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06.24.05 Every year of Comfest comes with it's own commemorative beer cup. In the event of divorce, beer cup collections can can be traded for pets or children. So don't get all fucked up and leave your cup somewhere. Also, it's legal in Columbus for us to take our shirts off, thanks to the hard work of a pack of lesbians in the mid-nineties. S.Lyon says, "Some of these are quite practical." A Hint He Can't Refuse, John Kelly. "You'll recall that, spurred on by my younger daughter (whose snorting, eye-rolling reaction to Heloise's more banal hints is common at our breakfast table), I invited readers to compose their own tongue-in-cheek Heloisiana." Also, this awesome news from Ms. Lyon, Muppets Statler, Waldorf review movies. Says movies.com VPDan Sherlock, "It strikes a chord of nostalgia with our target audience, 18-34, who remember the Muppets very well. After all, who could forget Statler and Waldorf?" Who indeed? Welcome to the Wonderful World of Flan! A flantastic site run by flanatics. Flan was had at Taco Night Supreme. It was Delicious. From Marla: "an enormous success story: notice this
screen shot... and then notice the breaking news banner on A few more old songs before I take off: Mama's Got a Girlfriend Now, Ben Harper. A ridiculously morbid tale: Whiskey Lullaby, Alison Krauss & Brad Paisley. Mmmmm....Party on the Mountain, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. Bye!
06.23.05 Briefs: The Onion goes back to the future, UB. Ed, Giant Popsicle Melts, Floods NYC Park. True story. The Usual Suspects: At Bears Will Attack, Democracy, or Responding Angrily to Simple Requests . Jill's made today's masthead, plus snacks. From Zulkey, Book By Its Cover Review: Being Snubbed by the Hermes Store After Closing Time. Over at Debcentral, Second-Hand Smoke. And....KP's Daily Scoop. I'm going back to Ohio tomorrow. Here's the appropriate song: Back to Ohio, The Pretenders. And while we're time traveling, Interesting Drug, Morrissey, and Forever, Ben Harper. And What's the Frequency Kenneth?, REM. And Mercy Street, Peter Gabriel. I'll try to update for real later. 06.22.05 Oldie/goodie: Weight Watchers recipe cards, circa 1974, by Ms. Poundy. Resurrected by Random. Last night I was at Five for the Summer Solstice Happy Hour & Celebration™. There were in abundance: thatched roofs, hammocks, small dogs (some wearing clothes), strawberry daquiris, lesbians, joints. Roomie Maegan spun drum & bass, and I think I met a bunch of Brazilians. A good time was had by most, if not all. Ed's in the office today, suffering the A/C. Subject: staying warm. Message: Why is the world run by fat men?
06.21.05
The Longest Day of the Year Dave on the Fem-O beat: "Female orgasm is like a sweet oxycontin buzz?" Women fall into 'trance' during orgasm. "The key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.....The experiments also revealed a rather surprising effect: both men and women found it easier to have an orgasm when they kept their socks on." Marla on the crazy beat: "time for 'a good lawyer.'" 'Possessed' nun crucified after row with priest. And Underblog on the insidious gay agenda - in Montgomery County, Teens' Take: Sex Is All Around Them. "Citizens for a Responsible Curriculum and Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays, argued that the condom video would encourage teenagers to have sex and that allowing teachers to discuss homosexuality might send the wrong message to those confused about their sexual identity. What's more, the groups said students should also be taught that people can choose not to be gay."
From Bob, Postings of Obscene Photos End Free-Form Editorial Experiment, nytimes. "What they had not planned for was hard-core pornography, which the paper's software could not ward off." Roomie Maegan on the Summer Solstice Happy Hour & Celebration: i'm spinning at club five tonight. and you should totally come because it's going to be a swanky rooftop soiree. and because it's free. the details: junebullet 6pm-7:30 (drum'n'bass) club five rooftop 06.20.05
06.17.05 Ranger Ted's little brother is living the life we're supposed to be living. Writes he, "Hey, I was in Venice, Italy for 10 days. It was great! All kinds of stuff happened. I took a bunch of pictures and made an ugly website. love, joel." From S.Lyon: "better than the 3-eyed fish on the Simpsons..." Part Male, Part Female, Fully Mysterious: Dual-Sex Crab Found in Bay Could Yield Clues to Species' Genetics and Mating Habits. So, I'm single again, and like everything, it's got its Pros and Cons.
I'm going to West Virginia for the weekend. With Bob, for a wedding. I'm not sure what to expect. Will people have meth teeth? *ADDENDUM from JHotdish: "You should change it from 'meth teeth' to 'meth mouth.' it just sounds cooler. Even though it's nast. But it's fun to say 'meth mouth.' jacob and I have been using it lots lately (there was an article in the times last weekend). Jacob: 'If you keep on drinking so much coffee, you're gonna get meth
mouth.'
06.15.05 06.14.05
The new horoscope lady, Holiday Mathis, is not like the old dude. Kind of weird daily scopes. 'It's a Hard Feeling, Not to Be a Violent Man Anymore' - Wilbon on Tyson. 06.13.05
- mostly pictures of me edition. With our Skee-Ball winnings we purchased three sets of hillbilly teeth. Resulting in the ugliest/funniest photograph of S.Lyon ever taken. On the right is a pothead. More pictures tomorrow.
Dirty Gay Stuff: THURSDAY NIGHT - Lez
Zeppelin, by Dave Dunlap, CP Here is a sad/awesome song. Just for you! The Weakness in Me, Joan Armatrading. Now I must go attend the boringest meeting ever.
