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03.12.06
Danielle says, "my kids after I announced the list of things found on Ed Gein's property." 'hey yo, that's Texas Chainsaw Massacre, that shit was real.' 'that's why I tell my dad not to be pulling over for no directions.' 'yeah yeah, you can't make me get out of the car on no country road for nothing.'
BWA says, "my work is featured on Overheard in New York again." Man: You'd better get out of the way. Jenny Miller to bminter haha. nice. i didn't know you were a contributor. bminter to me 03.10.06
Natalie Portman: Gangsta Rap. Says Rebonga, "Natalie Portman wants to f* you too. she's an incredible dork but it's at least better than Madonna rapping 'i do yoga and pilates and the room is full of hotties, i drive my mini cooper and i'm feeling super duper.'" Insane killers: Albert Fish: real life Hannibal Lector, The Crime Library. Albert Fish, Wikipedia. Ed Gein, Wikipedia.
Sesame Street: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12!. More vintage Sesame Street than you can shake a stick at. See also, the amazing Muppets Mahna Mahna . And, the Electric Company. Baseball: The Truth About Barry Bonds and Steroids, excerpted from Game of Shadows, SI. And, Team USA lost to Canada yesterday. CANADA. Canada. Team USA, fielding a mess of superstars, was beaten by Canada, which trotted out a lineup of minor league hockey players. Now Team USA has to hope Canada beats Mexico, or Mexico beats Canada and scores at least three runs, thanks to a completely nonsensical tiebreak system created by French figure skating judges. In yesterday's other incredible upset, Chloe won Project Runway, with a collection of shiny prom dresses last seen on my high school girlfriend, circa 1988. As Tim said, "Chloe's home state of Texas would be an appropriate market." I'm happy for Chloe, though. I like her, and she likes me, too. Chloe, Daniel, Santino. The birthday that won't end has made me late to work today. More later. 03.08.06
- Joan, 1936, table
tennis Live: with Coach. Watch: King
Kong in 30 Seconds Read: The Onion, Zulk on 'roids, BWA Radio: Pushing Boulders, zany Soviets 1 and 2. 03.07.06 Bitter MountainJack's Oscar Wrap-Up, 2006
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03.01.06
No frills update.
, gillian.This is an IM exchange between Bob and Hillbilly Andy, who works as a novelty food salesman.
Bob says, "Thought you'd think this is funny. What follows is an account of andy's ongoing relationship with the guy in the office next door, a publisher who hasn't the first idea of how to sell books."
hooser says:
he wont stop with these fucking books
hooser says:
everyday
hooser says:
pounding me with it
rbrumfield says:
have you seen any money yet? nobody's gonna buy those books. if they were,
he wouldn't need a food broker to sell them.
hooser says:
Fuck no dude.
hooser says:
listen up and ill name em
rbrumfield says:
he's got such a good rep as a publisher? please.
rbrumfield says:
gimme some names
hooser says:
fighter pilot jazz. some dude who flew planes
hooser says:
Marketing profiles for the current times
hooser says:
dog book - dog worship book
hooser says:
and cat book
hooser says:
intro to mental retardation
hooser says:
no sahit
hooser says:
shit
hooser says:
person centered planning
hooser says:
mothman
hooser says:
how to prevent business fraud
hooser says:
graceful living
hooser says:
wv poetry
hooser says:
wild mustard
hooser says:
how to program yourself for success
hooser says:
and a shitload of others
rbrumfield says:
goddamn, motherfucker should have gone on to the 400 level course on bein
a tard, he'd a figured out you can't sell poetry in a grocery store.
hooser says:
you can sell that easier than self help
hooser says:
ill fax this list to ya if ya want
hooser says:
it sucks assholes
rbrumfield says:
nah. that's ok.
hooser says:
you get the idea
hooser says:
recipie books and drug books are good
hooser says:
he has none of those
hooser says:
IMMA tell him i cant help him i think
rbrumfield says:
but 'marketing profiles for the current times' is one you should probably
put in an impulse spot next to the frozen pizza. actually, get me a press
copy of that book. i'd like to give it a look.
hooser says:
Its horrible! written by a 93 year old man
rbrumfield says:
you're kidding me.
hooser says:
what the fuck does a 93 year old man know about current fucking marketing
profiles. he should know more about shitting in a bag
02.27.06
Morning Announcements. Subject: Irony. From: Brian, via Overheard
in New York.
Guy #1: You know what we need? A nice breeze.
Guy #2: What the fuck are you talking about? It's cold as balls.
Guy #1: I was being ironic.
Guy #2: That's not ironic. Ironic is like...shit, I don't know. Like that
song.
Guy #1: Naw, man. That's what people think, but ironic is when you say
some shit but you mean some other shit.
Guy #2: Motherfucker, that's facetious.
Guy #1: Yeah...Then what's ironic?
Guy #2: How the fuck should I know? You the nigga with the GED.
--49th & 7th
Somehow Sherman's gardening blogject flew under my radar. Please see Higglety Pigglety Farm for some very cute pictures of Jill and the roadrunner Roady.
The report from the north is that Jill and Lauren's bike messenger event, Schlitz & Giggles, was an enormous drunken freezing naked success. I'll post photos on the site as I receive them. Meantime, here's Lauren as Elament Saturday night. Photo by Rushin' Revolution. FYI, EmHo sister house resident Lola won "first place girl." Give it up.
Today in the Post there's a front page story about women flying combat missions in Iraq: Female Pilots Get Their Shot in the Iraqi Skies. Coincidentally, Ed just forwarded to me an email from his friend over there, a female combat helicopter pilot. So, for your edification, a letter home from a total stranger.
Subject: There Goes The Neighborhood
My Bruthas (and Sistahs),
So, on my quest to abide by the health regulations set forth by this United States Army, I jerked my guys around for days. We got a trailer, but some of them didn't want to stay in it; it was "too far away". Plus, if I stayed in the trailer, at least two other people had to stay with me, so it didn't give off the wrong "impression". God knows, in the Army, perception IS reality. It doesn't matter if you know the truth, your guys know the truth, and your husband knows the truth. Integrity is negligible, especially as an officer. So, we had to find another way to split up eight people while they slept on duty. We ended up splitting the offices. It's worked out so far.
Now not too long after we made the final changes, one of my warrant officers went into the building beside our Operations building. It was the Falcon Flight Operations building, and he had a question for them. When he walked in, there were three soldiers sitting there and they all had shiny, platinum teeth (apparently that is okay and soldierly while putting your sunglasses on your head because you don't want to crush them in your pocket is WAY too unprofessional. I will never understand this organization!!). He asked if Flight Operations had moved. They said yes. He asked them what they planned on doing with that building (idea = our housing/environmental issues solved). They said that they were going to turn it into a recording studio. He sort of chuckled, but they didn't laugh. When he told me about it, I thought it had to be a joke, for sure. Well, today when I walked outside to use the bathroom, I heard some bass and thumping coming from the building beside us. Damn if they didn't turn that crappy little building into a recording studio! Wow.
So, there's a lot going on in my life right now, none of it good. Well, I take that back. I just ordered some self tanning lotion online. Somehow spending money makes me feel a little better. Watch out, Kris!:) I ordered it out of self-preservation. Every time I wear my PT shorts, my guys pretend they are blinded by my legs, and then they casually bring up tanning beds. Jerks.:) I started making my magazine picture cards again today. I enjoy that. I think I might start scrap booking when I get home. From what I hear, it is an expensive hobby, but I really think I would love doing it. Is that weird, a two combat tour helicopter pilot who loves to cook and scrapbook? Haha. I can't wait to be normal!! Please do everything you can to convince the big man on Capitol Hill NOT to invade Iran...please!!
