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04.16.03 O Buffy. You let your pride get the best of you. You led your cavalry of Potential Slayers right into the hands of the Big Bad and its evil sidekick. Aside from the stabbing death and arms broken and eyes gouged out, the faith of the Potentials is shaken. If Good has a chance, Buffy, to win the battle of the end, (34 days), you'd better do some serious damage control. What happened last night. This morning I dreamt my neighbor adopted a penguin. I got to pet it. I was so happy. I thought, it's like petting a dog, but it's a bird! Windies try Best to speed up attack. Sports fans and others, please take a look at cricket writing. It is really special.
"Like tonight, during the Q & A at the Dodge Theater, a woman in the audience suggested I do more jokes about playgrounds. That was her question. It wasn't actually a question. It was more like a gentle demand. Was she mulling it over the entire show? 'Hmm, I'm really enjoying Ellen's new show, but there's something missing. I can't put my finger on it. Ah, yes, playgrounds! My God! She hasn't mentioned them once!' "Now, I think playgrounds are as hilarious as the next person, but
I never realized there was such an incredible demand for jokes about children's
outdoor recreation "So, I promised her that I would write a few jokes about playgrounds in my tour diary. My only hope is that she finds them satisfactory. Here goes… "Boy, playground equipment sure have some funny names, don't they? Like the junglegym. Why is it called that? I personally wouldn't want my child playing in the jungle. Jungles can be extremely dangerous! What's next? "The Quicksand Box"? The "Malaria Monkey Bars"? Who's with me?! "Okay, and while we're at it, what's up with Monkey Bars? Why are there drinking establishments that cater only to monkeys? That's just wrong! "Okay, that's it for now, but I could go on and on and on…" From HK superfan Bob: The Dixie Chicks' apology. Or, we wish it were. From HK superfan Dave Dunlap: Strike Up the Banned. "Now that the Baseball Hall of Fame has at last stood up for decency by banning Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon from its premises—Hall president (and former Reagan staffer) Dale Petroskey declaring that if the two anti-war actors had appeared at a scheduled event honoring the movie Bull Durham, it could have "put our troops in even more danger"—we don't see why it should stop there." From super DJ T. Farmer: francesucks.com, for all your France-bashing needs. Quoth PJ O'Rourke, "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." Hmmm. And, from the great Constance C., the Patriot Act 2 (warning: pdf, long, and disturbing). All for now! Thanks for yesterday's tales of Good and Bad. If any of you are still reading this, please send me details of a recent dream. Do it! Yeah! It makes me happy! And speaking of happy, Happy Passover.
Deb S. - Bob B - Brian G. - Sarah L. -
Thanks contributors. Now....
And if that's not enough, just see what Miss Construe had to say on the Bindlestiff blog about the April 10, Williamsburg, Brooklyn performance: Weird gas masks! Sparkly hula hoops! Various balloon animals! Misplaced nipple pasties! These are all staple features of HH&RN, so get excited. We’re coming to your town. See you there.
It's a gorgeous day for some audience participation. So tell me readers, WHAT IS A GOOD THING AND A BAD THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY? All entries will be posted. WRITE ME NOW! Here, I'll start. A good thing that has happened to me today is that I took a moment to appreciate my alarm clock, which is the world's best alarm clock - it miraculously returned from the dead after its being-dropped-in-a-cup-of-water-induced three week coma, and it's as good as ever. It's been with me for 8 years, through tent, tipi and cabin, and all the way to DC, and it was free, as a master thief stole it from Target for me. It has a Crayola theme. A bad thing is that I read the news. Ok, you're up.
Death stops at Ohio State's campus slums. Explanation: "Party guest Richie Delmont, an Ohio State junior, said the argument started after another guest tried to lift a refrigerator on a dare and a person who lived there said to stop." From: Brian Geller Gunmen shoot at hooptie carrying rapper Snoop Dogg April 11, 2003 | LOS ANGELES -- Three gunmen shot at a convoy of cars, one of which wuz carrying Snoop Dogg." The rap star wasn't hit but one of tha dude's bodyguards wuz injured n' shit. Fuzz be like da shooting happened Thursday night in da Mid-City area as up five cars, including one carrying Snoop Dogg, wuz traveling through da area." Another hooptie pulled alongside da convoy 'n three fools wit guns began shooting, be like fuzz Officer Don Cox, a fuzz spokesman, know what I'm sayin'? Bullets hit two of da vehicles." The wounded mutha, an off-duty fuzz officer wit da Inglewood Unified School District, wuz shot in da back, fuzz Sgt n' shit. Brian Owen be like." The mutha, whose identity wuz not immediately available, wuz taken a hospital 'n released early Friday, Owen be like, know what I'm sayin'? It wuz unclear whether tha dude wuz in da same vehicle as Snoop Dogg n' shit. Owen be like that shiznit appears that one of da shooters wanted speak wit da rapper, whose real name is Calvin Broadus." Words wuz exchanged, followed by gunfire, know what I'm sayin'? It wasn't immediately known what wuz be like." No arrests has been made, know what I'm sayin'? The rap star's entourage included seven bodyguards, five from da Inglewood school district 'n two state parole officers, Owen be like n' shit. Fuzz questioned Snoop Dogg, da bodyguards 'n other muthas who wuz wit tha dude's ass." Owen be like tha dude didn't expect 'em be booked fo' a crime." 04.11.03
From the Amazing Trix McGinnis! This is a page devoted to pirate jokes. Contribute your own! Example: What has 8 arms and 8 legs? Eight pirates! And here is a sophisticate's version. Example: Q: What's a pirate's favorite aspect of computational linguistics? A: PARRRsing sentences. THE BAD: Sarah says, Brother of idiot closes only place that might help him. US arts funding in crisis: Florida governor Jeb Bush, brother of President George Bush, intends to close down the State Library. THE UGLY: From Tess - this is a really not fun sight, but i don't believe the photos on it have made the major networks. check it out. RegularEverydayPeople.com That's all for today kids. Have a nice Friday. 04.10.03 My boss refuses to stop yammering about how disappointed he is in "the chicks" on The Bachelor. Apparently, they're all either ugly, lying about their ages, or drunks. God, get a life you Hummer-lovin' Creationist war hawk pig. And may you never find my site. Hate Sundays? Beautiful days make you inexplicably sad? (As opposed to to this weather, which just makes you an insufferable grouch). Have another mp3 or two from MK Ultra and Tiny Telephone. MK Ultra: What I Live For, and Sunday.
O Sunday!
