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09.18.06 - I've been over the bridge and through the tube under the water. Liveblogging Monday Night Football:
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DIY DINOS:I'm pleased to present Rebecca's troubling portrait of the cruel and godless dinosaur playground, in RICE CAKES! And if anyone's forgotten what being in an LTR is like, Sherman's Make-Your-Own Dinosaur Comic is a refresher text: The Last Bite. "A real-for-real conversation makes it funny. You're right." Click 'em! |
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The Last Bite
by Sherman |
RICE CAKES!
by Rebongaz |
09.07.06 - Make your own dino comeek. Send it to me. Mine's from this Overheard in New York. Clarification: save the image, open in photoshoppe, erase the words, insert your own. Send it to me. Thanks!
Today's hosts are Bob and Marla. Marla hates freedom: "oh boy...90,000 people waving flags in unison. gag." Dear Redskins Fan.... Bob loves transvestites: A Safe House for the Girl Within, nytimes.
From Marla
Subject: George Johnson
this guy george johnson was a distant relative of mine and was the oldest living person in california until his recent death. i have some family in town for his funeral--they just called me to try to meet up tomorrow for dinner.
here is his obit that ran in the chronicle this past weekend, rich with amusing details about the very full life he lead...and who knows, maybe some secrets of eternal youth. George Johnson -- state's oldest person
From Bob
Subject: don't know if you saw this yet...
but you should open this link and see how gawdy the ny skyline is gonna look, should they work this out. ick. this is a far cry from that one, expressionist and candy ice city from before, alas. between this and them dragqueens, i'm gettin nothin done. Designs Unveiled for Freedom Tower’s Neighbors
Me: i think i just sprained my pinky typing. wtf?
Bob: may as well have had my nieces design it. 'i think the buildings should all be shiny! and tall! reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllly tall! i don't care how weird they look!'
Me: i think they should make the buildings look old and crazy, and keep the gruesome 'survivors staircase.' but nooooo.
Bob: perhaps it should be built of bones, like those churches in prague. now those motherfuckers knew how to scare the god into you. but 1776 feet? it's like a 17 year old set to join the army got real baked with his friends.
From Marla's friend Alexis
Subject: my own dinosaur
I made this using the template on qwantz.com for making your own dinosaur comics and using a w4w ad on craigslist. dinosaurs make funny things funnier.
09.06.06
- Jesse Miller turns 29! Here, have the Imperial Grand Wizard of the Sheep.
See her friend Jen's very nice Jesse Birthday Tribute at IMD-PFC.
Unrelatedly, today is about conjoined twins, necrophiliac twins, and crimes
against nature. Last night we watched what Dave described as the only
thing he'd ever found worth watching on Animal Planet, and what I thought
was the worst thing I'd ever seen on Animal Planet: Born
Different. Two-headed snakes, two-headed turtles, and I'm certain
the four-legged chickens are on their way to a bucket near you. Four fingers
(please) lickin' good. Which brings us to today's top Post headline, Male
Bass Across Region Found to Be Bearing Eggs, wapost. And while we're
there, to another above-the-fold (why, I'm not sure): Conjoined
Twins Undergoing Surgery. And finally, from rural Wisconsin, Cops
say grave robbers had sex on their minds: Twin brothers, friend are
arrested in Wisconsin after tip leads police to young woman's grave.
ANISHA SAYS: great little movies for your workday
A couple years ago I saw an animated short film called Ryan, made by the National Film Board of Canada about Ryan Larkin's promising career at the NFB. And ever since I have been looking for Ryan Larkin's "Walking" and "Street Musique" and a month ago, I found them on Youtube (of course.)
Ryan, Part 1and Part 2
Walking
There's many other unique animated films on the NFB site (I liked Norman McLaren, Marcos Magalhaes, Ishu Patel, Rene Jodoin, and Evelyn Lambert.)
And now, some photos from Kale's weekend trip to the fair. (click for big)
Hey kids,
I know ya'll are jealous that I got to go to the second largest fair in Ohio (which was celebrating its 160th year!) this weekend and you didn't, so I have some pictures to satisfy your country cravings...
It's truly "something to crow about."
xo,
Kale
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09.05.06
- Vote On Yes.
Welcome to the day after Labor Day, and here I am still wearing white.
Welcome also to the beginning of football (betting) season. Thanks to
Florida State, I'm 1-0. And so long to Steve Irwin, Crocodile
Hunter, Audience Charmer and animal lover. Coincidentally? The subject
of Friday's Onion
calendar.
Ana Marie Cox's new gig: "So far, Mr. Stengel has drawn attention to [Time] magazine by hiring Ana Marie Cox, a writer known less for her journalistic chops than for her previous job writing heavily opinionated posts on the gossip blog Wonkette. He has also highlighted articles that are largely reported essays, like the cover story about the Middle East in the July 31 issue, "The Way Out," by Michael Elliott. "It's about having an idea that is different," Mr. Stengel said. "I want to have people talk about what we're writing about." A Venerable Newsweekly Changes Its Stripes, nytimes, from Bob. What next? Will TIME go a whole year without a Jesus cover?
