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07.20.06
- BMW Art Cars, from Xo.
Calder's 1970 3.0 CSL.
This is Bob.
He's in semiconducters.
I, too, am leaving my place of employ, but for a more boring and less
lucrative reason than Bob in semiconducters. If you want to know what
the reason is, the reason is they are making me. (That's how the guy writes
in Everything is Illuminated). So this is my last day in this building,
where I've toiled lo these 41 months. Yes, I will miss it. The ease of
commute and parking. The kabob place. The ample shopping. The 8 seconds
it takes me to get from my cube to the out of doors. At the new building,
I will have none of these things. But I will have my own office, so I'll
no longer have to hunt around outside for napping spots like a vagabond.
No more sleeping in my very uncomfortable backseat in the parking garage.
Not on the bench. Not in the room with the pool table, either, but right
under my desk, like an adult.
ART/WORK: Speaking of work, loo at what just happened at the gallery
of our favorite gallery manager, Rebongaz: Flashpoint
Exhibit Destroyed by Partiers.
 DISH:
Contest at Junkiness! Doing what you guys already do doo: dredging
dirt for dirt lovers. Go make
us proud.
NEWSINESS: I hate snowblowers so much that I almost feel this
guy probably had it coming to him: Neighborhood
Feud in Ohio Turns Violent. Deb D. adds, "My favorite line: Oskins'
wife heard the commotion, called police and smacked Hashman with a wooden
goose porch ornament."
PHOTO: Anisha sent pictures from her trip to Japan: "There's
a group of Irish guys that imitate statues in the park but in this photo
the guy is on break."
SONG: In honor of housemate Annie's Going to Georgia for the weekend,
she sent me this song: Going
to Georgia  , Mountain
Goats.
MARLA: partaking in oneself
wikispecies? how about wikiquote,
which i just discovered and which seems awesome.
because i am perverted, here was my first queeeeery:http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Masturbation
07.19.06
I saw this a long time ago, but if you haven't, check it out. From Ian.
Heat
Vision and Jack  . Jack Black plays
a former astronaut who flew too close to the sun, which gave him superhuman
intelligence; but only when the sun is out. NASA was holding him prisoner
to study him and eventually remove his brain when he escaped....in a
freak accident during the escape, his roommate, who was to pick him
up on a motorcycle, MERGED with the motorcycle. So now the motorcycle
has consciousness and Owen Wilson's voice. Oh, and Ron Silver plays
himself, sort of, as the NASA operative hunting down Jack. In the show's
universe, acting is just something Ron Silver does on the side, and
being a NASA thug is his main gig.
Great spoof of the 80's "lone renegade vigilante with a cool vehicle"
genre, a la Knight Rider, Airwolf, and Stingray.
07.18.06 - PM
How about those nifty
new video ads in the Metro?
Brandalism
"People abuse you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap
shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and
make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply
you're not sexy enough and the fun is happening somewhere else. They are
on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the
most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you
with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you.
"You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual
property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like
wherever they like with total impunity.
"Screw that. Any advert in public space that gives you no choice
whether you see it or not is yours. It's yours to take, re-arrange and
re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is
like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.
"You owe the companies nothing. You especially don't owe them any
courtesy. They have rearranged the world to put themselves in front of
you. They never asked for your permission, don't even start asking for
theirs."
Banksy in Wall and Piece
07.18.06
- dork of the bay.
In the summer of 1998 I spent a weekend on the Jersey shore with my friend
Paige's family. The Jersey shore is really great, by the way. Avoid The
Zipper. Paige's eldest sister Jamie (who loved The Zipper, incidentally)
was there, and was working as a production assistant on a new series,
"Strangers With Candy." Jamie was very cool and I was not, but possibly
because she saw I was reading David Sedaris's Santaland Diaries,
she let me know that the show was Amy Sedaris's new project, and let me
read the pilot and first few episodes. This is all to say, thanks, Jamie,
and to introduce today's topic, care of Rebecca...