Better than drugs: The God Helmet, by Quinn Morrisson, from Vice Magazine. "This means that if we can get a God helmet in every home and office around the world, we will all be strutting around, fully self-actualized, hugging each other like Richard Harris and Peter O’Toole, totally forgetting about holy war and religious snobbery. We’ll be the best planet ever because we’ll all be God. Let’s do it!" Yesterday I was talking about the really cool Darnielles, and then I
found this nice pic of them by Vanderslice. "When a bomb falls on
a city, somebody’s pet cat dies for nothing. I can’t stand to think of
it." Amen brother! John and Lalitree. 04.09.03
John Darnielle - Crafts weird and great little tunes. Married to a lovely and talented webmistress-hockey-playing-scientist-musician wife. Works with children. Loves animals. Lives in Iowa. And writes about music in a way that is unique and meaningful and fun and that's saying a lot considering most of the garbage people put into ink and photon. So I invite you to check out Political Song, excerpted here:
They shoot journalists, don’t they? You know, just when you start wanting to believe we're not such the bad guys, that the war will liberate Iraqis, that the spread of the big, bad weapons will stop, the stupid fuck military goes and bombs a bunch of journalists, ON PURPOSE! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING?! God, what the fuck. I'm glad I'm not religious or I would certainly be having a crisis of faith. Ok, here's another super site you should spend some time with - B3ta: We Love the Web. They've got lots of awesome stuff, like: "Bonkers. The phrase 'weird Japanese animation' is overused on The Internet, but there's probably no way to describe this twisted cartoon that'll do it justice."
Deb of DebCentral has no such problem, because she has Love. Unfortunately, the Geller-Schwartz Union may be back on the streets soon, as Uncle Ira the Pyromaniac and apartment owner is being un-institutionalized! Go read about True Love, More Dangers of Yoga, and Uncle Ira's impending release. Today! 04.08.03 Ahem, ahem. <tap, tap> Is this thing on? HI THERE FAITHFUL HK READERS! Whoops. Okay, that's better. Hi there! It's Sarah, friend of Jenny. And I need your help! Once again, I am serving as the Art Show Coordinator for the Visions in Feminism Conference that happens annually at the University of Maryland. This year we are literally getting hooked up with internet access. This is a great opportunity to expose folks to the really creative work that women are doing on the web. If you know of any sites the people need to see, please send a link to []. Personal sites (like Debcentral or Heck's Kitchen) are great, and so are sites that feature work by a particular artist (like Julie Comnick). Feminist politics a plus, misogynists need not apply. Please send me submissions by April 15th. Thanks and goodnight! Hey. Thanks for having me, Jenny. I sure hope your slacker friends actually
send me some stuff, because frankly, I have REAL work to do, I can't just
sit on my ass surfing the web all . . . OH, is this still on? Second, Neal Pollack's blog: Tomorrow's Opinions Today. From: Deb Schwartz "'I Could Really Do Without....' "What happened? Were jews for jesus voted off the island? "When I was in high school, I would be very good with my good little catty friends and go and feed the homeless every sunday in this godforsaken parking lot in beautiful downtown (you know it) hollywood, fla. One of the house-challenged was a he/she who had small boobs and facial hair and a thinning ratty bob cut and would wear sweaty spandex exclusively. Every week, he/she would try to convert me and my gay jew friends to jews for jesus-ness. I now have the (wrongful) impression that all jews 4 jesus look like that. Of course, we made raucous fun of this poor disenfranchised person. It is my nature. I cannot fight it. "Brian stood behind me tonight and made me go through all the sharpeworld celebrity real estate links. But I am not sorry. "I am presently thinking up a contraption which will keep your wallet in your pocket so you will never lose it again. By the way, do you keep your wallet in your back pocket? This is the default position for my wallet, and all of a sudden I keep having people make fun of me for this. They say they have never seen a woman put her wallet in her back pocket. Then they make jokes I don't understand. What I want to know is, if your wallet isn't in your back pocket, where the hell IS it?" Answers: Jews for Jesus and Reformed Homos were removed from the poll on account of human error. My wallet resides in my back pocket. But, since I don't like to sit on it, I frequently leave it sitting on tables and bars. Now I have no wallet, ID, parking pass, nor means to access my money. Again. Recent Interesting HK Google Hits: pissed off secretaries, fetish in the kitchen, barrel of fun gail vanderslice, jaimemeyersseattlecallgirl, lebron james desist, free largest tittie picks, marital infidelity and history, ari fleischer heartthrob, jenny miller playboy, big honkin sketch, pics of women in rubber boots, justin timberlakes in his underwear pictures, kitchen women ass photo, really sad songs, hecks shoes, is camel toe normal, freak kitchen partition, semen lover jenny, atomic kittens say thanks More than you could ever have time to look at, from SharpeWorld: the art & design & culture archive and the animals archive. Clarification: I, Heck's Head Chef, cannot see your browsing habits, dear reader. Well, I can't see much. Last week when I announced that I could see someone coming here from a certain blog remains a mysterious anomaly. Normally I can only see referrals from sites which link to me, of which there are very few. Speaking of which, link to me, why doncha? Finally: The nation's sportsnerds make Carmelo Anthony out to be some sort of God because he stooped to give us one college season before going off to make millions in the NBA. His story is repeatedly told as if he "went to college." Whatever. Meanwhile, no love lost tonight between the women's powerhouses, Tennessee and Connecticut. Geno's a jerk so I'm pulling for the Vols. Over and out. 04.07.03
Profile of
a Dead Song Poem a rare glimpse into the seedy inner workings of a
two-bit song-poem label Much much much more. So scoot on over to SharpeWorld. If enough of us do, maybe she'll notice us and say hello. More later. JM Oh, Sharpeworld was sent this way by M. Fox. 04.05.03 Animals Are Gay, By Markus Saunders. From the Vice Happiness Issue. I wish I could be gay like a river otter. But I can only be gay like me. Here's a pretty song. It's what happens when you move to a bigger city with your boyfriend/bandmates and everything goes to shit and you regret it and write a rueful tune. Bigger City, by Mendoza Line. The new Stateside Peoples' Reciplex has finally been updated. From hostess Danar:
04.02.03 It pains me a bit to link to another Rick Reilly column, but A Man of Substance, about legendary former Tarheels coach Dean Smith, is good and timely, especially since his action-figure lookin' successor Matt Doherty quit yesterday on the grounds of fatal unpopularity. "Which of this country's greatest sports legends is clenched-teeth against the Iraq war and the death penalty and is for gay rights? Bill Bradley? Jim Brown? Bill Walton? Try Dean Smith. In today's scandal-dripping land of college basketball, couldn't we all use a little Dean Smith? He wasn't just the winningest coach in history, he was one of the cleanest. In 36 years at North Carolina, he never had an NCAA violation. He was and is a man who stands tall for what he believes -- fans, talk show hosts and his accountant be damned." Who here outscored President Dude Ranch on the SAT? That would be 566 verbal and 640 math. From Time: How Affirmative Action Helped George W: The President might ask himself, "Wait a minute. How did I get into Yale?" Thanks Shalini. Kirby
Puckett Denies Groping Woman. His defense actually
I have been dogsitting this week, and yesterday had a scary brush with pet death. I took one very sick brown lab to the (hot) vet, and things looked bad. The doggy was disoriented and wobbly and running a 105.5 degree temperature. Now it appears she was suffering from a tick-bourne illness of some sort, and will probably be fine. This is good, because about 12 years ago another pet, one tabby named Orville, died in my care (not my fault!), and I don't want to get a reputation. On the sports theme, here is another James S. Miller photo, called "Ridgedale Flag."
