you? bob: me too--plus reading about this week's biggest news, by which
i mean
the supreme court ruling that late term abortions can remain illegal under
that horrible law and gonzales' imminent appearance before congress--what'd
you think i meant? me: yes, i read this morning. that is huge news
nice timing, assholes bob: i'm sure cho's a cylon designed by the bush admin to call
attention away from this week's proceedings. i've decided this, come thursday. me: cylon? bob: cylons: http://www.scifi.com/battlestar/
-- duh. me: right
i got kicked out of the public library in jamaica when we visited montego
bay. blair and i went in so i could take pics of the collection; i asked
permission because sometimes people can get weird if you start snapping
photos without asking. we walked around for about five minutes and the
security guard came over to me. thinking it was a problem, i put the camera
away, but he wanted me to follow him to the front door, where he pointed
to a laminated notice.
Jamaica Library Service
Notice to All Users
Please cooperate with us in maintaining the dignity of this library and
be appropriately attired whenever you use our facilities:
There should be:
- No Rollers/Setters in Hair.
- No Bikinis, Short Shorts/Skirts.
- No Naked or Skimpy Tops.
- No Deliberate Exposure of Intimate Body Parts or Under Garments.
"Ma'am", he said, and gestured to my denim mini-skirt, "I
will have to ask you to leave. We have children at this library."
"We concluded it was domestic in nature. We thought we had it under control."
Good Deal: The crafty pair behind Ex-Boyfriend Collection, (one half Warriorgeek of All About My Mom and the other half her boyfriend) are raising money for Maryland SPCA's Walk for the Animals on April 22 in Baltimore. Buy some of their cool stuff and 25% goes to SPCA, or donate directly via PayPal at info -at- ex-boyfriendcollection.com, subject line: SPCA.
YoBimbo says, "Speaking
of restroom gender identification...I took this one with you in mind.
It's for the restrooms at Washington-Slagbaai National Park in Bonaire,
which is full of cacti, like much of Bonaire."
National Geographic: Despite her fear of baboons, Legadema one day killed an adult female. When she discovered a newborn clinging to the baboon mother's fur, the situation took a bizarre turn. The tiny baboon innocently reached out to Legadema, accepting her as its new mother. Legadema initially seemed confused, but for the next four hours she watched over the baby baboon, then groomed it and gently carried it to safer branches higher in the tree whenever the baby cried. Eventually the two cuddled together and went to sleep.
From: Amanda MacKaye
Subject: get yer theater on!
dear all,
i know it has been a long time. but it’s not for lack
of interest…my cup just runneth over to my full plate
or something like that.
in addition to my schooling the taffety punks have a
new production that is opening tonight.
the show is called Cardenio Found and wonderfully
directed by taffety punk, chris marino. we are being
given a home for this production in woolly mammoth’s
melton rehearsal hall, which if you haven’t been to
the new woolly…it’s really amazing to see a structure
buzzing with art. i have attached a flyer and here is
a synopsis:
Julio loves Leonora and Leonora loves Julio. They want
to be married, but before that can happen they have to
get their respective father’s to agree on the deal.
Pretty straight forward, right? Enter Henriquez, a bad
boy with a taste for women and bad music; a wronged
woman Violante; a Duke; the good brother Roderick; a
forced marriage; a trip to a nunnery; some sheep and
you have an outrageous and edgy twist on Don Quixote.
This new adaptation of a lost Shakespeare piece will
be served up as only Taffety Punk can; raw, immediate,
and visceral… in other words - PUNK.
tickets are only $10 and it helps us keep this dream of ours going. for
a calendar and ticket info you can go to: www.woollymammoth.net.
but don't wait too long, or you'll miss it.
i will be there tonight and would love to see any of
my friends there. if you can't come tonight, let me
know when you will so i can be sure to see you there.
please share the flyer and web info with anyone you
think would be interested in checking out theater of a
new kind...don't be scared of shakespeare.
Imus canned by MSNBC. Jenkins: A Needed Conversation. "It's not frivolous, then, to suggest that one way for Imus to make amends to the Scarlet Knights is to use his microphone to promote and defend a deserving sport. Female ballplayers still fight enormous prejudice: They deal with a daily drumbeat of small degrading remarks, false assumptions and acts of stubborn little meanness; their looks and skills are derided; and at some schools they even have to fight for time on the practice court. The truth is, the fallout from the Imus controversy is the most publicity the women's game ever has gotten. Some of the male sports columnists who weighed in this week annually neglect the women's Final Four, and most of them failed to witness a single game in which Rutgers played.
So how is the Rutgers team better served? By demanding Imus be fired, or by converting him into an ally and employing his powerful voice and platform?"