06.10.05 Let's consider Peppers' case more closely. If you examine his youthful yearbook photos, you can see that something wasn't quite right about him from the beginning. (Edward disagrees, but he's wrong). Still, BP's smiling, because at that age children will often care for the disfigured and retarded. It's not true that kids are always cruel. Does his early disfigurement necessarily mean he was mentally handicapped? Rebecca pointed out that the face and brain "are only like an inch apart" and probably are somehow connected. I posited that around the age of 13, things began to change for BP. He probably began to realize no woman would ever make love to him. In fact, no girl would probably ever willingly touch him at all. Even a randy teenager has enough natural selection instinct to recognize that Peppers is no candidate for creating successful, attractive offspring. His ascension to the Lucas County Sex Offender/Child Predator list was probably quick. I'm not really joking around. Peppers is one sad story.
fri. june. 10. formula - dc's very queer night of house/techno/d'n'b sat. june. 11. tearing at the seams - an alternative fashion show...kinda like project runway but without parker
posey going nuts in the judges chair. oh, and hula hoops. there will be
hula hoops. Kristina adds, "Come out for a night of beauty and sexiness in all its fabulous forms. Tearing at the Seams will feature local diy designers, visual artists, dj's, burlesque, bellydancing, drag kings, spoken word, hip-hop, body painting, hula-hoopers, and a performance by DC's very own Hott Beat. Tearing at the Seams is a collaborative project that deconstructs mainstream notions of beauty and style. This is a night for underrepresented folks of all shapes, sizes, genders, abilities, cultures and experiences to celebrate themselves on the runway and the stage! Proceeds will benefit Different Avenues, a local non-profit organization that provides resources to youth who are homeless or living in insecure housing in DC, many of whom are transgendered, gay, lesbian or bisexual. Songs for Friday: Michelle Shocked, If Love Was a Train; Sarah Dougher, Girl in New Orleans; the REAL Barbara Morganstern song, WE'RE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE (thanks Benga); Survivor, I Can't Hold Back. George Jones, He Stopped Loving Her Today. That seems eclectic enough. Another creature Ed found at work yesterday.
06.09.05
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB! Last night Dave and I sat on the back porch and read books. He finished Sperm Wars, which is making him drop phrases like "mating success" and "evolutionary imperatives" and the like into conversations about, say, what's for dinner. He lent it to me. Apparently there is discussion of duck gangbangs.
Live, from Washington, DC, On Undercard, an Outspoken Boxer Named Ali, nytimes. Good lord, Laila Ali is smokin. And mouthy. "[Erin Toughill] really believes that she can beat me," Ali, the current champion in two women's boxing weight classes (super middleweight and light heavyweight), told a roomful of reporters and fans in the Blackburn Center Ballroom. "That makes it all the better for me. When you actually get to break somebody's heart, it makes it that much better. When you can break their ass and hand it to them, it makes it all the better."
Hello Guys... Just wanted to extend a warm invitation to you all to come out to Bedrock Billiards on Thursday, June 9th to celebrate a show I'm hanging there. It's art. It's fiiiiine. It's fine art. You might say this is a quarter-life retrospective. Take THAT, John Currin! Bedrock Billiards More from Marla on the Bullshit Beat: Zoo
to feature creationism display. "Tulsa Zoo exhibit curator Kathleen
Buck-Miser estimated it would take about six months to research and organize
the exhibit. She expressed qualms about the zoo delving into theological
debate. 'I'm afraid we are going in the wrong direction,' she said." Why can't we get rid of Jessica Cutler? Because Robert Steinbuch is all embarrassed about being into spanking. *yawn* I'm sorry I brought it up. Check out the birthday boy. That is not Photoshopped.
06.08.05 You will hope you didn't do anything TOO stupid, but you will probably be wrong. Then you'll write all your friends, to make sure you still have some. You'll demand they tell you are still a respectable member of society. Bob writes,
Will you just look at this lead? D.C. Gay Clubs' Vanishing Turf: City Earmarks Block of O Street SE for Stadium. "As midnight approached, a trail of men filtered into the movie theater to watch X-rated gay movies and eye each other in a warren of dimly lit lounges. A few steps up the street, a half-dozen men danced nude for a barroom crowd, while next door a female impersonator known as Ella Fitzgerald sashayed down a staircase in a brunet wig and a glittering blue-and-red gown." You know what? I am not crying for the loss of this gay ghetto shit. That paragraph sounds like last century. Bring on the fancy new stadium, please. This photo should scare the bejeesus out of you. From Marla, on the crazy beat. Man With Stained Chain Saw Let in to U.S. And Dave Waterman, noble rescuer, on the orgasm beat, says "More than 10%, that's good odds!" Female orgasm is 'down to genes'. Finally, to all you Google searchers through the years, there are, at last, naked pictures of me on the internet. But you'll never find them. Bwahahahaha! Finally finally, a very sad follow up to yesterday's turtle instructions. From SSB, Girl, 6, killed by car while trying to save turtle "FORT MYERS, Florida (AP) -- A 6-year-old girl darted into traffic to save a turtle and was killed when she was hit by a car, officials said." Stupid Florida. 06.07.05
- just tunes edition We grilled right through the giant thunderstorm, then watched the Pistons beat the Heat, and then I couldn't sleep for four more hours. So I got on LimeWire and downloaded a hundred songs. It became an exercise of association. Here's a bunch of stuff. Gotta Get Drunk
- Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson If you think you don't like Ani, try these three. From BWA, Christians Say Hello. Gay Activists Say Hmmm. nytimes. From Bob, Brad and Angelina's Old-Fashioned Romance, nytimes.
06.06.05 And now a public service announcement from a friend of Ed, finder of small animals.
"Another Florida gem," from Marla on the Florida beat: Feds Bust Fla. "Slave" Labor Camp. In other news of extreme stupidity, Supreme Court: Medical Marijuana Use Criminal. Fuck you, cancer patients! It's not all bad, though. Panel Strikes Down Va. Abortion Ban, which is awesome, cuz I'm like six months pregnant. This is an issue I worked on a lot when I worked for the Planned Parenthood lobbyist in Olympia. This fucking bill did not even include a provision to allow emergency abortions in the event that the mother's life was in danger. Uh, how is this not about hating women? The Nats and O's are in first place! 06.03.05 I'll just let Bob update today. I suck. Sorry. Tea with the president, from Bob My officemate, corey, has a roommate who teaches third grade. That roommate gave a writing assignment that asked students to imagine being invited to the white house to meet w/the president. Corey dictated this one to me.
Addicted to the Juice, from Bob This is from a story we ran about a new system that monitors everything students eat so that parents can check and see if they're getting fat. I want you to read this because it's so weird the way this mother puts this thing.