Bob and I always win the "who lived in the absolute worst college house" contest, but neither of our squalorous abodes has been rememberized in the Washington Post. Sally says, "[Here's] what Sandy wrote about our old house, 8908. You may remember that we had a really awesome water fight there." Sweet, Mildewy Freedom.
From
YoBimbo. Photo: Jelena
Jankovic. "Doesn't it look like they Photoshopped her head onto someone
else's body? I mean, the lighting on her face versus the lighting on her
body... the skin tone of the face versus the body... the color of the
hair on her head versus the color of the hair on her shoulders... Weird
looking photo." While we're on the tennis, Amelie
Mauresmo beat Serena Williams yesterday, but it's the same old when
it comes to endorsements for lesbians: Serving
Their Clients, nytimes, from Underblog. "It's the cutie-patooties,
no matter what, that always get the most," said Billie Jean King,
62. Quote of the day. Q&A:
Drew Barrymore, SI.
* * *
OFF THE SHELF: THREE CHILDRENS' BOOKS ILLUSTRATE HEROISM, COURAGE
-- AND FRUSTRATION
By: TERRY ENGLAND
Copyright 2006 The New Mexican
The Santa Fe New Mexican (New Mexico)
September 3, 2006 Sunday
For the slightly younger set, we have a boy, the baby of the family, who loudly and insistently claims he's not a baby.
Leo Leotardi just wants to do what everyone else in the family does in I'm NOT a Baby! by Jill McElmurray, who also did the illustrations (Schwartz & Wade Books [Random House], $16.95, ages 4-8). Because he's the youngest, though, his family tends to think of him as a baby, a plight probably shared by all youngest members of families.
Leo is pretty independent from the get-go. He wakes up one morning and his stomach is rumbling, so he crawls out of his crib and begins to crawl toward the kitchen. Before he gets there, though, he's walking, a feat that seems to go unnoticed because while everyone else is eating waffles covered in syrup, he gets lumpy oatmeal. And while Mama, Papa, Lester, Lulu and Lila "dressed in pants, with zippers and shoes with laces, Leo was stuffed into an itchy woolen romper.
" 'I want to wear big boy pants,' said Leo.
" 'Nonsense,' said Nanny Fanni, 'you have these splendid rompers.'
" 'Splendid!' said Mama.'
" 'The baby is splendorous,' said Papa."
The baby also is smart, but when Lester, Lulu and Lila head off to school, Leo ends up in his playpen.
" 'I want to go to school,' said Leo.
" 'Mercy!' said Mama.
" 'NOW!' said Leo.
" 'The baby is a weisenheimer,' said Papa."
("Weisenheimer" is a pretty big word for 4- to 8-year-olds, so, Mom and Dad, you're going to have to explain what a "weisenheimer" is.)
Leo does eventually does go to school ("The new boy is wearing a bonnet." "And booties."). He reads a lot, learns to play the violin, participates in the school play. Unfortunately, even as he's growing, he's still wearing the rompers and bonnet. (Or is he? Maybe that's just the way the rest of the family sees him.) Finally, on graduation day, he tosses the bonnet into the trash ("Today we say goodbye to bonnets and blankies. I'm NOT an infant.") Nanny Fanni puts one on his head when he leaves for his first job, but he shucks it before he sees the boss. It's only when he has a kid of his own that the family finally begins to see that yes, he might not be a baby any more.
McElmurry, who lives in Albuquerque, is as good with the drawings as she is with the words. The story is set in the 1890s and she pays particular attention to period detail, including clothing -- even everyone's underwear -- hairstyles and furniture. (She also may be a bit of a tease -- one coffee cup in Mama's hand looks suspiciously like it came from Starbuck's.) Leo is a handsome boy, and his facial expressions leave no doubt about his frustrations.
And for those "babies" of the family who feel those same frustrations, here's a ray of hope.
09.01.06
Oh! September 
- Mirah.
This isn't available online, so you'll have to get yourself a paper-style
New Yorker, because this woman is awesome. From the site, "Burkhard
Bilger writes about Ann Cooper, the new executive chef of the Berkeley
public schools, in California, who was hired last fall to revamp the city's
dismal school-lunch program ("The Lunchroom Rebellion," p. 72). Like many
advocates of programs aimed at overcoming childhood obesity, Bilger writes,
Cooper "wanted not only to improve the food but also to create a step-by-step
manual for lunchroom reform nationwide--complete with recipes, menu cycles,
and staffing and ordering guides." Cooper, who was named an "up-and-coming
chef" by Gourmet, now wakes up at 3:30 in the morning to head a
kitchen that prepares meals for thirteen of the city's public schools.
Cooper tells Bilger, "I spent my whole career making fancy food for rich
people. I've cooked for Hillary Clinton and Emmylou Harris, Jimmy Buffet
and the Grateful Dead. I don't want to do that anymore."" Chef
Ann's blog.
Gimme feedback:
Cheryl to me
Subject: lunch lady
i LOVED that article so much. my favorite part was how the kids hated the healthy food when she first began serving it, esp the gourmet pizza that had zucchini and other fancy crap on it. i actually read the part out loud to brian yesterday where all the kids sign a petition, and one girl wrote "Vejeteriyin pizza. I hate that food."ha!