Brian: "this guy is awesome. he's running for mayor of tokyo, or something
like that. at one point he says 'If I am elected, they will freak out.
I will freak out too.'" crazy
tokyo speech guy
Troy: For better or for worse, Brian passed on
his flickr account info and the information that
there exists a batch uploader for the site.
Do with these what you will. I am sorry.
Brian: troy,
make sure you leave all the unflattering ones in.
Troy: what, you wanted like two photos up?
Cheryl: i commend troy for his equal opportunity posting.
however, i believe that a certain picture of katie where she resembled
the freakish star of a japanese horror film has mysteriously
disappeared...
Me: Geez, always mackin on the brides. Or is it the other way around? Last
night I went to abs class, laid down on the hard wood floor, and found
I had bruises at every pointy spot on my body, and also a big lump on
the back of my head, thanks to Katie.
Katie: Lies! Here's EXACTLY what happened:
Katie: What a lovely wedding! And this after party is
so much fun.
Jenny: Hey. I can pick you up.
Katie: Wha?
Jenny: Really. I'm strong. really strong. I can
totally pick you up.
Katie: No. Please don't do that.
Jenny: No, I can definitely do it. Watch.
Katie: No. nononononono aaaaaaaaah!
*CRASH*
Jenny: Ow!
Katie: (sobbing)
Jenny: Oh man. I feel bad. I know I can pick you up.
Let me try again.
The wedding afterparty at Hotel Rouge had a little bit of everything. Actually, a lot
of everything, including repeated forced relocations by hotel management. Dancing and wrestling were abundant. Brian, the son of a P.E. teacher and wrestling coach, taught
me a real wrestling move, to complement my full arsenal of fake wrestling
moves, which I used throughout the night to subdue Troy. I can't remember
what the move is called, but I'm going to call it The Sack of Troy. Speaking of Troy, if you look in a southeasterly direction, you will find the mix he made for me, temporarily provided for your enjoyment. Also, Troy promised to post wedding photos soon.
So, brutal Sunday morning, I resurrected Myself from the floor of my hotel room, and thought, "What is the last thing I feel like doing today?" And the answer was to spend many hours driving to Charlottesville, Virginia and back. But I'm glad I did, because it meant Dave could pick up his new old bike, adding to our collection of '73 Hondas. Antiques, of the same vintage as me.
The ride home was somewhat fraught, as gasoline was pouring from one of Dave's carbs. My dad told me to stay right on Dave's tail the whole trip back to make sure he didn't burst into flames. He said, "If you see any smoke or vapor, lean on your horn and he's to jump off the bike." So, that's how we rode back, me keeping mental notes of landmarks in case I'd have to call 9-1-1, and Dave freezing on his bike. It is a 750, by the way. Here it is.
And here is my 350.
And here they are with The Grey One (Sardine).
So, Imus gets a two week timeout, based on his "racist remarks," which were of course, just as much sexist remarks, but I guess that doesn't matter. I wonder if it ever will. Also, two weeks is called a vacation.
Two days after Don Imus and a producer of his nationally syndicated
talk show were heard on MSNBC making a slur against the Rutgers women's
basketball team and one day after Imus suggested people should relax
and not worry about "some idiot comment meant to be amusing," Imus
discovered he was in fact very sorry for the remark and issued an
on-air apology.
"That's some rough girls from Rutgers," Imus said. "Man,
they got tattoos . . ."
"Some hard-core hos," McGuirk chimed in.
"That's some nappy-headed hos there, I'm going to tell you that,"
Imus said.
* * * * * * *
D.C. finally has what Madison, Wisconsin's always had: The Onion, made
of paper. Funnies aside, BK introduced its veggie burger five years ago,
and now they're going cageless for pork and eggs? When huge mainstream
corporations like Disney and Burger King take stands like these, you've
got to be happy. If only because it pisses off the O'Reillys.
I am surrounded by birds. It's like I live and work in a noisy birdcage. There's a nest in the gutter outside one bedroom window, and another out by the A/C unit. Please see these thrilling documentary shorts as evidence.
Lesbians get Wednesdays because Wednesday is the worst night for clubs.
Last night Maegan told me Arctic
Monkeys were going to name their recent album Lesbian Wednesday, meaning
this tradition extends across the pond.
Review of Lesbian Nights, by HK City Nights editor Jenny Miller
Dear Sappho, made up patron saint of gay bloggers, please don't let me become the crazy women I have met at recent Lesbian Night(s). Oh, right. Those were crazy straight women. I am safe.