Florrie Fisher: The Real Person Who Inspired the Character Jerri Blank
From Rebecca: in all her glory, For
the love of Florrie, at FourFour.
that's some background, clips and commentary. the video clips are especially
worth watching.
here's the rehab program she was hawking: Synanon,
Wiki.
aaaand... the full video on youtube is in three parts. here's the first:
The
Trip Back
JM says, see also Florrie
Fisher: The Real Jerri Blank, an extended biography, at jerriblank.com.
Mail Beg: The
Daily Show visits San Francisco's Castro District ,
from La Gringa. And Law
& Order fan art, better than The L Word's. The
robot beat, from Bob.
Bonus vid: Laura
at Hottboxx
07.17.06
Ed working in Old Town in a hundred degrees says, "we found a dog today.
Probably over 100 years old. we found everything but the skull. maybe
it was decapitated!"
I spent the weekend studying jellyfish. Did you know that peeing on a
jellyfish sting increases both the severity and hilarity of the injury?
I learned this, so you won't have to. Google Trends tells you what the
world is searching for. For example, Britons
are searching for poo. 
Brian says, this
guy spits in the face of your authority. See Brian tonight as a Terminal,
with Meredith Bragg and the Terminals,
at Fort Reno, 8ish. Also playing,
Benjy Ferree, who I saw do a
nice cover of Johnny Cash's "A Little At A Time" last week at the Black
Cat.
Johnny Cash, A
Little At A Time , 1962.
Sarah Librarian says, "This is kind of long, but SO COOL. Librarians
are the best." It is both long and cool. The
Bunny Man Unmasked: The Real Life Origins of an Urban Legend.
07.13.06
Woohoo! Heck's Kitchen is very proud to premiere, "Tails
of Woe from the Sacrum Sisters — a twelve part, monthly series
beginning today. Be horrified! Be amazed! Be careful who you sit beside
on the bus." The mysterious Sacrum Sisters introduce Walter the Vestigial
Tail today, in....
07.12.06
- Cracker Barrel, where the food and the patrons are of a certain hue.
Death fall by Ron
Embleton.
Constance says, I attached a version of the so-called Chelsea
Hotel No. 1 (live 1972, tel aviv)
-- the rare version of Chelsea
Hotel No. 2 by Leonard Cohen -- in case you feel like a little nerdy
depressing song comparative analysis.
Love,
C
me: thanks. that version is a lot different! peahens!
constancechang: i know. i like 2 better. it's far more soul-crushing
me: there's a lot more information in 1. yeah, 2 is more mysterious.
constancechang: true. i like the background it provides. to the
more mysterious 2.
me: it will help me better appreciate 2
constancechang: :) exactly. i knew only you would care
me: you knew correct
constancechang: actually, probably eric and jill and ssb and RT
would care. but they probably already know.
* * * *
Keri says, wanna hear something funny that my coworker just sent
me?
me: yep
Keri: "Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's
is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders."
Run, don't walk! on your simulated running machine, if necessary. Coach
says, "OMG watch colbert rerun tonite at 8:30, cuz this is gonna rerun:
Minds
Totally Obliterated On Last Night's Colbert Report .
i'm so watchin at results." Ms. Amy Sedaris, barely recognizable as herself.
 What's
more American than baseball and mashed potatoes? I am watching potatoes
and making baseball tonight, so I'm the most American of all. And so I
bid adieu to World Cup football, in which Earth's non-American peoples
play out their nationalism, prejudices, and politics on the pitch, and
welcome Major League Baseball's 77th All Star Game, a contest that is
ultimately meaningless outside of itself, the way sports are supposed
to be.
Please meet my new hero, Cheryl's mom:
From: Marlene Huber
To: letters@starnewsonline.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 31, 2006 8:25 PM
Subject: trashy trash - Letter to the Editor
To the Editor:
While patiently waiting for the Wrightsville beach bridge to come back
to earth last Sunday, to my horror I saw the driver in the car next to
us throw her cigarette out the window. Since we were close enough to touch,
I mentioned to her that she dropped something. She suggested that I mind
my own business. Isn't controlling litter EVERYONE's business? I can only
hope that she is now sufficiently embarrassed to be kinder to our lovely
city the next time she smokes the joint down to a useless butt. Let's
all do our best to erase trash - one butt at a time.