We're not moving south to Kalsu any time soon. They are spending millions of dollars to pave a pathway from the flight line to a hangar they haven't built yet. Until they do so, we can't move there. Again, wow! I believe in bettering your living conditions while you're here, but why, oh why is the U.S. trying to polish a turd?
So, how's life in my alternate reality? Is the crappy winter over with? It's starting to get hot here already. It has only been in the 70's, and I've been hot. I can't WAIT for the summer!
I think I'm going crazy. Luckily, I just write you guys, and I stave off psychosis (psychosis beyond the normal estro-psychosisJ) for another week or so. With my mind running a million miles a minute, I've been escaping my real life through reading a lot. That's a good thing too. I have about fifty books lined up that I have to read.
Well, I just wanted to send you a quick hello. I miss home, and writing you brings me closer. I hope all is going well in your lives. Sarah, I got your package! Thanks a lot. Everything in it was PERFECT! If that was my birthday package, I am really excited about my Christmas package. Are you going to have to deploy with 1st CAV, or are you trying to move out of it? Is Jason's BDE the combat BDE assigned to come over? When is this nonsense going to end?! Wendy, I got your package and Kris Risendal's package. A thank you note is headed her way. Thanks for everything. Mom, I got your packages as well. The recorded shows are awesome. Thanks so much for doing that. Two weeks till I see Kris!
Till next time,
CPT A
- 30 -
02.24.06
State of the Union: What's round on the ends and high in the middle? Ohio.
It's not just a fast food test market. Ohio
lawmaker to propose ban on GOP adoption. Our neighbors to the east
should also be proud: Police:
Fake Penis Nuked In GetGo, c/o Rebongaz. Speaking of Pennsylvania,
you know what the world needs? More fundie nations. And more Silver Ring
Things. Government,
abstinence-only program agree to wait, ala Marla. And in New York,
4
accused of carving up corpses -- including Alistair Cooke's, from
Ms. Caryn.
Last night at the Olympics, everyone fell down. Everyone except
the woman my housemates were calling Mortal Kombat. Which brings us to
Blood on the Carpet , sent by Joel. And, our
girljock neighbor Captain Jack is on the cover of a magazine...Hot
off the press: Preventing Death by Office Chair, Coversations with
Mud.
She's really narrowing down the candidates here...
I SAW YOU...scarf, hat & t-shirt hottie
HOTBOXX on Sunday at the phase. you were hanging by the door with a friend.
wow, what a smile. You were hanging in a dense crowd for most of the night
and I never got a chance to get your name. Any chance you 'll be at Chaos
this week?
When: Sunday, February 19, 2006
Where: THE PHASE
I saw a: Woman
I am a: Woman
Mr. Minter appears to have abandoned Bears Will Attack. As a service to his fans, I'm going to post his emails here until he returns.
Me: "Author Margaret Atwood was planning to avoid book tours by signing books via remote-controlled robot."
Brian: that's because margaret atwood is actually a science fiction writer disguised as a feminist (see also: the handmaid's tale, oryx and crake). so is marge piercy, who wrote a book called 'he, she and it' about the gender politics behind having sex with and eventually falling in love with a cyborg. also there is a grandma character who is smarter and hipper than every male character in the book (except the cyborg, who is very gentle and wise when he is not killing villains).
contrast this to authors like ursula leguin and octavia butler, who are feminists secretly disguised as science fiction writers
love...
brian
02.23.06
A bike messenger found and returned my wallet. Have you hugged a bike
messenger today?
Unlike
me, my sister spends her days doing challenging and rewarding work. She
and her colleagues at The
Heart Gallery just opened their 2006 show last weekend. Briefly, amateur
and professional photographers take portraits of kids in foster care,
package the pictures and their stories in a gallery, and invite the people
out to break their hearts and get the kids adopted. It works pretty well.
Both my sisters have photos in the show this year, too. When I was down
at Christmas I got to sit in on a day of the selection process. Anyway,
Jess says, "this
article ran today about a heart gallery girl we took shopping for
clothes over the weekend. the coverage has been amazing." Me: "hey!
this is about the girl everyone loved so much, yeah?" Jess: "This
one. She's so gorgeous in person, too. Ironically, she speaks with a Jamaican
accent & ghetto-slang. (Foster mom from the islands, two older African-American
foster brothers.)"
A Few Hours, A Few Gifts, Many Hopes, tampa trib.
On a lighter note, Guadalupe, from Project Runway, is a kookanut. From Kittenpants, I can't stop replaying this moment from last night's reunion episode of Project Runway. And Jay? All is forgiven. His new show is great.
Also via kp: Is That A Little Giant In Your Pocket? Another vid from Mr. Cowal: what goes down in my new 'hood...
Laura sent over this tidbit from gawker:
"Director Ang Lee is set to cast Kate Moss in his latest film, a
biopic about singer Dusty Springfield, in which she'll play one of Springfield's
lesbian lovers. Lee sure does have a knack for high-profile gay casting
choices." Yay.
I'm in the mood for some Stephin Merritt.
With Whom to Dance.
And while I'm posting old stuff I've posted before, here are a couple
that many people don't like, but I do: I've
Got New York (Melanie), and Waltzing
Me All The Way Home (Odetta).
02.22.06
- has anybody seen my wallet? Again?
Our boy Johnny Weir isn't exactly a poster child for animal rights, but,
Drop
Till You Shop: For Skater Johnny Weir, the Gold Is in the Bag. A Louis
Vuitton, That Is.
From the Smoking Gun and Ms. Marls, Sicko "Marriage Contract" One For The Ages.
Stuff to watch: Planet Vids.
02.21.06
- Happy birthday, Sarah Lyon! Your lucky numbers are 15, 38, 11, 3 and
1.
Bikers
roll to military funerals to oppose anti-gay protests, from rover.
A GAY AND LESBIAN PHILATELIC
COLLECTION, c/o la gringa.
Vargoyle and company saw this pawless pup in Brooklyn this weekend...Help
Tinkerbell. Marls checks in with a new Florida or Germany? entry:
Fla.
Man Kills Roommate Over Toilet Paper. From Ranger Ted, Fun
& Games, at glassgiant.com.
I beg to differ....from slyon on the fat cat beat: 'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds. Monster Cat vs. Purple the Giant Cat. You be the judge. Recall that Purple is here obscuring most of the surface of a larger-than-standard sized coffee table.
| Purple | Alleged Monster | Parker Johnson |
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02.17.06
Oh, Johnny. Your bust of a long program won't lessen our love. Out?
In? Or Past All That? Johnny Weir's Fancy-Free Skate. "Weir has
done what so many oddballs, gay or straight, raised by understanding mamas
and papas in the sticks, have done -- he became a cultural omnivore. He
loves hotels, he loves high fashion, he loves being in the world as opposed
to shutting himself off. He's learning Russian. He names his costumes.
He is complicated, self-aware to a maximum degree, and he loathes being
misunderstood."
Last night I learned that no one in the living room is nerdy enough to go see the Tristram Shandy movie with me. Powdered Wit: 'Tristram Shandy' Dusts Off a New Conceit.
Marls says, "stay pretty, folks." The Ugly Face of Crime, wapost. "...the long-term consequences of being young and ugly were small but consistent." And speaking of ugly...
Let's revisit WarriorGeek's momblog, All About My Mom. Also, mw on the stoner beat: Weed moves into Washington's produce top 10.
LES SAYS, "Come? I'll give you a hug if you do. Hehe."