Richmond, Virginia: Godfrey's. The event was a launch party for
Camel's
new cigarette branded for women, which means this night was good for
your body AND soul. The drag queens were amazing, but they were drag queens,
which are very rarely lesbians. The hottest chick at the bar was a boy
who looked like my brother. (In other
words, he was "looking very Shane today.") At the end of the night a woman
attempted to throw herself into our car, pleading with us to take her
wherever we were going, all while her boyfriend was ten feet away. Sorry,
Godfrey's — not much of a Lesbian Night.
Be Bar, DC: A Different Kind of Ladies Night. Feels like
a dinner party with no food or dancing. Crazy straight lady? Check.
Chaos, DC. At least there are real live people dancing. And are
you happy to be back in the city? So much so that being checked for weapons
at the door almost seems cool.
I tried to get into the spirit.
Dave is tall in the saddle.
Jimi let us stay at his house. Les tactfully prevented the strange woman from also staying at Jimi's house.
There is nothing to like about flies. They're fucking gross. Why do they exist? To make maggots. Which squirm into your kittens, and hatch. Hatch into big, black flies that buzz around your room, driving you insane. That lay disgusting little eggs. That eat dog poo, and then land on you, and throw it up. It can't be proven that if you live a very evil life you will come back as a fly, but it can't be disproven, either. That's what they call religion.
Last night I took out this earring I've had in my ear for 16 years. I don't know if it was the Ohio State loss or the beers that accompanied it, but a better question than Why? is probably, What the hell took me so long?
Right now you're probably wondering why you read this blog, and I'm kind
of wondering, too. But check out some of that stuff to your right. The
otter video alone should make up for the minute I just stole from you.
SLyon says, "i was in the Herndon Times this week for career day!
ha ha. this was the only kid that talked to me. everyone else wanted to
be pop singers and basketball players."
Last night my sister Jesse called as she and her girlfriend were driving
home from my family's weekly Sunday dinner-and-games night, and she told me that
mom accidentally let slip that our brother Sean is perhaps not the son
of our stepdad.
Review of Blades of Glory, by HK Film Critic Me
But before I learned the scandalous truth about my family, I saw the
latest installment of Will Ferrell's sports trilogy, Blades of Glory. Conveniently, I'd just seen Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, last week. Here's what you need to know:
Go see the funny movies.
The Big Jokes in both come from a relentless mashing of the men-being-squirmy-about-
gay stuff buttons. They're not "gay jokes." They're the opposite of
gay jokes. I'm convinced Will Ferrell's doing more to erode the remaining
assumption of mainstream male homophobia than anyone right now.
Napolean Dynamite dude Jon Heder plays Ferrell's Johnny Weir-like partner. Do I want to steal his look?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Review of Kickball on the Mall on the First Day of the Cherry Blossom
Festival, by HK Garden & Games Critic Me
Brian thought it would be a swell idea to have everyone meet at the Washington Monument at 2pm on the first day of the cherry blossum (and kite) festival on the Nation's lawn. We finally managed this thanks to the invention of cellphones, and because some of us knew the layout of the Mall and to really put a point on it, what the Capitol Building looks like, and were able to describe these details to others.
The kickball was surprisingly fun, and surprisingly harder than anyone
had anticipated. The cherry blossoms were beautiful, and if you can get
down there at a different time than the rest of humanity, you should.
Take a girl if one will have you — it's romantical.
This should've been a fly out, but I dropped it. I'm
that dude out there in left field.
This is what the Capitol Building looks like, under attack
by kites.
Ed's not worried about the kite stuck in his glasses.
This photo efficiently summarizes the cherry blossom festival.
Brian is in a gang. AMERICA'S GANG.
PS. My sister gets me every April 1st. When I told Bob about Sean's new
illegitimacy, he said, "sorry i didn't respond to your scintillating
text message, i was in bed. elaborate, please? does the BOY know about
this babydaddy thing? i confess that it was me. you can tell, as both
the boy and i are so damned beautiful. but seriously, who BESIDES me slept
with your mother during that beautiful spring 18 years ago? she told me
i was the only one besides her husband, but i couldn't believe her even
then."
The Post reviewed M'Dawg the other day, but vegetarians must not rate with Rina Rapuano, cuz she left out the most important consideration: how's the soy dog? Lucky for you, I am here.
Review of M'Dawg, by HK Food Critic Me
After a good workout, I like to undo the benefits with a dinner of Pabst and hot dogs. But who has hot dogs? M'Dawg! So late one recent night I toddled over there with Bongz and recent DC repatriot Suze.
I had heard the veggie dog was bad. Bongz had heard the same. Suze had no advance intelligence. We each ordered a a veggie dog, and we got some fries with veggie chili to share. Then we saw the "fixins" bar.
I am a huge fan of M'Dawg's mother restaurant, Amsterdam Falafel, right across the street, due mostly to its amazing all-you-can-pile-on fixins bar. M'Dawg's is just as good. I don't even know what I was putting on mah dogs. But it was awesome.