Marlene Huber
To Summarize:
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Good Litter
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Bad Litter
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07.10.06
Ellen
accepting her Emmy , from Macro Glitter.
3 Quarks Daily was in Rome for
the World Cup. He's got photos, a thoughtful little essay about Zidane's
headbutt, and the YouTube video of the incident, in case you somehow haven't
seen it.
Erik says, "Jesus People get themselves in everywhere," www.jesusandtheworldcup.com.
More later.
07.06.06
- getting to know the neighbors.
After pouring over Edward's 200-some Fourth of July photos and pulling
out every picture that would embarrass someone, I am left with almost
nothing to post. I'll keep working on it.
 The
Pulitzer Prize-winning monthly OnTap has published a highly random
look at The
Women of DC Music. Featuring some women we love, some we do not, some
we don't know, and our own First Ladies DC DJ Collective, which frequently
collects in our living room. At least check it out for the cute picture
of Maegan. And speaking of Maegan, she also told me about these two spots:
Encyclopedia
Dramatica and Al-Zarqawi's
Mom's Blog.
Steve D. says, "Finally, an answer." How
is fish's weight that Dora cat can carry? ,
YouTube. Annie's review: "Eleven minutes well spent."
Tennis
Ball Bomb in UNDER 2 Hours, Joel.
Annie sez, "my homo-jock brother sent this to me. it's actually sorta
funny, though i'm not sure if HK has a policy about explicit peen content."
Sebastian Kehl popout
.
07.05.06
- motivational poster by BWA.
"i made you this, but it isn't as funny as i thought it would be."
Brian also says, "it seems that some production company is making a full-length
documentary about the recent Meredith Bragg & The Terminals east coast
tour: Meredith Bragg
& The Terminals: Tour Film 2006 ,
YouTube.
 Ken Lay goes to great
lengths to avoid
prison. Heart does what lawyers could not.
Yesterday was all about launches.
Cargo handler and space rookie Stephanie D. Wilson.
07.03.06
1. Sherman reviews The Devil Wears Prada on the Monday
Morning Report.
2. I'm
in the White Business, Norman Chad.
3. Sunken Waltz ,
Calexico, from Feast of Fire.
4. St. Augustine
, Band of Horses, from Everything
All the Time.
07.02.06
The only important questions in life are the ones we ask when we're
young. So begins the tale of one man's search for a giant statue of
Optimus Prime, in the province of Yunnan, China. When I was a kid I had
one main question, which was, If the universe is expanding, what's it
expanding into? And as much as I've read on the topic since, the answer
is still, we
don't know. Other than that, I know everything. And it's not easy
knowing everything. Not easy on my friends, that is. Please see Chairman
Prime, at Karate Party, from RT's kid Jed.
I once owned this little gem: Superman
vs. Muhammad Ali. "From start to finish, the book is a miniature
time-capsule of the era that spawned it. For starters, it sports a wrap-around
cover depicting hundreds of late-70s celebrities from the world of pop
culture...Over there in the front row is something you don't see every
day -- President Jimmy Carter sitting next to Sonny Bono and Batman (!)."
Sunday's List, $100,000 Pyramid Style:
Fresh, whole, non-homogenized milk
A starry night sky outside the city
Garden tomatoes
Text Message from Bob in West Virginia:
Cracker Barrel: never has a restaurant been so appropriately named.
06.29.06
- caravan photo by Annie.
I thought Liz Clarke would know better than this: Mattek's
Garb Is a Sight for Sore Eyes, wapost. "an all-white melange that
harkened back to some of the worst fashion missteps of recent decades."