06.02.05 Yesterday I skipped my company's required diversity training for the third time. I'll be in trouble. It's called Ensuring a Respectful Workplace. I just don't wanna go. I don't like minorities. There's a bunch of them already living in my house. What the fuck? Besides, who wants to be the one homo in diversity training? Not this one. I just don't have shit to say lately. I guess you keep coming to chatter on the zonkboard. Or you think I might post the pictures from the EmHo nude photo shoot 2005. Well, I might. You'll just have to keep coming back, won't you? I know you through and through. Look at everyone staring at Danica. I watched this race with my dad and Julie and I'd never been so fucking excited about a race ever! Wow! Dave and Matt went. Pics by Matt, Dave reporting.... Danica is the Womanica!by David Dunlap, Jr.For most readers of this site, the world of auto racing may seem to represent the worst aspects of our consumeristic, petrocracy. Only a red-state dwelling mouth-breather would want to watch people turn left for 4 hours. It's an undifferentiated blur of crass commercialism, phallocentric technolust and cornfed piety. They are Promise Keepers glazing their ruddy faces with Hooters hot wing sauce. They are grown men with stickers of Calvin pissing on Chevy/Ford/Osama. Hell, NASCAR dads elected W! True, true, but then along comes Danica Patrick to make the whole thing
seem a little more interesting. There is a reason that she debuted in
the Indianapolis 500 and not the Daytona 500. The Indy Racing League,
for all of its faults, isn't quite as irritating as NASCAR. For instance,
every continent but Antarctica was represented by a driver in the 89th
running of the Indy 500. Every I saw the pioneering Janet Guthrie race in 1979 and I saw Danica race in 2005. It's a completely different story. Guthrie was viewed as little more than a novelty. She was never a threat to the rest of the field- "It wasn't her fault, she didn't have the proper equipment" I boneheadedly remarked recently. Danica was driving one of the better cars in the field. Some were so threatened by her that they began squawking about her perceived weight advantage. That's funny. I don't remember that coming up when the jockey-esque Gordon Johncock beat the egg-shaped cowpoke A.J. "Beef! It's what's for Dinner" Foyt. On our way to the race this past Sunday, I even heard some radio commentator say that there would be no way Danica would have the stamina to even finish the race. So, which is it, boys? Is she unfit to drive or does she have an advantage? I got goosebumps when Mary Hulman George uttered the awkward phrase "Lady and Gentlemen, start your engines!" Of course I was also moved by Jim Nabor's rendition of "Back Home Again in Indiana." I was worried that Danica would crack under the pressure. She had done more than a 100 interviews in the previous week. She was under a microscope that no driver in the history of the race had ever been under. Every mistake she made was newsworthy. Overwhelmed by emotion, I almost began to tear up (perhaps it might have 6 cans of Busch and 6 White Castles in two hours coming up on me). I was worried that the crowd would be hostile and that I would be complicit by association. I worried that she would wreck and every asshole misognynist would be justified. For the first part of the race, she really held her own. on the 56th lap, she made history. That alone should have justified all of the hype. And to my relief, the crowd went nuts for her. People seemed genuinely thrilled. Then came the stall in the pits that moved her from 4th back to 16th. No big deal, Buddy Rice, her Rahal/Letterman teammate, did the same thing and still won. She maintained her poise and steadily climbed back into single digits. Then with about 45 laps to go she wrecked dring a yellow caution lap. She was forced to pit to replace the nose and wing. She made another stop under the yellow flag and her crew topped off her fuel tank and gave her four fresh tires. In a strange way, this accident helped her. It is ultimately what allowed her to finish the race without another pit stop. Danica took the lead again on lap 172 (out of 200) when the leaders had to make a pit stop. She made a great pass against ultimate winner Dan Wheldon and ended up leading the next twenty or so laps. Every time she came around the track (they complete the 2.5 mile loop about once every 45 seconds), the crowd squealed and hoisted their cans of domestic beer up to the ever-darkening skies. I clutched poor Matt's shoulder every time, muttering "she doesn't have enough fuel to finish" under my beery breath. As everyone knows by now, she didn't win. She even ran out of gas on the last lap, but still managed a very impressive fourth place finish. Millions of dollars were spent on cars designed to beat her. Three drivers rode the shit out of their cars to beat her. Not because she was a woman, but because she was a serious threat, because she was very fucking close to beating them and getting the prettiest bas relief mug ever on the Borg Warner trophy. This wasn't Billy Jean whooping Bobby Riggs. It wasn't the US Women's Soccer team beating China (it was just fucking soccer, after all). This was as close to gender equality as sports has ever gotten. Does being pretty help? Sure, but who among us isn't strongly influenced by a pretty woman's face on an hourly basis? There will still be dumb jokes about Danica- "I bet she was tempted to drive to a shoe store during the race" was an actual "joke" told on sports radio, but hopefully they will be remaindered to where they belong- Hooters restaurants and churches.
05.31.05 This is a good one, sent by Wendy and Bob: Watching New Love as It Sears the Brain, nytimes. "New love can look for all the world like mental illness, a blend of mania, dementia and obsession that cuts people off from friends and family and prompts out-of-character behavior - compulsive phone calling, serenades, yelling from rooftops - that could almost be mistaken for psychosis." 'Kodak, Don't Take My Kodachrome', also nytimes, also Bob. The Bozeman Beat, "A spider monkey was reported walking along Huffine Lane. Deputies were unable to locate the animal." Female Orgasm: Proof Of God, Mark Morford, SFGate. Science can't explain it, evolution can't understand it and men can only lie there in awe. "Women have orgasms because they can. Women have orgasms because it's the right thing to do. Women have orgasms because by and large they refuse to launch monstrous ultraviolent illegal soul-deadening wars over oilsucking phallocentric powermad landwhoring BS powergrabs and therefore they fully deserve all the inexplicable otherworldly cosmically infused clitorally energized pleasures they can get." MY LAST 12 SEARCH ENGINE REFERRALS TO HK, 31 May, Tue, 06:19:12: Google: nudie girls 05.26.05 Assignment: Absolut Devastation, TVW/OP The O.C. finale recap. The blogs were there first, but, Tina Brown say It's Only Publicity Love. The Onion News in Photos: Scientific Breakthroughs. The A/C Club loves The Woods..."Sleater-Kinney might have set the bar impossibly high for its subsequent albums." FRIDAY NIGHT: Kittenpants' fave Corn Mo's appearing at the Birchmere...