04.01.03 drinking for yourself: drinking for others: cocktail charities benefit at the blue room in adam's morgan, 2321 18th Street, Thursday, April 10th 7 PM - 2 AM for hannah house. this is the transitional program for homeless women and kids i work for during the day. so you should come out. they have reduced prices on some drinks and all tips go to us. plus some money from food and the foggy bottom beers. so come out. it will be fun. PS: No jeans, sneakers, T-shirts or hats. GUEST BARTENDERS: Erin McCleary of Shake Your Booty, Susheela Varky of WEAVE and Stephanie Weisman. BOYCOTT THE O's! Is Peter Angelos purposely driving down the value of his franchise,just to deprive D.C. of our best chance to ever land a team? Uh, duh, yes! Thomas Boswell is pissed.
SAL provides new songs: C.O.C.O. - Blackout! and Wau Wau Sisters, mmm, track 7. I'm going to clean up the mp3 section soon, so if there's anything over there you want, go get it. Wendy sends us Barmeister, Online Guide to Drinking. Drink recipes and games, for all you looking to spice up the routine drunking. BFFers especially encouraged to browse. Here's a dad photo. Appears to be entitled "Wall Feature." By James S. Miller.
03.31.03 I've been aflogged in the universe of blogs. Thanks to services like Blogger, Moveable Type, and blogrolling.com pretty much anyone can run a site. And anyone is. Here are just a couple of the many, many I wasted that really pretty Saturday staring at: George W. Bush, President. The President's blog. Some current events and Warblogs: InstaPundit.com, The Agonist, Warbolgs: cc, Testify!, Talk Left, Russian Beauty. etc. etc. etc. B3TA: We Love the Web. Where all the cool kids post their funny little animated gifs and stuff. Highly recommended. Cat Stevens back in studio. The guy who really disappointed a bunch of us folkie-dorks back in, uh, the '80s?, by getting all religious and [poo], along with bazillionaire Sir Paul McCartney and Co., has released an album to benefit Iraqi kids. P.S. How about this exciting new killer airborne virus? I'll wager it's the first of many. But I'm a pessimist, apparently. One more thing: last week Mr. Geller posted a link to New York Press' 50 Most Loathesome New Yorkers It's funny. 03.28.03
And speaking of OFL, from The Guardian: Would the real George Bush please stand down "You may think the air of extreme witlessness impossible to mimic, but is the man on the podium the authentic Dubya, a trained stand-in or an animatronic lookalike? Tim Dowling investigates." More Miscellany. The blog of George H. Williams. This guy learned me my HTML, and thus the monster was born. He's teaching now out in Kansas City, and he has a nifty little site here. He also compliments me, and as everyone knows, flattery is the surest way to the heart of jennymiller.com. This here is my friend Jean. You might recall a week or so ago when I was really pissed off about Rachel Corrie getting crushed to death by an Israeli bulldozer. Well, Rachel was born and raised in Olympia, so everyone knew her, and she and Jean were pretty tight. From what I've gathered, Rachel was a smart, widely-loved, down to earth kid, and not remotely the stupid, privileged, anti-semite she's been made out to be by many, including my idiotic alma mater's newspaper. It's way past time the Left gets comfortable talking about what's happening in Israel. It doesn't make you a bigot to object to what the U.S. is supporting over there. We're all humans before we're Jews, before we're women, before we're dwarves, cripples, or strippers. And while we're at it, animals before humans. Queers don't have to stand by Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy. Ok then. I think I've made my brilliant point. Peace to everyone. Or as Will Oldham says, Death to everyone, is gonna come.
03.27.03 Jack Martin's Oscars Round-Up! "Another year, another ceremony. This year, we had an overwhelming call for peace from nominees and winners, one person so passionate that he was booed off the stage (not going to waste time on Michael Moore's inappropriate acceptance speech), an exiled winner of a major award, one huge surprise that no one could have predicted, enough fake tans to put the WWF to shame (J-Lo and Ben might want to focus more on proper tanning solutions and less on their surely-doomed nuptials), and more fashion "blahs" and mishaps than would be seen at a Dress Barn runway show." THE BEAST's 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA 16. ARI FLEISCHER
From the really lovely IsDickCheneyDeadYet.com (from Deb S.) Appellate Court Rules Media Can Legally Lie. "The attorneys for Fox, owned by media baron Rupert Murdock, argued the First Amendment gives broadcasters the right to lie or deliberately distort news reports on the public airwaves." From Shalini. Coming Soon: More Olympia pictures. Below: Michael and Mary (and Elam) at her cabin on The Land.