Here
you can see one of Ed's comfest videos, featuring, my friends' band; annie
and anisha, not really enjoying my
friends' band; Ed getting hit in the face with a beachball; a drunk guy
falling down.
 Last
night I watched the NBA draft for three hours. It
was some fine reality television. Big boys getting rich, drunk Knicks
fans getting pissed. My favorite part was when Marcus Williams, the last
kid sitting in the Green Room, finally got picked at #22. The best point
guard in the draft falls because a) he is fat, and b) he stole a bunch
of computers last year. Oops. They interview his mom as he's finally walking
up to the podium. She says she moved in with Marcus last year because
"I had to up my mom game." And that she talked so much trash at him that,
by his first game on the road after his suspension was up, "nothing
could bother him, cuz he got it so much worse at home." Because she
loves her babies, and will do anything for them. "Anything not illegal,"
she adds.
The archeology report, by Edward, reporting from a possible slave
jail site in Old Town Alexandria:
Subject: The Poopsmith
Ed: Today I am digging out a buried barrel at the bottom of the giant
trench we drained yesterday. There's a strong possibility that it's a
privy...at least a hundred years old. So that means I'm digging in 100
year old shit. I'm down on my knees playing in shit. I'm just going to
try not to think about it.
Me: i hope you find something good in all that shit!
Ed: All I'm getting is corn and peanuts.
06.28.06
Wimbledon means it's summer, and that I'm not at home watching it means
I'm doing something wrong with my life. I turned it on this morning, though,
to see Venus Williams eviscerating one Bethanie
Mattek. Bethanie Mattek was wearing a sweet outfit, one that our own
Coach Varlas would wear to the gym, or to mow the lawn. Intrigued, I consulted
the internets, and found this: BBC
liveblogs the Mattek vs. Williams match. Yay!
Williams 1-0 Mattek
One game in, and you already fear for Mattek. Venus rattles through
her first service game, dropping just one point. Mattek, who designs
all her own clothes, is wearing knee-length white socks and tight football
shorts. It's a sensational outfit. She looks a little like a young Bette
Midler would if she had played midfield for Don Revie's Leeds team of
the 1970s.
The usual: Stupid Republicans and their stupid flag burning obsession
- Glass dude ranches, Senate
race flashes over flag-burning ban, from Marlz. From Rover, Terror
Alert: Severe Risk of Hype, wapost. Two great tastes that taste great
together, queers and sports: Gay
ex-player talks to NFL rookies on diversity, ESPN. From Ranger Ted:
Custer
bites the dust. Sunday was the anniversary of the Battle of the Little
Bighorn where Custer was defeated by the Sioux, Cheyenne and Arapaho in
Montana. Reenactments are part of the festivities. Here's Custer being
thrown to the ground by a suspiciously white warrior.
A tiny album of Comfest
06.27.06
- Foamhenge, by Edward. Natural Bridge, VA. All about Foamhenge.
I'm not generally too scheudenfreudy, but this week brought us Little
Rush Needs a Little Push, and Ann Coulter seems finally to be suffering
the fallout of being a raving lunatic.
So. That's nice.
 Sad
songs for a wet week: Found this at Pitchfork, too. Better
in Manhattan , by Casey
Deinel.
And then we'll quietly grow old, the
saddest story ever told ,
Magnetic Fields, The Wayward Bus.
The
Amazon review of Mark Knopfler's and Emmylou Harris's new album is
pretty much right on, " somehow underwhelming, and without a true centerpiece,"
but the title track's pretty decent: All
The Roadrunning .
Sheryl Swoopes, out in SI: Q&A.
"I was so nervous about going to the NBA All-Star Game in Houston
this year....One of the things that has been most special to me was Shaquille
O'Neal and Kevin Garnett came up to me on different occasions. They hugged
me and said, "'I love you, I'm proud of you and I have your back.'"
She's also...one of the leagues biggest divas? Mike Wise in today's Post:
Mystics
Hit Their Shots, But Miss he Fans. "I'm still stunned that more
stories aren't written about the league's divas, women like Lisa Leslie
and Sheryl Swoopes, whom many of the WNBA's players believe need an attitude
check. "
06.26.06
- Happy 33, Constance! Watch out for that giant cat.