Followed by.... GIRL FIRDAY! junebullet (late) 05.25.05 EDGEPLAY: A Movie About the Runaways- a review by queen of noise, sc
first, this film has nothing to do with "edgeplay" of any kind. i thought i was gonna see, like, the go-gos porno or something. oh, well. yet this film still delivers on several levels: yep, cherie was doin' both joan and sandy. her review of joan: "she was goood. real good." of sandy: "sandy wasn't half-bad either!" that's IT?? i'd like to point out here that they don't even show the infamous cherie currie bush shot--just her face in that pic! (see me for said bush shot. i keep it under my pillow next to my laminated prayer cards.) also fantastic is a gracelessly aging lita ford, who sits on a beach chair in jams clutching a cup of what i imagine to be tequila, gruffly recalling girlfights about noxema. i think lita is related to me, as she acts exactly like my aunt carolyn at a ballgame. joan, however, is nowhere to be seen except in japanese concert footage (i guess she's too busy doin' le tigre), but even those few glimpses made me want jump up and down on the furniture screaming about how i don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation. she declined to be part of the film, and also has a stranglehold on the rights to all the songs, so there's a lot of suzie quatro, but no runaways songs. doh. also, the ladies all seem to hate one another to this day, which is sad. the interviews are all conducted in different settings, and they never appear together. there is lots of crying. at one point lita laughs at a band member's post-abortion suicide attempt. we learn, too (in case we didn't know already), that svengali kim fowley is a pig-fucker. a genius, but an abusive slimeball. all in all, the film was sort of depressing, in that i always imagined the runaways as a band of feminist superheroes, but they were really just scared teenaged girls who got taken advantage of and turned against one another. but good god damn did they fill out some silver running shorts!
05.24.05 MINUTES FROM LAST NIGHT'S MARTHA WAINWRIGHT SHOW 8:15-8:50: I read the entire City Paper. Rebecca's gallery is a Pick, as is our current book club author's reading. Shauna must be ruling City Lights with an iron fist. CP says Return of the Sith, wooden and humorless; Mercury Rev, silly and substanceless. I believe everything they tell me. During this time I also text Bob (thrice), and Ed. Oh, there's a woman I know! Wave. Unfortunately, she doesn't like me. 8:50-9:45: Lisa Moscatiello's set. Pretty awesome. Nice band. Some new songs. 9:45-10:00: Scamper off to get another beer. Tell my jacket to hold my place. 10ish-11ish: Ms. Wainwright's set. Pretty awesome! Great band. Most of the pics of Ms. Wainwright you'll find were obviously from before she'd settled into New York City. Now she's bottle blonde with roots, hair teetering on the edge of feathered. She looks pretty rock and roll. She keeps losing her pick, but in a very charming way. Here are two songs I grabbed last night: Don't Forget, live, with Rufus, and G.P.T. You can play songs at her site, too. I recommend "When the Day is Short." CONVERSATION WITH MY SISTER After the Dream Flying chapter of my Dreaming for Dummies book, will be the Time Traveling chapter. Please submit your dream flying and/or time traveling anecdotes to me, for future fame. Speaking of crazy, Check this crap out! Brought to us by Martini, who writes, "This came from a friend - whose apartment will very possibly look like this in another 10 years." 05.23.05 BOOK CLUB REPORT: Babyji author Abha Dawesar, live at 7th St. Olsson's, on Thursday at 7. NOW HEAR THIS: Martha Wainwright, tonight at IOTA in Arlington, with Lisa Moscatiello. Come early, and often. $12. SPORTS: Afleet Alex good, Miami guys bad. And speaking of the pond, I would kill to be on one of these boats: Trying to Break a Sailing Record That's Stood the Test of Time. Especially this one: Clipper Ship Set To Cross Atlantic. The quality of this space has fallen dramatically, from a not very high place to begin with. Sorry about that. My routine's been off. We'll get back up to speed soon. Thanks for playing. 05.20.05 If wedding pictures aren't your thing, try U.S. Condemns Saddam Underwear Photo. From Marla. More later. Need lunch. Here are pictures of my mom talking.
05.19.05
05.18.05 Today's update is brought to you by Rebenga. Rebenga's art in the masthead, and an HK Exclusive: Rebenga reviews the brand new Sleater-Kinney album! And bonus, a track! Steep Air. Give it up for Ms. Lowery... live notes from the new sleater-kinney recordlast night i downloaded the new sleater-kinney record (it comes out next
week. which means that i have finally been successful in joining the current
millennium and learning to 'file share' - which they did not make me learn
to do in kindergarten). i'm pleased to report that so far it ("The
Woods") is a real face-melter, full of serious fuzz, a la early '90s
mudhoney and the like (in an evolved way). it begins with the lyrics:
"on the day the, duck was born the, fox was watching all alone, he
said, Laaaaand Ho!"
i'm inclined to like any song about animals and the pecking order. though i'd hazard a guess that this is not, in fact, what the song is "about." oh shit, now i'm hearing cowbells! the onion horoscopes once informed me that i don't have time for any so-called "rocking" songs that do not feature cowbell clanging. they were right! "let's call it love," the next-to-last song, clocks in at 11:01 according to my little jukebox counter. which is a good thing so far, because corin tucker is right now doing her bestest robert plant yowl, and it's outrageously hott! 3/4 of the way in to the song, it's devolved into this all-out psych freak-out. these girls are not fucking around. they've assumed a serious power-stance and you'd better get off this train if you can't handle the ride!
Awarded: The "Wait, They're Capable of That Kind of Critical Noise?!" Award. excellent surprise! * * * * * * * * * Speaking of The L Word second season finale, Brian waxes on "the popularization and commodification of nerd culture," or name your subculture: Don't Panic. Ok, it's really a review of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was also a big deal to me in middle school, handed down from my dad. All the kudzu in Rock Creek Park might be enough for the Kitchen. Study: Kudzu helps curb binge drinking, from Ranger Ted. Finally, Ike was right, from Deb D.