But, gross. The dog itself was terrible. It was both mushy and cold, which would've been fine were it a milkshake. Suze, being Jewish (by which I mean smart), decided we should return the bad dogs, so we did. The nice man* explained to us that M'Dawg makes their own veggie dog, which is clearly the problem. He then gave us replacement Smart Dogs®, and threw in another homemade veggie dog, to try again, I guess. It was still awful. So I ate the whole thing.
Oh, the fries. The fries are just like Amsterdam's, which means they are great. And the veggie chili was a nice lentil-based affair. Thumbs up on that.
The end.
*Later the nice man hit on Bongz, which made him slightly less nice in our estimation.
Review of Meredith Bragg and the Terminals and Dean and Britta at
The Black Cat, by HK Music Critic Me
Firstly, who is this fine ump calling you out? That's Ria Cortesio, who "became the first female umpire to work a major league exhibition game since Pam Postema in 1989 when she was on the bases Thursday for the Chicago Cubs' 7-4 victory over an Arizona Diamondbacks split." Ridiculous. Said Cubs slugger Derrek Lee, "It's awesome. I think it's about time. Female eyes are as good as male eyes. Why can't they be umpires?"
Ok, the show. For some reason our guys had to go on at 8:45, meaning
only hyperpunctual nerds like me were in attendance. So not many people got
to see Meredith with his full complement of Terminals, including cellist
Elizabeth Olson, who had just returned from the Peace Corps 24 hours earlier,
and hadn't touched an instrument in two years. Did Meredith tell the crowd
she was discharged from the Peace Corps for riding a moped? Something
like that.
Man, Brian carts a lot of keyboards around, doesn't he? His new fancy keyboard did not replace the two crappy ones. He now has three. He's sure cute up there, though.
One of the best things about going to Meredith's shows is that you know Meredith's wife Cindy will be there. And she's really great. Also, Ed's brother James comes out, which he doesn't do so much since he began fathering Parker.
Later, Dean and Britta played. I don't really know Luna ("Dean
and Britta (formerly of Luna)"), but the hot woman playing bass
WAS THE VOICE OF JEM.
As Bob said something sort of like, it was as though we were being sung lullabies
by two beautiful people made more beautiful by the fact of their relatively
advanced ages. Later, when I pointed out the very obvious fact that Britta
is super hot, Brian said, "Hot for 40." That ain't right. She's hot because
she's 40. And because of her voice and her bass and JEM. Brian sure says
some dumb things for a super genius.
Black Cat THU MAR 29- DEAN & BRITTA (of Luna), MEREDITH BRAGG & THE TERMINALS $15 mainstage 8:00
From: Meredith
Subject: Worth it.
Hey friends,
I have wanted to tell everyone I've seen over the past few weeks, but
didn't want to jinx anything until I was sure. And now I'm sure.
Thursday we are playing a very expensive show at the Black Cat with
Dean & Britta ($15). They will totally draw, so I'm not worried
about
bringing people out, but I wanted to let you know that Elizabeth is
back from the Peace Corps and will be playing cello with us for the
first time in almost two years. We just got through practicing with
her and it sounds amazing. Since I don't know when we'll be playing
again, I wanted to tell you all that if you have missed the cello, you
should come to this show. It rules.
Word.
-Meredith
p.s. -- "i have Ted Leo tickets" is a valid excuse
World's Tallest Man Marries.
Bao Xishun, the world's tallest man, poses with his new wife Xia Shujian in Chifeng, in China's Inner Mongolia region.
What's worse than going to the DMV? Going to the DMV when they're having a fire drill. And with a worthless title.
My pal Alyson is thinking about starting her own plant rental company in the city. She'd like to know which name to the right would most inspire you to hire her should you ever be in a position of enough authority to rent plants. Please kindly vote, thanks. If you think of something better, write: asmiti@gmu.edu.
Today I rode my new motorcyle around the block and didn't die once.
DIRECTIONS: The passage in this test is followed by several questions. After reading the passage, choose the best answer to each question and fill in the corresponding oval on your answer document. You may refer to the passage as often as necessary.
Last
week the Post reported that Small spent nearly $160,000 on the redecoration
of his offices in the institution's main building on the Mall shortly after
he took the helm. The expenses include $4,000 for two chairs from the English
furniture maker George Smith, $13,000 for a custom-built conference table
and $31,000 for Berkeley striped upholstery.
Small has also received $1.15 million in housing allowances over a six-year
period in return for agreeing to use his 6,500-square-foot home in Woodley
Park for Smithsonian functions. To justify those expenses, Small submitted
receipts for $152,000 in utility bills, $273,000 in housekeeping services
and $203,000 in maintenance charges, including $2,535 to clean a chandelier.