03.26.03
03.21.03 My great-grandma's in a nursing home, for now, anyway. There seems to be some controversy about whether Medicare or whatever will pay for it. People, it's not good to be old with no money. Remember also, it's not good to be old and drunk. On that topic, here is an entry from my great-grandma's "Memory Book." "Daddy is the member of the family most people say I take after. After Mother died, he worked as a farmer. He got paid $1 a day. He drank and even made his own moonshine, but he never missed a day's work. After he retired he always carried a blanket with him and used it anywhere he got tired." Translation: daddy passed out in doorways a lot. Listen to this. You know I work for a division of a giant corporation,
whose business is 90% military, Ok, the Iraqi blog is over to your left, a bunch of good new tunes on the right, and here are a few more even. Stephen Malkmus: The Hook, Pinback: Boo, Hot Hot Heat: Get In Or Get Out, Bright Eyes: Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh (This is a real whiny baby song, which seems to be his thing, but I still kinda like it), Of Montreal: My Funeral, John Vanderslice: The Mansion and Time Travel is Lonely. All this Vanderslice and MK Ultra stuff is so great. Please try it out. You may notice that all these songs are straight from Tiny Telephone, to which I was directed by the Hippo. And by the way, yesterday's photo was not by my dad, it's by ME, and it's a bunch of us at the bowling alley listening to that homicidal maniac on TV. Now please direct your attention to The Onion, because they will make you laugh. Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) Your money problems will worsen this week when the other prisoners start trading you for fewer cigarettes than usual. 03.20.03 Happy War Day, friends! dear heck, my roomie cheryl just sent me this link. supposedly it's the blog of a 20-something iraqi guy in iraq who's trying to document what's going on. i don't know if it's for real or not - you might be interested. anywho, here it is: http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/ Q. Who is Jimmy Carter? Brian Geller's grandmother has died. See her sweet obit on DebCentral. And while you're there, play Deb's Name the Operation game. 03.19.03 Chatting About Iraq: The Euro? Or oil? No, the Euro, and oil. An interesting and easy-reading economic explanation of what the hell might be going on. What do you think? From Shalini. From Dave, on MOAB, the Mother of All Bombs: Here's
the one from King George Smith. He writes about the evil idiocy of
weaponry and the sweet idiocy of butt metal (he's the one that turned
me on to American Dog). "The company's logo* on the MOAB's tail was probably thought of as a coup in corporate advertising, although a bracing "Fuck You!" might have better created the impression that the thing was made by real people rather than a labful of killer androids on Eglin Air Force Base. " * Dynetics
(isn't that a scientologist thing?) From Suzanne: hey girl - Maybe this will make you feel better: Today's Oprah show is about the devastating impact of US foreign policy on the middle east and other parts of the world. Oprah usually takes the cocksucker perspective on social/political issues, so I feel heartened to see she's actually telling the truth to America's housewives. Sadly the program was interrupted by a Bloomberg press conference about the heightened security in NYC.
This month's best Heck's Kitchen Google hits include: marital infidelity and history, cocinas heck, androgynous, korean friendship association, ponygirl jenny, gangrene treaments, i love npr, what is promiscuousness, jenny camel toe, gushing sybian movies, urimate, erik gillespie tattoo, alcohol dimentia, benefits of swallowing semen.
The Periodic Table of Haiku. From Shalini. Shalini and I are also attending an incredibly geeky event on Thursday: a science poetry reading at Ben and Mo's. Jealous? And even more from Shalini: Everyday English and Slang in Ireland Kelley Mlicki, whose cousin's MLB career might finally be over, (having been released by the Brewers), sent me Pony Pong. It's Pong. But with ponies. Today's Day Without Dead People was brought to you by myself, Dave, Suzanne, Shalini, Eddie, Kelley, Robyn Roberts Palmersheim, and Jaime, who did not enjoy yesterday's dead person photos. Love, j 03.18.03
It's difficult to start today with anything other than a STRING OF EXPLETIVES about OUR TERRORIST NATION and OUR COMPLICITY in it all. You want to see an ACTUAL BRAVE AMERICAN? Here's one: Rachel Corrie, crushed to death yesterday by the U.S.-backed Israeli regime. After her deliberate murder the tanks went in and destroyed the settlement anyway, of course. Please see these photos and these photos and don't forget what a real patriot, a legitimately principled and courageous American looks like, because our Heroes sure as hell aren't the guys who will be any minute dropping bombs on civilians from 30,000 feet.
My boss just suggested we also bomb the U.N. I can't believe I work in this place. At least I got to hear our fearless leader's speech last night at The Lucky Bar, where the patrons booed and cussed, and I was permitted to toss wet napkins at the TV. Our small collection of protest songs: A joke, from Eric W: One day in the future. George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil, "you're on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Believe it or not I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." Georgie boy thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing over and over again. such was his fate in hell. "No" George said, "I don't think so, I'm not a strong swimmer and couldn't do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time."No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I'd be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," says George. The devil opened a third door. In it Bush saw Clinton, lying on the floor with his hands tied behind his head, and his legs in a spread eagle position. Bent over him was Monica Lewinski doing what she does best. Bush looked in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go." 03.17.03 Asked what he'd do with the money from his new contract: "Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other 10 percent I'll probably waste." (When asked whether he prefered artifical turf or grass: "I don't know, I never smoked Astroturf.") For further research, I recommend reading his autobiography, "Screwball."
forever springtime, Davey Boy Thanks, Dave. And Happy-about-to-go-to-war Day. Here's something really fucked up and depressing - an Evergreen student purposely crushed by a bulldozer in the Gaza Strip - followed by two really cute things to cheer you up. American Is Killed By Israeli Bulldozer: Student Was Protesting Demolitions JERUSALEM, March 16 -- A 23-year-old American protesting the demolition of Palestinians' houses in the Gaza Strip was killed today by an Israeli military bulldozer that crushed her body as she crouched in its path, according to witnesses from her pro-Palestinian organization. Rachel Corrie, a college student from Olympia, Wash., was the first international protester to be killed during the 30-month conflict between Israelis and Palestinians here, although numerous protesters have been injured, arrested or ordered out of the country by Israeli authorities. Ugh. Ok, this is the first super-cute thing, from Rebecca: sing,
swedish horse-cows #2: HomestarRunner. Hours of entertaintoons, brought to my attention by the incomparable Jaime S. From Bob: "can YOU help the bindlestiffs?" 03.14.03 Dave says: "I know why we couldn't find Elizabeth Smart. She was spirited away through a portal...back into the year, 1982." Once I took a class which focused on visual rhetoric, and we spent some
time looking at these sorts of symbols, which are supposed to communicate
something to anyone, regardless of language or culture. On the one hand,
these folks had rather complicated ideas to get across. On
the other hand, they failed. On yet another hand, their failures are
really entertaining. Pictured: Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard
symbol have a lot in common. Think about it. From SAL.
Today, when I tried to send an email from my Hotmail account, a box popped up to inform me that I had exceeded the maximum number of messages I am permitted to send in a 24-hour period, and would I like to save my message to send later? It felt like my bartender cut me off. I am both angry and ashamed. Did you hear that song yesterday, Caroline, by Jay Hudson's favorite band? It's real nice. Coming soon: crazy missives and stupid cover letters sent to Shauna at the City Paper: "Here's an excerpt from the cover letter: "Trying to get a direct answer from a woman is worse than going to the dentist...I think the world would be a better place if women stopped acting brain damaged." Amen brother! 03.13.02 IF MARCH 13TH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ... you have above-average intelligence but do not make a show out of it. This can cause others to underrate you, take you for granted. However, once you set a goal, there is no stopping you; you have great determination, willpower. You are capable of attaining remarkable success, wealth. Taurus, Leo and Scorpio persons play unique roles in your life. During 2003, you have greater freedom of thought, action. A change of locale, lifestyle indicated.