05.10.05 BY NO PARTICULAR DEMAND! Party photos to make everyone cringe. Let's see...we had a freakish pinata, busted up by Shauna and Marla, the arty ice sculpture, the booze distributing ice sculpture, the totally legal tobacco gravity water pipe demonstration, the dance party that seemed hot before we saw the pictures, and the fortune telling tent, staffed by Anisha and Ed. There are many, many photos, but those won't surface until someone tries to run for public office. From Underblog, For Gay Men, an Attraction to a Different Kind of Scent. Uh, duh? Renenga recommends this song: We're All Gonna Fucking Die, by Barbara Morganstern. From Ms. Marla, Bizarre Sex Habits of The Extreme Right-Wing. "Last night, anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley was a guest on The Alan Colmes Show, a FOX News radio program. The topic was an interesting one - whether or not an internet service provider should allow Horsley to post the names of abortion doctors on his website. Horsley does that as a way of targeting them and one doctor has been killed. In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex." Let's just let Marla do all the work today. Harper's Weekly Review highlights:
I'll be gone for a week. I've put a photo of myself in the mast, in case you forget what I look like. I'm the one in the middle with the hair helmet. Don't forget to write. 05.09.05 My mom told me about my table at the wedding. Here it is from a Jennycentric perspective:
You see how the littlest sister is different from us. Party updates coming sort of soon. 05.06.05 Brian's on a hot streak over at Bears Will Attack. Please see Girls, Girls, Girls for Mr. Bear's impressions of his first time at the dollar ballet. I've been to some fun strip clubs, and some gross strip clubs, but Brian and I appear to agree on the most important point about strip clubs: they are not hot. Naked dancers are ok. Looking at a stripper is something like looking at an interesting bird. But less interesting than an interesting bird. And more naked. Another thing about strippers is they always want dollars, which becomes pricey, though finding places to put your dollars is sporting. I would say going to a decent strip club is kind of like going to an expensive zoo, which would be pleasant and amusing, except for one thing: the guys at the strip club. Not all the guys. But enough of the guys are as serious as serial killers, obviously disturbed, or getting a lapdance right next to you, which is nothing like hot. Also, there are a lot of rules at the strip club. You have to go with an experienced guide. Such as Matt. Because you can't just sit anywhere, or walk anywhere, and you can't stand next to the stage with a beer in your hand, and you're definitely NOT supposed to touch the ladies, though sometimes, when you're on your way to the bathroom, the ladies do not extend you the same courtesy. Speaking of, get thee over to The Onion. Replacement Socialite Cunt Sought for Simple Life Cast. From Miss Marla. Who also sent me a lot of real headlines, but you can find bad news on your own, I'm pretty sure. And from Bob: Terror Suspect Gets Bush Fundraiser Invite. Tune in over the weekend for the perennial report.
Cinco de Mayo Some days, the best part is driving to work. I'm afraid it's going to be one of those days. It's beautiful out, and Rock Creek Park is flowering and green and not yet choked with kudzu, as it will be in about a month. Also, no one's emailing me. From S.Lyon: Texas House to cheerleaders: Don't shake it. An interesting little column by George Will: The Christian Complex. And, Giant Looks More and More Like a Dinosaur. "Department stores, broadcast TV networks, Chevrolet, Hechinger, Life magazine, mall bookstores and all too many daily newspapers have, like supermarkets, held on to the idea of the great big middle for dear life, only to find that customers have fallen in love with the quintessentially American idea of high-low."
05.04.05
England: I'm guilty your honor. Judge: Not so fast Private, I'm not so sure about that. E: No, really! I did it! There's pictures! See? J: Yes, but I'm not sure you're competent enough to know it was wrong... E: Your honor, we had electrodes on their testicles! Chimps know that's wrong! I'm guilty! I feel horrible! I was wrong! J: Quiet down Private, let the grown-ups talk now. We'll have you home for supper. Minutes from the Party Planning Meeting: Rejected Brainstorms*
*Most ideas by Ed New feature: The Bozeman Police Beat, c/o SuSuBelle. Kittenpants' weapons list is better than mine. Why we turned out so well, nytimes. And announcing The Stephen co-BEAR ra-PORE, from Bob. 05.03.05 ANALYSIS OF AN EXTREMELY VIOLENT DREAM I escaped and was now a fugitive. I arrived at a house full of peripheral relatives, and now the motive for the murder changed into something else. Some of the people in the room knew I'd done it, and some did not. They had the mostly-liquid head of the man-fox in a clear, plastic 1-liter bottle**. I had to hide the evidence. I grabbed the bottle and started running. My dad and sister were chasing after me on my motorcycle. They chased me down an alley but I flung myself down behind a garden, and when they passed me I jumped up and ran the other way. I was really panicking, and at this point I drank the bloody head substance, and then threw the bottle down a sewer. Then I woke up freaking out. ¹BWA's Revenge
of the Box-Headed Gunman. NOW FOR SOMETHINGS LESS GROSS: Tonight at the Black Cat: The Mountain Goats. Here's them doing The Boys are Back in Town. 05.02.05
Get your world famous S.Loffman-designed Feminists are HOT...and Bothered! tshirts at VIF's cafepress store. Guaranteed* to get you laid or your money back. *offer not valid anywhere. 04.28.05 This: Local cops now equipped with Tasers, goes with this: funny video of cops getting Tasered. My week has pretty much sucked. And my friends got beat up by some Israeli thug outside the Israeli embassy, when they took exception to his SUV being parked in the motorcycle spots, and he took exception to uppity lesbians pointing out our parking laws. I guess I shouldn't comment on a case or investigation or whatever. Except to say, I hope those felony assault charges help out with your residency issues. Dick. Goings On:
04.27.05 Ms. Lyon may be skeptical, but I'll bet you lesbians all over America
can't wait for the Seth Cohen Line. Especially me. Please see my hastily
thrown together photo-sidebar, "Seth and The L Word Dictate Lesbian
Fashion." EXCLUSIVE SECRETS OF O.C. STYLE (pg. 44) INSIDE TV sneaks into the closet of the head stylist of TV's most fashion-forward show since "Sex & the City" - Karla Stevens of "The O.C." Stevens talks for the first time about her new line of O.C.-inspired clothing, which will be available online next year for all Mischa Barton wannabes. "Our little nieces and nephews would come up to us dressed just like Marissa or Summer or Seth and say, 'How do I look? Have I got it?' We knew then that everybody wanted to look like somebody on the show," she tells INSIDE TV. Here's a poem from Shauna, who says, "by someone i wish was my friend, local poet richard peabody." (Not this Richard Peabody, though he seems fun, too.) Attachments This may or not be of any interest, but, our friend Caryn works for Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), and I have agreed to join their office softball team, the Capital Hillbillies. But check out the Republican laden schedule. That Frist's is Dr. Field Good makes me feel a little queasy. May 10 – The Ohio Killer Nuts (DeWine and Voinovich) Happy Birthday, Kittenpants!