The home-repair invoices show $12,000 for upkeep and service on his backyard
swimming pool, including $4,000 to replace the lap pool's heater and water
pump.
Controversy was a frequent feature of his tenure. In 2004, Small was
convicted in federal court of purchasing the feathers of endangered birds.
A Post investigation into animal care and deaths at the National Zoo brought
reprimands from a leading science group and dismissal of the zoo director,
who was handpicked by Small. Early in his tenure Small angered scientists
over proposed changes in research across the institution. He eventually
backed down.
Last year he upset historians and filmmakers seeking access to institution
archives when he signed a semi-exclusive deal with Showtime to mine the
Smithsonian's resources for a documentary film channel.
A native New Yorker and graduate of Brown University, Small had a 35-year
career in banking and corporate management, including 27 years at Citicorp
and eight years as president of Fannie Mae. A tall, imposing man who speaks
fluent Spanish, Small is a passionate flamenco guitarist and avid collector
of Latin American art.
Last year, a federal investigation into Fannie Mae's business practices
found that Small was prominent among executives there who encouraged employees
to hit profit targets so that managers, including himself, would receive
larger annual bonuses. Regulators say Small advocated tactics that violated
generally accepted accounting rules and misled investors.
1. According to the narrator, Mr. Small:
is often outside.
is tall yet Small.
is into feathers.
is a douchebag.
2. Considering the events of the entire passage, it is most reasonable
to infer that Mr. Small steals from people because he:
is bothered by the noise they are making.
is angry that they never do what he tells them.
doesn't want to reveal his affection for them.
has debts no honest man can pay.
3. Considering how Mr. Small is portrayed in the passage, it is most
reasonable to infer that the word imposing, as it is used, most
nearly means:
terrific.
queenly.
awesome.
microphallused.
4. What is the main insight suggested by the text in bold?
These are the kind of people who get your money.
This man, specifically, has taken your money to heat his pool.
A career in banking qualifies you to head the nation's educational and research institute and associated museum complex.
Even passionate Flamenco guitarists are sometimes douchebags.
5. Which of the following does the passage suggest is the result of Mr.
Small's greed?
He is often frustrated and short-tempered.
He can lip-read.
He dislikes conversation.
He is a shy and lonely woman.
6. The details and events in the passage suggest that the friendship
between Mr. Small and the chandelier cleaner would most accurately be described
as:
stimulating, marked by a shared love of eccentric adventures.
indifferent, marked by occasional insensitivity to the needs of the
other.
considerate, notable for the friends' exchange of favors.
same as above, but dirty.
STERLING, Va - Scare Force One defeated Secretaries of Hate in a blowout Saturday at Dulles Sportsplex, a giant box out out towards the airport. There were jammers and pivots and blockers, and costumes and many creative monikers. A pun time was had by all. DC RollerGirls Set by weekend guest Miss Mess. She also wrote it up at Sweet Action Skate Club: loves derby, will travel.
Mess's DC Set is made up of pictures of me eating, and some more flattering portraits of Bong'z and Bob'z mysterious weed tree. Thanks, Mess.
And I didn't just sit here on my bed all day watching two entire basketball games, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, America's Funniest Home Videos, and Kill Bill I and II (with commercials). I also posted the new drawings of Julie Comnick: According to Their Kind. Take a look.
Today we'd like to demonstrate an exciting new product/home working opportunity.
Matt: ChaCha Search me: "me: hmm...i dont really get it"
Matt: "there are all these people who are being paid to google for you. so if
you do 'search with guide' you start im'ing with a person, who does the
work for you. i had a hilarious discussion with one, which i shall email
ye, forthwit."
Status: Connecting ...
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Ring: ...
Status: Connected to guide: Tasha
Tasha: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: hi tasha
Tasha: Please be more specific as to what you're looking for on
this topic.
You: heath is this jerk i work with
You: and i want to find compromising pictures of him
You: on the internet
You: tasha?
You: you there?
You: cha cha?
Transfer: You are being transfered to another guide who can help you search
even better!
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: Alice
Alice: Welcome to ChaCha!
Alice: Hi there!
Alice: How may I help you?
You: i'm trying to find pictures of heath shapiro
Alice: I'd be happy to help you with that. If you will bear with
me one moment, I will compile some information for you.
You: awesome
You: he's this chunky jewish guy that lives in ny
You: he has a shitty beard too
Alice: !!!! WARNING !!!! abusive language by infoSeeker (he has
a shitty beard too)
Alice: Ok, thanks
You: thx
You: sorry about the language
Alice: oh it's ok I didn't type that
Alice: it's automated
You: gotcha
You: so what's this job like?