Old Crow Medicine Show: Caroline Big brown beaver R.I.P. From Ranger Ted: "I have been obsessed with a recent incident: I was driving to work on a road near my house when I saw a large non-moving animal on the side of the road. I drove past then thought "That can't be what I think it is," turned around and went back. And I'll be dogged if it wasn't a very large beaver. He or she was in the middle of the traffic lane. There was no traffic. I got out and pushed the beaver off the blacktop with my shoe, then bent down to examine the corpus delicti. The body appeared to be in perfect condition. No blood, crushed limbs, nothing. He/she looked like he/she had just crawled out of the swamp. This was a big beaver, 20-25 pounds I would say. Rigor mortis had begun to set in but the body was still slightly warm. Light snow was falling and his/her fur was wet but still incredibly thick and soft underneath. He/she had little flap ears like a tiny puppy, big whiskers and giant curved orange teeth. His/her rear claws were very sharp and webbed with a leathery dark-brown skin. For as big as he/she was he/she did not have a very large tail. But it is still winter and beavers put on a lot of extra weight to make it through until spring. I looked into the tiny, beady eye of the beaver. It was a translucent green. I didn't even know any beavers lived around here. Muskrats do but a beaver is different. Damn! I left the beaver in the light snow and continued to on work. I haven't been able to get the image of his/her eye out my mind since. I drove past the beaver again today. He/she hadn't moved. I had about 12 lines of an ode to that beaver composed in my mind as I drove to work this morning. By 10AM they had evaporated. Big brown beaver R.I.P." 03.12.03 It's not easy to get you people to respond to much, but the
Mormon masturbation prevention seemed to strike a chord. Brian G: "Thanks for the tips on masturbation prevention! I was, however, particularly troubled by recommendation No. 7: "Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember - 'First a thought, then an act. The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.'" By the logic of this recommendation, it seems that the very act of reading the Mormon Masturbation Prevention tips could, in fact, lead one to masturbate, no? Maybe it's a chicken and the egg thing." Jill M: "Hey! What are those of us who get off on thoughts of bathing in a tub full of worms supposed to think of?" Jane D: "I just read about masturbation prevention and decided that i don't masturbate enough. Good job jennymiller!" Bob B: "mormons CAN quit masturbating. as we all can with just a little support and strict attention to the "principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie" when seeking out supportive, anti-masturbation friends. i wonder how many mormons have developed a fetish for "bathing in a tub of worms, and eat several of them" while masturbating? i feel a stirring in my sacramental underpants. mmmm... worms. hot." State of the Union, by my dad, for the Marion Star. Thanks dad!
03.11.03
The General Federation
of Iraqi Women. It's good to learn a bit about a culture before exterminating
the people. So someday, when we make a movie about the great war, we'll
get the ladies' costumes right. My Heart Broke in Hollywood. For your reading pleasure, this romance comic from 1970 is brought to you by the famous team of Stan Lee and Jim Steranko. Oh, I don't want to hear your 'I hate reading stuff on the computer!' b.s. There's no other way to see it, and it's super groovy. Besides, don't you want to know who the hot young director, Artur Novelle, chooses to be his leading lady? If anybody actually read all or half of yesterday's Berger essay, please forward your address to me and receive a special prize. Today's Protest Song: Home of the Brave, by Mr. Lif. Lyrics excerpted below. Ask me if we need a different way of life (yes) Headline: Bush steals the presidency 03.10.03 EVERYONE KNOWS that pain is endemic to life, and wants to forget this or relativise it. All the variants of the myth of a Fall from the Golden Age, before pain existed, are an attempt to relativise the pain suffered on earth. So too is the invention of Hell, the adjacent kingdom of pain-as-punishment. Likewise the discovery of Sacrifice. And later, much later, the principle of Forgiveness. One could argue that philosophy began with the question: why pain? Yet, when all this has been said, the present pain of living in the world is perhaps in some ways unprecedented. Consumerist idealogy, which has become the most powerful and invasive on the planet, sets out to persuade us that pain is an accident, something that we can insure against. This is the logical basis for the ideology's pitilessness. I write in the night, although it is daytime. A day in early October 2002. For almost a week the sky above Paris has been blue. Each day the sunset is a little earlier and each day gloriously beautiful. Many fear that before the end of the month, US military forces will be launching the preventive war against Iraq, so that the US oil corporations can lay their hands on further and supposedly safer oil supplies. Others hope that this can be avoided. Between the announced decisions and the secret calculations, everything is kept unclear, since lies prepare the way for missiles. I write in a night of shame. By shame I do not mean individual guilt. Shame, as I'm coming to understand it, is a species feeling which, in the long run, corrodes the capacity for hope and prevents us looking far ahead. We look down at our feet, thinking only of the next small step. People everywhere, under very different conditions, are asking themselves - where are we? The question is historical not geographical. What are we living through? Where are we being taken? What have we lost? How to continue without a plausible vision of the future? Why have we lost any view of what is beyond a lifetime? The well-heeled experts answer. Globalisation. Postmodernism. Communications revolution. Economic liberalism. The terms are tautological and evasive. To the anguished question of where are we, the experts murmur: Nowhere. Might it not be better to see and declare that we are living through the most tyrannical - because the most pervasive - chaos that has ever existed? It's not easy to grasp the nature of the tyranny for its power structure (ranging from the 200 largest multinational corporations to the Pentagon) is interlocking yet diffuse, dictatorial yet anonymous, ubiquitous yet placeless. It tyrannises from off shore - not only in terms of fiscal law, but in terms of any political control beyond its own. Its aim is to delocalize the entire world. Its ideological strategy, besides which Osama bin Laden's is a fairy tale, is to undermine the existent so that everything collapses into its special version of the virtual, from the realm of which (and this is the tyranny's credo) there will be a never-ending source of profit. It sounds stupid. Tyrannies are stupid. This one is destroying at every level the life of the planet on which it operates. Ideology apart, its power is based on two threats. The first is intervention from the sky by the most heavily armed state in the world. One could call it Threat B52. The second is of ruthless indebtment, bankruptcy, and hence, given the present productive relations in the world, starvation. One could call it Threat Zero. THE SHAME BEGINS with the contestation (which we all acknowledge somewhere but, out of powerlessness, dismiss) that much of the present suffering could be alleviated or avoided if certain realistic and relatively simple decisions were taken. There is a very direct relation today between the minutes of meetings and minutes of agony. Does anyone deserve to be condemned to certain death simply because they don't have access to treatment which would cost less than $2 a day? This was a question posed by the director of the World Health Organisation last July. She was talking about the Aids epidemic in Africa and elsewhere from which an estimated 68 million people will die within the next 18 years. I'm talking about the pain of living in the present world. Most analyses and prognoses about what is happening are understandably presented and studied within the framework of their separate disciplines: economics, politics, media studies, public health, ecology, national defence, criminology, education. In reality each of these separ ate fields is joined to another to make up the real terrain of what is being lived. It happens that in their lives people suffer from wrongs which are classified in separate categories, and suffer them simultaneously and inseparably. A current example: some Kurds, who fled last week to Cherbourg, have been refused asylum by the French government and risk being repatriated to Turkey, are poor, politically undesirable, landless, exhausted, illegal and the clients of nobody. And they suffer each of these conditions at one and the same second! To take in what is happening, an interdisciplinary vision is necessary in order to connect the fields which are institutionally kept separate. And any such vision is bound to be (in the original sense of the word) political. The precondition for thinking politically on a global scale is to see the unity of the