04.27.05 Also from Bob, who's on the education beat: Often Shunted Into Special Schools, Gypsies Fight Back. And while we're at it, In Southeast, Wish List Is a Dream Come True, wapost, the story of Cora Barry's "Tennis in the 'hood." Girl Friday's on Saturday this month, featuring DJ Rehka and our cute friend Lauren. You should come. From the City Paper... DJ Rekha is your coolest Punjabi auntie. When you go to see her, she doesn't say, "Why haven't you come before?" or "When did you stop dancing to bhangra?" or even "How long are you planning to moon over M.I.A.?." Instead, she pours you mango lassi in a steel glass, and hums a blood-curdling lullaby about a boy whose hair came down to his knees; when your eyes grow droopy, she hands you a pamphlet about how that boy's great-grandson grew up and came to New York City to drive a cab only to vanish into a detention center. Then she unties a thick bundle of vinyl from the end of her sari, and pulls you down to her basement. It's too dark for you to see, but you make out myriad sweaty arms and legs and think you hear Andre 3000, Punjabi MC, and maybe even wheat growing in the fields of Punjab. "Oh yeah. Bhangra still rules," you realize. What, you don't have time to go say hi to your coolest auntie? (Bidisha Banerjee) 04.26.05
This morning I gave blood and it was accepted, despite the fact that I've taken Advil in the last 72 hours, got tattoos in prison, and repeatedly exchanged sex for money and drugs since 1977. My questionnaire was more strenuous, and the extraction less enjoyable, than last night's home sperm donation by my friend and yours, "Manuel." HECK'S KITCHEN PROUDLY PRESENTS
A LESBIAN BABY IS MADEby Manuel What a weird night it was last night, dear. Oh my. So, what happened was they showed up egregiously late, which I was pissed about until I got a neurotic call from Jane apologizing frantically. During this time, karen, shawn and craig made fun of me ruthlessly, taking full advantage of the moment to make every possible beat off, erection maintenance, lesbian baby joke they could think of. This was pretty funny. I drank wine and smoked pot. J&B showed and, after high-fiving Bonnie, I went into my bedroom, managed to finally quit giggling, looked at porno on the internet, and masturbated into a little dish around the edges of which I had written the inspirational messages "spooge (just add egg)," "the bastard child of 1,000 maniacs," and "USA." Then, I used a syringe with a long, skinny humming bird nose on the end of it to slurp all the sperm up. Jane and Bonnie went into my bedroom for about a half an hour, wherein Jane laid on the floor and Bonnie helped her get all the goo up in her. Apparently, none oozed back out. then we sat around giggling, making bad jokes, and I had switched to whiskey left over from the party. A protocol to leave after such an event had not yet been established, so eventually I told them that there was no need to sit around in the afterglow w/me any longer, at which point they went home, Bonnie to plan her lessons for tomorrow, Jane to incubate and look over a friend's comp lit paper. I watched old buffy episodes.
04.25.05 Today is a Day in Your Whole Life!!!
04.22.05
- EARTH APPRECIATION DAY GUEST BARKEEP ERIC "UNDERBLOG"
WEBSTER PRESENTS:
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With these common household ingredients: |
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You can make this say, "Drink Me!" |
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Shopping list: |
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Just in time for the weekend. Particularly refreshing after motorcycle-wrenching and or gardening. Here is the recipe with some illustrations.
In a tall glass:
7-8 oz Clamato;
3 oz. Vodka (I like old-schoolin' Stoli™);
heaping 1/4 tsp. coarse ground fresh horseradish;
Gentle dash Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (Heinz is worthless);
Several good shakes black peppa
At least 4-5 good shakes of Tabasco, cause hardly any comes out.
Stir.
Ice cubes to fill glass;
Dill pickle spear (I prefer Claussen™).
Optional secret ingredient: splash of pickle juice.
Drink with grilled stuff on the porch. Order in a thunderstorm.
NB: Vitamin pills discretionary.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
PHOTOGRAPHY REVIEW: From Every Angle, a Rising Revolution, nytimes, UB.
On the Porch: A Sitting Precedent. "There's no moment more sublime, more refreshing to the spirit, than the opening of Porch Season." wapost.
Because we love the Earth, let's share some music. (I Don't Want to Live on the) Moon, by Ms. Peggy Honeywell. And They Might Be Giant's Why Does the Sun Shine? Great Lakes Swimmers, This Is Not Like Home. Iron & Wine, Passing Afternoon. Uh, this is going to be way too cheesy for almost everyone, but it's on my friend Tess's "Good Folk" mix, and I'm not cool anyway, so here's Gentle Arms of Eden, by Dave Carter. Cyanide Breath Mint, by Beck, the Scientologist.
"A living planet is a much more complex metaphor for deity than
just a bigger father with a bigger fist. If an omniscient, all-powerful
Dad ignores your prayers, it's taken personally. Hear only silence long
enough, and you start wondering about his power. His fairness. His very
existence. But if a world mother doesn't reply, Her excuse is simple.
She never claimed conceited omnipotence. She has countless others clinging
to her apron strings, including myriad species unable to speak for themselves.
To Her elder offspring She says - go raid the fridge. Go play outside.
Go get a job. Or, better yet, lend me a hand. I have no time for idle
whining." ~David Brin
"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves." ~John Muir
Bunnies Edward's crew found on their site yesterday!
04.21.05
A conspiracy of animal-gods, the animal-gods who rule the Personal Entertainment
sphere, got together and conspired to keep me from viewing the latest
episode of The L Word. First, all
my friends with Showtime either switched to Deadwood,
went to L.A., or attended the Handsome Boy Modeling School show, which
no one enjoyed. Second, someone lent us a tape, but it was broked. Third,
playing with my motorcycle has been prioritized. Just last night a brake
cable was installed, and several people, me not among them, survived some
very unsafe Bitty operating. I'm happy to report all my housemates are
alive, if not quite well.
Anyway, we are lucky to have two L-Word recappers in the business: AfterEllen.com's
Scribe
Grrrl and Kathy
Belge, proprietor of Lesbian Life. Lesbian Life has a glossary, so
you no longer have to wonder what a Pillow
Queen is. You may or may not be one or date one. 
You've probably heard about the little Courtney Cox/Jenny Aniston Christening photos leak hubbub. An interesting thing - Courtney threatened to sue anyone who posts or publishes Coco pictures, and every blog in the universe immediately removed them. I've been looking at a lot of cached pages to confirm this. Including this occasionally funny one: The Superficial - Because You're Ugly. Anyway, Jennifer Aniston is hellahot. If you want to see the pictures, email me, and thank Rebenga. She's right there, in Big Sur.
Here's a nice little story from Bob: Test Reprieve Keeps Top Teacher on Job, nytimes. Bob also sent this "shiny object." Paris: Nicole Knows What She Did. And from today's Washington Post, District Warned on Gay Marriage, Williams Fears Congressional Ire Will Affect Budget. Dear Senate Republicans, Kindly leave us the fuck alone. Love, DC.