You: do you work from home?
Alice: Yes it's great I'm at home with the kids
You: are you in india?
Alice: No the United States
You: nice
You: USA!
Alice: yeah!
You: yeah!
You: (hell) yeah!
Alice: LOL
You: seriously though
You: heath shapiro
You: i need some pictures of that jerk
Alice: Yeah I'm looking for him
You: compromising ones
You: double chin
You: red eye
You: drinking
You: that kind of stuff
Alice: hmm
Alice: I found a friendster page on him but no pictures
Alice: on that page
Alice: still looking...
You: yeah - i found that too
You: worthless
Alice: what in the world did he do to you?
You: he's just generally kind of a douche
Alice: wow
You: i don't have any proof of this
You: but i think he kicked my dog once
Alice: geesh
You: i know, right?
Alice: there is a picture of a heath shapiro you have to scroll
down
Alice: with some people
You: i want to make a commerative plate
Alice: let me keep looking
You: with a bad picture on it
You: wow!
You: you really did it!
You: can't you picture that guy kicking my dog?
Alice: yeah
Alice: for sure
Alice: oh another one coming up I think
You: c'mon Alice!
You: ok let's see...
Alice: He's in a group picture in the middle there
Alice: it's highlighted in yellow...his name
You: eh
You: meh
You: i know there's gotta be a worse one out there
Alice: hehe
Alice: still looking
Alice: yet another
You: gotcha
You: hey - you must get some pretty weird requests
Alice: oh yeah but it's fun
You: what's been the weirdest thing somebody has asked you to search for
Alice: let me think for a second
You: aside from Heath Shapiro - that dumb jerk
Alice: lol
Alice: Last night
Alice: I had someone ask me for a website of Llama names so they
could name their pet llama they were getting
You: that is pretty weird
Alice: yeah just a tad
You: how's the heath shapiro search going
Alice: still digging
You: none of these pics are commemorative plate-worthy
Alice: I know
Alice: found an obituary for his grandpa
Alice: geesh
You: can you send that to me?
Alice: sure one second
You: i probably won't do anything with it
You: but just in case
Alice: I sent you the cached version so you can have his name highlighted
Alice: it's hard to find things unless you do that sometimes
You: cool Alice: wow there just nothing else on him I don't think
You: well, thanks for trying alice
Alice: No problem
You: i'll DEFINITELY be back
Alice: good luck with this
You: can i special request you?
Alice: unfortunately, no
Alice: I wish you could
Alice: it was fun talking to you though
You: thanks
You: you too!
Alice: Kick him
You: i will!!!!
Alice: if he kicks your dog again
You: YOU ROCK
Alice: :-)
Alice: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
Dan's Blog pointed me to GADNY, who has generously posted ANIMAL MIX no. ONE. It only costs your time, and you're flush. Afterwards, head over to IndieFolkForever, where you can repent with some totally legal downloads.
I'd like to thank the five people who noticed I remodeled the kitchen,
six if I include my sister, who "liked it better the old way." (Which might explain why my traffic has taken a plunge since. Unless it's the lack of quality content.) I'd always
used this space as a sloppy play area to offset my exacting
work area,
where everything's got to be done just so. Just so, as in, with zero personal creative input and using the most inefficient process possible. But, last week
sometime I decided HK might be more useful as a test kitchen, to practice the brave and tedious
new world of stylesheet-driven, no-table layouts, so, here it is. I only
just realized I stole Bears Will Attack's background color, but he seems
to be on permanent hiatus anyway.
A freeze-dried carcass of a Weddell seal is found near the Sollas Glacier in Taylor Valley, approximately 30 kilometers from the coast. Scientists believe seals who make their way to the Dry Valley do so because of mental illness, as there is no food or way for them to survive. The dry climate preserves the carcasses for thousands of years. Photo credit: George Steinmetz
From: Les
Subject: Taking the P*ss - this Friday, Marx Cafe
So, where other nights revolving around "indie" perhaps revel in a youth that's all too misspent and silly, Taking the Piss seeks out that bittersweet concoction of broken eternal promises and expressive forlornness, all wilting over pop melodies that make everyone nod in agreement: it's good to have your heart broken sometimes. But largely I just made that up. Still, look at the tears flowing on this month's flyer. We at Taking the Piss endorse that hairstyle's return, btw, never mind the sentiments.
Coming back to grace our guest spot this month is DJ Bob's Yer Uncle. See him also in his moderator capacity of the DC Indiepop list - tell 'em The Kaiser sent you).