Speaking
of the jobs lesbians do, I wish this one were mine -> March
of the Penguins at the San Francisco Zoo, from Ranger Ted. Check out
her toolbelt. Sigh.
Coach sez: "indifolkforevs lead image is blowin my mind. perhaps the hilton IS a neutral milk hotel?"
Edward requests, "if i die i want ya'll to make a sweet hummer like this for me." Hummer Memorial. I don't think any additional comment is necessary.
From SLyon, Sometimes I Feel Like I'm The Only One Trying To Gentrify This Neighborhood, ze Onion.
Anisha says, look what I found on the information super highway: the upside downs. one is surely scandalous, and another is really freaky, my favorite's the cover of The Mysterious Island."
I don't actually see a lot of movies, but I love to read the reviews. Especially when the reviews justify my decision to not see a lot of movies. And there's no shortage of hatin' on "The Quiet." Hooray! Incest story is both indecent and inferior, Boston Globe. Favorite headline so far is from the Washington Express, #1 in local free paper photo captioning:
08.31.06
Stuff Other People Say:
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Debcentral, Loser. Bears Will Attack, I Drew Them A Heart. Junkiness, The George W. Bush of Hip Hop. At YoBimbo, lots of stuff.
And now, some poetry. From Shauna. 
This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
-phillip larkin
An accident of design, or laziness, or creative flatlining, has resulted in a big white hole in the middle of today's post. Please send me something to put there.
08.30.06
Do you appreciate humorousness? Enjoy laughing? Like funniness? Having
a good time?
Then please listen to two of my favorite Ellen bits. Come on. For me.
Ellen
Degeneres - Dating, Drinking, Drugs .
Have another: Phone
Call To God . And another.
And another. And another. And another. Now you're drunk.
I will be back after another soul crushing meeting about stuff that has nothing to do with me.
Troy has a question: Who likes vegans?
Hey giant list of BCC:ed people. So, you may or may not care that the
publication VegNews is voting for winners in its annual Veggie Awards...in
fact, you may have already stopped reading... but, if you like, feel free
to vote. And I would even go as far as to wholeheartedly endorse MooShoes,
a vegan shoe store we do ads and such for, as someone for whom voting
would totally rule. Also, I'm a tad buzzed on vacation at the beach, so
what do you care what I think. Have a great work week! Vote
here. (MooShoes is question #23).
Marlz on the far out beat: fine dining in the cosmos, nytimes. And, D.C. Suburbs Top List Of Richest Counties, wapost.
08.29.06 - Hunt.
the 9/11 Report: Graphic Novel Adaptation, at Slate, from SLyon.
BWA's made us a Mixtape: Wish Me Luck. What a nice thing to do. I'll bet it's good and sad, too.
I remember this from when I was in high school, and then I accidentally found in on the internet. Cool, huh?
"Untitled (Your body is a battleground)" 1990. Barbara
Kruger
Billboard, commissioned by the Wexner Center for the Arts, Columbus, Ohio,
for its "New Works for New Spaces: Into the Nineties" exhibition.
Photo by Fredrik Marsh. Courtesy Wexner Center for the Arts, Columbus,
Ohio.
08.28.06 - The Sacrum Sisters, in Snakes in a Dream.
drawing with the colors of the universe. Rebecca says, "yes!
the sesame street crayon factory piece finally makes it to youtube."
Sesame Street - How
Crayons Are Made
the return of kelly clarkson. Brian says, "have you actually
seen the video of kelly clarkson drunk with the hair
metal band?" Kelly
Clarkson Goes Hair Metal
it only proves that she rocks ass
because despite being clearly inebriated
she gets onstage with the annoying hair metal lead singer
and some dude who appears to be her boyfriend
and proceeds to TOTALLY OUT-SING both of them
even though they are reluctant to let her have her own mic
love...
brian
08.25.06
- Marlz sez, "I can't remember why I thought this was so funny...we had
just seen 'xanadu,' with olivia newton-john in rollerskates, at dolores
park movie night. then we were walking back and saw this random stack
of skates on the street, and under the influence of a lot of red wine
and beer, this is what happened. anyway, this pic is from 2 weeks ago."
Injured Reserve: Our dear sweet Lauren
has crashed her bike and broken her collar bone in three places. "one
of those pieces protrudes in a very unnatural way just to make it look
extra ugly. i wish you could see the xray. but anyway, that makes me the
unlucky winner of a surgical procedure that involves getting a metal plate
and some screws to fuse it all back together next week. so my ass is couch
bound for a while longer now than i had originally thought." She
is both bored and drugged, so be sure to drop her a line: elament915 at
yahoo.
This is great:
Prince
George's to Comply Fully With Title IX. Even though most of us "grew
up with Title IX," most of us also grew up knowing that gender equity,
"equal funding for boys and girls commensurate to those participating,"
wasn't remotely true when it came to, oh, equipment, fields, facilities,
support staff, coach's pay, or uniforms, to name a few. "We're going
to be a prototype for other jurisdictions in the U.S. to meet Title IX
compliance," said the chairman of the school board.