Well, this month at Taking the Piss we are introducing some fresh
talent to the DJ guild. They've watched all the self-teaching videos,
read all the books by the top beat-matchers in the Biz, and have studied
tirelessly just how myself and the Pin Striped Rebel dress to kill for
these events. Please welcome DJ's Annie and Nick. And yes, they're decidedly
not approved by the FCC. But they're nice as hell and know their way around
a good indie/jangle-pop song or two. And that's what we do, of course.
As always, brought to you by DC Soundclash.
WHERE: Marx Cafe, 3203 Mt. Pleasant St, NW WHEN: Friday, February 17,
2006, from 10 pm to 3 am. NO COVER.
02.16.06
- Edward, hardly working.
I've been updating the artifacts section, because
I care much more than I should. Additions include the complete works of
Edward Wiley Johnson. Look it up!
More later.
02.15.06
- Johnny Weir! Johnny Weir! Johnny Weir!
Johnny
Weir says he has a chance if he doesn't wake up looking like Nick Nolte,
sfgate. "I am very princessy as far as travel is concerned and having
a nice room and things like that. Sorry to say 'princessy," he added,
laughing, "but that's what we do." Among
the Baubles, The Genuine Article, Sally Jenkins.
Slyon on the gay beat, because she cares...Same-sex partnerships may be good for couples. Wha....? Recognition and acceptance might lead to better health? "There is very good evidence now that gay men and lesbians are much more vulnerable to deliberate self-harm, to suicide attempts or to depression and other psychiatric problems." But that's how we find each other. Hello, you seem fucked up, in a *really cute* way. Got a cigarette?
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Les named last night's Westminster Dog Show winner Adrian Brodog. Humans Unleashed, David Segal. |
Larva's friend's site, Lazer's Place looks like a keeper, so have a shandy and soak those barking dogs for a spell.
Speaking of barking dogs, the Westminster Dog show came to a close last night. There was once a time that my Kill Your Television bumpersticker stuck proudly between my Homo Fish and VEGETARIANS TASTE BETTER. Now I've named a site after myself dedicated to telling you what I watched on the TV last night. You're welcome.
Oh, I almost forgot the best part. Kellyn Brown, compiler/writer of the great Bozeman Police and Gallatin County Sheriff Reports, wrote me back yesterday.
Jenny Miller to kbrown
Ms. Brown,
I just want you to know, that you write the best police beat we've ever
seen. You've many fans at my site.
Regards,
Jenny Miller
Kellyn Brown to me
Thanks Jenny,
It has really taken on a life of its own and is now the most popular section of our newspaper. I'm not sure if that is good thing.
Cordially,
Kellyn Brown (a man with a woman's name)
Jenny Miller to Kellyn
Sorry, dude.
What made you decide to make it good?
Kellyn Brown to me
To be honest Jenny, the people in this town make it good, not myself or Ted Sullivan, who also works on the police reports. We look through up to 150 "calls for service" a day. From that list, we choose what we consider quirky, and there is plenty of material in this Montana town. It gives our readers a chuckle in the often depressing news cycle.
Kellyn
Jenny Miller to Kellyn
Well, I could tell the population gives you plenty of material.
My friends live up there. I'm in DC.
Today's theme seems to be dogs gone bad.
Just wanted to let you know it's appreciated far and wide. I guess you
already do.
:)
- Jenny
Kellyn Brown to me
Thanks for writing Jenny.
Your Web site is impressive and I'm proud to be a small part of it.
Nothing against DC, but you should probably follow your friends to Bozeman.
Where else does a dog being warned for a noise violation make the news?
Kellyn
02.14.06
- photo by Ed's workmate. 
How are we feeling today? Did the Olympic
pairs skating make you teary? I won't name names, but I know the Russians
Who Overcame the Horrific Drop and the Chinese Who Overcame, mmm, Living
in China were enough to make at least one grown man cry. And the women's
snowboarding.....rad. Those assembled in the living room managed to
catch the speedskating, the mighty pairs, the halfpipe, and the Westminster
Dog Show. Color commentator Larva says, "i like how snowboarding
is kinda ham-fisted (oops, she opened up a bit on that 720, but who cares,
cuz her big air is ballistic!!) versus the fine tooth combedness of the
skating (she just made a soufflee during her midair triple sow cow, but
she forgot to point her skate--ten point deduction)."
By the way, cute Joey Cheek, who won the 500m, is donating his entire winnings to his charitable foundation, Right to Play, "which uses sports and games as a tool for helping children in the most needy corners of the world. Cheek said his donation would be earmarked specifically for children of the Darfur region in Sudan, where roughly 60,000 youngsters have been displaced, and he called on corporate sponsors of the Olympic Games to match his contribution."
Feeling blue? I recommend mixing a bit of this
with a little of this
. And speaking again of Coach, she says
little
danza is the boss.
MW on Valentines Day, in a funny little IM exchange with her bff, which she has entitled:
JoyeT: i was saying at lunch the other day that lesbians probably have
the best valentine's day
MojoM:
haha why is that?
MojoM: all the emotions of two girls?
MojoM: i miss sex... do wish i had a sexual partner for vday
JoyeT: well, we were talking about expectations for the whole day (women
were complaining about their bfs) and we were saying how easy it was and
i made the remark that the guys really don't care and it's so hard for
them to figure it all out, but the girls can plan huge things (which is
what they want) that the guys don't care about.
JoyeT: and i thought well, it would be better if women just planned for
women
MojoM: true...but not all women get it either.
JoyeT: oh i know, it's just my romantization of the lesbian lifestyle
where you wake up and want to watch the same shows, shop and eat at the
same place
MojoM: LOL
JoyeT: what? you mean that's not what it's like? ;)
MojoM: ehh. depends.
* * * *
Finally, the daily show on cheney shooting.
Dick Cheney still hasn't appeared in public to discuss his accidental shooting of a 78-year-old man, but there are plenty of people willing to speak on the veep's behalf -- among them, Comedy Central's Rob Corddry. Playing the role of a "vice president firearms mishap analyst," Corddry explained it all Monday night for "Daily Show" host Jon Stewart:
Stewart: Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?
Corddry: Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face.
Stewart: But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?
Corddry: Jon, in a post-9/11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
Stewart: That's horrible.
Corddry: Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know "how" we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little "covey" of theirs.
Stewart: I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob.
Corddry: Well, whatever it is they do -- coo -- they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.
02.13.06
- Emho snow, by Ed.
Housemate Anisha made sure we all watched David
Chappelle on Inside the Actors Studio last night. It was pretty amazing
television. "These simple showdowns — minimalist two-person plays, really
— have become high art on television lately, and watching Mr. Chappelle
square off with the wonderful prig-buffoon Mr. Lipton, it's possible to
conclude (as Mr. Chappelle himself does, half in earnest) that the two
men should take their show on the road."
Olympics! Barry Svrluga chat from Sestriere | Tales from Turin | Full Post coverage
Global Conflict, here we coooooooooome. International politics, explained The O.C. way.
02.10.06
- happy opening ceremonies day.
I have a headache that feels like a hundred heads with headaches. Our
workplace first aid kit offers something called Pain & Ache Relief.
As I was unwrapping some Pain & Ache Relief, one of our vice presidents
came into the kitchen and said, "That first aid kit is so bad. What
the hell is Pain & Ache Relief?" He then said he was sorry I
had a headache, even though it was less his fault than the fault of gin
and lesbians.
From Marla's Spammail Bag:
Subject: Former President Bill Klinton uses Voagra!
Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as "Klinton-Levinsky". After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot! It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not to shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra. What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more attractive.
It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!See our Voagra shop to enter upon the new phase of your life.