WHERE: Marx Cafe, 3203 Mt. Pleasant St, NW
WHEN: Friday, March 23, 2007, from 10 pm to 3 am
as some of you know, this thursday our
band will be playing our second show. it's at the red and the black
and with the positions and the manhattan love suicides. granted, manhattan
love suicides is a bit of a silly band name, but they're from england so imagine
a band called paris love suicides or london love suicides. they're actually pretty good, i think. not that
you asked me. anyway, it's also kelly's birthday! and so, let's hang out.
those of you who went to our first show know that by 'hang out' i mean,
loosely, let's be in the same enclosed space while i'm too nervous and
preoccupied to carry on a conversation. and then, watch me swill alcohol
on stage and not make eye contact with anyone — not one single person.
but i feel like this stage fright thing is on its way out. really. give
me a few months and it'll be full-on STEVIE.
hope to see you there.
love,
annie
Evidence:
Also Playing:
From: Brian
Subject: anousheh khalili at black cat
If anyone is interested in seeing Anousheh
Khalili this Wednesday at the Black Cat, let me know.
PROS: She is probably the awesomest musician currently living.
Edward: "Look what i just found. Yikes. West va is scarsy."
"Sorry if that kitty picture was traumatic
West VA is freaking me out
There are sinkholes and and explosions and vultures and old mills and confederate soilders working at Wendy's."
From Matt, "the greatest thing ever." Montana
Meth Project. If you watch "That Guy" you'll see OC little sister
Willa Holland
(seriously, born in 1991, she's 15).
Hey. I've been in training. I'm training a robot to do my job. I'll put
something new in this space after that. Because you need things to look
at, and I'll have all the time in the world once the robot's up to speed.
Today I taught it XHTML and CSS, but it already knew all that. Tomorrow
I'll teach it to feed the cats and drive my car.
And, this picture is puzzling. I think it's me, based on the black on
blue ensemble, but there's something amiss in the space-time continuum.
Photo credit: Dave's camera.
My cat trapping friend Dolores needs help, lest she be overrun with animals.
Please send this link to anyone you know
anywhere that might be interested.
Mother cat and her three "teenage" children
(8 months) who escaped a tragic fire (that killed their care-giver) in
need of home/s.
All are tame, neutered/spayed, have been tested and are disease-free.
All are available for adoption. Call Dolores at 202-291-6353 or email
her at lamontpro@aol.com.
Clarice (mother): Medium-haired, white with calico markings and
fluffy, striped tail. Very pretty and affectionate. Jackie
Onassis eyes.
Samantha (girl): Petite brown tabby. Very pretty and outgoing.
Loves to be petted.
Tabitha (girl): Brown tabby, very cute. Loving but shy.
Charlie (boy): Brown tabby with white markings. Also has Jackie
Onassis eyes. Cute, curious, and very affectionate.
Clarice, the mom cat.
Adopt a mom. I hear moms are very hot these days.
Samantha, the Star. I see a lot of upside here. High potential to
learn impressive tricks.
Charlie. He looks like trouble, but in a glamorous, Kennedy
Onassis way.
Tabitha. The kind of girl you can take home
to mom.
There are Swedes in the living room.
Ed says, here's that awesome video by The Knife with the hot tranny
"Pass This On"
Jaime says, "dear most awesome girlfriends, please read this story
that my/our friend kristen wrote. it might save your life. for reals.Kristen
Remeza hates tumors... because they made her think she was crazy.
please pass this along to girls you love. after reading it, i thought
about all of you, wondering who would have persisted like kristen did
- and who might have just accepted what the doctors said...i want you
to be in my life 4ever! love, jaime."
From Ranger
Ted, SF Chronicle: "The odder white meat: Mirror, mirror, who's the
fairest of them all? An inquiring three-eyed newborn on a farm
in Xi'an, China, wants to know."
Some feedback
regarding HK's current look.
Jaime: "i like what you've done with the place (hk); it is easier
to read. and easier to concentrate on the important things, like pictures
of edward being high and pictures of kitties."
Neil: "Whut the ferk? I must say your intArWeb site on the internet
for web browsing has certainly been made to more change differently, but
good!"
Some of you people have been undermining my efforts to have the Worst
Birthday Ever. The other day I received a short story from my littlest
sister about me morphing into a cat. Having a story written about you
is good, especially when it focuses on your nobler qualitites, such as
your love of cats, and not your meaner qualities, such as everything else.
My other sister somehow persuaded Chris Pureka (or Green
Bean) to deliver a package of presents, and dedicate "Porch Songs"
to me, at the show Tuesday night. Making me the world's dorkiest fan,
but with the best sisters. Jess made this collage, which was too big for
the scanner, but you get the idea.
More creepy cellphone photos from the field, by Edward
Ed and his team of cracked archeologists have been working the 95 median
for a few lovely weeks. But, they found some cool stuff.