Brian says, "i can't imagine why you sometimes make disparaging remarks about straight girls." 10 Things I Love About All You Holders of the XY Chromosome (i.e. MEN) - w4mm.
From Annie:
Subject: this is NOT an Onion article
*Survivor*
to Divide Teams by Race.
Marla:
This can't possibly backfire...Anisha, quoting story:
"There are going to be people looking for stereotypes: Will this tribe be smarter than this tribe, or will this tribe be faster than this tribe? That's why I think it's fun."I don't think I've ever been in greater agreement to ANYTHING in my whole life...that's why I think it's fun!
Me:
this could only be better if there were fag and dyke tribes.Dave:
I hope they have a challenge that illustrates the "Black people drive like this and white people drive like this" principle.Annie:
I can't wait for the trash talk between the teams."You're going down, azns! this ain't no MATH OFF."
From SLyon
Subject: It sounds like an Onion Headline
Pluto Demoted
Also,
Arizona
seniors find nurtured "weed" is pot.
Shauna, "bomb? vaht bomb?" Sex-aid excuse bombs with airport security.
Bob: Creationists and their brethren, Six Horrifying Parasites. Unrelatedly, Loretta Lynn is the shit.
Rebongaz: unicornage "sally sent me this interview with PR alison. i think she actually comes across as pretty obnoxious and now i’m a little glad she’s gone. she couldn’t have been all sunshine and daydreams after all. as we dissected what’s wrong with this interview, we decided that although she’s not wrong about anything she says, it’s the kind of stuff you say to friends and not in the pages of a major magazine. bragging to the people from whom you’re desiring lots of attention that they are totally gonna pay lots of attention to you is uncool unless you’re a santino or paris hilton type. still uncool in that case, but part of the package."
- # -
A few weeks ago, one of the alley cats I feed brought her two new kittens up to the back porch to eat. They were both small and orange and looked just like the mom, who we call Peanut Butter. The first night Edward picked up one kitten, but the other one hissed and bared its fangs at any approaching human, and that's the way they both remained. The first kitten wandered into the house a few times, and the other one wanted nothing to do with us.
After that, we watched the kittens and Peanut Butter every day. Eventually Annie noticed that they seemed to be suffering from an upper respiratory infection, and that the friendlier one looked considerably worse than the other. We weren't sure what to do. I made plans to try and trap the mom and kittens the next weekend.
Well, the next weekend didn't come for the friendlier kitten. I woke up Tuesday morning and found her dead on the porch. Her face had been badly mangled, with both eyes almost ripped out. There was blood all over the porch. It was really horrible. My littlest sister Mandy was still in town with her husband and entourage, and I wanted to take care of it before they got up. So, in my pajamas, I scooped up the body and put it in a bag, and then hosed down the porch, with Peanut Butter watching me the whole time.
That night, Dolores came over with her cat traps. I was determined to not let another kitten get attacked on my watch, and I wanted to get Peanut Butter to a vet to be fixed and vaccinated, so there would be no new litters. Right before we set the traps we saw the kitten hanging out next to the hot tub.
We set the traps at dusk, which is when I feed the cats, and waited. Peanut Butter just laid by the trap and watched. The kitten was nowhere to be seen. Dolores left, and I went about my business, checking the traps occasionally, and looking for the other kitten. Peanut Butter kept calling for the kitten, but he didn't come. Which was weird. At around 10 I closed the traps, and for the rest of the night, and all the next day, I heard her calling for the kitten and looking for him.
Finally, around 8pm last night, Oscar came to my room and told me the kitten was on the back porch, that his head and face were all torn up, and that he let him touch him. I couldn't believe it. I went down and found him sitting on the porch, facing out to the alley. I picked him up and, just like his sib, his face was mutilated. His eyes and nose were swollen and caked shut with blood. Later I figured, since he couldn't see or smell, his mom must've found him and deposited him on our porch. I also learned later that his eyes and the wounds around them were full of maggots. Nice.
I took him down to the basement and set him in one of the traps. He really looked like he was about to die. I called Dolores, and she came over right away, which was huge because I was totally panicking. We decided to take him to Friendship Animal Hospital, because they're the only ones around with 24-hour emergency service, but en route she got a call from her friend David, who said we could take him to Metro Ferals.
So we headed down to Metro Ferals, which turned out to be a house in Arlington. I can't tell you how grateful and relieved I felt handing over the kitten to the women there -- Lori and Dana. They washed him off in the utility sink in the basement, gave him a painkiller, a flea dip, penicillin, and, with the help of some Coors Light (in can cozies) managed to extract the maggots from his face and eyeballs. It was amazing, and gross. Then Becky Robinson, the director of Alley Cat Allies showed up (who, incidentally, was my ex-gf Marci's internship supervisor at PETA 16 years ago). She said she would take him to South Paws ER, for more treatment.
Now I'm waiting to hear from Dolores and Becky. If he lives, I'll probably have him in a cage in my room for a while, giving him antibiotics and getting him healthy, socialized and adoptable.