unnecessary suffering taking place. This is the starting point. I WRITE in the night, but I see not only the tyranny. If that were so, I would probably not have the courage to continue. I see people sleeping, stirring, getting up to drink water, whispering their projects or their fears, making love, praying, cooking something whilst the rest of the family is asleep, in Baghdad and Chicago. (Yes, I see too the forever invincible Kurds, 4,000 of whom were gassed, with US compliance, by Saddam Hussein.) I see pastrycooks working in Tehran and the shepherds, thought of as bandits, sleeping beside their sheep in Sardinia, I see a man in the Friedrichshain quarter of Berlin sitting in his pyjamas with a bottle of beer reading Heidegger, and he has the hands of a proletarian, I see a small boat of illegal immigrants off the Spanish coast near Alicante, I see a mother in Mali - her name is Aya which means born on Friday - swaying her baby to sleep, I see the ruins of Kabul and a man going home, and I know that, despite the pain, the ingenuity of the survivors is undiminished, an ingenuity which scavenges and collects energy, and in the ceaseless cunning of this ingenuity, there is a spiritual value, something like the Holy Ghost. I am convinced of this in the night, although I don't know why. The next step is to reject all the tyranny's discourse. Its terms are crap. In the interminably repetitive speeches, announcements, press conferences and threats, the recurrent terms are Democracy, Justice, Human Rights, Terrorism. Each word in the context signifies the opposite of what it was once meant to. Each has been trafficked, each has become a gang's code-word, stolen from humanity. Democracy is a proposal (rarely realised) about decision-making; it has little to do with election campaigns. Its promise is that political decisions be made after, and in the light of, consultation with the governed. This is depend ent upon the governed being adequately informed about the issues in question, and upon the decision-makers having the capacity and will to listen and take account of what they have heard. Democracy should not be confused with the "freedom" of binary choices, the publication of opinion polls or the crowding of people into statistics. These are its pretence. Today the fundamental decisions, which effect the unnecessary pain increasingly suffered across the planet, have been and are taken unilaterally without any open consultation or participation. For instance, how many US citizens, if consulted, would have said specifically yes to Bush's withdrawal from the Kyoto agreement about the carbon dioxide greenhouse effect which is already provoking disastrous floods in many places, and threatens, within the next 25 years, far worse disasters? Despite all the media-managers of consent, I would suspect a minority. IT IS A little more than a century ago that Dvorak composed his Symphony From the New World. He wrote it whilst directing a conservatory of music in New York, and the writing of it inspired him to compose, 18 months later, still in New York, his sublime Cello Concerto. In the symphony the horizons and rolling hills of his native Bohemia become the promises of the New World. Not grandiloquent but loud and continuing, for they correspond to the longings of those without power, of those who are wrongly called simple, of those the US Constitution addressed in 1787. I know of no other work of art which expresses so directly and yet so toughly (Dvorak was the son of a peasant and his father dreamt of his becoming a butcher) the beliefs which inspired generation after generation of migrants who became US citizens. For Dvorak the force of these beliefs was inseparable from a kind of tenderness, a respect for life such as can be found intimately among the governed (as distinct from governors) everywhere. And it was in this spirit that the symphony was publicly received when it was first performed at Carnegie Hall (16 December 1893). Dvorak was asked what he thought about the future of American music and he recommended that US composers listen to the music of the Indians and blacks. The Symphony From the New World expressed a hopefulness without frontiers which, paradoxically, is welcoming because centred on an idea of home. A utopian paradox. Today the power of the same country which inspired such hopes has fallen into the hands of a coterie of fanatical (wanting to limit everything except the power of capital), ignorant (recognising only the reality of their own fire-power), hypo critical (two measures for all ethical judgments, one for us and another for them) and ruthless B52 plotters. How did this happen? How did Bush, Murdoch, Cheney, Kristol, Rumsfeld, et al et Arturo Ui, get where they did? The question is rhetorical, for there is no single answer, and it is idle, for no answer will dent their power yet. But to ask it in this way in the night reveals the enormity of what has happened. We are writing about the pain in the world. The political mechanism of the new tyranny - although it needs highly sophisticated technology in order to function - is starkly simple. Usurp the words Democracy, Freedom, etc. Impose, whatever the disasters, the new profit-making and impoverishing economic chaos everywhere. Ensure that all frontiers are one-way: open to the tyranny, closed to others. And eliminate every opposition by calling it terrorist. (No, I have not forgotten the couple who threw themselves from one of the Twin Towers instead of being burnt to death separately.) THERE IS A toy-like object which costs about $4 to manufacture and which is also incontestably terrorist. It is called the anti-personnel mine. Once launched, it is impossible to know who these mines will mutilate or kill, or when they will do so. There are more than 100 million lying on, or hidden in, the earth at this moment. The majority of victims have been or will be civilians. The anti-personnel mine is meant to mutilate rather than kill. Its aim is to make cripples, and it is designed with shrapnel which, it is planned, will prolong the victim's medical treatment and render it more difficult. Most survivors have to undergo eight or nine surgical operations. Every month, as of now, 2,000 civilians somewhere are maimed or killed by these mines. The description anti-personnel is linguistically murderous. Personnel are anonymous, nameless, without gender or age. Personnel is the opposite of people. As a term it ignores blood, limbs, pain, amputations, intimacy, and love. It abstracts totally. This is how its two words when joined to an explosive become terrorist. The new tyranny, like other recent ones, depends to a large degree on a systematic abuse of language. Together we have to reclaim our hijacked words and reject the tyranny's nefarious euphemisms; if we do not, we will be left with only the word "shame." Not a simple task, for most of its official discourse is pictorial, associative, evasive, full of innuendoes. Few things are said in black and white. Both military and economic strategists now realise that the media play a crucial role, not so much in defeating the current enemy as in foreclosing and preventing mutiny, protests or desertion. Any tyranny's manipulation of the media is an index of its fears. The present one lives in fear of the world's desperation. A fear so deep that the adjective desperate, except when it means dangerous, is never used. Without money each daily human need becomes a pain. Those who have filched power - and they are not all in office, so they reckon on a continuity of that power beyond presidential elections - pretend to be saving the world and offering its population the chance to become their clients. The world consumer is sacred. What they don't add is that consumers only matter because they generate profit, which is the only thing that is really sacred. This sleight of hand leads us to the crux. The claim to be saving the world masks the plotter's assumption that a large part of the world, including most of the continent of Africa and a considerable part of South America, is irredeemable. In fact, every corner which cannot be part of their centre is irredeemable. And such a conclusion follows inevitably from the dogma that the only salvation is money, and the only global future is the one their priorities insist upon, prior ities which, with false names given to them, are in reality nothing more nor less than their benefits. Those who have different visions or hopes for the world, along with those who cannot buy and who survive from day to day, are backward relics from another age, or, when they resist, either peacefully or with arms, terrorists. They are feared as harbingers of death, carriers of disease or insurrection. When they have been "downsized," the tyranny, in its naivety, assumes the world will be unified. It needs its fantasy of a happy ending. A fantasy which in reality will be its undoing. Every form of contestation against this tyranny is comprehensible. Dialogue
with it, impossible. For us to live and die properly, things have to be
named properly. Let us reclaim our words. © Copyright John Berger 03.07.03 NEWS: From Constance C. NYC - "to report further on antiwar stuff here: we attended the main NYC lysistrata
project performance on monday, where we got to see the likes of f.