04.20.05
Afternoon update:
The
Shadow Boxer Emile Griffith beat Benny (Kid) Paret to death in
the ring after Paret called him queer. That was 43 years ago. He's still
struggling to come to grips with it. So are we, SI. Airing tonight
at 9 on USA, Ring
of Fire, the new documentary about Griffith, the gay champ who killed
his gay-baiting opponent in the ring. In conjuction with the release,
the USA Network conducted a poll about tolerance for gays in sports, which
Sports Illustrated ran
as a sidebar to this story. 
Last night I read the poll in my issue, which says, among other things that 61% of Americans "do not believe that homosexuality as a way of life should be accepted." Today on SI.com the poll says:
I believe that homosexuality as a way of life should be accepted* - 61%.
*Editors Note: In this week's issue of Sports Illustrated it was incorrectly stated that 61% polled said homosexuality as a way of life should not be accepted.
Oops. Well, I went to bed last night thinking most people objected to me in essence, and today I find it's less than most. Or if it's most, it's because I'm specifially offensive. Let's offend some Christians now.
Does Jack Chick hate Catholics? Yes. Do I? No. I have as much respect for Catholicism as I do any other crappy religion. But, the ugly old bulldog their Holyhighnesses chose makes the Catholics just a wee less loveable. There's this little matter: Pope is a former Hitler Youth, from Marla, who notes, "i guess this was waaaaay down at the bottom of his resume." Also, he's not down with my people - abortionists, homos, bitches, and you. Whatever. Can we stop talking about the Pope now?
I AM WORKING FROM HOME TODAY! IT TOTALLY RULES! Some construction dudes hit something and out went the power in much of Arlington, VA. So I showed up at work, and got to leave. Ohhhh...I love working on my sweet, sweet porch.
Deb D. writes, "I thought this was right up your alley, so to speak." NostalgiaNudes.net is great. Firstly, it's filled with old nudie girlie photos. Secondly, they encourage people to use them without permission. Shauna writes, "um, masturbating on the porch is not working from home, hon." Haha. Here is Shauna in the '20s, by the way.
Mr. Cupcakes would like you to fill out this survey. It's a bit on the long side, but he says it's important, and adds, "So dont be a dark cloud - lighten up!! Have some fun! Today is a day in your whole life!!" Today Is A Day In Your Whole Life Survey.
We're having a party. You and all your good-looking friends are invited.
04.19.05
Many one of you have asked me to expand on the topic of beets and tents.
How are they related? Is one more delicious than the other? One more sheltering?
Well, I'll oblige you this once. Gather round kids, and Jenny will tell
you a story from the olden days.
Once upon a time, in a land right about here, lived me, and my cat Kitty. Each day I rose at dawn and got dressed while Kitty made coffee. My place was next to a field of chard and beets, so I ate a lot of chard and beets, and Kitty ate a lot of crickets and low-flying bats.
After breakfast I would go to my job. My job involved hammering and sawing, followed by very long lunch breaks. There was the occasional falling off a roof, being hit on the head, and sometimes hitting my boss on the head. Yes, there was danger all around. But I was young and needed the money, see. Also, I got a pretty nice tan.
After work, I'd come home, shoo Kitty out of my hammock, and take a nap. During one such nap I dreamt that gypsies stole my house.
A few days later I came home from work to find that gypsies had stolen my house. One large pile of my belongings were on the ground, next to the pile was Kitty, but nowhere was there a tent. The thief or thieves also got the stuff that had been in the tent pockets, which included one soapstone pipe and an envelope of photographs. The thief or thieves took enough time to go through the pictures, taking the naked ones and leaving the clothed ones.
The incident did not dampen my enthusiasm for beets, or tents. Beets are scrumptious, and tents are excellent for temporary or longer-term residence.
The end.
Caryn's turning the big three oh this weekend. Behold! Bob's flyer. Come out to the party....
04.18.05
Re: Friday's post - How could I have forgotten food stamps and shoplifting?
Today is my sister Mandy's 19th birthday. Her fiance is making her this: Mandina Photography. I'm going to post one of her photographs. I hope she won't sue me.
DC
weather has been ridiculously beautiful. I spent most of Saturday in the
back yard, tinkering with my little motorcycle. A couple friends came
over and helped me with a sticky brake cable, among other things. I learned
about the petcock. Say it with me: Petcock! A guy and his son were down
from Havre de Grace, dropping off my friend's CB350. They collect and
restore old Japanese bikes. He had nice things to say about Bitty, and
my roommate Dave's Kawasaki. And he hooked us up with new cables. Nice.
Sunday Sarah and I went to RFK to see the Nats wrap up their first homestand with a sweep of the Arizona Diamondbacks. The stadium looks good. Our new mascot is a silly little eaglet called Screech. And the between-innings music and promotions are insanely loud and stupid. Otherwise, all thumbs up. Afterwards we skipped the Metro crowd and walked home, which is quite a few miles. In all, it was a spring weekend I would heartily recommend.
04.15.05
- TAX DAY
Do you read your Social Security Earnings Record? Does it look like mine?
Because I've never heard of Too Much Information, I'd like to share with
you my table of reported income for the decade after high school, and
wonder together, however did we live like that?
Reported Earnings Unreported
Earnings and Supplemental Support
| 1992 | $1,132 |
Cash jobs: Catsitting, hard labor. Barter: Beet-picking for tent space. Credit and Student Loans: Debts no honest man can pay. Girlfriend: While an equal drain on one's resources, sometimes you can manage to be broke on alternating weeks. Dumb Luck: Hit by a drunk driver named Charlie Brown. Drunk driving doesn't always kill - sometimes it pays for someone's vacation. |
| 1993 | $814 | |
| 1994 | $2,700 | |
| 1995 | $8,566 | |
| 1996 | $14,118 | |
| 1997 | $17,298 | |
| 1998 | $11,038 | |
| 1999 | $6,942 | |
| 2000 | $7,943 | |
| 2001 | $11,478 |
For a ten-year average of $8,203. The poverty line for the 48 contiguous states and DC is $9,310. I guess I ate rice and never went out. I was probably a lot healthier.
Speaking of DC, did you know this market is the most-educated in the US, and has the most disposable income? When in Rome, I say, so I finally traded my outdoor jobs and itinerant lifestyle for cube-life and email access. But not forever, I hope. This is no way to live. But not hiding from collection agencies is also nice. The timeless dilemna.
Last night a damn fine Taco Night was thrown, the Nats won their home opener, and I dreamt of beautiful canopied trees, prisons, dead friends, and rotting society zombies who come back to life once a year for a big wild party.