That's the story. Sorry it was long and not very good, but this is the easiest way to tell everyone at once how my last few days have been. To be continued!
Postscript: Dolores just called and they had to put him down. He had brain damage. :( Here's the email I got. They named him Emerson!
From Dana
Subject; Last night
Jenny, Delores,
I"m so sorry we couldn't pull Emerson through. The vets (ICU docs, neurologist, & internal medicine) concurred that the cranial fractures were severe and infection had already permeated the brain.
He was well cared for overnight, i spoke with the technician who syringe fed him and she said he purred and made biscuits when snuggled! Prolonging his treatment would not have been fair to him, but i'm so sorry it worked out this way. Let me know if there are any further developments in this location -- BE CAREFUL !!!
:(
Dana
08.23.06 - Sputnik
Buy stuff and feel good about it today. 
1. Fancy
creams, lotions, and gels to help out our friend Susan's dad.
2. Our pal Melissa at Crafters
for Critters is finishing up Round 6 of fundraising, with this quarter's
$ going to Greyhound Adoption of Ohio, Great Lakes Rabbit Sanctuary, and
Farm Sanctuary. Use the code ROUND6 for 20% off!
Hometown Beat, by Bob:
imagine you're just floating along...
in your canoe, sun dapples the water's surface through the trees. you gaze across the creek, your lover's hand in your own, and wonder aloud as you notice the item that does not belong: 'hey, sweetie, what do you think's in that suitcase hung up over there on the creekbed?'
| SOCIAL STUDIES | MATH | POPULAR CULTURE | CURRENT EVENTS |
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Bootlegging (and spitting on lesbians) only pays in stabbings - Ms. Wilson |
more on hermit math dude - Mr. Brumfield |
salon nominates the following shows for cancellation... the O.C. and the L Word - Ms. Lyon |
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we own 14th street - Ms. Wood |
Snakes On A Plane Music Video - Ms. Gade |
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Armor of God PJs - Ms. Wilson |
*
Arrested Development Season 4 |
Bizarre gay murder mystery, in a crappy gay newspaper. |
08.21.06
- Check out the Sweet
Action Skate Club.
That's Jaime, Cheryl and Katie up there, new members of the Sweet Action
Skate Club, who may have been photographed by this
guy, who has written the "BWA Late August Reading List" just for you.
What a peach. He also says,
since u been gone
Brian Minter to me
Reason To Love Kelly Clarkson No. 17:
"American Idol" winner Kelly Clarkson showed off her wildchild side on Monday night when she joined heavy rockers Metal Skool to knock back shots of whisky onstage in Los Angeles.
The pop/rock star was dragged up on stage at the Key Club show after she refused to flash her breasts at singer Ralph Saenz.
The 1980s-influenced rock tribute act then persuaded newly shorn Clarkson to glug from a bottle of Chivas Regal to prove that she "really knows how to rock."
The hitmaker then called on new boyfriend Ryan Key to join her for renditions of Guns N' Roses' "Sweet Child O' Mine" and Journey's "Don't Stop Believing," backed by Metal Skool.
You're On Notice! Make a board and send it to YoBimbo.
A Senior Citizen Taking the P*ss - this Friday, Marx Cafe
Come & hang out w/ us this Friday. Stay all night or drop by. Have a drink or two, & bring your friends too.
*les*
From The Kaiser:
It's not any ole deejay night that can boast DJ Grannie in its mix.
But so it shall be this friday here at Taking the Piss headquarters (see
Marx Cafe). Once referred to her in recently expired youth as "Annie"
(pffft), she's bringing the "Grrrrrr" to the Annie, and well,
DJ Grannie will knit an indie pop scarf (strictly "summer wool")
for all her bright eyed fans. Which is where you come in.
In case you need reminding, Taking the Piss comes but once a month and
features the wide yet achingly insular world of twee indie/jangle guitar
pop (though yours truly gets aggressive once in a while, but really in
a nice, sweet, gentle way...). And just look at our flyer, would you?
First person with a cow gets in free to Marx this friday.
No joke.
WHERE: Marx Cafe, 3203 Mt. Pleasant St, NW
WHEN: Friday, August 18, 2006, from 10 pm to 3 am
NO COVER
Hope to see you all there.
08.16.06 - mostly coach edition.
because there are only 150 shopping days left til season four:
the
worst theme song in the history of television
(liz ziff)
(and that was tracy bonham in the window playin the piano??)
seize
four teezer
wtf? L word wine charms? i bet they'd also fit around shane's wrists:
+ Pre-order
The L Word Season 3 from Wolfe Video . . . Order now & your purchase
includes a SUPER
COOL FREE GIFT: An official set of L WORD Wine Charms!
speaking
of thinspiration
and something xoch can relate to -- pillow
queens
i read a spoiler that describes a basketball game between the main characters
and shane's new latina competition/conquest. it's dorkalicious. i hope
this season has the full-on camp stamp.