murray abraham and kevin bacon wearing inflated "lately, i just swear at the t.v. a lot. i skipped yoga yesterday to swear at george bush motherfucker during his flailing, incompetent, bullshit press conference. somewhere, in one of alice walker's books (temple of my familiar, i think) is a little story of how "motherfucker" is a deep insult reserved for a truly despicable person, the type who might demonstrate disrespect and loathing for the origin of his/her life, by say, carpet-bombing baghdad. so i like your appellation for him, which i have also made ample use of in these past two years. " MUSIC: Michael Fox has sent us something really, really fun to do. InfiniteWheel.com, Home of the Dub Selector. You get to be a really cool DJ! Highly recommended. BOOKS: Trix McGinnis has some suggestions for "the book corner." "I suspect that Connie and I may have very similar taste in books because
I have read two of the books she listed, and
really liked them too. Anyway, I went to see the
Quiet American one week night (which was really good, in my humble
opinion). Like perhaps "Following that theme, I'm now reading Michael Herr's FILM: From Sarah L., DC -
In Brief: There's a
big peace event here in DC this weekend, in conjuction with International
Women's Day. An 11 am rally at Malcolm X park, followed I have to go up to my grandmas' this weekend, as my great-granny has been hospitalized and stuff, but when I return to the compoot I will give you a) a groovy romance comic from the '70s, and b) other special gifts. Thanks all. 03.06.03 In case you are wondering, I received the following tanglibles at said gathering: underwear, champagne, flowers, a mix CD, a flask, hockey tickets, and an assortment of free hotel toiletries. Plus the raw fish and booze. The proceedings were well-documented in a scrapbook which, when I'm 90 years old and crazy, I will pore over continually, inventing stories about those semi-youthful fuzzy faces, trying to remember who the hell they were, and which I shall push at every visitor I might entertain, to prove that I once was happy, had friends, and could eat solid foods, and I will finish each anecdote by sighing, "He's dead now. They're all dead but me." And that concludes the HK birthday edition(s). Now back to business. MoveOn.org seems to be the best organized and most effective of the various anti-war groups. On Monday they will present a petition to the U.N. security council urging inspections, etc, etc. etc. They've got 550,000 signatures as of this morning and would like to tack on another couple hundred thousand by Friday. So get on over there and sign that thing. I know, our false Commander-in-Chutzpah, George W. Bush you motherfucker, is going to go ahead and piss away a trillion dollars and kill a half million Iraqis no matter what. But, still. From Mrs. Dunlap: Box Populi: Street Stupid - Ali G meets America, by Brendan Bernhard. Wendy introduced me to Ali G, and he is really great. Captive: Bin Laden Dead AND Alive Quantum mechanics strikes again. Here's a joke I found on a quantum physics page: "Mrs. Schroedinger to Mr. Schroedinger: What the hell did you do to the cat? It looks half dead!" Thousands of students walked out of classes in protest yesterday. "We need education, not mass destruction," they chanted, cutely and rhymelessly. Later: My new mix CD, in its entirety. 03.05.03 IF MARCH 5TH IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ... you are attractive, dramatic and sexy. You have skill as writer, composer and actor. You enjoy "flirting" but may give little heed to consequences. Some claim you are difficult to live with, but they would not want to do without you. Gemini, Virgo and Sagittarius natives play important roles in your life, could have these letters in names: E, N, W. During this cycle, you correct past mistakes; you put your life in order. April, September memorable! Ok, I didn't intend for today's HK to be all about ME ME ME! But this avalanche of lovey birthday greetings from all y'all now has me convinced. This day IS all about ME! And you! Being a friend of ME! Especially those of you with an E, N, or W somewhere in your names. Here is a small smattering of the advice on aging I have received of late.
My romance comic site made it onto a Hebrew-language
blog. Yeah. What follows is an email from my mom, describing my first day. It's a tale of mistaken identity, scorned would-be homecoming queens, the Heinz fortune, doting grandmas, and the triumph of one tiny teenaged mom, her hippie husband, and yours truly. For hardcore Jenny fans only: "I can't believe you're THIRTY!!! Criminy!!! I remember bringing you
home from the hospital like it was just yesterday. Only it was cold, and
I was clearly lots younger, and I didn't have an idea of what I was suppose
to be doing, oh yeah...I'm still there! We took you to visit one of our
best friends who was our hero 'cos she had dropped out of school and was
living above a bakery and was an "heir" to the Heinz fortune...Sandy
Stohlman. I have no idea where she is these days. She looked just like
Janis Joplin, only maybe a little cuter...but she could sing, too! I don't
remember what she thought of you, 'cos I was too engrossed in looking
at you! Then we stopped at dad's work. Scientific Columbus. It was a kind
of weird place and the only thing I really remember about it is....ooops,
wrong baby. Sorry, that was jess. The Sandy Stohlman part was you, though!
Grandma and Grandpa Strednak fell immediately in love with you and tried
to take you over. Grandma Inzani had ideas of that too. Everyone fought
over you! In those days, moms were in the hospital for nearly seven days
and by the time we got home, you were sleeping through the night. Amazingly,
grandma Strednak insisted on keeping you in her room for the first several
nights. I went back to school eventually and grandma babysat. I got thrown
out of student council, but I protested and they had to let me back in...but
they did decide I wasn't homecoming queen material...I'm over it now!