And my own spam o' the day:
Hi, Katherine! Do you have any Problem in Getting & Maintaining Erection??
From Dave: World Press Photo 2006 competition winners. "My favorite is titled/captioned One vodka too many."
Roundup: Pets in Uniform, Señor Ding Dong. Frumpy Americans and pencil skirts: Cleaning out our closets with reality fashion television, slyon.
Speaking
of SDD:
sdd says:
we opened a movie today that got the WORST reviews i've ever read
rebecca says:
ooh, what?
sdd says:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/london/
JM says:
hahahahaha
sdd says:
i saw it - it's truly awful
sdd says:
this is from the Ebert & Roper transcript:
RICHARD: thumbs, down, down, down, down, down, down…
ROGER:
…thumbs, thumbs, thumbs…
RICHARD:
…down, down…
* * * * *
Look -> what Sherman made for SLyon's library event. I saw it in the flesh last night and it was beeyootiful.
02.09.06
- click images for bigs
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How would you like your daughter to marry William F. Buckley, Jr.? Not so much, really. Although his opinions on popular music are amusing.
Which reminds me of this pastime: checking out the Amazon user review rankings listed from worst to best. Example: Abbey Road. Check out today's Style section for Rebonga's puss, decorating this story: More Affordable Housing For Artists Is in the Picture. And by puss I mean face, of course. I love when the Post sends its sports crew to the Games. They're all so giddy, and they send back fun stuff. It makes me regret straying from the j-path. A few good ones: Those Who Din, Win, Mike Wise. "Before the Look-at-Me Winter Games begin, I have to admit: Johnny Weir appeals to me much more than Bode Miller. Not that it changes how I feel about myself, but Weir, the best U.S. men's figure skating hope, is extremely comfortable with his feminine side." Broken Home, Broken Back, but Skating Still, Amy Shipley. Michelle Roarke is my kinda girl, Liz Clarke and Sally Jenkins.
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02.08.06
Attention potheads: Stoners
vs. Six-Year-Olds: A Radar Investigation. From Anisha, who adds, "bob's
remarks are the best...he even managed to use the word 'quotidian' despite
his poor performance."
From the same 1967 issue of LOOK, take a moment to appreciate the hilariously homophobic letter to the editor directly beneath the heading SAD "GAY" LIFE. Imagine, say, Newsweek printing it today. See? Things do change, sometimes. Also, down with fraudulent and Christian juju men!
02.07.06
- PM
I've borrowed a lot, especially from Ephemera Now. (Now, Plan59).
Figured I'd finally start scanning some of this giant pile of stuff that's
been collecting on my desk. These covers are from my grandpa's stash.
Click for big. Ads to follow.
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LOOK magazine, February 21, 1967. Art by Pierre Mion. Part three of The Death of a President. |
LIFE magazine, February 3, 1957. "Cooked in the silvery furnaces of their spacesuits." Photo by Ralph Morse. |
POST magazine, May 6, 1967. A Plot to Kill Kennedy? Huh? Great illustration by Fred Otnes. |
02.06.06
- PM
The board's back. Zonk if you love jennymiller.com, says Coach V. Please
don't write a book, unless it's an exceptionally hilarious book full of
hot sex and kitty porn. Thank you.
You know, considering the brouhaha over Bode Miller bragging about skiing drunk, I wonder about the wisdom of Budweiser's ad on the back cover of this week's SI.
Also from Larva by way of friend Ernie, A
Year Full of Kick-Ass Movie Pitches. And from Les, MySpace the Movie .
RANGER TED SAYS, HEY, I did not realize that the United Airlines Slaying Dragons ad was on last night. That was the debut of a commercial that [RT's brother] Uncle Joel worked on this fall. It took about 7 months to make and was created by one of Joel's pals from school who is an animation whiz kid and grew up in Ojai (our hometown in CA.) The creator-dude rented a house in Ojai for the duration of the project and installed the entire production crew there. It was made by about 10 people using stop-motion animation and individually hand painted pieces of paper. I was out in Ojai last summer and got a tour of the house and the studio. The sequence with the kid sleeping was being shot at that time and Joel's pal showed us how the stop-motion process worked by moving the kid's arm back and forth while the digital camera tracked the motion. He invented the tracking program himself. Cool. Outside on the back porch, a woman was making the paintings with her two dogs curled up at her feet. It was pretty hot outside so she was wearing shorts and a tank-top and no shoes. And she was drinking iced-tea. It's amazing to see the final product. YAY! RT
More
on it by favorite TV writer, Lisa de Moraes: Super
Bowl Scores Big, But It Doesn't Ad Up . "Inexplicably, almost 91 million
viewers watched the nation's biggest advertisers vie for Commercial of
the Year on Sunday, with breaks during which the Pittsburgh Steelers and
the Seattle Seahawks pretended to play something loosely called football,
and the Rolling Stones sang three songs, which the producer cleaned up
for the kiddies."
SPORTS: Please substitute the words "super gay" wherever "eccentric" appears. Icebreaker and His Obstacles: Eccentric Weir Carries Hopes and Fears of Some in U.S. Skating.
Matt sent me this sweet picture, because he's awesome.
02.06.06
- Happy Waitangi Day
Were I a betting woman, I would've won $65 last night. But I'm not, ok
Fairfax police? Please holster that Glock.
Bob sez, Cruci-fixin's. "The latest religious flap at NBC flared after the network announced Tuesday that pop star Britney Spears will make an April 13 guest appearance on "Will & Grace," playing a Christian conservative talk-show sidekick to Jack, the gay character portrayed by series regular Sean Hayes. According to NBC's initial synopsis of the episode, Jack's fictional TV network, Out TV, is taken over by a Christian broadcaster, leading Spears' character to do a cooking segment on his show called "Cruci-fixin's."
02.03.06
I skimmed the paper so you don't have to. Republican
Wedge Issues, 2006 Edition, Harold Meyerson. "Warrantless wiretapping
and immigrant bashing as the Republican wedge issues of '06? Well, what
else can they run on? Their competence? Their ethics?" On
Capitol Hill, Playing WikiPolitics: Partisanship Tests Web Site's Policies.
This story made me teary: A
Redskin Forever Hailed: Slingin' Sammy Baugh Passed His Way Into Gridiron
History.
I just discovered that I'm huge in Japan.
- 30 -
02.03.06
Two stories about gays, bars, and broken faces: From Bob, "It's this kinda
shit...so, you're at the bar, you're just trying to get your cock on,
and some motherfucker who propositioned you two weeks ago comes in and
plants a fucking HATCHET in your FACE." Man,
18, sought after gun, hatchet attack at gay bar. And, from Coach V:
"going down is slang for oral sex." In
The Stall With Those Cheerleaders, The Smoking Gun finally gets the
story.
MISCELLANY: A
Genius Finds Inspiration in the Music of Another, Mozart and Einstein,
NYT. From Marla, 1. the
latest brokeback spoof
and 2. douchebags
.
02.02.06
- grrrrr.
Republicans, how do I loathe thee? We don't have time to count the ways.
Regarding the ejections of two "protesters" from the state of the union
address, The
Capitol's Tempest in a T-Shirt. "[The shirt]...worn by celebrated
war protester Cindy Sheehan...read: 2,245 Dead. How Many More?
Beverly Young, the wife of a Republican congressman, sported a...top...saying,
Support the Troops. 'They publicly humiliated me,' Young told reporters.
'They insulted our troops.' [Said her idiot husband], 'When your
wife is insulted and embarrassed, you do tend to get a little offended,'
explaining...his fervent speech on the House floor yesterday morning,
when he waved the shirt and bellowed about his wife's ejection: 'Shame!