SAVE THE DATE: BIG WILD PARTY
SATURDAY MAY 7
1320 EMERSON ST.
04.14.05
I finished my book
and slumbered into a tough-talking drug-addled futureland of evolved cats
ordering hits and sheep getting butchered - not for chops. Because ewe
knew too much.
But the sheep didn't squeal, see. The Mountain Goats did. Hear it here: No Children. Ha! I kill me. Now I'll stop.
In case you weren't around yesterday, here is the world's greatest video of all time this week: America We Stand as One. And because the internet is faster than speeding bullets, we already have the parody. And while we're chewing on some multimedia, this is the kind of thing I could never, ever do: musical lecture, from prangstgrup.com, which is down at the moment.
 |
|
prince will: dirty boy - so much going on here: the hair pulling, the wrist restraint, the future king of england not wearing an undershirt (!)--wearing gingham, no less! and of course, the picadilly ho with the bam-bam tank. girl, that was out style in the u.s. like 3 years ago. i'm gonna re-enact this tonight! i'm the king, baby! - sc |
I have to go learn some things and do some works. Go over
to brian's and read his
studio log.
Mountain Goats - No Children
I hope that our few remaining friends
give up on trying to save us.
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot
to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.
I hope the fences we mended
fall down beneath their own weight.
And I hope we hang on past the last exit,
I hope it's already too late.
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
someday burns down.
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away,
and I never come back to this town again.
In my life, I hope I lie,
and tell everyone you were a good wife.
And I hope you die,
I hope we both die.
I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow;
I hope it bleeds all day long.
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises;
we're pretty sure they're all wrong.
I hope it stays dark forever,
I hope the worst isn't over.
And I hope you blink before I do,
and I hope I never get sober.
And I hope when you think of me years down the line,
you can't find one good thing to say.
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out,
you'd stay the hell out of my way.
I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me,
hand in unlovable hand.
04.13.05
Andrea Dworkin has died and Britney Spears is having a baby and thus continues
the miraculous cycle of life. In other distaff news, Bush can't keep his
filthy fingers out of anything: A
New Attack on Women's Sports, nytimes.
I just received a puzzling missive. It seems important, but I'm not sure what to make of it. First I am offered an extending product, for my tool, which, I'll admit, is anything but "hugge," and then several lines cribbed from personal emails to assorted website chieftans. Curious. (I have decorated it with this new Amtrak ad by Paul Rogers. You can buy me a print for just $59. Or I'll just take the cash.)
lExtendder is here now! Do not waise your time, crayfish.
New... and improved: exxtend your tool now!
simple, safe, quick ! a few minutes and you got yourself a hugge tool,
with permenent reasults and no surgary needed.
you'll get tired of scrrewing, for sure :)
come take a look now!
you have done a wonderful job on this site you must have spend many hours thank you so very much.
a personal homepage dedicated to charley pride as a way to say thank you for all of the great years of great country music.
hi sherry i wanted to send ya a lil thank you for posting on my christmas trivia and i hope hunter is feeling better.
lol darn traditionally valentines day has not been kind to me this year is probably better than most since i was able to avoid it for the most part hope yours went well.
i like philosophy theology and poetry i am only a beginner in poetry though i obey no rules no styles at least the message is there.
glad to hear your son is feeling better! and also that you had such a great time with hubby sounds like it was fun! hope your hubby gets better soon and that youre able to not get sick!
david c nevins counsel to the law firm of seavey vogel oziel llp is pleased to announce the opening of a new office for the practice of general law in mineola.
Something bad went down in my hometown. I'm too lazy to confirm this with statistics, but, in the greater Columbus metro area most white kids go to school in the burbs, and I did, too, except for one horrible 5th grade year I spent at a feeder elementary to the high school in question. Lemme tell ya, I was so freaked out by this place I got the only "C" of my life, in math, and I STILL was awarded "Girl Math Student of the Year." Also, every classroom was equipped with a large wooden paddle, riddled with holes, the better to beat you with. And they were used! I couldn't believe it. That place sucked. On the other hand, the Columbus Africentric School Nubians just won State, so it's not all bad.
Happy Hour
Our hundred year old city house once backed up to an alley where pigs
roamed freely, gobbling trash and leaving pig poops to bake in the hot
summer sun. Some decades passed and pigs were outlawed and a hippie lady
bought the house, turned the backyard into a jungle of fruit trees, wisteria
vines, roses, and compost heaps. Some more time passed and the hippie
lady moved to a Canadian commune leaving a mysterious room full of unopened
enema kits. She rented the house to a bunch of fresh-out-of-college kids,
who generally ignored the yard, but whose large dogs carried on the century-old
tradition of poop.
Some more time passed and my roommates bought the house, which brings us to last night. I got home, made myself a stir-fry consisting of an entire block of tofu, two carrots, one onion, and half a bag of spinach. I ate the whole thing on the back porch and started my new book club book, gun, with occasional music, while Ed mowed the lawn with the new push mower and Dave pulled up weeds. They've done a lot of work back there. Job #1: get rid of everything.
Except for the trees and the "grass." Our yard is definitely covered with green stuff, but not much of it is grass. We don't know what it is. It grows tiny purple flowers and the bees like it.
We considered the state of the house and yard in the twilight. We could till the whole thing, we said. Ed could steal a couple squares of sod from his work every day until we had a whole lawn. Or we could seed it and wait. Or we could live with the tiny purple flowers. We should move the bricks out of the corner where they're bothering the tree and housing creepy bugs. We should try to reclaim the area now filled with wisteria stumps, and the driveway, whic
S.Lyon:
"dear hollywood, i would pay good money to see this." 
PLUGS:
Roomies Maegan and Kristina will be busy this weekend.
TONIGHT,
the witty AND artsy Ms. 
Turtles
on the road 
ENVIRONMENTAL
REPORT: I'm all for less packaging, but if you are an o.b. tampon
user, we are in different flow leagues. If I walked into the bathroom
with an o.b., I'd walk out looking like I'd performed a home abortion.
Or ripped someone's heart out. You know what all the blood's for? It's
for your uterine lining. Mine is penthouse quality. Should some proto-baby
ever move in there, he'd probably never come out. Remember 
last
night, my beloved matthew surprised me with a copy of this film, which
i have been frothing at the mouth about since i heard about it. i tore
the wrapper off with glee, imagining that i was, in fact, tearing an 18-year-old
joan jett's sweaty midriff tee from her lithe body... whoa! back to the
review.
Things
you can't take to school anymore: 
Survey by
EF Gillespie.