1. From Brian
re: George Allen
this is an excellent example of the sort of hateful, small-minded, exclusionary shit that most national republican politicians are so very guilty of
notice
that allen was in richmond, which he referred to as "the real virginia"
the inference, of course, is that the parts of the state (such as alexandria
and arlington and charlottesville) that do not support that dumb fuckin'
chucklehead are not REALLY part of virginia they are parts of outer space,
presumably
they do this all the time new york city? vermont? oregon? connecticut? miami? oh, that's not "the real america" only places where the majority of the people are conservative republicans are "real"
think about how fucked-up and insidious this framework is. assuming that most of these tax-fattened pricks truly believe this (and they do) this allows them to completely disregard people who don't like them. by definition (under this privileged bullshit delusion) an elected official need never weigh the concerns of those people most inclined to disagree with him therefore, the unchallenged half-assed ideas one has need never be examined.
liberals and centrists worry all the time about WHY conservatives feel this way or that way, and conservatives never give two shakes of a rat's ass, because WHO CARES what those people think? they aren't real! zippity-do-da!
ASSHOLES.
love...
brian
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2. From Laura
what an awesome screed!
i also found this write-up pfunny:
The funniest aspect of this incident is the argument by some of Allen's flacks that their man was trying to say "mohawk," which is what the campaign called Sidarth because of his hair style. Sidarth replied that his hairstyle was actually a mullet.
Well, I suppose "macaca" and "mohawk" are similar words, sorta like "baboon" and "bouffant" are similar. But Lord 'amighty, how can anyone confuse a mohawk hairstyle with a mullet? And moreover, how can anyone look at a man with a mullet and think of him as anything other than uniquely American?
3. From Ernie
did you see this back n' forth on tv a few weeks ago? pretty intense. I generally dislike peter beinart (pro-war, pro-lieberman) but it's pretty cool that he stands coulter down here. (basically ann has been going around calling clinton gay because he sleeps with a lot of women.)
- 30 -
08.15.06 - "The Millau viaduct is part of the new E11 expressway connecting Paris and Barcelona and features the highest bridge piers ever constructed. The tallest is 240 meters high and the overall height will be an impressive 336 meters, making this the highest bridge in the world." Click for bigger. From....grandma!
Last night I was pulled over and issued a warning, again, for failing
to display a license plate on the front of my car. If you've ridden with
me, you might be surprised to learn I've only had one ticket for a moving
violation in 15 years. And, I've never been involved in an accident of
anyone's fault, except for the one time I swerved to miss a bunny and
landed in a ditch. That doesn't count, though, since there were no witnesses,
damage, or police report. You know what's nice? Actually having a valid
driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance. All at the same
time. Anyway, I was pulled over in front of The House and Temperance Hall,
two establishments on Georgia Avenue.
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Exhibit A: Pro-mullet voter. |
The House and Temperance Hall were part of the subject of a City Paper story on mayoral candidate Adrian Fenty's campaign aide Sinclair Skinner: Brotherly Love. Skinner seems to be a racist and a homophobe, which is a little weird, considering Fenty's support among local queers and crackers, but anyway, Temperance Hall is a good place, and one of the only good places in the neighborhood. The House (formerly The Penthouse) is a stripclub, and although I've never been inside, I always find free pornographic flyers on my car whenever I leave Temperance. So, it's win-win.
Maybe I'll vote for Linda Cropp. It's not like either of them can legalize gay marriage in the district, or marijuana, or female toplessness, or Kittens and Hot Tub Night. No, we the people have to make those things happen, without the help of our powerless little D.C. government. Besides, Cropp was endorsed by The Gertrude Stein Democratic Club. No shit.
Chat with Tricia
me: trixxxxx
Tricia: I'm totally confused...what is this?
me: it's gmail chat yo
it's freaky at first
Tricia: OMG. Am I IM-ing? What the hell is this? How did you know
that I'm online? Do you know what I'm eating, too?
me: yes
pussy
if you want to sign out
just go over to the left column
and change your "status" to signed out.
Tricia: You know, I've prided myself on my IM virginity, and now
you've callously popped my cherry without so much as five seconds of foreplay.
I feel like i'm 13 all over again.
1. Brian Minter to me
i put my blog back up
just for you!
2. Bob to me
you'll love this: according to topologists, bunnies and spheres are the same thing.
3. I left my lunch in San Francisco...Marla to me
Subject: Pukeyness
**Story Time**
When I went out to get lunch and hit the ATM, I witnessed a chain of events so peculiar, so abhorrent, that all I can do is share it with you; otherwise, it will just fester inside. I was walking up New Montgomery when I saw what was oh-so-clearly a large splatter of puke on the sidewalk, and pigeons were eating it, feverishly pecking at the sidewalk. I seriously almost threw up but did my best to stay strong and scurry on my merry way.
I crossed the street and headed to the ATM when I saw a homeless woman crossing in front of me, half doubled over and clutching a blanket and a cup. As she talked AND walked, what appeared to be vomit, coffee, or both flew out of her mouth in a projectile fashion, to the revulsion of myself and others around her. What made this situation so dangerous was the fact that she was both talking and walking rapidly while projectile-vomiting, hence making her the worst kind of moving target I could really ever imagine. This puke, unlike the last batch, rather conveniently flew down the street vent below her. But I did my best to dodge her and all that was emanating from her, shaking my head in disbelief. You should have seen the other onlookers.