Clean slate day/family friendly version.
 Pitchfork's
100
Awesome Music Videos has lots of good stuff, old and new, and
all conveniently YouTube'd for you. Ahhh...ELO's All
Over the World , from Xanadu. Plus! the
supergay Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Relax
. How gay is it?
rbrumfield says: oh my god! this is SO gay! i can't believe this was
on TV in the 80s and nobody said anything about it! amazing!
JM says:
it's the european version
JM says:
we got the bullshit video
rbrumfield says:
ah.
rbrumfield says:
wow, they just dragged frankie off over their shoulder to buttfuck him.
JM says:
yep!
rbrumfield says:
crawling round w a TIGER!
rbrumfield says:
a playful little tiger!
rbrumfield says:
this is wonderful. simply wonderful.
rbrumfield says:
they peed on him!
rbrumfield says:
ahhh!
JM says:
yes!
rbrumfield says:
my heart is full of love. thank you, dr. miller.
JM says:
anytime
While we're at Pitchfork, Brian sent this new Mountain Goats song:
Woke Up New . This made me
worry that perhaps the Darnielles had split, but minor internet research
seems to indicate Family
Happiness.
West Coast Marla, reporting: "today at the pride parade, on a
float, topless and waving before my disbelieving eyes, was matthew rush
of falcon fame. he had modestly chosen jeans rather than a speedo (a la
"good as gold"...) it's not every day that a dyke gets to see her favorite
fag porn star in the flesh." Photos!
05.25.06
What'd you do last night?
Part I. Lounging on porch couch, reading about cells. Roommates
Ed, Annie and Dave have gone to the grocery store. Receive text message.
Dave: "I'm going to buy a gameboy for when I go anywhere with ed.
Or maybe there is some way to make money in my free time when I'm waiting
places for Ed. Let me know what you come up with."
(Note: I receive a similar message whenever Dave goes shopping with
Ed.)
Me: "Bring 1/2 & 1/2"
Me: "Never leave the house w/o something to read. Thats what ive learned
in my life of waiting for the worlds eds."
Dave: "Lucky for you Ed is still wandering around the store looking
for the secret of life, or his one true love, or his lost shaker of
salt. He will bring you 1/2 & 1/2."
Part II. Walking to the
Polish place in our neighborhood with Annie and Ed. Four houses down
from 1320, I spy one of the two cats I feed WITH HER KITTENS! This is
monumental, because I knew she'd been pregnant, and then she wasn't, but
I hadn't seen any kittens. Oh, god, they are so cute. We briefly consider
trying to catch one to bring home.
The group of kids walking ahead of us are smoking pot. 
Get to Domku, and find there's a bluegrass band playing and a cover charge.
Get very irked about this, because I didn't bring cash and no one can
hear anyone speak. I move the party to the back bar. A couple Hennepins
later, and everyone's in a good mood, and liking the band. We talk about
every single one of you. Then we see cool Jody from Glad Rags, who reports
that Katie Golden is pregnant again.
The band covers Wagon Wheel ,
by Old Crow Medicine Show, which I love, because Ed put it on my birthday
mix, and Ed loves, partly because they rhyme his home town Roanoke
with toke.
When they're done playing I walk up and compliment the bass player, who
says, "I'm glad, because I saw you were annoyed with the cover when
you came in, and I thought, 'I hope she likes the music.'" Then I
feel like a dick.
Part III. Walk home with Ed, Annie, and Xochi. We find a baseball!
Once home harangue Maegan about celebrity-obsessed culture, dehumanizing
reality television, and how we're all miraculous collections of amazing
cells. In short, make a nuisance of myself, as usual. Sleep.
HK EXPRESS cuz you're so damn busy
05.24.06
Breaking News: Coach sez, "prom theme part II: i
can dream (these dreams) about you . if
you haven't guessed it already, prom is all about nonreciprocal affections,
sprinkled with blue balls, and wrapped in a tortilla of shame. the bar-top
dance sequence is the shame part."