I could be nostalgic all day, though some of the stuff would definitely
depress me (nothing you did, just me!) I wish you could be HERE for your
birthday! You haven't told me what you'd like! You have to make things
very simple for your old mom these days. I don't have many creative thoughts
in my head! I love you and I'm proud of you and I couldn't have asked
for a more wonderful person as my daughter! Thanks everyone for indulging me, and thanks to Enrique Iglesias, George W. Bush, Fat Naked White Baby, old age home, and CGS Enterprises for your e-cards. Love JM, age 30. 03.04.03 Thanks Deb and Ranger Ted for inquiring about my exciting package, delivered
to me here in my cell yesterday. My very talented sister Jesse
sent me a wonderful framed series of photographs of my cutie little brother
Sean taking his shirt off. Sean's a good model, and it's sweet to see
him exploited for his barely-adolescent sex appeal. I hope child pornography
will net me more Google hits. My buddy Dave, just because he is lucky and I am not, gets to write for
this cool thing called Vice Magazine.
Morrissey said we Yesterday, upon arriving here at work, I found that my boss had thoughtfully sent me a copy of my "position expectations." He writes: "I do not mean to convey the impression that your (sic) doing a poor job, or that your contributions are not valued. I am just trying to clearly outline what I expect of you and the work you produce as your manager." Please forward your job leads. Per your request: tomorrow, How To Send MP3s, and A Timeline of Jenny's Life, ages < 0 through 03/05/03 12:34 PM. 03.03.03 Some of you, and you know who you are, have missed a couple days' worth of exciting content. But I can't hold up the train just for you stragglers, so here we go. First stop, DebCentral, where you will be treated to dinner with Deb's grandma, a really charming lady. This here's a treat, ala Mr. Brumfield: "charlotte beers, the ad exec chosen by the bush admin. to market us as a happy friendly nation to those unfriendly muslims, has resigned --ahem-- for health reasons. unofficial remarks she made about her resignation read pretty much like FUCK this." Let's get it straight from the mule's mouth, eh?
03.02.03 Putting aside the church-state argument for a moment, I think the greater offense of the "under god" addendum is that it's just bad writing. I have a distinct childhood memory of never quite understanding the pledge, and it's only recently that I've come to understand why. "One nation, under god, indivisible"? That last adjective just kind of hangs there, no? What is "indivisible" modifying? Is god indivisible? Is "under god" the thing that's indivisible? I need a nap. But you take away those two words and all of a sudden the clouds part, the sunlight beams. We are "one nation, indivisible." "Indivisible" now clearly modifies "nation." One nation, indivisible. Doesn't that sound so much better? And I won't even mention the fact that the writer of the pledge, a late-19th century minister named Francis Bellamy, was a socialist who stopped attending services in later years, so offended was he at the racist ways of his church. But I will mention the fact that Bellamy wrote the pledge about 25 years after the civil war. Which, to my mind, gives the line real resonance. Not three decades ago we were killing each other in record numbers, consecrating the land in blood or whatever. But now that's behind us. We're one nation, indivisible. So then Eisenhower comes along and divides "one nation, indivisible." Inserting those platitudinous two words, he robbed the line of all its power and contributed to the confusion of schoolchildren everywhere. Thank you, Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. 03.01.03 |
04.15.03
NEWS:
Bush administration threatening Syria; not counting Iraqi civilian losses;
hellbent on making entire world loathe us. SPORTS: Jordan's playing days
over, and he won't be getting the Chicago job, and since the young Wizards
aren't satisfactory ass-kissers, expect he and Doug Collins, the geniuses,
to be shipping out anyone with potential, as usual. I swear. The Wizards.
Will always be. Losers.
Nerd
Alert! 
From
Bob: 
I had the best movie-watching experience in (my albeit pathetic) memory
on the plane to 
Remember,
if you know of any cool artsy sites by/for/about ladies, please send them
to []. Also, if you missed HK's Best Of the search
engine hits from March, scroll down and take a look at what the people
are searching for. It's funny, what the people search for, to fill the
big, gaping void inside.
Also Leila Ali
would like to kick your ass if you don't quit smoking.
SPORTS
WEDNESDAY: Besides Dave Dunlap and perhaps my dad, I have a feeling
most of you don't keep up on your sports news. So, today I bring you the
first HK Wide World of Sports Update!
Connecticut
(the juggernaut, with Diana Taurasi), Tennessee (Queen Pat Summitt and
local Kara Lawson), Duke (Alana Beard) and Texas (their men's team made
it, too, and coach Jody Condradt trails only Summitt in career wins).
Also, baseball started.
Misdeeds:
Wherever he ends up placed on this list will not be high enough. This
motherfucker carries G.W. Bush's demon seed in his anal womb, gestates
a fresh offspring a couple times a day and produces a few Rosemary's
steamers at press conferences with all the non-chalance of a Spot Coffee
latte jerk. Fleischer is the very bold assertion, by the powers that
be, that Americans and their media representatives are too whip-shy
to just say, "Wait a fucking minute. You're telling a goddamned
lie, Fleischie." 
and Brian works for a division of "a $25 billion global defense
enterprise." And Bob works for a certain propaganda machine called
Voice of America. It sort of makes you want to party with ex-strippers,
especially ones who have recently lived in Qatar. I wrote all this so
I could post this picture of Bob and his crazystripperfriend Heather,
definitely hanging out at Marx Cafe. You're welcome.
This
is my cousin, Robyn Roberts Palmersheim. See, it's true that my entire
family is good looking. Even though Robyn is a Very Important Person,
she is nowhere to be found in the land of search engines. I intend to
change all that, Robyn Roberts Palmersheim, of Chicago, IL, but hailing
from Cincinnati, OH. Robyn was my closest-in-age cousin, which was lucky
for me, because she was and remains a very fun person. We spent many summer
afternoons drawing maps of my great-grandma's house, for some sort of
"spying" mission, and I saw 
Weight
Watchers recipe cards from 1974
Jenny
Wants You! To listen to these nice songs. You want some Freedom Fries
with that?
Dave
lent me 
purple balloon-penises for peace.
many
youngsters who receive a public education (except for Upper Arlingtonians,
of course) my US history teacher never "got around" to teaching Vietnam.
Being from Kentucky, we had to linger over the Civil War for a good two
months. Anyway, I decided it was time to get some educatin' on that important
era, so I bought two books, one biography, one memoir-ish. The first is
called 
Dispatches
by
a march to the White House, where they will "surround it in pink."
Lotsa speakers, including: 
Omarr
speaks Truth, from beyond the grave:
I'll
sit in this corner of my virtual kitchen and mope if I feel like it, for
as long as I want. HEY! Some dude just came into my cube and gave
me a present from my sister. THANKS JESS! It is adorned with an old photo
of a Mexican-looking lady riding side-saddle on a mule. I wonder what's
inside? If you are my friend you will 
From: Brian Geller