Shame!' Young said he wouldn't be so mad if it were just Sheehan. 'I totally
disagree with everything she stands for.'" See also Bush
defends DeLay's Texas gerrymandering, and watch them get their knickers
in a twist over a political cartoon: Joint
Chiefs Fire At Toles Cartoon On Strained Army. "...we believe
you owe the men and women and their families who so selflessly serve our
country the decency to not make light of their tremendous physical sacrifices."
Brian chimes in:
that post article about the t-shirts was infuriating
consider this comment: Young said he wouldn't be so mad if it were just Sheehan. "I totally disagree with everything she stands for," he said. But by removing his wife, Gainer's officers clearly "acted precipitously," Young said.
this man, a united states congressman, is openly declaring in a major newspaper that he doesn't care if someone's rights are violated if they are someone with whom he disagrees. how utterly unsuited is this person to sit in congress?
also, this bullshit fetishizing of "the troops" is nauseating. i will wager any amount that this corn-fed, self-important republican congressman's wife has no family members in the service, and personally knows no "troops" whatsoever. they may as well worship gold-plated rifles with ronald reagan's face etched on them.
smug, hateful bastards.
love...
brian
From
Rebongaz, "for those not yet too tired of sotu post-game," President
panders to anti-manimal lobby! Dr Moreau flees country in rage! And
from Slate, The Cut-and-Paste
State of the Union: On foreign affairs, the speech was full of anachronisms
and meaningless spin.
Whatever the grand old party was in 1980, whatever it claims to be presently (fiscal responsibility, alleged traditional values, blah blah blah), they're obviously off-the-charts extremists now. Why don't Republicans take back their party? Right, cuz they're drunk with power. 'St. Jack' and the Bullies in the Pulpit: John Danforth Says It's Time the GOP Center Took On The Christian Right.
Speaking of Midwestern values, and just what those supposedly are, Stephen Hunter wrote a pretty interesting analysis of Ang Lee's "agenda." A Picture of Two Americas In Brokeback Mountain.
The local classic rock station (THE CAPITOL OF CLASSIC ROCK, NINETY-FOUR-SEVEN, THE ARROW!) is doing a special, "30 years in 30 days!" which means every day, beginning yesterday with 1966, they play only songs from that year. This is good because it means they play, ahem, deep cuts, but it also means they will be spinning classic rock tunes up to the year 1995. The classic '90s should be a strange week.
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02.01.06
Since 1993, Mr. Jack Martins has generously handicapped
the Academy's Oscar nominations, provided his personal picks, AND provided
the best post-awards fashion wrap-up in town. Without any ado, Heck's
Kitchen Proudly Presents...
01.31.06
- state of the union: sucky.
NYT obit, Coretta
Scott King, 78, Widow of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Dies. "Her first
encounter with the man who would become her husband did not begin auspiciously.
Dr. King, very much in the market for a wife, called her after getting
her name from a friend and announced: 'You know every Napoleon has his
Waterloo,' he said. 'I'm like Napoleon. I'm at my Waterloo, and I'm on
my knees.' 'That's absurd,' Ms. Scott, two years his elder, replied. 'You
don't even know me.' Still, she agreed to meet for lunch the next day
only to be put off initially that he wasn't taller."
NEWSY: From special correspondent Marla, Dominatrix Acquitted in Bondage Death. "Barbara Asher, 56, was also cleared of dismemberment." Bob on the sequin beat: Behind All That Glitter, Ice Dancing's Daily Grind, nyt. From the Post, Debate on Climate Shifts to Issue of Irreparable Change: Some Experts on Global Warming Foresee 'Tipping Point' When It Is Too Late to Act. I love Alex: Ovechkin's Sixth Sense, Thomas Boswell. "My mom was a great sportsman. She knows how hard it is. But my game is a little more physical." See what the handicappers said about last week's police killing of the optometrist/sports gambler.
(Some
of) HARPER'S WEEKLY REVIEW: U.S. auditors found that of $120 million
in Iraqi oil revenue allocated to fund reconstruction $97 million had
gone missing. ABC News anchor Bob Woodruff and cameraman Doug Vogt were
severely injured in an explosion in Taji. Halliburton announced that 2005
was its best year ever. The White House refused to release photographs
of President Bush with lobbyist Jack Abramoff, despite requests from Senate
and House Republicans, and a Senate committee investigating the government
response to Hurricane Katrina criticized the Bush Administration for ignoring
the findings of a hurricane-preparedness exercise called "Hurricane Pam,"
which had warned that New Orleans would be flooded. With support from
the ACLU, a boy in New Jersey won the right to wear a skirt to school;
the boy wears the skirt to protest the school's policy banning shorts.
A grandfather in Florida died of a heart attack after all seven of his
grandchildren were killed in an automobile accident, and a starving woman
in Kangundo, Kenya, placed a curse on God as she hit a cooking pot with
a stick, then died in her sleep. In southern Poland, 66 people were crushed
to death when an exhibition hall collapsed during an international pigeon
fanciers' fair. James E. Hansen, a director at NASA's Goddard Institute
for Space Studies, said that NASA had ordered its public-affairs staff
to review and possibly censor his upcoming speeches and papers after he
called for reductions in greenhouse-gas emissions. Representative Marty
Meehan's staff was caught removing unfavorable facts about Meehan from
his Wikipedia entry; in the past the entire House has been banned from
editing Wikipedia due to rampant abuse of the online public encyclopedia's
editing policies by House staffers. It was revealed that Senator Bill
Frist's AIDS charity had paid almost a half-million dollars in consulting
fees to Frist's political friends, and it was reported that one quarter
of the Bush Administration's $15 billion in AIDS-fighting money had been
given to religious groups. French police realized that they had spent
the last two years trying to identify a female murder victim--whose skeleton
was found during a low tide in Plouezoc'h--who actually died in the 15th
century. "We reckon it was pirates," said a policeman. Authorities in
Mexico City arrested a woman named Juana Barraza, a 48-year-old former
wrestler who is thought to be the serial killer known as Mataviejitas,
or "the Killer of Little Old Ladies," and who may be responsible for strangling
up to 30 of them. Hawaiians were attempting to have the humuhumunukunukuapuaa
(HOO-moo-HOO-moo- NOO-koo-NOO-koo- AH-poo-AH-ah) appointed as Hawaii's
state fish on a permanent basis after its five-year term expired. "It
kind of looks like a pig and it squawks and everything," said a humuhumunukunukuapuaa
advocate. A substitute teacher in Santa Cruz, California, was sentenced
to a year in jail for filming young boys licking whipped cream off each
other's toes. "I used very poor judgment," said the teacher. Mozart turned
250, the FBI was spying on vegans in Georgia, and several women
in Missouri were sick with infections after receiving tattoos from a door-to-door
tattoo salesman. A firecracker explosion killed 16 people during a New
Year celebration in China, and the year of the dog began. -- Paul Ford
Two of Bob at Sparky's.
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01.30.06
My grandma is moving from Hanover, PA to Landrum, SC
in two weeks. So, I've been up there helping her box stuff up, and I will
be next weekend, and the weekend after that as well. On the plus side,
I am now rich in Tupperware, socks, sheets, towels, toiletries, and old
football magazines. On the minus side, who's going to spoil me when my
grandma moves away? Interested parties may submit applications here.
To give you a better idea of what grandma's is like, I've real quick
made this informative photo essay.