Changing:
1.) Malvo's
story, in the Post. Totally fascinating. Muhammad, defending himself,
cross-examined his young accomplice today. "Malvo, speaking evenly for
five hours at Muhammad's trial in Montgomery County, said Muhammad pulled
the trigger in nine of the 10 fatal shootings and actually sought to claim
six lives a day for a month."
2.) The
Dixie Chicks go SoCal '70s soft rock. Yay!
3.) The Mystics, back to kicking ass: Defense
and Hot Shooting Overwhelm Liberty in Opener: Mystics 95, Liberty 60.
 Staying
the Same:
1.) Something heartening can be taken from this story: children
can still be shocked.
2.) Money
lenders and thieves still often the same thing.
Monsters and Non-Monsters, from Bob: "The gallery from this
eurovision
song contest is really fun to look at. It’s as hilarious to see the
wimpy non-monsters against whom Lordi competed as it is to see grown men
dressed like they were burned in an industrial accident at the codpiece
factory."
A Series of Curiously Themed Songs iTunes Shuffle Deemed Random Enough
Today:
1.) The One
You Really Love , Magnetic
Fields.
2.) In a Graveyard
, Rufus Wainwright.
3.) Big Exit ,
PJ Harvey.
4.) Death to Everyone
, Bonnie Prince Billy.
5.) Sleep
Away Your Troubles ,
The Softies.
05.23.06
Two years ago I went to see Colonel
Joe Kettinger, the dude who, in 1960, rose for four hours in a hot air
balloon to the edge of space, and then jumped out, falling back to earth
for 20 miles. I'd seen a documentary about the jump on the Discovery Channel,
and it sufficiently captured my imagination to the point where I'm sure
anyone I've had a beer with in the past couple years has had to hear about
it. Anyway, here is the
footage he shot on YouTube as shown in the documentary.
And today Dave sent me this great thing:
Hitting
The Speed of Sound Without A Vehicle.
"Boards of Canada used some of the footage that Joe and the balloon
camera shot in their video for 'Dayvan Cowboy.' You
can see it here ."
Boards of Canada is an awesome atmospheric/electronic/synth melodies
that is pretty much the best thing to listen to when you're high.
You heard it here first, folks. Here's another song while we're at it:
Love's Lost Guarantee
, Rogue Wave.
05.22.06
Colbert
roast of W is no. 1 iTunes download, nytimes, Underblog. If you haven't
seen it, watch
it! .
 Cheryl
Miller just delivered a butchy halftime chat with Dallas guard Jason
Terry, then sent him off to the locker room with a good luck shove on
the arm. Sweet. We need more Ds on the sidelines. Btw, Look at SI's Top
10 Most Embarrassing TV/Radio Interview Moments.
Barbaro
Is Able to Stand After Surgery. "A normal horse on any other
day in any other race would have been put down already," said Nick
Meittinis, a veterinarian who tended to Barbaro in the immediate aftermath
of Saturday's breakdown.
ll
grown up: Almonte married to 30-year-old woman. Way to go, kid. Who's
the pitcher? Hilfiger
'Just Kept Smacking Me,' Axl Says. A Cool
little illusion, from Joel. And some dirty
ones.
SLyon on The OC beat: Four
parts hugging and learning to one part senseless tragedy... Salon.
05.21.06
- they shoot horses, usually.
Dear Heck's Kitchen,
As you know, I am the chief editorial officer for Bears
Will Attack, an internet concern that is often an arch, self-obsessed
"diary-style" blog, sometimes an mp3 blog, and occasionally
a tour diary. At present I have no idea which of these, if any, I should
pursue. Please conduct a poll of your readers to learn what sort of "blog
content" is most popular with the lucrative 25- to 35-year-olds-with-office-jobs
demographic.
Thank you for your assistance in this matter,
Brian H. Minter, Esq.
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