A. Historic site with early ceramics, glass, and hand-headed nails.
B. Prehistoric site with steatite-tempered ceramic, projectile point,
biface, and whole flakes.
C. Isolated find (not within a site) prehistoric quartz scraper found
by Jody!
Edward gave me a new book for my birthday, 1491:
New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus, by Charles C.
Mann. I've just started it, but it seems to be bringing together new and
newish findings by archaeologists, anthropologists, paleolinguists, glottochronologists,
and so forth, demonstrating that the Americas, particularly South and
Central America, were densely populated, highly urban, and technologically
advanced, "a thriving, stunningly diverse place, a tumult of languages,
trade and culture, a region where tens of millions of people loved and
hated and worshipped as people do everywhere. Much of this world vanished
after Columbus, swept away by disease and subjugation. So thorough was
the erasure that within a few generations neither conqueror nor conquered
knew that this world had existed." !!
Danielle's birthday at ESPN Zone. Brian won this
match, but then I kicked his ass and lost his keys. That's what
you get for beating the birthday girl.
I don't know who would've carried this home in the snow
at 1am. But I do know it wasn't appreciated as much as you might expect.
CC and the guy on the left had a surprise engagement party.
It was awesome, if you're into Love. The groom-to-be doesn't like his
photo posted on the internets. Perhaps he won't notice. This is where
they invited me along on their honeymoon. Naturally, I accepted.
Your personal ruling planets are Neptune and Mercury.
Mercury really adds some zing to your nature. You are swift, curious
and very inventive by nature. You like to know the whys and wherefores
of everything. You are always on the move and may move simply for the
sake of moving. Try to spend a little bit of time in one place. Five
indicates a highly nervous and scattered vibration and so the thinking
processes may actually weary you if you do not act on your plans. You
have an incredible ability to absorb information so all of the
studious and intellectual spheres of industry would suit you well. A
very positive aspect of your nature is a love of family and children
and the fact that you are forever youthful in your own nature.
You are at a crossroads in your life in this incarnation, and will be
confronted with choices as to whether to "buck the system" and
authority or to use those forces to help you achieve your own ends.
Untitled (your sons' wives) / 2006 / charcoal on paper / 33" x 45"; Untitled
(zebras) / 2006 / charcoal on paper / 93" x 45"; Untitled (oocyte) / 2006
/ charcoal on paper / 12" x 14" unframed.
Proto-Kermit was a sadist, Deb D. Wilkins
Coffee. From tvsquad.com, "Before The Muppet Show came along,
a few of Jim Henson's puppet creations appeared in a series of commercials.
Several very funny (and very violent) ads were made for Wilkins Coffee
that featured a sorta Kermit-like figure trying to convince a squat, rather
shapeless puppet how great Wilkins is. The puppet always refuses, and
the other puppet responds by shooting him, or blowing him up, or electrocuting
him, or whatever." Click
to play.
I like to leave things out where I can see them. If I can see the thing,
goes my thinking, I will remember to do the thing. There are only two
drawbacks to this theory in practice: perpetual clutter everywhere, and
no appreciable positive effect on my productivity. The appointment goes
umade, the squirrel goes untaxidermied. When you live this way, surrounded
by objects and ephemera representing all that's going undone, it's doubly
demoralizing to look into the mirror of your motley website. I moved into
this space four and a half years ago much like I moved into my room. I
didn't paint or clean, but I hung up some pictures, and then went to work
making piles of things on every flat surface. Sometimes I'll rearrange,
throw a few things out, announce that it's time to simplify! But I don't.
And that's why I'm up in the middle of the night, tidying the Kitchen.
It's not Changing My Life or even Cleaning Out My Car, but I feel a little
better, for now, just looking at this empty, boring space. I'm sure this
is a great way to attract and keep readers, too.
Edward's just back from a week of camping in Hawaii, and he's brought
with him one thousand pictures of beautiful landscapes and super high
people drumming on nude beaches. Not very much at all like a battle traumatized
soldier who comes back "different," Ed has been shuffling around
and grinning, wondering at modern marvels like showers and a shelf filled
with his very own food. He keeps saying things like, "Twenty five
hours ago I was chasing a sea turtle, naked!" Then he shakes his
head in wonder at the miracles and vagaries of air travel, remote volcanic
islands, and Home (DC). Or something like that.
Jincy Willett: When Jenny first came out, in 1987, it got some good
reviews, but it basically sank from sight, since it was a book of short
stories by an unknown writer, and we all know how well they do. St. Martin’s
did a small printing (2000 or so), mostly selling to libraries.
,
the New Yorker.
This is great.
From Caryn, at The Smoking Gun, 