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There is plastic, and then there is Tupperware®. People used to use Tupperware for everything. Grandma, here realizing that all the Tupperware is not going to fit in one box, is shouting, "WELL! KISS MY FOOT!" |
A moment of silence so rare I had to capture it. Followed by "WELL! I'LL BE A SON OF A SEABISCUIT!" Interestingly, this particular colloquialism probably originated during Seabiscuit's glory years. |
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My mom and I, as rendered by a mall artist, 1976. |
Obligatory cat photo. This is Teddy. |
01.27.06
- Potomac Creek ware, ca. AD 1300 - AD 1700*
Sherman's project is making me love everyone even more, if that's possible.
See what the people would do if
money was no object, and contribute your own if you like. I'll bet
she keeps posting them as long as she recieves them. She's nice like that.
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Yes, we're adding fake beer to the list. Me and beer, we had a good run. But we want different things. I want to go the gym. Beer wants to sit and eat potato chips. I want to travel. Beer is allergic to cats. Maybe someday we'll be friends. Besides, I've got this to pour my O'Doul's. Anisha adds, "next, the Japanese need to invent the joint-rolling robot."
Thanks to Morgan for alerting us to Pitchfork's very Pitchforky review of the new Meredith Bragg and the Terminals' EP, The Departures. Our man Brian Minter reportedly "adds gravity" to the proceedings, which is sort of the opposite of what he does in person, as documented in the short feature film, Oh, I'm not done! Look at that!
From Marla, Kaine to oppose amendment; says it puts personal contracts at risk. Over at Rover, "It's the currency of corruption" [stupid]... And from Brian, Important Information.
* From Ed's work:
Subject: Prehistoric Artifacts
For anyone who's interested... Steph Sperling's crew just finished a project
in Maryland where they found some pretty cool prehistoric (Native American)
artifacts. I've attached a couple pictures, but you can also come take
a look at them in the lab if you'd like. The
ceramics are called Potomac Creek ware, and are from the Late Woodland
time period. Potomac Creek ware dates from ca. AD 1300 - AD 1700. The
surface treatment that you can see on some
of the sherds is called cord marking, which was done by wrapping loosely
twisted cords around a paddle. A cord wrapped stick was also used for
decoration to make individual impressions.
They also found a fragment of a steatite
bowl. Steatite is a soft stone (soapstone/talc) that can be carved
and was utilized, especially before the invention of pottery. It dates
to the Late Archaic (3500 BC - 1000 BC).
- 30 -
01.26.06
ITEM: Fairfax
Police Say Shooting Was Accident. "Fairfax County's police chief said
yesterday that one of his officers accidentally shot and killed an optometrist
outside the unarmed man's townhouse Tuesday night as an undercover detective
was about to arrest him on suspicion of gambling on sports."
LESSONS:
ITEM:
Teflon
pans cause cancer.
LESSON: We're all going to die of cooking.
ITEM: Gay Marriage Ban Advances Toward Va. Referendum; Md. Lawmakers Offer Similar Bill.
LESSON: Stay here in the District. Where it's safe.
Yesterday I solicited readers (I use that term loosely) to submit free ads to HK. Here's what I received:
From Edward, "A horse just ate the hat off my head, dumped the contents of my backpack out all over the ground and then got a giant erection and repeatedly slammed his head into me. How about that?"
And, more HOUSEMATE ANISHA'S SHORT SHORT MOVIE REVIEWS.
Me & You & Everyone We Know
Written and directed by Miranda July (she's also the main character)
-Lyrical, sweet, quirky
-Great actors
-Fun soundtrack
-Complex lives in the digital age
-All the rage, 5 stars
Coffee & Cigarettes
Written and directed by Jim Jarmusch
-black & white
-odd and quiet, funny at times
-same stuff, different people
-worth a look, 4 stars
Sin City
Adapted for the screen from Frank Miller's graphic novels of same name
and directed by Robert Rodriguez (guest directing by Quinten Tarantino)
-looks cool
-gory stories
-2-D characters: brawn, guile, and tits
-don't go out of your way, 3 stars
Everyone hates Betty. The other day I received an email from one Capt. Jack Sparrow. She appears to be a DC-area mountain biker. She and her girlfriend are getting married soon, and she's got a nice blog called Conversations with Mud. She wrote, "I read your recent L Word post to [fiancee] over the phone and she was dying at your joke about Betty. Holy shit. I have hated Betty since '92."
- 30 -
01.25.06
- tract masthead by brian
The zonkboard is driving me a little bit crazy lately. I was thinking
about just taking my ball and going home, but then I thought, what if
nobody would play with me anymore? So instead, here are some of my new
suggested guidelines for chatting on the idiot board.
Heck's Hard and Fast Rules for Using the Board
Here's a new feature I just thought of five seconds ago. HOUSEMATE ANISHA'S SHORT SHORT MOVIE REVIEWS: "Coffee & Cigarettes: so i got it yesterday and we watched it...it was okay...kind of slow. i want to send it back tomorrow; it's on the table in the living room so you can give it a whirl sometime today. happy viewing :)"
Last night I found myself arguing the merits of Stephin Merritt with
a trio of disagreeing women. But arguing about music is really pointless,
so I said TOMORROW WILL BE STEPHIN MERRITT DAY. But now I have to run
to work. More later.
01.24.06
- this space for rent
I know many of you count on this prestigious webjournal for breaking news
and political commentary. However, one woman, one woman with a job, one
lazy woman with a job, can't possibly keep up with the illegal, immoral,
and stupid things this administration does every day. That's why come
the Washington Post employs all those reporters. Now, back to television
and baby pictures.
James (Ed's brother) writes: in response to the deafeningly silent
cry for more baby pictures, we bring you....
more
baby pictures! huzaaaaaaah!
Heck's Predictions for The L Word, Season 3 (Part I)
I
was listening to the classic rock station this morning (which reminds
me. I was listening to a classic rock station way up 270 the other day,
and their promotion went something like this: OTHER STATIONS PLAY CLASSIC
ROCK, BUT THEY SOMETIMES PLAY SONGS YOU DON'T KNOW! AND OTHER STATIONS
PLAY CLASSIC ROCK, BUT ALSO THAT HARD ROCK YOU DON'T LIKE. HERE AT WCRAP
WE ONLY PLAY THE CLASSIC HITS YOU KNOW!!), and Tequila Sunrise came on.
They play Tequila Sunrise approximately every day. But have you noticed
how dirty that song is? A sample lyric, please.
"She wasn't just another woman, and I couldn't keep from coming on, it'd been so long."
And speaking of sex, Sex.com just sold for $12 million.
01.23.06
- West Virginia Day
Last year Bob took me home with him to Huntington, WV for a wedding. The
next day we spent some time sneaking around this great old theater, the
Keith Albee. Theaters today are comfy, and theater-goers may wear sweatpants
and drink buckets of Mountain Dew and leave trash on the floor. The Keith
Albee is from a classier time. We are in a crassier time.
Bob writes, 
So, attached are two images of spiritual ground zero for me, the Keith Albee Theater in Huntington, WV. One of the theaters designed under the vaudevillian brand by an important architect who designs such things still stands in upstate ny (I think there were six of these uniquely designed places—there was something about the ceiling, I did a buncha research during a visit a few years back to avoid my family). That sister theater is unfortunately not really intact and I read today that developers are trying to turn the ny site, I shit you not, into condos. How many goddamn condos do we fuckin need, anyway? This Keith, though it's been declared a historical landmark, will certainly crumble from the inside as there's no money for continued use, only event monies from the local university's artists' series.
Not that you should be further interested, but here's a decent (perhaps I'm just sentimental) article from a terrible newspaper about the demise of said building: Keith-Albee closes curtain on movies. The timeline to the right is notable for its omission of a race riot sparked at a midnight movie there in, I believe, the mid-60s. Management subsequently discontinued midnight movies.