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Cheryl and Rebongaz |
Sari and Edward, as Stephen Colbert |
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Parker Warneka and the Johnsons |
Bob squeezing Heather's face |
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Peanut Butter and Jelly |
Mom objects to Brian |
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08.14.06
It was a very dykey weekend. Friday I attended a Mystics game.
Saturday, I trapped a feral cat colony, and Sunday I drove to the country
to pick through a barn full of old motorcycles. (I am not even including
the lengthy and obscene game of "I Never" I was involved in, while
building a beer can pyramid, while witnessing a lesbian dj marriage proposal,
delivered in the form of a poem inscribed on a maxipad. Only if I'd gone
to the Michigan Women's Music Festival, or actually had relations with
a woman, could my weekend have been more lesbionic.)
Catching Cats. To our enduring regret, neither Coach nor I brought cameras or dictaphones to the cat safari. So briefly and without illistration or journalistic integrity, Laura and I showed up to the home of one Dolores Smith at 5:30 Saturday evening. We helped load her Volvo wagon with traps, then set off to Brookland. There we met some gay men who had been feeding a bunch of cats outside their house. They'd contacted Alley Cat Allies and made an appointment, and now we were here to catch their cats. [note - illustrations in lieu of photos, by coach]
Cat
trapping is a lot like fishing, or what I imagine fishing would be like.
Edward offered that it sounded more like crabbing. It goes like this:
prepare and bait the trap. Set the traps where you think the cats will
come to feed. Sit around and talk, quietly. Check the traps.
Catching a cat is not unlike hauling in a 8-pound bass, or what I imagine hauling in an 8-pound bass would be like. Firstly, it's pretty exciting. Being a vegetarian, I rarely get to trap anything, and these kittens looked delicious. Secondly, the cat or kitten who finds itself trapped is extremely unhappy, and flops about in its cage, wishing it could free itself and then kill you. Dolores showed us to quickly cover the cage with a blanket, which minimizes the freaking out. We then stacked the cat-filled cages into the Volvo, lining them up like little coffins "draped with the feral flag," said Coach.
After three hours we'd caught nine cats -- 2 female adults (one pregnant), and 7 kittens (3 boys, 4 girls, reports Dolores). We returned to Dolores's house, lined up the covered cages in the basement, and went upstairs to meet her partner, and their own three cats (who were introduced something like, "This guy was from a colony at 14th and Varnum," and so forth). On Sunday morning Dolores took the cats to the Humane Society, where they were fixed and given shots and checked for worms and mites, and tonight she'll release the kittens back where we found them (moms tomorrow).
That's all I have time for today. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow I'll report everyone's secrets I learned during "I Never," or, regionally, "Never Have I Ever."
08.13.06
Oops. I was listening to Gunsmoke and watching the Redskins, because I'm
your grandpa, and I accidentally overwrote this page with the latest edition
of THE SACRUM SISTERS. Return tomorrow for regular programming. Meantime,
behold The Most Beautiful Monster.
08.11.06 - Two complete sets of abandoned clothes at Ed's work site.
1. Murder?
Edward Johnson to house
Anisha - Last night, when you were telling the story, I pictured a happy tree (think Berenstein Bears) with the clothes nicely draped over the branches (think clothesline on a sunny day)...but oh god, you're right, they were murdered.
Jenny - alien abduction?
Brian - yeah, that's what i pictured too.
Annie - what does it say about our respective world views that you two pictured berenstein bears and i pictured something exactly this sinister?
2. hamster balls
Brian Minter to me
A. http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~xi3h-hrt/momoae.
Q. What is some crazy shit on the internets?
3. CEREAL
Brian Minter to me
Please put THIS INFORMATION on your BLOG
NEW Strawberry Delight Frosted Mini-Wheats ARE A GOOD cereal
4. Bad college roommate stories
From Deb D. to me
I need your stories about bad college roommates for YoBimbo. Got any?
5. SLyon reports from the children's library "Two books in our
collection that are not circulating."
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08.09.06 - Mostly Edward Edition.
A note from the director: "Join us for the exclusive world premiere of Full-On Loungin', the debut skate video of Ed "Shaky Legs" Johnson. This 6-minute documentary film will soon be famous worldwide as the AWESOMEST SKATE VIDEO EVER."
Cecropia Moth Caterpillar - by Edward. Reverse
Hercules Beetle - by Edward.
Humping turtles - by Edward.
08.08.06 Found these on my door last week. Finally learned they were from Les.
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I believe those are all from a party several years ago, to send off the German who had been living with us.
The Washington Post sports section, written by purists and curmudgeons. How can I ever leave this town? And return to homers and screamers, NASCAR coverage and a fourth-grade reading level? I think I am stuck in this asphalt swamp.
On consecutive days we've had Norman Chad bemoaning the lack of civility in sports culture, on the radio, television, and at the park: Shut Your Eyes and It'll Go Away, and Tom Boswell taking Mayor Williams to task for loving neither baseball nor beauty: If You Build It, Don't Build Next to It. "Some ideas are so dumb you assume they'll collapse of their own weight. That's what we hope will happen to Mayor Anthony A. Williams's cockamamie brainstorm to construct two vast 13-story towers -- filled with condos, shops, garages and a hotel -- just beyond left and center field of the new Nationals stadium on the Anacostia waterfront."