I drove to Columbus on Friday for my dad's birthday. I had my Silver Seal Heavy Duty Radiator Stop Leak, my Fix-A-Flat, and a pile of old cassettes. My old cassettes (old, like from a time before CDs), and Bob's old cassettes, and Brian's. You want to know how cute Brian is? In his collection is an Indigo Girls mixtape he made, labeled, ...i think i feel fine side and ...i think i'm gonna cry side. How many Indigo Girls lyrics can you find in today's entry? (Turn your monitor upside down and find the answer below!)
Here's my dad at his party, wearing two of his presents. The shirt had to be explained to him.
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01.19.06
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
Today is my dad's 50th birthday. How did he get so young, while I got
so old? Teen-Age
Love, of course. My dad's just like me, except he is less curmudgeonly
and more sentimental, and I am a much better speller. Here
is my dad and I at the beach a few years ago, and below is the NORML dad
on the playground photo I like.
I've
got too much to do, again, to offer a quality entry here, but, I think
you guys might be interested in our friends Jen and Bunny's new baby,
Edina Irene Patterson Cook. Someday
she will thank me for making her Googleable years before her real life
ends and she sits down at her first keyboard. Edina was created with just
a tiny bit of help from Bob. Help that was truly no problem at all, yet
very necessary.
And, I got just one photo of Bitty, my '67 CL160 Honda Scrambler at the bike show. Here she is, sitting next to my mechanic Ken's '63 305 Dream.
* * * * *
JACOB SAYS, Without anticipation I present to you my Adobe Illustrator rendering of 1320 Emerson Street — your house! There's no anticipaiton becuase only Edward knew about how I was drawing it, and I'm sure he had forgotten until I mentioned it last weekend. Here it is. I've attached an Illustrator CS version that you can blow up or reduce as well as a PDF so you can look at it if you don't have Illustrator CS. PACE!
EDWARD SAYS, Thanks Jacob! I got a sneak preview of it at Troy and Katie's on Sunday and it is amazing! We need to find a nice frame and find a place to make a nice print of it and hang it up. Maybe not as big as the dead camel ...but pretty big.
JM SAYS, that thing is so cool. also, *i* knew it was coming! i saw it. just figured you'd never finish it. hey, if you don't mind, i'd like to post it along with a little explanation about how you did it and stuff. do you mind? will you write just a little something? and THANKS! our house looks awesome. and with the wreaths, looks just like it did until yesterday, when the wind blew the top one off.
JACOB SAYS, it's so funny how my surprise wasn't a surprise at all. i think even jaime knew, and i was making the picture as a surprise christmas gift for both of us. i had intended to get you guys a framed copy before the holidays, but obviously that didn't work out.
i made the picture in a fairly simple way — by locking it down in Adobe Illustrator and drawing over it on a separate layer. and if you use the "eye dropper" tool in Illustrator, it'll select the color of whatever pixel you click on. so i drew a bunch of shapes to assemble the house like a puzzle, then colored the shapes with the eye dropper tool by clicking on specific parts of the picture. pretty boring technique but with good results. i made a picture of my house in new orleans too — not sure if you've seen it, but it's a bit chunkier than the emerson street picture and colored in a fun way. i'll send it along when i'm at my computer (i'm temping).
JACOB SAYS, turns out i have a PDF of my new orleans house. check it out!
JM SAYS, it's like making your own coloring book. yay! jaime is threatening to quit her job and move into a tent today. just fyi.
JACOB SAYS, i know! [example redacted - ed.] on the positive note, i could draw a picture of tent in, like, 10 minutes. ha!
01.17.06
I'm sure you're all tired of looking at my brother and Kate Moennig, but
there's codebotting to be done, of the sort that I am paid to do. So,
later.
01.13.06
Heck's Kitchen welcomes the alleged influx of traffic from AOL
Gay & Lesbian. Thanks to my brother-in-yarns Jeff Simmermon of The
First 150 and And
I Am Not Lying For Real for the hook up. Please, make yourselves at
home. To the right find Heck's Tavern, where you may pull up a stool and
say stupid things. We'd appreciate it if you'd make us laugh at you or
with you.
I guess I'd better do something gay today. So here's a little pictorial called....
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SUNDAY NIGHT: Roomie Junebullet and DJ C.rush do the HOTTBOXX on SUNDAY. Where the hottest Ds in DC dance.
Fly flyer by Laura Varlas.
01.11.06
Last
night I was supposed to play a song at an open mic event. I was to go
on before a few of my friends, who are actual, talented musicians. But,
I couldn't find my sheet music anywhere, and then when I did find it I
remembered that I can't really read music, and then that I only know how
to play a few chords on my guitar anyway. I wasn't even sure that I knew
all the words to the song I was supposed to sing. And then, of course,
there is the problem of my voice, which is really, very bad. Needless
to say, I was in quite a panic, and also of course, I was dreaming, which
was a big relief to everyone involved, which was me. This is a lead in
to today's entry which is all about friends who play music....
Featuring housemate Edward Johnson, who writes,
Hey everyone
I know thursday night is taco night and OC night but just so you know...
The band I play with "the lil' hospital" is playing at DC9 with Shumai. It's supposed to be our record release show and we will be kicking off our 3 day tour up the east coast. Anyway...please come out if you're free. We would be grateful for your support.
Thanks
Ed
Featuring Brian Minter, who writes,
maybe you can unleash your internet army (the JMA) to vote for today's "band of the day" on spin.com.
love...
brian
And,
in case there was any lingering doubt as to whether I am a super dork,
I submit as evidence this love note > >, a gift from Sarah
Bolen and Chris Pureka.
oh edward and jenny, your film is a MASTERPIECE! i absolutely loved "i'm not done look at that". i almost lost my shit at work. thank you for sharing it with the world/internet.
- xo abby
DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER. Look it up!
- Brian's lawyer
* * * * * *
Not at all filler: Levi makes iPod controlling jeans . From Anisha, who adds: "this is just stupid...and the photo (as well as the caption) is great. And another strange thing, the Brits say 'AT the weekend'instead of 'ON'...weird..." Schwarzenegger had wrong licence. Revenge: Mouse Sets House Ablaze. And, Cat that disappeared in 2004 tornado returns home. Les's boyfriend Oscar, seamstress and astrophysicist, is spending his week presenting here. Last night he gave me a holographic postcard showing how solar storms cause aurora borealis. What a cool guy.
(Turn it up and click.)
01.09.06
My humble little motorbike Bitty has been invited to model at the Vintage
Japanese Motorcycle Club booth at the Cycle
World International Motorcyle Show, this weekend, at the DC
Convention Center. Thus it was that I spent most of Sunday trying
to make my ugly-beautiful baby semi-show worthy. First, Bob and I visited
the always unhelpful Autozone on Georgia Avenue.
Bob: At the autoparts store before noon on a Sunday. We are getting old.
Me: Does this scrubby look like it means business?
After washing and degreasing and shining and buffing, Bitty still looked like a 37-year old with a bad paint job. So I got on the eBay and started buying things. New grips. (In parts parlance, those are NOS OEM grips, ok? That stands for New Old Stock, Original something or other, alright?) New mirrors. The mirrors are critical, because it's important to be able to see the car behind you before it runs you over. Then a bystander can't shake his head and say, "She never knew what hit her." And while I was thinking of that, I bought this, because a mind is an awesome thing to have wrapped in an Evel Knievel-style hat.
Zulkey sent me this funny bit: THIS IS NO GAME, by JACK HANDEY. La Gringa recommends these resolutions.
The L-Word is finally back. And I made it to work today, despite the welcoming L-Word back celebration of last night/this morning. Laura says, "for your bravery, deleted scene from last night's episode."
At right are Brian and Jaime on New Year's eve. Tune in tomorrow for the feature film by house documentarian, Edward Johnson.
01.07.06
Woohoo Skins! And thanks for the dough.
01.06.06
Entry #5 in HK's Tell the People About Your Job series.
by Shauna
11 a.m. roll in to empty office with slight hangover from night-before "networking" at local bar; paste on ever-present scowl; read jenny's site for an hour.
noon: alternative writers begin to trickle in, all hung over, dressed in what they had on yesterday. oh, wait: you are, too. one's still asleep on the futon in the lounge. that's what that smell is. get into retarded argument about EW's top-ten list and some band's "relevance."
1 p.m. become aware that stupid big, giant record label has actually sent a tape recorder (!) with a cassette (!) welded inside as a promo copy of a major album that you need to assign a review for. bitch that you can't re-sell *that* at the CD exchange. then beg them for another half hour for a photo of their super-exclusive flavor of the month.
2 p.m. yell insults at computer screen in lieu of yelling at actual author of the late, half-baked notebook dump that just came through your inbox. because god knows you don't actually interact with anyone.
3 p.m. yell more when he sends edit back and has not only totally ignored your "suggestions" (ie: things that you will rewrite entirely) but made the piece 300 words longer. [note: steps 4 & 5 to be repeated over and over and over throughout day/week/month/year]
4 p.m. do it your way and don't send him another edit. begin to harass staffers to write longer-lead pieces. all of them will claim to be on a cover story. but not be able to tell you what it's about.
5 p.m. long for a job that ends at 5 p.m. eat something. listen to shouting match between delicate geniuses who both think they are lester bangs.
6 p.m. steps 4 & 5. think up punny headlines for things. but not too punny. mid-range punny.
7 p.m. etcetera.
8 p.m. someone higher up reads your work and yells at you for not completely rewriting everything. feel slightly suicidal, burnt out, like parody of self. mutter.
9 p.m. wonder to self if anyone will really read this gargantuan review of some iranian film, or this zippy one of some indie rock band with a dancey sensibility! do not allow self to wallow. must find beer.
10 p.m. find beer in the lounge fridge, but after two decide that you aren't really working any more so much as you are hiding from your mom's phone calls. go home. lather, rinse, repeat. twice a month, wonder why your check never matches your rent.
01.05.06
Entries #3 and #4 in HK's Tell the People About Your Job series.
by Danielle (www.yargdc.blogspot.com)
Clips from enlightening conversation on love I recently had with a bunch of teenagers ages 15 thru 18:
"Love is not just going out with each other on Friday, or you're just bunned up together. Its like you want to choke each other but you find the strength not to."
"Its not, like if you want to go to the clubs, but they don't want you to, but you do anyway, and their mad about it so they carry you in front of all your friends. That's not love. Love is that the next time, they offer to go to the club with you."
"It's a 50/50 deal. It's not when I feel like it or when I call, that's not love it's control. People think that being controlled is love, but its not. It's the first step of being pimped."
* * * * * * * * * *
by Bob
The topic of software virtualization, as it is discussed in a story I completed before the holiday, is apparently 'too technical' for our readership of techno-savvy K-20 education decision makers and trendsetters.
My task for the early afternoon is to make this IT administrative technology which is, as one analyst from Gartner Inc, a company that provides IT consulting and other services, dependent upon "the decoupling of different layers of the [software] stack so they are no longer dependent on the configuration specifics of the layer below," sound more like something you'd read about in the style section, which is doable, but inane.
I'm considering a career move into PR.
* * * * * * * * * *
Don't you want to tell the people something about your job now?
Send words, cash and food to HK, care of me.
01.04.06
- this thing writes itself edition
Jill & Lauren have
organized a "messenger-style" bicycle race and beer guzzling
event in Boston. February 25th! SCHLITZ
AND GIGGLES.
ENTRY #2 in HK's TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR JOB series.
by Jill a.k.a Sherman
Here's
a summary/outline of my job. In its entirety.
1. get an idea.
2. write it down.
3. draw on it.
4. send it in.
5. wait.
6. get it back.
7. read comments - some encouragement, mostly criticism.
8. re-think idea.
9. re-write it.
10. re-draw on it.
11. wait.
12. repeat steps 6 through 11 about a million times.
13. sign a contract.
14. wait.
15. get a check.
16. repeat steps 9, 10, 11 a few more times.
17. get the go-ahead - about a year has passed since step 1.
18. paint.
19. paint.
20. paint.
21. send it in - about 6-9 months have passed since step 17.
22. get another check.
23. do over the do-overs.
24. send them in.
25. wait. about a year.
26. book comes out.
27. read reviews.
28. a few people say they like it.
29. a few people buy it.
30. a whole lot of people don't.
the end
* * * * * * *
Brian has scored a play. He will also be playing live. Eleven nights only!
Dear assorted friends (and a few assorted friends in DC who may be searching for a suitably-fancy excuse to come to New York),
I am involved with a new play, despite my near-total lack of experience
with the theater. Fortunately, my friend Dave is the director, and he
is very talented at making plays. The play is funny, and weird, and features
three excellent actors, plus myself, sitting the stage playing tiny little
songs.
The Dog in the Manger Fact Sheet:
What: The Dog in the Manger
When: January 6-January 22, 2006
Where: Sanford Meisner Theater, 164 Eleventh Ave. Between 22nd and 23rd
Streets. Closest subway C, E at 23rd
or M23 Bus to 23rd and 11th.
How Much: $8 to $15
Tickets: 212-352-3101 theatermania.com
Production Schedule
Friday January 6th, 8:00pm
Saturday January 7th, 2:00pm
Sunday January 8th, 8:00pm
Wednesday January 11th, 8:00pm
Friday January 13th, 8:00pm
Saturday January 14th, 2:00pm
Sunday January 15th, 8:00pm
Wednesday January 18th, 8:00pm
Friday January 20th, 8:00pm
Saturday January 21st, 2:00pm
Sunday January 22nd, 8:00pm
01.03.06
Entry #1 in HK's just thought up "Tell the people about your job" series.
From: S.Lyon
Subject: supply room inventory
Please enjoy this list of things I need to label this afternoon.
Christmas
Christmas Ornaments & Snowflakes
Christmas Bows & Ribbons
Felt Squares
Felt Scraps & Material Scraps
Foam Pieces
Fabric Pieces
Easter Grass
Ribbons & Streamers
Wooden Storyboard Animals
Cotton Balls
Hats
More Hats
Craft Sticks
Yarn
Feathers & Pom-Poms
Pipe Cleaners
Paint
Glue & Gluesticks
Scissors
Crayons
Scotch Tape
Googly Eyes
Magnets
Velcro
Cut-Out Stampers
Rubber Stamps
Halloween & Fall
* * * * *
Don't you want to tell the people something about your job now?
Send prose, lists, and artifacts to katspank at gmail.
You people who keep moving to New York...how can you leave this? Marion Barry Robbed at Gunpoint. Wonkette, who is not moving to New York, has written a novel: Dog Days. Also in the New York Times, a story inspired by DC's extra cute panda cub: The Cute Factor. Now for the news from places other than New York and DC: Florida Weirdness Spawns Three Books. Also, Maurice Clarett, still making Ohio State proud: Bond Set at $50,000 for Maurice Clarett.
My sister is always on the phone. Always.