Brian, though he refuses to relaunch his blog, is gracing us with his presence tonight, for the occasion of the world premiere of a skate video he made of Edward at the park on Rhode Island Avenue. I think it's called "Full On Loungin'." If you can't make it to Emerson tonight, I hope to have it here for you tomorrow. Lazy.
Brian says, i made Overheard again:
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy!
Mother: What *is* it?!
Little girl: Why you gotta have an attitude?
--Cortelyou & Marlborough, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BWA
this one reminded me of you:
Girl: Jeanette's boyfriend's girlfriend has one.
Guy: Wait, Jeanette's boyfriend's girlfriend?
Girl: Yeah, I know. It's really messed up, but she's cool with it.
--1270 Ave of the Americas
08.07.06
The Things We Did and Didn't Do
I've had a lot going on lately, and when I haven't been doing something I've been avoiding doing something, or complaining about doing something, and that's why it's been a little barren around here, and why I haven't called, and why I haven't done any of those things I said I would do.
1. Sleater-Kinney's final D.C. show at the 9:30 Club. Old news by now I suppose, but I was so glad it was rescheduled for just two days after the great transformer blowout cancellation. My sister Jesse (below, with flying saucer) and her girlfriend Heather had come up from Tampa for the show, and luckily they could extend their stay to catch it. Back in the day, Jess and I saw one of their first performances, in 1996, at an all-ages typical Olympia sort of thing.
Over
the years we saw them many times. At a Bumbershoot in Seattle one year,
Jess and I both punched guys who really were moshing like assholes, but
neither of them noticed. One time at the old Black Cat I finagled my way
into the band room to hang out with the openers, the Cold Cold Hearts
girls, and drank a whole lot of the bands' beer. Then I got to sit on
Carrie's amp for the whole show. I was extremely happy and drunk, even
for me.
Anyway, it was an awesome rock show at the 9:30, and they came out for a proper encore, which you rarely see, like, after the planned encore, several minutes after the lights had come up and a CD was playing and people were supposed to be filing out. Or maybe I'm just being naive. You can listen to or download the entire show, thanks to NPR. Bonus: you can hear us -- me, Jess, Kale, Coach and Shellington, shouting "Good Things" at the end, like obnoxious superfans. You can also hear Xo, Rebongaz and Heather not shouting.
Here is a completely unrepresentative sampling of S-K songs, because
I have that sad song problem.
2. The Descent, a movie so scary, I was too scared to see it.
Review #1, by SLyon, children's librarian and trip planner.
It's better you bailed. As soon as the opening credits began, I thought, "Why on earth did I want to see this AGAIN?" You would have died of heart failure. Blair said his chest hurt after the film. He really did look like he was in discomfort.
The claustrophobic cave scenes were stressful enough, but then there were the terrible flesh eating cave creatures. And the blood. And the screaming. I spent most of the movie with my eyes closed, scrunched in the bottom of my chair. When that failed, I put fingers in my ears to block out the wet sounds of viscera.
Review #2, by Annie, Economist.
i thought the movie was pretty good. i thought it was pretty well done and totally scary. i also probably had the lowest expectations.
maegan and shauna were dissing it in the car on the way home, but meagan watched about 1/3 of the movie through her sweater, so let's take that into consideration, okay?
Review #3 by Danielle, Youth Instigator.
my favorite part:
bunch of f-ed up stuff happens and Jeff turns to me and says, 'I just shit my pants', making me feel a less embarrassed about having just leaked a little wee water in my own.least favorite part:
being so terrified (when another bunch of f-ed up stuff was happening) I turned around and gave Sarah the middle finger, blaming her for my pain (sorry sarah, I was all f-ed up) - did give many thanks afterward tho for driving me to one of the scariest movies I have seen in a very long time - and then taking me for a much needed stiff drink afterwardsA (would have been an A+ if they'd have kept the original ending Sarah told us about)
Review #4, by Jeff Simmermon, Gemini.
I'll tell you this: I managed to sleep after wards. Barely. I also managed to sh
Why? I guess
because I have no one to watch it with.
9:00:
Blah blah appendectomy. "Wound breakdown," "shutdown of
the bowel," "intestinal infection." Thanks, Michelle Tafoya.
Tis the glamorous life of the 
9:58:
You might've noticed I'm not writing about the football. And by "you"
I mean "me," my devoted reader. Which brings to mind Jackson
Browne's ode to his own hand: "Rosie you're all right, you wear my
ring, when you hold me tight, Rosie that's my thing, when you turn out
the light, I've got to hand it to me...looks like it's me and you again
tonight, Rosie." True lyric: "Guess I might've known from the
start, you'd come for a star." Oh, Jackson. If only you'd had Rosie
smack you, instead of Daryl. Anyway, it's nothing-nothing at the half.
Both teams look pretty good. On D.
NY
GRE
Practice: Antonyms 
